Since Erik’s death, one of my deepest desires has been to see him, to hold him, to hug him, to kiss him, to hear the sound of his voice and his wonderfully infectious laugh. As you can see from various entries, we’ve been blessed by numerous occasions when he’s been tangible through our senses of smell, sight, sound or touch. My problem, however, lies in my analytical mind. It constantly questions my own sanity with inquiries like, ‘Is this my imagination?’ ‘Am I just dreaming?’ ‘Am I delusional?’ Regardless of how sane and awake and alert and objective I feel, doubts seep in like a noxious fume. Those doubts have become weaker and weaker with each of Erik’s amazing materializations. Nevertheless, I want confirmation and understanding, as these next probing questions, rattled off in machine gun fashion, show.

‘How is the practice going working with your energy, Erik? What are you able to do now? Also, how do you practice? Does somebody teach you?’

He chuckles and says, “Well, there are classes, but you know me! I just like to try something on my own! It’s going really well, Mom! I’ve been materializing at home as balls and beams of light. I’ve been moving material objects. I’ve been sitting next to you while you drive, co-piloting and talking to you. I think it’s going real well. The dog sees me real clearly and so does the baby, Arley. Me and her are getting along so well”

It doesn’t surprise me that he’s been skipping his “energy manipulation” classes. He never was enamored with the classroom setting.

Pushing for more details, I continue: ‘Well Erik, how do you practice, exactly?’

“By doing it. Just like you practice your channeling by doing it, just like you have to practice things on the earthly plane by doing it.”

I’m still puzzled. I have no idea how we mere humans work with our energy short of plugging in the toaster or filling the car up with gas. So I push harder yet: ‘I can’t imagine how you practice manipulating energy, but I guess once you’re on the other side it becomes more obvious?’

“Well, Mooommm,” he says in mock exasperation, “you always do it. How do you think you heal people?”

Um, okay, this doesn’t exactly clarify things. ‘I don’t know. Good question,’ I reply with a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

“You take your electrical energy, and you put it into other people’s bodies. You manipulate energy all the time!”

Arrgghhh! I just want step-by-step instructions like “You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you shake it all about,” but it’s clearly not going to be that simple.

‘By imagining it? By thinking about it? How?’ I ask impatiently.

“By visualizing. When you visualize energy projecting into a material form, it happens.” he says.

Okay, that answer satisfies me for the moment, so I go on to another question: ‘Did you visit us in Norway by manipulating your energy into a physical form?’

“Sure, I was there the whole time. Mom. Don’t you remember seeing me in your bedroom?” (See the entry “Erik’s Norwegian Visit,” from March 19, 2010.)

‘Well, yes,’ I respond. ‘I felt like I was fully awake, but the skeptic in me wonders if I was in a dream state or imagining things. I have a very analytical mind.’

“Mom, it’s going to take you another three and a half months before you absolutely, positively, without question feel totally confident that I’m there and how and when I communicate with you. It’ll take another three, three and a half months. There’s going to be another trip to Norway before the end of the year and you’re gong to pick up on me real strongly there, but you’ll pick up on my real strongly everywhere by then. I’m going to be such a tangible presence that you’ll be talking out loud to me and people will be looking, saying ‘Hmm, so who is this woman, who seems to be alone, talking to?’ Also, other people will see me too. They’ll be like, ‘Oh, there are three of you to be seated?’ when there’s only like you and Michelle. I’ll be more and more tangible.”

‘Good,’ I say with hopeful enthusiasm. ‘I’m so proud of you, Erik! So how can I work on things from my side? Is there any way I can project my consciousness into the afterlife, into your dimension so I can visit you and hug you? Can I do that while I’m awake?’

“No, but you can do it while you’re asleep.”

‘Even if I practice and get a coach to teach me how?’

“No, but that doesn’t mean you won’t feel me give you a hug or touch you while you’re awake. It’s more about me while in the wake state. It’s about me building my ability to project my energy around you, Mom.”

Being the control freak that I am, this does little to satisfy me, so I say, ‘But I’m still going to try to learn how to project my consciousness while I’m awake. It couldn’t hurt!’

Kim interjects with her own question: “Erik, what can Mom do to visit you at night when she sleeps. How can she be sure that she’s going to have an out of body experience where she can come visit you in Heaven or where you two can work together, play together, spend time together, where you’re soul to soul on the same plane? How can she do that?”

“I dunno. Ask your guides,” he replies.

Obediently, Kim asks, “Okay, guides, how can Elisa do that? They say… Oh, I see. I see. They say you only have so much energy as a human being, and you’re using a lot of that energy during the day to channel and to write. So you’re not only using channeling energy when you talk to Erik and your guides but also with your writing as well whether it’s a blog, whether it’s a screenplay, whether it’s a book, no matter what it is. So the key for you is to build as much electrical energy as you can, and you will do that by channeling, practicing your channeling during waking hours.”

‘Okay, that’s good. I’ll do that,’ I reply doubtfully. I have a hard time practicing channeling for the same reason I harbor a tiny smidgeon of doubt towards his materializations and other visits–my pesky analytical mind. I know it entails a great deal of energy on my part, because I feel drained after trying to channel Erik for just a couple of minutes. Plus, my mind wanders to silly things like, ‘Did I unplug the coffee pot?’ or ‘It sucks for Pluto that it’s no longer a planet.’ Nevertheless, with clear marching orders in hand, I renew my commitment to work on these fledgling abilities. I’d do anything to be with my son in any way, shape or form possible. After all, the umbilical cord never severs. If may get stretched pretty thin, but the connection survives even death.