Channeling Erik®
  • Grief
  • June15th2015

    71 Comments

    I have a question for you guys. What kind of reality TV show would you watch with Jamie, Erik and I in it? There are so many possibilities, so I want your input! Ponder that after you read Part Two of Three of the Suicide and Loss series. 

    Me: All right. How do you know if it was a mistake or destiny if you kill yourself?

    Erik: You know it the moment you arrive.

    Me: Okay, so I guess it could be like, “Oops” or it’s like, “All right! Made it!” How can we prevent ourselves from taking our lives? In other words, how can we get help if we have suicidal ideation? That’s kind of an obvious one—seek the help of a mental health professional, call the suicide hotline, etc. –but for example Erik, you had all these resources. You even had the cell phone number of your therapist, but you didn’t do it. You didn’t call for help. How can you, as a person, get help?

    Erik: I got years of help.

    Me: Yeah. You sure did.

    Erik: It wasn’t like, “Today I want to commit suicide so I guess I’ll go ahead and do it.” Jamie mimics his happy face.

    Me: Happy face!

    Erik: I thought about death before on several occasions and discussed it with other people, so in my case, I did the logical thing and weighed my options. I felt at peace with the idea of leaving. That was the way of death that attracted me the most. I knew this ending would create a joy, a release, and I was right.

    Me (crying a little): Yeah.

    Erik: I think for those who are thinking about suicide and they think they want to just go ahead and do it and they haven’t talked to a stranger or a therapist or a friend and heard feedback and really gotten in the community to find out what their ideas were based on or not based on, I think they’re missing out. I think that they think of suicide and choose it immediately, when they arrive, they’ll see where they missed the boat. For us, even Robin Williams who we talked to, he had decades of thinking about death and leaving. It was not some fleeting moment that he played upon. And when you read the stories of people committing suicide and they tried before or talked about it before and had issues with it before, put a smile on your face. This person found their answer and had the balls enough to give that relief to themselves. We need to stop condemning this shit. We need to start looking at it as what it is. It’s an option that doesn’t value life any less. I hope that sits heavy in your head. It doesn’t give—

    Jamie sighs and makes the talking hand gesture in a way that says Erik is talking a mile a minute.

    Jamie: He’s boiling with it. Hold on. He wants it to sit with everyone who’s watching (or reading) this that if someone chose to take their life, they didn’t value life any less than anyone else. It took more courage to step out of their lives than to stay in it.

    Me: All right, well you’re not condoning suicide are you?

    Erik: I’m accepting of suicide. I’m not condoning it because it’s not the answer for everybody, like it’s not the answer for everybody to smoke pot.

    Me: Right.

    Jamie starts to talk. I’ve clearly interrupted her.

    Me: Oh, go ahead.

    Jamie: No, he was totally off topic. Go ahead.

    Me: Yes it is and that’s typical. What do you say to people who’ve lost somebody to suicide? What do you recommend for them?

    Erik: Isn’t it true that the first words you hear are, “I’m so sorry for your loss?”

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: What does that really even mean? You’re “sorry” for the “loss.” First of all, there is no loss—okay a physical one, yeah, but you didn’t lose the person after they died. They transitioned. I don’t know why you’d be sorry for them because it’s obviously what the person really, really wanted. In away, it’s a form of achievement. Sorry I put it that way. I know I’m really going to piss people off, but I was in those shoes, so I can at least say that, right?

    Me (sadly): Yeah. No trophy on the mantle though. Please.

    Erik: No, no. This is not like a trophy thing, but for those of you who are coming across people who are living who have had a family member, partner or friend take their own lives, acknowledge them. Just say, “Oh”—and say their name and acknowledge that they’ve transitioned, but why are you apologizing? Nobody needs an apology. Nobody needs pity while you’re in a moment of grief or not understanding what has happened. Show support. Say, “I’m here if you need anything.”

    Me: There we go. That’s perfect. I didn’t like it when they say, “But you’ve got other children,” or when they say, “Just move on!”

    Jamie laughs, but I don’t know why.

    Me: I just don’t like that.

    Erik: I don’t care how a person die; it’s not about moving on and forgetting them because that’s really what they mean. It’s about reaching out and showing support like, “Hey, if you want to talk about Erik, I’d like to listen.” You know, hey, they transitioned. It’s going to be a change.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: And it’s okay to admit to someone, “I don’t know what the fuck to say. I don’t know what to say to you, but I’m here; I’m available. I can’t imagine what it feels like. Here’s my hug.”

    Me: I wish more people had done that for me.

    Erik: Yeah, where’s the support? Why do people just take grief and then dump sorrow on top of it? It’s maddening to even think about it.

    Me (crying softly): I know. I lost a lot of friends.

    Erik: Yes.

    Me; I guess they were really uncomfortable.

    Erik: Yeah, and oh, and then how great is it that, um, —

    Jamie listens and then says, “Oh, that’s said sarcastically.

    Erik: Like three months after or a year after when you want to talk about me and the person’s like (Jamie mimics a facial expression of a person being completely poleaxed like they’re trapped and want to escape.)

    Me: I know.

    Erik: They don’t know how to handle it. Relationships can carry on, even after death. (Leaning back in his chair): A whole lot of people are missing out on a while lot of love.

    Me: Yeah. That’s a shame.

