Channeling Erik®
  • Grief
  • November23rd2015


    As Thanksgiving approaches, I thought it’d be nice to concentrate on the concept of gratitude. I have one session on it with Jamie as Erik’s translator and another with Kim. Enjoy!

    Me: Hello, Jamie!

    Jamie: Hello!

    Me: Hi, Erik! I love you, sweetie pie!

    Erik: Hi, Mama. I love you, too.

    Me: I’m going to have you sitting at the table—your picture—for Thanksgiving, as always, so I hope you’ll be around.

    Erik: Absolutely.

    Me: Okay. We’re going to talk about this upcoming holiday now. It’s such an important one for so many people because it has a lot to do with gratitude and the importance of it. Can you speak about the importance of the Thanksgiving table and what goes on around it?

    Jamie laughs. God knows what he said.

    Me: Oh boy. Already? Already? Seriously?

    Jamie (Laughing): I know!

    Erik: A lot of good nasty jokes happen around the dining room table. That’s very important. And burping and farting is a form of compliment to the meal, so that’s very important. Remember that.

    Jamie: He’s just going on and on.

    Erik: Hello to everybody who’s watching! Thanks for tuning in! This Thanksgiving is going to be super special seeing what’s happening in the world these days. A lot of us have time to reflect on who has come into the world and our lives be it human babies or animal babies and who has transitioned on, human or animal. Or plant.

    Jamie: He throws that in at the last.

    Erik: The Thanksgiving table is—

    Jamie: I don’t think that’s a word!

    Erik: The Thanksgiving table is—

    Jamie: Oh my god, he’s using it again. I’ll say super special because that’s kind of what he means.

    Erik: –a little bit beyond the dining room table that you have with the immediate family, because Thanksgiving gives you the perfect opportunity to invite people who normally don’t dine with you. The reason—

    Jamie: Oh, is this like a history lesson?

    Erik: The reason the table is so important is the food, the time and love and attention that was put into it and the nutrition, the comfort, but it can also be an excuse to put something in your mouth so that you don’t have to comment on anything. There’s this thing where we go around and say what we’re grateful for in the year and what we look forward to in the next year. If your family really isn’t into sharing shit like that because I know a lot of American families are like, “Grr. Let’s eat some turkey and watch some football!” Talk them into writing something down and putting it into a cup. Then everyone takes one and reads what it says. They don’t know who it’s from, but at least it gets said and an intent is put out at the table. On holidays like this, like birthdays, end of the year holidays—

    Jamie: End of the year holidays?

    Erik: Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza are big, big holidays where the dead rush to you, we poke and prod you, we leave little signs. For us, on our end, it’s such an enjoyment to see tradition continue. It’s disheartening to see some traditions stop because we’re no longer there.


    Jamie: He’s rambling.

    Erik: It’s pretty cool when it goes on even though maybe it’s not there thing, but there’s something special about repetition, and we don’t like to miss that shit so we show up. My mom, she puts my picture on the table. I don’t really get a plate of food or anything, but I’m included in the family affair. That’s all that matters to me. So me and my family, we got that thing going on. I know you can get something going on with your dead people.

    That sounds really funny.

    Me: Sometimes it’s hard during this holiday to remember when our loved one was sitting at the table and we grieve for them. Sometimes it gets a little worse, and when we grieve like that, sometimes we don’t feel like we have anything to be grateful for. So what can we say to those grievers?

    Erik (Pointing a finger): If you’re one of those people right here, right now who are stuck in that moment, get your ass up right now—

    Jamie laughs.

    Me: Uh oh.

    Erik: –and get yourself some paper and a pen. Then start writing down all the things that you are going to be grateful for during that Thanksgiving dinner. Do it now, because in the moment, you might want to wallow in your grief because your sweetheart’s not there or your son, your daughter, your mom, then you need to honor that you’re going to do that shit. You can already feel it coming on, right?

    Me: Oh, yeah.

    Erik: You think about it and you’re like, “No, I’m not going to do that,” but then the times comes and you’re like, “Oh, I didn’t expect to cry and now I have to disappear,” and you totally ditch the fucking dinner because you’re processing your grief. Whatever you decide to do is what you need to do, but if you think you’re going to end up in that boat, go ahead and write down these things you’re grateful for in advance and then give them to your family. Give them to the people you invited around your table or who invited you around their table. So this way, when you’re in that moment trying to understand what your new tradition is or what the new shape of your family looks like—

    Jamie tears up unexpectedly.

    Erik: –they will know where you’re coming from and what you’re grateful for. A lot of people feel like if they can’t bring something positive to a holiday, they’re the shit hole or they’re the asshole, that they’re bringing everybody down. Get over it! You can’t bring anybody down. You can’t make anybody depressed. You can’t make anybody grieve with your ass. Can’t do it. They’re going to respond to you in the way that they need to, and most likely they’re going to be like, “Do what you need to do. We’re here for you.” So if you feel like you need to bring this balance, this positive and this grief that might come on, write the letters, the notes in advance to get them out. Then watch how it changes the situation. Then people might know how to engage with you a little bit more and say, “I got your note. What you said about me or what you said about what your year is going to be like, I really loved that. Why did you come up with that?” So you have something to talk about that’s not based on the one that’s transitioned.

    Jamie: I like that idea.

    Me: It’s a good one! So the note, you’re acting like it’s to somebody. Is it?

    Erik: Yeah, I would write one to everybody who’s at the table.

    Me: Oh, I see. So you’re writing something to each person at the table. Got it.

    Erik: Or, if it’s one letter that you want to write, I’d copy it, put it in envelopes and put everybody’s name on it. That way, everyone has their own copy and they don’t have to go, “Hey, Aunt So-and-So wrote this. She’s grieving. You need to read this.”

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Erik: Everybody will read it and see where you’re coming from and maybe what your fear was around Thanksgiving and understand you a little bit better without you going, “Oh, you know, I don’t want to talk about Steven. He just passed away.”

    Me: Makes sense. It’s hard on the day. Let’s talk about gratitude and its importance.

    Erik (throwing out an arm and saying, in a boisterous tone): GRATITUDE!

    Then Erik takes a bow.

    Me: I’m grateful for you, Erik.

    Erik: What do you want to talk about?

    Me: Just the importance of gratitude. Talk about the spiritual perspective, whatever you want.

    Erik: Why is giving gratitude important. I don’t want anyone to fall into the “Gratitude is good. Gratitude is needed. Gratitude is important” thing because I’m trying to get you out of the fucking mindset of being human and deciding one thing is needed and the other isn’t. Everything is needed. Everything is. So gratitude, the importance of it, what it adds to the recipe of life is that it shows that you acknowledge the connection of what you have or what you had to whoever or whatever it is. Because we can show gratitude to a person; we can show gratitude to an item, and we can show gratitude to a situation. So it’s not just beings. It also shows that energetic value, your soul, that you’re holding this life that you’re living in a sacred space. Sacred space is about expressing gratitude, holding space for the awareness of connections and for those of you who don’t dig all the fucking spiritual language—

    Jamie laughs.

    Erik: –sacred space is like holding awareness of things like coincidences, luck, bright ideas. You know we can make the terms really dry or we can make them really woo-woo, but it’s showing that acknowledgement. We get down to living energy—all energy is living—when we tend to a plant, talk to it, water it, care for it, we’re showing awareness and the plant grows. If we ignore the plant and don’t give it the attention or care, don’t show gratitude or nurture it, the plant dies. Same with people, babies, animals. If we don’t show attention and awareness, then the outcome is quite different. So taking the time for gratitude, which is the acknowledgment of—

    Jamie: So it’s a very heady thing?

    Erik: Yeah, you can go heady with that. It’s the acknowledgement of the connection to you and who, what thing or what situation is providing you feedback.

    Me: So gratitude is an energy that’s sustenance to other things, people living creatures and situations. It’s like that Dr. Emoto experiment where he gave love and gratitude to a jar of rice and water and it turned into Sake. Yum. But the one he ignored turned all rotten. Same with the one he said mean things to. So let’s talk about that. When you express gratitude, either outwardly or to yourself, that must be a form of energy that has a positive effect on people, living creatures, things and situations.

    Erik: Yeah, it encourages growth. If you want to define that as positive, then hell, yeah.

    Me: So if you’re grateful for your local firemen but you don’t express it except to yourself, will that help them in some way?

    Erik: Yeah. You don’t have to fucking say it out loud. Energy isn’t ignited because (in a grand voice) WE SPEAK OUT LOUD!

    Jamie laughs.

    Erik: No, that’s just for ears. Most of our language is done internally. Our emotions aren’t spoken. They’re implied by tone and body language. There are so many other ways to communicate. But when we show gratitude with internal dialogue for those who are not around us, maybe they’re halfway around the world, they still receive it. I would just more specific about who you’re directing it to like, “The volunteer firemen from Station 29 in Atlanta.”

    Me: Okay. Is there anything we should, as a collective, express gratitude for now?

    Erik: Earth. Big fucking advocate for Earth!

    Jamie chuckles.

    Me: I hope so! Mama Earth.

    Erik: Yes, we tend to ignore her. We take her for granted. We’re more apt to be grateful for our car for getting us places than for the earth for providing it with a surface to drive on. Strange, right? It’s such a constant that it’s invisible.

    Me: Aw, that is so true. Anything else about gratitude?

    Erik: Nope, ding.

    Me: Anything else about Thanksgiving?

    Jamie (laughing): Can we say this? This is not legal in every state. Can I still say it?

    Me: Oh, yeah. Go ahead.

    Erik: Why not choose to keep the wine and bottles of liquor off the table and pass around a joint instead and see how family responses to gratitude then.

    Me: Oh, god.

    Jamie: That’s Erik Medhus.

    Me: You’re going to get me into trouble!

    Erik: In the states where it’s legal! C’mon, man. Creating community, Mom.

    Me: Okay, I don’t know about that! Anything you want for Thanksgiving? You want me to cook all the usual stuff? I’m the cook mostly because I don’t like the cleanup so everybody else has to do that. I’m off the hook when I cook. Oh, that’s a rhyme. Cool.

    Erik: You cook for days, almost.

    Me: Yeah, I do.

    Erik: It’s insane.