  • February2nd2015

    52 Comments

    Yesterday was a brutal day. A bittersweet one. We finally cleared out all of the yellow crime scene bags (and there were a lot of them) from Erik’s closet. In a way it was a relief, but I still had to cry because now I’ve let go of the last physical part of him. I really don’t feel like posting anything today.

    Hearing Erik’s voice always makes me feel better, so let’s have a little contest. Anyone who finds his voice on a YouTube recording (or any other type of recording) other than what’s already been found will receive a signed copy of the book to keep for themselves or pass along to others. You can let me know, timestamp and all) through my email, emedhus@gmail.com.

    It comforts me to know that I have my lovely children and husband, so I’ll post their pictures here.

    My Grand daughter, Arleen

    My Grand daughter, Arleen

    My Youngest, Annika

    My Youngest, Annika

    My Eldest, Kristina

    My Eldest, Kristina

    Rune in His Norwegian Folk Dress (Bunad)

    Rune in His Norwegian Folk Dress (Bunad)

    Rune Doing What He Loves

    Rune Doing What He Loves

    The two photos below are of my third child, Lukas. He looks eerily like Erik.

    Lukas with the Babes

    Lukas with the Babes

    Lukas in Norway

    Lukas in Norway

    Michelle

    My second eldest, Michelle

     

    Despite the tragic loss of my son, I am truly blessed. My you are see the blessings in your life. They’re there whether you realize it or not.

  • January15th2015

    7 Comments

    Many of you found the blog because the grief you were feeling. Here, Erik gives more insight for you. 

    Me: So, Erik, do you have any suggestions for other parents on how to contact or channel their deceased children and how to deal with the grief of what will never be, the grief of a lost future, lost dreams?

    Erik: No. No. To answer your question, I’m open to suggestions, but I’ve sort of discovered that what I’m going to do best is to communicate with other spirits and try to nudge them to more tangibly communicate with their loved ones back on Earth. Mom, that’s gonna be up to you to do. You’ve got the intelligence and also the enlightenment that I don’t have. I can’t advise you there, but I think that by writing the blog and writing the book you will give solace and comfort where there is none. You will share hope where it has been lost, a camaraderie that will replace an empty existence—camaraderie meaning you understand what the other parents have gone through and how important it is to allow them to grieve the way that they will. Mom, I think you’ll reach more people if you tell them to mourn the way they need to without listening to friends and family members who “advise” them.

    Me: Oh yes, I know. You’re exactly right, Erik. I’ve read so many grief books and they all agree with that advice. The best one can do is lean into the grief to move through it, but they need to do so at their own pace and in their own way.

    Erik: Oh and Mom, you know what you have to include on the blog? Mom! Mom, a lot of people that will try to advise you are either people who have never had a kid or who have never had a child die! You have to write about that in the blog and then in the book, because it’ll make people chuckle not because they think it’s funny but because they can relate to it.

    Me: Well it’s hard for people to even be around those who grieve much less talk to them. Most people are so uncomfortable about subjects like death and grief and suicide. I know this from my personal experience. After the well-wishers from the funeral left, I lost a lot of friends. Part of that is because I became such a recluse, but part of it is also because such things make people squirm.

    I don’t know why I’m compelled to post this photograph of Erik. Maybe he’s nudging me to do it. This is the day he got his motorcross bike. We still have it. 

    Channeling Erik - Erik on Grief

    Here’s a message from our own, Betty Daniel. These ebooks are free, fun ready and short.

    FREE NOVELS: Starring FICTITIOUS versions of ERIK and ELISA. Just email me at ejdaniel@q.com, and the novels will be emailed to you in PDF format.  (That is a Q in my email like in QUICK, which is how fast I send them to you.) There are now 5 novels with ERIK being his usual outrageous spirit-self. Read them in order as there are characters, which reoccur.

    Written by E.J. Daniel with help from Erik.
    If you have already read some of the novels, just request the ones you want now:
    Book 1: SECOND CHANCES;
    Book 2: JUST SAYIN';
    Book 3: THE TRUTH ISN’T OUT THERE;
    Book 4: THE GREAT SCHEME OF THINGS;
    Book 5: REMAINS TO BE SEEN

    Book 6: MAKE BELIEVE

    FREE NOVELS: Starring FICTITIOUS versions of ERIK and ELISA. Just email me at ejdaniel@q.com, and the novels will be emailed to you in PDF format.  (That is a Q in my email like in QUICK, which is how fast I send them to you.) There are now 5 novels with ERIK being his usual outrageous spirit-self. Read them in order as there are characters, which reoccur.

    Written by E.J. Daniel with help from Erik.
    If you have already read some of the novels, just request the ones you want now:
    Book 1: SECOND CHANCES;
    Book 2: JUST SAYIN';
    Book 3: THE TRUTH ISN’T OUT THERE;
    Book 4: THE GREAT SCHEME OF THINGS;
    Book 5: REMAINS TO BE SEEN
    Book 6: MAKE BELIEVE

     

     

  • January13th2015

    19 Comments

    Grief is…

    Posted in: Grief, Loss

    Just a reminder: Jamie is conducting a fascinating webinar January 14th, 6 PM EST. This is a must for those of you who are stuck in life. Here’s a description:

    Join Jamie on Wednesday, January 14 at 6:00 PM EST for a class called “New Year, New Root Chakra.” As each year comes to a close our society encourages us to take a look at ourselves and to make new choices for the year ahead. This class will focus on the great choices you made in 2014 and show you how to use your Root Chakra to ground yourself at the level you desire for 2015. Using Root energy can help you achieve your goals quicker while giving you a grounded place to move from. Learn the energy’s vibrational use, strength and purpose. Learn to take care of the subtle light body and connect your mind, body, emotion and soul to be more centered in your everyday life. Be prepared to work and ask questions in this class!

    Here’s the link to sign up. It’s very reasonably priced. Click HERE to register.

    Today, I’m posting a poem my daughter, Kristina, sent me. It really captures what grief is all about, and it brought a tear to my eye and a lump in my throat. Savor the words. Consider the meaning of each deeply and on many levels. And remember that grief is not just about losing a loved one. It’s about losing anything.

    Grief is not something we “get through,”

    you “get through” a bad day.

    Grief is not something we “get over,”

    you “get over” a cold.

    Grief is not something we “move on from,”

    you “move on” from a bad relationship.

    But grief is…a companion we “move forward with,”

    learning from and growing with each agonizing step.

    Grief is…a heart-wrenching process, not bound by time

    but sets us on a “lifelong journey” of finding truth and meaning.

    Grief is not a crutch we hold onto for pity.

    It’s not a lack of character.

    It’s not a weakness that needs to be strengthened

    Or a problem that needs fixing.

    It is not an enemy to be slain

    Or a wild animal to be caged.

    Grief is…”A METAMORPHOSIS OF HUMAN LIFE.”

    Yes! That needs “time”…”A LIFETIME.”

    Grief is…an acknowledgment of true love shared

    and true love lost.

    Grief is…a love we hold so deep within our souls

    that our tears fall to caress the pain…

    “God given tears,” but full of purpose and meaning.

    Written by Jean Kerrsee More

    Grief is...Channeling Erik

  • January5th2015

    11 Comments

    Less than two years after Erik’d death, his younger sister, Annika, wrote a poignant poem for high school. Its depth belies her young age. She was only 15 years old. I’ve also included the explanation her English teacher required for the assignment. Note: “Red Hands” are a metaphor for her sense of guilt, something all too common in those who grieve. She refers to the dragonfly because that’s how Erik has come to her.

    Annika's poem and Erik's prank

    Annika Medhus

    4/20/11

    Revitalized

    My red hands alone cradle an empty chest.

    Skies bruise into a deep violet.

    Blackness falls from the grieving clouds.

    The soil laments for its loss.

    A palace becomes a frail shed.

    A laugh becomes a haunting scream.

    Shackles strangle the weakening flowers.

    The lost is now found as a burden set between torn wings.

    Suddenly, a light dagger releases all the drowning souls.

    Dried eyes wearily regain the sun.

    A silhouette of wings replaces the shadow of death.

    Arms of light tighten around my own.

    Dragonflies buzz wildly, whispering secrets.

    With the dust gone, never has the sun dripped in like this.

    The ground ceases to shake, waves calm to ripples.

    Omniscient water flows within thirsty veins.

    Earth blossoms when the realization is made.

    Twenty candles are still and will forever be lit.

    A brother was lost, but an angel is gained.

    My clean hands—not alone—cradle a beating heart.

    My intentions were to convey a tone of sorrow and loss but also renewal and awakening. The shift in mood contributes to the tone; for example, from red hands to clean hands represent the metamorphosis from guilt to acceptance. The image of Earth blossoming emphasizes the epiphany and the connotation between silhouette and shadow shows the difference between things that can negatively and positively loom over you. In the beginning, the lines are short and dramatic. As it progresses into a lighter tone, the sentences lengthen and flow more, representing the flow of light that is consuming the darkness. The first and last sentences show how the feeling in the poem has altered, yet both remain somewhat similar in structure to reveal the small amount grief that lingers.

    Here is a self-explanatory video of Erik’s niece, Arleen, after she was pranked by him. The cool thing is that 5 year olds usually don’t make this kind of stuff up. (I hope I haven’t already posted this! I did a search for the appropriate keywords and couldn’t find it.)

    Stay tuned soon for the last half of the Abe Lincoln’s interview.

  • December31st2014

    22 Comments

    I know I said I wasn’t going to post anything until January 2nd, but I’m sorry to report that a dear friend and long time member of the Channeling Erik Facebook group has died. Audie Herron was truly a special soul. Please send your love and healing energy to him wife and the rest of his family and friends. I know he’s in good hands with Erik, his guides and his deceased loved ones.

    Although it seems odd in light of this news, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year. Be sure not to drink and drive. Stay among those you love and be sure that I will be toasting to you, my cyber family. May 2015 be the best year of your life.

    Sorry I’ve been neglecting your comments. Holidays here with my family are a little crazy.

    Here’s a YouTube video from my daughter, Kristina’s,famous blog, Pretty Shiny Sparkly You can watch the whole thing, but definitely watch the part beginning at 18:40. Proof of how Erik’s death was an atom bomb blowing up in our family. All of us still suffer.

    I love you all,

    Elisa

  • December4th2014

    73 Comments

    Now that I’m almost finished with using sessions for gathering material for the next book, I’m going to start channeling famous figures again. This time, Erik will be asking the questions because I don’t want him to be excluded from the interview. After all, it is “Channeling Erik.” I’ve randomly picked a few for you to choose from, although I have all of your suggestions on the list. I won’t be adding any more to that list because there are 450+ on it. I won’t live long enough to get through them all! Here’s the poll. 