    Me: It’s fun though.

    Jamie: He’s ordering all the usual, and he’s mentioning a chocolate dessert.

    Me: Chocolate pecan pie? I mean, fudge pecan pie?

    Jamie: Seriously? Does that really exist?

    Me: Yeah!

    Jamie: I’m going to look that up.

    Me: My grandmother made an awesome one. Dang!

    Jamie: The fudge pecan one is a yes. When you said chocolate, it kind of fell flat.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: I love you guys out there! Show me some gratitude!

    Jamie laughs.

    Me: Yeah, everybody show Erik some gratitude. He gives so much to our lives.

    Erik: If you show me some gratitude, I’ll swing by and fart across your table to let you know I’m there.

    Me: Oh, no! He will, too! You know he can split himself off infinitely, guys. If you read his book, My Life After Death, you can find out how. Everybody pick up a copy of his book. It has a five star rating on Amazon. The reviews are amazing. Some people are saying it’s not only the best book they’ve read about spirituality but that it’s the best book they’ve ever read, period. So you’re missing out if you don’t get a copy. You’ll be really sad when you turn the last page and it’s ended. I’m so proud of my boy. You did a good job! I’m grateful for you.

    Erik: I’m grateful for you, Mom. I’m grateful for everybody who’s watching and who’s part of the CE family and beyond.

    Me: I’m grateful for you, Jamie. I’m grateful for all you viewers. Bye!

    Jamie: Bye everybody. We love you!

    Being silly at Thanksgiving

                                                                Being silly at Thanksgiving

  • September14th2015

    A blog member sent me this today, and I thought it was so powerful that it deserved its own post. I hope it helps each of us see just how precious life and the human experience is. I wish Erik had read this when he was alive.
    The Morning After I Killed Myself
    by Meggie Royer

    The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

    I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.

    The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

    The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

    The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

    The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

    The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

    The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

    Wow. On another note, I have two live shows today:

    Mind Matters with Ajayan Borys

    Airs LIVE HERE at 3:30-4:00 PM CT on KKNW alternative talk radio 1150 AM, Seattle

    Additional details HERE with Kathleen Martin

    Airs LIVE HERE 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM CT

  • July28th2015


    Wow, I sure did get a lot of positive feedback about the Chaga mushroom tea. A lot of you want to know the products I bought. Here they are: 

    Salem Botanical Chaga Tea (cup a day)

    Mushroom Science Chaga capsules (two a day)

    Maine Chaga Face and Body Cream by My Berry Organics (morning and night)

    I just ordered the extract version of the above and will apply that before I apply the cream. It received rave reviews from customers. I hear it’s great for skin cancers and other dermatological conditions. No substitute for your healthcare provider’s advice, though! 

    Enjoy the final part on Erik’s series about grief.

    Me: I had that same problem where I had to go through that day when I, you know, found out you shot yourself; I had to run upstairs to see you. I had this compulsion to talk about it and go through the details. You don’t want to go through those details with anybody! That’s tough. That’s a tough one to lay on somebody—going through all of the emotions, the pain, the sights, the sounds, the smells.

    After all, they’re very graphic and disturbing.

    Erik: If you feel your friends are not in that place where you can do that, then you need to find a therapist or you need to find a grievers’ group where you can get it outside of you. You can’t keep these things inside. They get bigger and heavier, and they do change the energetic quality in your body. That’s why it makes it difficult for us to communicate while we’re grieving or while we’re below par.

    Me: That was my next question. So many people get signs or feel the presence of the spirit [of the deceased loved one] but for some reason, those in deep grief don’t, and those are the people who need it the most.

    Jamie (laughing): He goes, (in a suspicious, inquiring tone) “Or are they?”

    Jamie: He goes like this. (She puts the tip of her index finger to the corner of her mouth, Dr. Evil style.)

    Erik: Those who are in deep grief and are not coming out of it, they’re using a sabotage technique in a way. They’re proving to themselves that we’re really dead and that there are no options. By doing that, they stay in hard grief. They stay in hard denial that there can be an opportunity for new relationship with their loved one.

    Me: Is there any, I don’t know, energetic reason why we don’t get, uh, for example, I didn’t get any signs from you, Erik, for a long time until my grief lifted a little bit. Is the energy too dense, or… Walk me though that.

    Erik: When you are in hard grief, we can leave a thousand messages for you and you’ll never be able to pick up a single one of them. That’s just what it is. They don’t translate easily through that [dense] vibrational pattern. Sometimes we can get into your subconscious because when you’re asleep, your grief lightens and we can come into a dream. If you’re asleep and your grief is lighter, then obviously that’s something you can do in your conscious life.

    Me: And realizing that, you know, we always say that we’ve “lost” somebody, but they’re really not “lost.” They just don’t have a body. They’re the same, right?

    Erik: Yes. You didn’t lose anybody. Death is a transition, and—

    Jamie: Oh, he’s going through a bunch of other words.

    Erik: Losing someone needs to be taken out [of our vocabulary.] Nobody’s lost. I didn’t lose myself. In fact, I found myself even more. We don’t “deal” with grief. Grief isn’t some negative thing.

    I beg to differ. But then Erik always insists that there is no positive and negative. Everything is just a beautiful lesson.