    On another note, I tried yoga for the first time (probably because my workout club offers it for free!) and something weird happened. I started crying. I had to stifle back sobs to keep from breaking the focus of the others who were taking the class. Any thoughts as to why that would happen? Have any of you experienced something like this? 

    Now for today’s post:

    To lose a loved one is pure agony. When you lose a child, your grief is compounded exponentially. When you lose that child to suicide, your grief is multiplied to unbearable levels. When that suicide is violent, you become a POW in a private war, tortured mercilessly day after day. In my desire to show solidarity to those who grieve, know I understand how drastically life changes for you and how you feel nothing will every be the same as “before.”

    After Erik’s death, friends, family and neighbors were there for us in ways that are immeasurably loving. But death is a very uncomfortable beast for most, so the calls and visits are long gone. Most of my days are spent drowning in a deep loneliness by no fault but my own. I have chosen to become a recluse. Arms that once reached out to others are now withdrawn for fear of drawing back bloody nubs. When I do venture out into the public, I fight to keep on a brave front, smiling, laughing at jokes, sharing casual stories, but I’m constantly aware of the fact that I’m hiding beneath a fragile façade. Behind the soft grin is that ever-present lump in my throat as I fight to choke back the tears. Behind the cheery exterior lurks a bottomless sense of profound sorrow that has become my constant companion. When I go to sleep, my last thoughts are that Erik is dead. When I wake up, my first thoughts are the same. Never, never is there a moment when I’m not acutely aware of my loss.

    I recoil at the thought of those “looks” from others, a mix of pity and horror. I watch the uncomfortable squirming, the shifting from one foot to another, the lack of eye contact, all part of that person’s desire to get away from me—the mother who has lost a child to a violent act of suicide. They don’t dare mention Erik’s name, and for me, that’s like watching him die again—day after day after day. In short, I feel like a leper living in a colony of one.

    You see, I do understand you. That’s why I share your pain as well. Were it not for you, my virtual friends, life would be impossible to bear. Each member in my loving family grieves in their own personal way, so sharing our sadness only opens up raw wounds, and I want be their source of support, not pain. So I’d like to thank you for giving me a safe place to vent the anguish I can’t share with friends and family, and know that this is a place that you can do the same.

    That’s why this email from Shelly, courtesy of Compassionate Friends, struck a deep chord in me. Share this with others if you can. Know that I am here for you, and I’m grateful you’re here for me.

    WHAT WE WISH OTHERS UNDERSTOOD ABOUT THE LOSS OF OUR CHILD

    1. I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child lived and was important, and I need to hear his name.
    2. If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me; the fact that my child died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry, and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
    3. I wish you wouldn’t “kill” my child again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances.
    4. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.
    5. I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy, and I wish you wouldn’t compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse, or a pet.
    6. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me.
    7. I wish you knew that all of the “crazy” grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following the death of a child.
    8. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be “cured” or a “former bereaved parent,” but will forevermore “be a recovering bereaved parent.”
    9. I wish you understood the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses, and be accident prone-all of which may be related to my grief.
    10. Our child’s birthday, the anniversary of his death, and holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us that you are thinking about our child on these days, and if we get quiet and withdraw, just know that we are thinking about our child and don’t try to coerce us into being cheerful.
    11. It is normal and good that most of us re-examine our faith, values, and beliefs after losing a child. We will question things we have been taught all our lives and hopefully come to some new understanding with our God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion without making me feel guilty.
    12. I wish you wouldn’t offer me drinks or drugs. These are just temporary crutches and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal.
    13. I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to “get back to my old self,” you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values, and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me-maybe you’ll like me still.

    I believe that instead of sitting around and waiting for our wishes to come true, we have an obligation to tell people some of the things we have learned about our grief. We can teach these lessons with great kindness, believing that people have good intentions and want to do what is right, but just don’t know what to do with us.

    grief, Channeling Erik

    Grief Changes Us, Channeling Erik

     

  • November20th2014

    9 Comments

    Many of you, including me, have signed up for the upcoming webinar slated to take place December 17th at 6:00 PM EST. To give you a taste, here’s the first one. Since this one, Jamie has improved the audio, and the video isn’t small screen anymore. Due to another glitch, you have to move forward to timestamp 30:00 to go to the start of the event. To join, click on the link below. Be sure to think of a question to ask him!

    Ho-Ho Holiday Web Channeling with Erik
    Wednesday, December 17 from 6-7 PM EST
    Cost is $20
    Register HERE

    In several previous posts, Erik has discussed ways that we can help mitigate the grief we feel after we lose someone dear in our life. Here, he shares how we can help them.

    Me: What makes our deceased loved ones happy? What can we do to help them?

    (Pause as Erik thinks a bit)

    Erik: I got it! Live-Your-Own-Life.

    Me: Okay.

    Jamie: He’s saying it real slow like people are retarded.

    Me: Erik!

    Erik: That’s not why! I’m just trying to make a point, an important point. They’re not retarded. They’re my friends!

    Me: Oh, okay. Good, we’ll let you off the hook then.

    Erik and Jamie chuckle.

    Me: I can be a little retarded sometimes, though. So, is that it, then? Is that the only thing we can do?

    Erik: No, really. You live your own life. It’s great to include us in memories. I’m not saying they should totally make us disappear, but don’t forget to live life. Don’t live your human life based on our death or the memory of it. That’s horrible. It makes us sad. Like don’t buy cookies because it’s our favorite ones. That’s really nice, but let that be a memory for you. Don’t buy the cookies because you know we like those cookies; cuz I can get whatever fucking cookie I want any time I want. Buy the cookies you like.

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Me: Well, I’m sure that’s true, and you probably already have gorged on plenty of them. I wish we had the low calorie ones over here too.

    (God, I’m really starving for homemade Tollhouse chocolate cookies now. Sigh.)

    Erik: Yeah, I do eat ‘em all the time. That and ice cream!

    Me: Lucky boy. Mint chocolate chip used to be your favorite.  So what about just sending love? Does that really help the energy of our deceased loved ones?

    Erik: Okay, look. If we have a really rough passing—

    Me: Um hm.

    Erik: Okay. I was just speaking in general, across the board what makes us happy. If y’all are happy, we’re happy. Period.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: But if there’s a traumatic passing or a hardship right before the passing or right after, then love and attention—like in a prayer or an intent, a statement, a shout out—yeah, we absorb that and that helps us transition.

    Me: Oh yeah. I can imagine.

    Erik had both of these: a difficult like and a violent, traumatic death. Looking back, I was so consumed by grief that I did’t send him any of this: no prayer, no intent, no love. How I regret that now.

    Videos like this make me miss him so much, but it also makes me realize that there were good times. It’s funny how we humans focus on the tragic more than the happy. Why do we let ourselves suffer so much?

  • November11th2014

    14 Comments

    Oh, how well I know the pain of grief. Many of you have come to the blog because you’ve lost someone you love. It helps to know that there’s no true separation and that they’re the same, only without a body. Let’s see what Erik has to add.

    Me: Do you have any advice to those who have lost loved ones and are just so stricken by grief?

    Erik: Remember, grief is really selfish.

    Wow, this made my heart sink, because that means I am One Selfish Bitch.

    Erik: They need to look at what part of themselves they feel is not being heard.

    Me: Oh! Hmm.

    Erik: Because if they weren’t selfish when someone died, they could understand that it was that person’s journey. It wasn’t about them.

    Me: I think a lot of them just don’t know what the transition is all about and that Home is our real reality. And even when we do, oh, how it still hurts.

    Erik: Well, I think some people get into grief, and they enjoy how people react to them, and so they play the victim to get all that pampering energy. Then they get stuck in it. Of course, others, like you, Mom, grief because you feel such love.

    (Long pause)

    Me: Yeah. Anything advice on how to manage?

    Erik: When you lose a loved one, it’s not about putting your chin up and playing tough either. Of course there are going to be moments of awareness that you’re not with them anymore. But as soon as you get there—you need to think about really where they are, because I’m telling you, we feel EVERYTHING you give out.

    Me: Mmm.

    Erik: Mom, I feel what you’re thinking about me; I feel what the neighbor up the street said about me. It gets to me. Goes straight to me. So imagine when a person dies, they lose everyone in their entire life.

    Me: Oh, yeah!

    Erik: They’ve lost it all. They’ve lost it all, and now what they get from everybody is grief. Granted there are one or two people who go, “I love you, and you’re all right,” and those words mean the world to us. I like that you do that for me, Mom.

    Me: Oh, yeah. Of course I’m happy for you. I know you were miserable here, and I’d rather you be happy all the time and me be miserable from time to time than for both of us to be miserable here because of your pain.

    Erik: Yeah cuz just imagine, Mom. You’re dead and you feel like shit cuz everybody’s grieving, and you feel everyone’s sorrow.

    Me: Oh, how awful.

    Erik: And then you have to work extra hard not to make them cry. You find out right when you get next to them, they feel you and it triggers them to fall apart. You feel like you’re cursed in a way. I’ve seen it play out again and again and again.

    Me: Yeah, absolutely.

    (Somber pause as I feel extra sorry for my baby boy. Sigh.)

    Me: How do you multitask so well, Erik? I can’t imagine how you can listen to everybody, hearing their thoughts, their feelings. Oh my god.

    Erik: I know, I know, it’s totally crazy! But it’s not like we do it in the human sense. The messages don’t line up so you get one at a time like on an answering machine. It just breezes right through your body, your spirit body, and you know exactly what it is.

    Me: It’s like on Bruce Almighty where the guy, you know, Jim Carrey, gets all those instant messages on his computer from everyone in the world. It gets to be too much for him!

    Jamie: Bruce Almighty, that’s right.

    Me: So it’s not like that, then.

    Erik: Yeah, they don’t just line up and wait for ya.

    Me: Yep. Okay, what about advice for those considering suicide. We’ve talked about this before, but it’s been quite a while ago, because you know you paint a pretty picture of the afterlife. You make dying seem fun.

    Jamie: He does.

    Me: I know.

    Erik: Oh, it’s not all milk and cookies.

    Me: No.

    Erik: It’s like, if you’re a dick—

    Jamie giggles with embarrassment at having to translate this.

    Jamie: God, Erik!

    Erik: If you’re a dick, and you die because you’re a dick, you’re gonna wake up dead as a dick.

    Me: Oh yeah, okay. Not getting a pretty visual, but go ahead.

    Erik: You’re gonna have to work through your own shit. Now there are those cases where someone commits suicide, and they did it NOT as a last resort. Not to be punny, but they jump the gun.