    Erik: It’s a process that helps you shift gears into a new understanding and a new relationship. Some people take 30 minutes to go through it; some people take 30 years. Whatever works for you. Timing isn’t the issue. “Trying.” “Trying to understand.” I call bullshit on that one, too. “Trying” means your hitting the same way, the same topic again and again and again and again and again, and it’s not working. You could be doing something different. “doing” something different not “trying” something different. And if you feel like you’re listening to all of this and you’re trying these techniques and you’re getting mad at people because they’re giving you advice and all you can think is, “I’ve done that before and it didn’t work.” “I did that before and it didn’t work.” You’re mad at the world because it’s giving you opportunity but you’re saying, “There is no hope.” The responsibility is on you. It’s totally on you, and you gotta have a come to Jesus moment when you say—in an extremely honest moment—that you’re sabotaging yourself and keeping yourself in a grief process because you “lost” somebody. You did. Then you’ll start to recognize that it wasn’t your fault that they died. It was cancer. It was an accident. It was a suicide. It was something. You didn’t pull the trigger; you didn’t run them over with the car; you didn’t give them the cancer. You have to relinquish that you were responsible and that you were only a witness. You have to recognize that you loved that person so much, but you had no power to help them to live. That’s very difficult to get over sometimes. Then you have to recognize that they didn’t leave you 100%. There are still opportunities to stay engaged with them. You have to figure out what that looks like for you within your belief system, within your religious structure or spiritual structure. A lot of times, people can’t do that for themselves. They have to rely on a community. Then you have to reach out and look at it. But if you are stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck even though you’re doing everything that everybody says, you’ve got to point the finger at yourself and ask, “Why is this serving me so well?” “Why am I staying in this place?” “Why is this good for me?”

    Me: Why do some people do that, though? In what way could it serve some people?

    Erik: Well, if you stay in grief, traditionally our culture pities you. “I’m so sorry for you. Can I bring you a meal? Can I do this for you?” People show help and pity, and sometimes, to a griever, it feels very good. What if they’re healthy after this? All that might go away. Maybe they’re 80 years old and have lost their husband, and if they stop bringing by the meals and everything, then what do they have left? They’re at home, alone.

    Me: TV dinners.

    Erik: Yes, and that’s when you gotta say, “Wait a second. That’s not really the truth. I could invite them over for dinner. I could say, “I don’t like eating alone.” I could choose to go to a restaurant. I could choose to join a group of people who do dinners out.” There are so many opportunities, but we paint ourselves into a corner, and sometimes that’s where we feel we need to stay to get what we want. Get over it!

    Jamie winces at his bluntness.

    Me: Okay. Along the same lines, I know what it feels like to lose somebody to suicide, and I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. So I was wondering, how do you help somebody who’s suicidal?

    (Long pause)

    Jamie covers the lower part of her face with her hand, then pulls at an imaginary beard like a stuffy professor.

    Jamie: He has his hand up on his face.

    Erik: Good question, Mom. Good question.

    Me: I try.

    Yes, I do have my moments.

    Erik: There are two types of suicidal people. There are the ones who shout out that they want to kill themselves. “Oh, I just wanna die. I wanna die. I don’t want to stay here.” Normally, the one who talks about it freely really isn’t interested in the actual act of suicide, but they do want whatever they’re into to be completely over. Gone. They’re really asking for help. Let’s say you put them on suicide watch. Yeah, I get that. That’s a protocol, but they really need help changing what’s in their life more than being watched so they don’t kill themselves. We need to help them reconnect to life again and [to figure out] what they want out of it, because if they keep talking about it, and they want to go but they’re not going to do the action, then there’s still something good in it for them. So let’s help them live and open up again. Then there are those who don’t ever talk about it. They don’t even mention that they’re sad. They don’t even mention that they want to go, and they leave. These are the quiet suicides where people had no idea that this was coming or that they were suffering or hurting. Because you don’t know, how can you help? You should treat everybody just the same. We’re all in the boat together, and asking people how they feel instead of what they think, that’s a life jacket right there in the middle of the ocean. We don’t give a lot of places to open up and talk about how we’re feeling. “How are you?” That’s really an emotional question, but in our culture, we’re trained to respond with—what is it, Mom?

    I fumble on this one.

    Erik: How are you?

    Me: Yeah, what are you talking about?

    Erik: “I’m fine.”

    Me: Oh yeah. I see. Knee jerk reaction.

    Erik: Yes. The knee jerk reaction. It’s not working for us. There is a lot of energy changing in the world today. The Earth’s energy is changing, and, with that, many people can’t connect to the new vibration. They can’t connect to this “Shift” if you want to call it that. So they’re just going to be checking out because [they feel like] they no longer fit. We just have to accept that this is okay. If we didn’t know they needed help and then they committed suicide, the first thing you should go to is not, “They didn’t trust me enough, or, “They didn’t rely on me enough as a mother, father, sister, best friend, family member, aunt, counselor, whoever,” but that they knew the best answer for them was this. It takes a lot of strength and a lot of guts to follow through.

    I can’t imagine what it took for Erik to pull that trigger.