    Me: Oh boy. Okay.

    Erik: And in those cases where they just gave up, surrendered and left, there are all these people left on earth who are meant to interact with them. That’s when the suicide soul has to figure out a way to connect with all the people who are alive and still get them to meet that mark that they would have if the suicide soul was still living.

    Me: Exactly. The spiritual contract still has to play out.

    Erik: You have to play ‘em. You have to keep ‘em, and do you know how hard that is? They thought it was hard when they were alive? Just screw that. It’s way more difficult when you’re dead.

    Me: Yeah, but what’s it to them? They could say, “Eh, who cares. If the contracts don’t get honored, we’ll just do it next time.” I mean, a lifetime is just a blink of the eye from the perspective of an eternal soul.

    Erik: No, no. They have to complete things first before there’s a next time.

    Me: Okay, so if a person feels such hopelessness that they’re considering suicide, how do they hold on?

    Erik: They who? The dicks?

    Me: Yeah, or anyone in that dark place. Now, I’m not talking about the rare ones like you where suicide is part of their destiny or the ones who are terminally ill or the ones where it’s a real exit point for them.

    Erik: So, you’re talking about the ones who jump the gun?

    Me: Yeah, them. How can they hold off?

    Erik: Well, there’s not really gonna be a straightforward answer across the board, but the best thing to do is—you tell people when they’re sitting at that moment before they swallow those pills or jump off the chair or pull the trigger, they have to think. They have to be able to—

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: Hold on. I’m trying to get him to say it in one sentence.

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: He kind of rambled around.

    (Pause)

    Erik: They have to be able to accept the responsibility of leaving. It’s just that simple. And if there’s any doubt or hesitation—even a tiny, tiny bit—that’s when you know they’re going to soon. They need to stay.

    Jamie (to Erik): So you can base it on the feeling of doubt?

    Erik: Yes. That’s the one emotion I can think about, because a lot of people get there, and then they say, “Well, I don’t REALLY want to die, but I really wanna piss off Christine. I want Christine to suffer, so I’m just gonna go ahead and do it.” But if they themselves have doubt, that’s called jumping the gun.

    Me: Wow. Did you have doubts seconds before?

    Erik: No. I tried before and I had doubts, but not this time.

    Oh, how I wish he had had strong doubts, enough to ease off the pressure on that trigger and come to me for help.

    Erik: And I can’t tell you how many people knock themselves off and think, “Holy shit. What the hell did I do that for? Dammit, now I just have to do this all over again!” Denise went through that.

    Me: That’s true. After she died, I channeled her through Kim O’Neill, and she was pissed at herself for committing suicide.

    Erik: Yep. Without fail, suicides come here feeling totally embarrassed, cuz they see how the earthly plane is just a freaking school play, and they were only playing a role.

    Me: It’s so hard to see the forest from the trees when your knee-deep in drama, though.

    Erik: Yeah, but all they do is add more drama in their wake. And they have to suffer along with the ones who are in grief. It’s not easy. But one day, humans will see death differently. They’ll see it for what it really is—a stage exit you go through after you play your part.

  • August26th2014

    27 Comments

    This repost is about respite. A break from the grief of losing someone we love. A break from being mired in daily struggle. A break from being human. This is the first time Erik spoke to me without the need of a question prompt. He spoke with solemn passion. How timely.

    Erik: You know, Mom, before you ask me a question, I want to talk to you about people who want to take their own life. In some cases, the stress, the grief, whatever builds up, it’s like a volcano. Only so much can build before it has to release. The lesson in each case is that there is perfection in imperfection.

    Me: Mm hm.

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: He’s pausing. Erik, I can see that.

    Me: What? Is he picking his nose?

    Jamie (sounding touched): No. His eyes are tearing up.

    Me: Oh, Sweetie. It’s okay.

    Jamie: He’s just kind of readjusting his gestures and how he’s sitting so that he’s really not squared off with me; we’re not looking at each other face to face.

    (Pause)

    Jamie (to Erik): But, you know, I can see that you’re adjusting. I can see. I can see.

    Erik: Well, it’s hard …

    (Pause)

    Jamie (to Erik, in a warm, motherly tone): Take a deep breath. You don’t always have to be the fast talker.

    Me: Yeah, Sweetie. Take your time.

    Jamie (with a soft chuckle): I don’t mind a pause.

    Erik: It just throws me right back into my human state of mind—right back into my body—and I haven’t shaken hands with those demons in a long time.

    Me: Yeah, I know.

    Erik: And I’m happy not to shake hands with them anymore, but when you’re human, you think you have the power to override them—the internal thoughts, those crazy horses in your head that just run with ideas and thoughts that actually hold no truth. But because the thoughts are so heavy, they feel incredibly real, and we start to validate them as real and they’re not. It’s within this slice of anxiety, madness, grief, this really imbalanced state of mind and heart—that’s the imperfection that makes us perfect.

    Me: Not sure if I understand, but…

    Erik: In so many people who want to take their life, it’s just about getting out of the body, not an act or a willingness to die. It might be nice, ya know? First hand, I kinda know that experience.

    Me (solemnly): Yeah.

    Erik: A lot of times those people might be worried that they couldn’t do everything they wanted or needed to do, desired to. But then right before, they get this peace and calm, knowing that everything is going to be all right. All of a sudden, they know it’s all going to be okay. Really at that moment, they already left the body.

    Me: Oh!

    Erik: A lot of people I see that are headed toward the answers, committing suicide, attempting suicide, ending their life, they just need out of their body just for a certain moment. A lot of times they do that before they get a chance to follow through, and then they back down.

    Me: They just need a rest. A rest from being human.

    Erik: Yeah. And when people struggle to that point, like I said, many times it’s about the perfection of imperfection.

    Me: What do you mean by that? I just don’t understand.

    (Pause)

    Erik: Our perfectness is composed of a huge percentage of things that just aren’t’ right.

    Jamie (giggling): He kind of puts that in air quotes.

    Erik: I know there’s no right or wrong—there just “is”, but as humans, the brain has a hell of a hard time relaxing in that state of mind. It’s almost like we enjoy struggle more than we enjoy peace. And all of humanity has to learn this lesson for us to achieve it—to make it a natural state of being. Peace. That’s what our generations to come might experience, but for now, we’re still in a natural state of being in struggle. Our natural state of being as a human is based on being in a constant struggle. Even when you’re calm, you’re thinking, “How long is this going to last?” “When I get out of this, then I have to face that shit, and then I have to manage that crap over there.” You know, it’s still all fucked up, but you’re going to have these pockets of peace. We’re getting through all of this as humanity. Everyone has to learn to turn the dial on the emotional, mental, spiritual level from chaos and struggle to peace and calm. Until we do that, you know, we’re all attached to each other—we’re all antennas. And we can get those incredibly enlightened people, loving people, people who are aware, and their antenna inside their body just starts to pick up all the struggle and the chaos. And they don’t want it. Just like you, Mom. And some of those people just want a break from being human. But this whole media, vulnerability, kind of openness that you and I have gone through—it was done in a way to save other people but not you. And I know you’ll come soon enough and see how you can save yourself. And how you do that will not stop the openness, the storytelling, because we—

    Jamie (to Erik): Who’s we? (To me) You and him.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: We cannot even count how many people we’ve touched nor how many people that we have taught. So, now that they’re more knowledgeable and can heal through their grief and not leave this world as it’s changing—that absolutely is extremely valuable and extremely important, but never, ever more important than you. I hope knowing that helps.

    Me: Aw. I love you, Erik.

    Erik: I love you more.

    Taking a Break from Being Human - Channeling Erik

  • August19th2014

    23 Comments

    Loss, Part One

    Posted in: Grief, Loss

    I want to remind everyone about  Jamie’s next webinar class. Personally, I think it’s one of the most important subjects in all things spiritually because so many ailments, physical or otherwise, can be healed through crystals. Like I said earlier, each one has their own vibrational frequency, and, since we’re energy too, they can affect our frequency. All types of energy can. For those of you who missed the post dated 8/14, let me explain it using a tuning fork as an example. If you bang it on the table and then hold it against a glass of water, the water starts to ripple. So crystals can help your mental, physical and emotional health, which pretty much covers it all. Especially considering the paltry price compared to its benefits, this class is well worth it.

    Here’s the information:

    Using Crystals for Vibrational Healing – A Web Class with Jamie Butler
    Wednesday, August 20 at 6 PM EDT
    Please go here to learn more and register.

    By the way, guys, I’m so, so excited about the next book. It’s coming along amazingly, and I’m so proud of Erik for the job he’s doing. I can’t tell you what it’s about, but I will tell you it has “movie” written all over it. Erik must be excited, too, because after I work a few hours, then go outside to take a break, a black dragon hovers around me. I like that a lot better than the fruit flies we came back to after our vacation. Dang, those things are hard to get rid of, and it pisses me off when one lands on my computer screen because I always get fooled into trying to wipe off what I think is a little spot. It’s a complete waste of perfectly good spit. 

    Now, this next topic covers something we’ve all grappled with at one point in our lives. Loss is not pretty, except when you want a fruit fly loss. 

    Me: Let’s talk about loss. We have so many losses in our lives, and there are so many types of loss like the loss of health, self-esteem, status, faith, etc. Erik, what kind of loss do you want to discuss?

    Erik: All loss is the same, really, Mom. It just plays out in different ways.

    Robert: It’s really wild that you’re asking this question because just the other day, Erik said, “Dude, I want to talk about fear and love.”

    Me: Mm.

    Erik:  “So here’s the thing about loss. Loss feels so painful, because… Actually, let me start with one other thing. What makes loss painful is attachment. Attachment to a person being there. Whatever.

    Me: The absence of whatever.

    Erik: Yeah. We’re still attached to whatever it is that’s absent and that’s what creates that hole.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: It could be the death of someone, divorce, a relationship that ends, but here’s the interesting thing. Attachment can be rooted in fear or negative emotions, which then create negative feelings within ourselves or give us the opportunity to feel them, but attachment also is something that love, itself, can create. You have a choice. When you’re faced with a loss, it’s giving you a choice, and the choice is, “Am I going to keep raking my ass over the coals, to wallow in whatever I’m feeling and become stagnant or more importantly, to become comfortable in it.”

    Me: Hmm.

    Erik: And if you choose to do that, it shows who and how you are in that moment. That’s fucked up. But you also have another choice. You can choose to take that loss, recognize that that attachment is now detached from your experience and detach from it and choose to attach to something else that allows you to move on.

    Me: For example?