    Erik: It’s not a weak man’s path. So we need to accept that since they’ve done this without our knowledge, it’s what they wanted. It’s not about us.


    Jamie: He’s up again walking and talking.

    Me: Okay. Is there anything you can tell parents who have, or anybody who’s lost a loved one—“lost!”—whose loved one has transitioned due to suicide? That’s so taboo. That’s a different kind of grief.

    Erik: Why, because it was their choice and not an accident?

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Or it was parent and child? I don’t know. You tell me.

    Me: I’m just saying that the grief from having someone transition due to suicide is different. Suicide is such a taboo thing.

    Erik: It’s extremely taboo because we look at it as, “That person really didn’t care for what they had in their life, and they just checked out. You obviously weren’t good enough for them. You didn’t teach them well enough, or they were ungrateful. They were broken.” That’s such bullshit.


    Jamie (smiling): Say that again, Erik.

    Erik: The end goal in life isn’t living to a ripe old age.


    Jamie: Please say the other part again.

    Erik: The end goal isn’t living to a ripe old age. The end goal is achieving everything that you desired to do. Some of us know what our natural out is, and suicide should be seen as a natural out. Words to whoever has handled the suicide whether it’s a parent, grandparent, another family member or even the best friend, the wife: Take great solace in knowing that in the quality of love for them, the kind of attention and love that you gave to them, they didn’t take that an translate it into the power to leave this world. That’s not the motivator. It’s not about you. Take great—

    Jamie: Say that word again? (To me) It’s weird. When he gets deep, he’s not as loud as he normally is. His voice gets lower almost like a little bit of a mumble in a way.

    Erik: Just take great solace in knowing that you got to be a part of their life and that they, the person that left, were able to know when their days were over. I don’t know what else to say because like everything else we talk about, Mom, [every case] is uniquely different.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: We can talk about suicide, but there are so many different reasons for why we come to the decision of suicide. Every single one of them is…

    Jamie: He fades off.

    Me: I think you’ve covered it very well. We can close there. Thank you, Erik. Thank you, Jamie. Very enlightening.

    And sobering.

    How Grief Works

    How Grief Works

  • July27th2015


    I had such a great weekend at Lake LBJ. Curiously enough, we didn’t get on the lake at all. It was very hot, but bearable because it wasn’t very humid. We visited a couple of wineries for tastings and experienced some very interesting reds. The Texas Hill Country is known for its wonderful wines, both whites and reds. I’ll turn our escapades into a YouTube and post it soon. 

    Y’all, I’m totally into Chaga mushrooms now. Don’t worry. I’m not tripping. These are mushrooms that grow on the bark of birch trees in the circumpolar regions of the world like Siberia and Northern China. Guess what you can also find there. Really, really, really old people who drink tea made from the mushrooms. It’s anti-aging properties are very powerful. That’s because it’s got the highest antioxidant rating of anything known on this planet. For example, acai berries have an ORAC index of 800. Green tea has one around 1100. Chaga mushrooms have one of 37,000! So I take the capsules and a cup of the tea every day. It’s so freaking hot here that I make it iced tea. So far, after just a week, my sense of well-being has improved. I’m also using Chaga mushroom face and body cream. It’s early yet, but my skin already feels and looks better. 

    Another cool thing is that Chaga mushrooms have powerful anti-tumor properties. Some oncologists are using it on their melanoma patients. Sloan Kettering-Memorial Hospital even has it’s own page about Chaga mushrooms on its website. They also use it against psoriasis with excellent results. If you’re interested, do a search. I get all my stuff on Amazon. 

    By the way, I think I’ve been posting too many Erik Encounters. I’m going to limit them to the weekends and include only the ones that hold the most interest. Hope you guys agree! 

    Okay, enough of the commercial! Let’s talk about grief. 

    Me: In the years after you died, Erik, my grief was just horrible, so what can we do to help people understand how to deal with their grief?

    Jamie: He’s acting very suave. He sits down, puts his arms on the chair and says,

    Erik: Okay. There are a few things that we can go ahead and change. The words around grief. How do we “deal” with grief? Dealing with something. We only deal with something we don’t like. We handle it. We deal with it.

    Me: Nobody likes grief! It’s horrible!

    Erik: But Mom, the more you’re not accepting it, the longer it has to boil up inside of you for you to really make peace with it. So let’s not “deal” with it anymore. Let’s get into it. Let’s absorb it so that when it wafts over you—

    Jamie: Is that a word?

    Me: Waft? Yes.

    Jamie (smiling): I don’t use that word!

    Erik: When it comes over you—it could be when you’re at the grocery story. It could be the first day that you decide to leave your house after your loved one has passed, and you think you’re totally fine, but then you get out of your car and go into the grocery store and BOOM, it hits you. Don’t deal with it and kind of button it up and make your way through the day. Feel it right then and there. March your ass back to the car, get inside and have your moment with grief, collect yourself and go back in. I don’t know why our culture always has to put grief under a fucking blanket like you can never come out publically with it. “Oh, leave them alone. They’re grieving.” Fuck that! That’s the last moment you should leave someone alone.

    Me: Exactly.

    Erik: You go to them, and it’s not like they need anything from you. So when you’re accepting your grief and someone comes up to you, what do they do? They pretty much add to your fucking grief. They use words like, (in a voice conveying pity) “I’m so sorry. Oh, I’m just so worried about you, and I’m sorry.” That shit needs to stop, people. When you see somebody grieving, you can go to them and say, “Oh my gosh. Watching you like this, I can feel it, and my heart’s breaking with yours. How can I be here for you?” And listen to the person that’s grieving because most of the time it’s, “Be around me, but don’t say anything. Stay with me, but don’t judge me. Don’t tell me that in three days it’ll get better. Don’t tell me that this will come and go for my entire life because it’s a bit of an unknown.” If you’re processing the grief as it’s coming to you, in general, you’re not going to have the same experience as other people. It’s an emotion that you add to your bucket of emotions. It is going to come and go, but it’s not going to consume your life. But the way our culture views grief right now, you’re taught to use it to allow it to consume you, that you’re damaged and you’ll never get that dead person back, that there’s no such thing as having a new relationship [with him or her.] Everything has changed. Everything. Bury it.

    Me: You can come up to people and talk to them like you said, but a lot of them dismiss it with, “Oh no. I’m fine. It’ll be okay.”

    I put up a brave front like that.

    Erik: That’s the “dealing” part, isn’t, Mom? “I’m fine.”

    Me: So what can you tell people to help them open up to those who are trying to comfort them?

    Erik: If you’re the grieving one, and you’re being—

    Jamie: I don’t know what he said, some “tight?”

    Erik: When you’re trying to deal with it, people are asking you how you’re feeling; you tell them straight out, “I’m having a really hard time. I still super miss so and so, and I super miss my life. I miss having conversations that don’t wrap back around to that one experience.” Be able to share, and be able to identify that your friend is standing there, and they love you so much. They want to give you something. You could say, “Just you showing up is what I needed. I don’t need anything else from you. I just don’t, but I love that you’re here. Can we talk about something different?” Be able to tell the person what you need, and if you don’t know what you need, tell them. “I wish I could share with you what I need, but I just don’t know. I’ve never done this before.” And if you want to talk about the same thing over and over and over again like how you had to identify the body—that’s a big fucking shocker for anybody who’s done it.

    Me: Sure.

    Erik: And you have to play it out again and again and again and again. If that’s the same friend that keeps showing up [to hear your story,] you just tell them, “Listen, I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta play it until this record breaks because that’s how I process things. So you share your story again and again and again, and you thank them for being the backboard to throw the words off of. A lot of you will say, “I didn’t have that awareness when I was in grief. Everything just fell apart. Everything was ruined. I wasn’t myself. I lost three days.” In those moments of grief, you’re right, you really can’t identify who you are, and this is the processing mode. But after that [initial] period, you have those moments of grief when you can talk, but you shut your fucking mouth, and that’s when things are going to start to go wrong. As soon as you start opening up your mouth, that’s when you’re going to be responsible for this. That’s when you need to share. Grief is lifted when you allow the community to come in with you, for you—

    Jamie bursts out laughing. I’m thinking, ‘Is that appropriate? It seems so out of place!’

    Jamie: Is Bella in the background?

    For those of you who don’t know, Bella is my tiny Yorkie.

    Me: No, that’s Kristina’s dog, Gidget.

    Kristina is my eldest, and we were keeping Gidget (also a Yorkie) while she and her husband went on vacation.

    Jamie: Oh, it is? Oh my goodness.

    Gidget is behind me in the chair, popping up and down so that her head bounced in and out of the picture.

    Me: A Whack-a-mole.

    We both laugh.

    Erik: You can rely on animal companions. That’s perfect timing because they take and give just like people do, energetically.

    Me: That’s true.

    Jamie: Do you want to ask something?

    Yes, and that’ll be the beginning of Part Two.

    beauty girl cry

  • June15th2015


    I have a question for you guys. What kind of reality TV show would you watch with Jamie, Erik and I in it? There are so many possibilities, so I want your input! Ponder that after you read Part Two of Three of the Suicide and Loss series. 

    Me: All right. How do you know if it was a mistake or destiny if you kill yourself?

    Erik: You know it the moment you arrive.

    Me: Okay, so I guess it could be like, “Oops” or it’s like, “All right! Made it!” How can we prevent ourselves from taking our lives? In other words, how can we get help if we have suicidal ideation? That’s kind of an obvious one—seek the help of a mental health professional, call the suicide hotline, etc. –but for example Erik, you had all these resources. You even had the cell phone number of your therapist, but you didn’t do it. You didn’t call for help. How can you, as a person, get help?

    Erik: I got years of help.

    Me: Yeah. You sure did.

    Erik: It wasn’t like, “Today I want to commit suicide so I guess I’ll go ahead and do it.” Jamie mimics his happy face.

    Me: Happy face!

    Erik: I thought about death before on several occasions and discussed it with other people, so in my case, I did the logical thing and weighed my options. I felt at peace with the idea of leaving. That was the way of death that attracted me the most. I knew this ending would create a joy, a release, and I was right.

    Me (crying a little): Yeah.