    Erik: Well, let’s use my example. All of the different things that happened the day you found out that I died and afterwards, for a period of time, for a while, we were attached to the grief that was caused by that because we needed to feel it and to suffer until we got to the point—I say  “we,” but I mean you, Mom, and the whole family and me, too.

    Me: You felt the grief, too?

    Erik: Fuck! Yes. Yes!

    Me: Aww. The grief over what? What did you lose? What did you grieve over?

    Erik: I felt good in the sense that I feel okay now, and I was released from that hell—life was a rollercoaster from hell sometimes—but I saw how my family suffered and I thought, ‘Man, that’s like a big pile of shit.’

    Me: It is.

    Erik: I’m so glad because now, you and Pappa and everybody are in the process of healing. I can’t say you’re completely healed…

    Me: Uh uh.

    Erik: But, you know, you are in the process, right?

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: So, when we go back to the topic that you’ve experienced loss, and you’re attached to that loss and now you have these shitty feelings, you have to wallow in it for a while. You have to decide for yourself when you’re no longer willing to allow yourself to feel that way in a way that connects with the heart. You have to ask, “Am I willing to continue to be mean to myself? Am I going to stop being unloving to myself and start being loving to myself?” The steps that we take to detach from that sense of loss and reattach to something else’s that’s more loving is by going out into the world and pursuing things that are going to allow us to feel happier. The happier feelings or the more positive feelings are the things that provide the contrast to the loss itself. Instead of sucking the life from you, they’re infusing you with life.

    Never Give Up, Dealing With Loss, Channeling Erik

  • June25th2014

    41 Comments

    Announcement: If you go to Patrick’s site, The Amendment (www.theamendment.net) then you’ll find all sorts of interesting interviews including those of controversial historic figures who shall remain nameless. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. (hint, hint)

    Very often, I receive really, really long emails from readers. That’s no problem because most of the are interesting, but I’ve struggle with reading since Erik died. For some reason, I can’t track across a page well. I try, but my eyes go from words on one line then skip to words on another line. I can only get the gist of the text and probably miss a lot of the content. I also have had problems with timelines. If someone asks me when I saw so-and-so last, I wouldn’t be able to tell him or her if it was days, weeks or months ago. I can barely remember what happened before Erik’s death and what happened after it, and that’s pretty much how time is defined for me. PTSD causes all sorts of cognitive dysfunctions. Hopefully, my brain will slowly rewire itself. If you have PTSD for whatever reason, please share your experiences. What cognitive functions have been impaired? How long have you had this problem? Has it improved? If so, over what time period and to what degree. 

    I think I posted this before, but again, my memory has really taken a hit since Erik’s death. I spend around 4 hours of a day answering emails, and I enjoy reading them. The problem is that I keep my replies very, very short because I just don’t have time to do otherwise. This also applies to answering both blog and Facebook comments directed toward me, Facebook private messages, Google chats, etc. It comes off as rude, but I want everyone to know that this doesn’t mean I don’t love you and take an interest in what you write. Sometimes I’ll add a smiley face so you don’t think I’m too much of a bitch.

    Okay, enough rambling. I guess it’s time for the main event.

    Robert: Erik makes me laugh sometimes!

    Robert translates what Erik said.

    Erik: So, dude, what’s the difference between being assertive and being an asshole?

    Robert: I don’t know. What?

    Erik: They both start with the word, “ass.”

    Robert and I laugh.

    Robert: Well assertive means confident.

    Erik: Yeah, and that’s what I’m saying about it. Sometimes I don’t even like to use the word, “confident” or any other word that starts with “con”, because what’s the first three letters? C-O-N. Con. Think of the word, “Con.” It’s like you’re being taken. People have certain words that they associate with different meanings. They don’t pick up on the negativity, but when you think about it, when someone is being assertive, they’re usually going to be looked at by somebody in a negative way.

    Me: Yeah, it’s almost like you’re wielding some kind of power over that person.

    Erik: Yeah, and some people think that person’s being an asshole, but when you say you’re confident, that brings a different kind of meaning. What label you put on yourself may be looked at as a different label to the other person. That’s why I hate fucking labels. They’re just words. They don’t tell you jack shit about the intent or emotions behind them. They also open things up to judgment. I think the best word to use to remove judgmental labeling or whatever is “certainty.” When you’re confident, you are certain.

    Me: Yeah, when you use the label, “assertive,” it’s like you’re sparring with the other person, but with the other word, “certainty,” it’s you, alone.

    Robert: These are the kind of discussions that Erik and I have. Oh, and Erik tells me something else that’s important to bring up. (Laughing) The other thing he brought up, because I needed to laugh, I was lying on the floor doing some meditation to get ready for our session and refocus myself, and I was doing some of that chanting that we learned during the weekend in Austin.

    Me: Oh, yeah.

    Robert: So, I got to a point where Erik said, “Okay, dude. You don’t have to keep doing that anymore. Just be quiet,” and I was like, ‘Okay. Yeah,’ and then he said, “Just do what you do when you have sex. Just lie there.”

    Robert and I howl in laughter.

    Robert: I said, ‘Erik, you are just so wrong for that!’ I thought it was funny. He says some of the most inappropriate things, but I still think it’s funny.

    Me: It’s hilarious!

    Erik: Enough chitchat.

    Robert: I guess he wants us to get to work!

    We go on to interview Farrah Fawcett.

     



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