    Erik: I think for those who are thinking about suicide and they think they want to just go ahead and do it and they haven’t talked to a stranger or a therapist or a friend and heard feedback and really gotten in the community to find out what their ideas were based on or not based on, I think they’re missing out. I think that they think of suicide and choose it immediately, when they arrive, they’ll see where they missed the boat. For us, even Robin Williams who we talked to, he had decades of thinking about death and leaving. It was not some fleeting moment that he played upon. And when you read the stories of people committing suicide and they tried before or talked about it before and had issues with it before, put a smile on your face. This person found their answer and had the balls enough to give that relief to themselves. We need to stop condemning this shit. We need to start looking at it as what it is. It’s an option that doesn’t value life any less. I hope that sits heavy in your head. It doesn’t give—

    Jamie sighs and makes the talking hand gesture in a way that says Erik is talking a mile a minute.

    Jamie: He’s boiling with it. Hold on. He wants it to sit with everyone who’s watching (or reading) this that if someone chose to take their life, they didn’t value life any less than anyone else. It took more courage to step out of their lives than to stay in it.

    Me: All right, well you’re not condoning suicide are you?

    Erik: I’m accepting of suicide. I’m not condoning it because it’s not the answer for everybody, like it’s not the answer for everybody to smoke pot.

    Me: Right.

    Jamie starts to talk. I’ve clearly interrupted her.

    Me: Oh, go ahead.

    Jamie: No, he was totally off topic. Go ahead.

    Me: Yes it is and that’s typical. What do you say to people who’ve lost somebody to suicide? What do you recommend for them?

    Erik: Isn’t it true that the first words you hear are, “I’m so sorry for your loss?”

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: What does that really even mean? You’re “sorry” for the “loss.” First of all, there is no loss—okay a physical one, yeah, but you didn’t lose the person after they died. They transitioned. I don’t know why you’d be sorry for them because it’s obviously what the person really, really wanted. In away, it’s a form of achievement. Sorry I put it that way. I know I’m really going to piss people off, but I was in those shoes, so I can at least say that, right?

    Me (sadly): Yeah. No trophy on the mantle though. Please.

    Erik: No, no. This is not like a trophy thing, but for those of you who are coming across people who are living who have had a family member, partner or friend take their own lives, acknowledge them. Just say, “Oh”—and say their name and acknowledge that they’ve transitioned, but why are you apologizing? Nobody needs an apology. Nobody needs pity while you’re in a moment of grief or not understanding what has happened. Show support. Say, “I’m here if you need anything.”

    Me: There we go. That’s perfect. I didn’t like it when they say, “But you’ve got other children,” or when they say, “Just move on!”

    Jamie laughs, but I don’t know why.

    Me: I just don’t like that.

    Erik: I don’t care how a person die; it’s not about moving on and forgetting them because that’s really what they mean. It’s about reaching out and showing support like, “Hey, if you want to talk about Erik, I’d like to listen.” You know, hey, they transitioned. It’s going to be a change.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: And it’s okay to admit to someone, “I don’t know what the fuck to say. I don’t know what to say to you, but I’m here; I’m available. I can’t imagine what it feels like. Here’s my hug.”

    Me: I wish more people had done that for me.

    Erik: Yeah, where’s the support? Why do people just take grief and then dump sorrow on top of it? It’s maddening to even think about it.

    Me (crying softly): I know. I lost a lot of friends.

    Erik: Yes.

    Me; I guess they were really uncomfortable.

    Erik: Yeah, and oh, and then how great is it that, um, —

    Jamie listens and then says, “Oh, that’s said sarcastically.

    Erik: Like three months after or a year after when you want to talk about me and the person’s like (Jamie mimics a facial expression of a person being completely poleaxed like they’re trapped and want to escape.)

    Me: I know.

    Erik: They don’t know how to handle it. Relationships can carry on, even after death. (Leaning back in his chair): A whole lot of people are missing out on a while lot of love.

    Me: Yeah. That’s a shame.

  • February2nd2015


    Yesterday was a brutal day. A bittersweet one. We finally cleared out all of the yellow crime scene bags (and there were a lot of them) from Erik’s closet. In a way it was a relief, but I still had to cry because now I’ve let go of the last physical part of him. I really don’t feel like posting anything today.

    Hearing Erik’s voice always makes me feel better, so let’s have a little contest. Anyone who finds his voice on a YouTube recording (or any other type of recording) other than what’s already been found will receive a signed copy of the book to keep for themselves or pass along to others. You can let me know, timestamp and all) through my email,

    It comforts me to know that I have my lovely children and husband, so I’ll post their pictures here.

    My Grand daughter, Arleen

    My Grand daughter, Arleen

    My Youngest, Annika

    My Youngest, Annika

    My Eldest, Kristina

    My Eldest, Kristina

    Rune in His Norwegian Folk Dress (Bunad)

    Rune in His Norwegian Folk Dress (Bunad)

    Rune Doing What He Loves

    Rune Doing What He Loves

    The two photos below are of my third child, Lukas. He looks eerily like Erik.

    Lukas with the Babes

    Lukas with the Babes

    Lukas in Norway

    Lukas in Norway


    My second eldest, Michelle


    Despite the tragic loss of my son, I am truly blessed. My you are see the blessings in your life. They’re there whether you realize it or not.

  • January15th2015


    Many of you found the blog because the grief you were feeling. Here, Erik gives more insight for you. 

    Me: So, Erik, do you have any suggestions for other parents on how to contact or channel their deceased children and how to deal with the grief of what will never be, the grief of a lost future, lost dreams?

    Erik: No. No. To answer your question, I’m open to suggestions, but I’ve sort of discovered that what I’m going to do best is to communicate with other spirits and try to nudge them to more tangibly communicate with their loved ones back on Earth. Mom, that’s gonna be up to you to do. You’ve got the intelligence and also the enlightenment that I don’t have. I can’t advise you there, but I think that by writing the blog and writing the book you will give solace and comfort where there is none. You will share hope where it has been lost, a camaraderie that will replace an empty existence—camaraderie meaning you understand what the other parents have gone through and how important it is to allow them to grieve the way that they will. Mom, I think you’ll reach more people if you tell them to mourn the way they need to without listening to friends and family members who “advise” them.

    Me: Oh yes, I know. You’re exactly right, Erik. I’ve read so many grief books and they all agree with that advice. The best one can do is lean into the grief to move through it, but they need to do so at their own pace and in their own way.

    Erik: Oh and Mom, you know what you have to include on the blog? Mom! Mom, a lot of people that will try to advise you are either people who have never had a kid or who have never had a child die! You have to write about that in the blog and then in the book, because it’ll make people chuckle not because they think it’s funny but because they can relate to it.

    Me: Well it’s hard for people to even be around those who grieve much less talk to them. Most people are so uncomfortable about subjects like death and grief and suicide. I know this from my personal experience. After the well-wishers from the funeral left, I lost a lot of friends. Part of that is because I became such a recluse, but part of it is also because such things make people squirm.

    I don’t know why I’m compelled to post this photograph of Erik. Maybe he’s nudging me to do it. This is the day he got his motorcross bike. We still have it. 

    Channeling Erik - Erik on Grief

    Here’s a message from our own, Betty Daniel. These ebooks are free, fun ready and short.

    FREE NOVELS: Starring FICTITIOUS versions of ERIK and ELISA. Just email me at, and the novels will be emailed to you in PDF format.  (That is a Q in my email like in QUICK, which is how fast I send them to you.) There are now 5 novels with ERIK being his usual outrageous spirit-self. Read them in order as there are characters, which reoccur.

    Written by E.J. Daniel with help from Erik.
    If you have already read some of the novels, just request the ones you want now:
    Book 2: JUST SAYIN’;

    Book 6: MAKE BELIEVE

    FREE NOVELS: Starring FICTITIOUS versions of ERIK and ELISA. Just email me at, and the novels will be emailed to you in PDF format.  (That is a Q in my email like in QUICK, which is how fast I send them to you.) There are now 5 novels with ERIK being his usual outrageous spirit-self. Read them in order as there are characters, which reoccur.

    Written by E.J. Daniel with help from Erik.
    If you have already read some of the novels, just request the ones you want now:
    Book 2: JUST SAYIN’;
    Book 6: MAKE BELIEVE



  • January13th2015


    Grief is…

    Posted in: Grief, Loss

    Just a reminder: Jamie is conducting a fascinating webinar January 14th, 6 PM EST. This is a must for those of you who are stuck in life. Here’s a description:

    Join Jamie on Wednesday, January 14 at 6:00 PM EST for a class called “New Year, New Root Chakra.” As each year comes to a close our society encourages us to take a look at ourselves and to make new choices for the year ahead. This class will focus on the great choices you made in 2014 and show you how to use your Root Chakra to ground yourself at the level you desire for 2015. Using Root energy can help you achieve your goals quicker while giving you a grounded place to move from. Learn the energy’s vibrational use, strength and purpose. Learn to take care of the subtle light body and connect your mind, body, emotion and soul to be more centered in your everyday life. Be prepared to work and ask questions in this class!

    Here’s the link to sign up. It’s very reasonably priced. Click HERE to register.

    Today, I’m posting a poem my daughter, Kristina, sent me. It really captures what grief is all about, and it brought a tear to my eye and a lump in my throat. Savor the words. Consider the meaning of each deeply and on many levels. And remember that grief is not just about losing a loved one. It’s about losing anything.

    Grief is not something we “get through,”

    you “get through” a bad day.

    Grief is not something we “get over,”

    you “get over” a cold.

    Grief is not something we “move on from,”

    you “move on” from a bad relationship.

    But grief is…a companion we “move forward with,”

    learning from and growing with each agonizing step.

    Grief is…a heart-wrenching process, not bound by time

    but sets us on a “lifelong journey” of finding truth and meaning.

    Grief is not a crutch we hold onto for pity.

    It’s not a lack of character.

    It’s not a weakness that needs to be strengthened

    Or a problem that needs fixing.

    It is not an enemy to be slain

    Or a wild animal to be caged.


    Yes! That needs “time”…”A LIFETIME.”

    Grief is…an acknowledgment of true love shared

    and true love lost.

    Grief is…a love we hold so deep within our souls

    that our tears fall to caress the pain…

    “God given tears,” but full of purpose and meaning.

    Written by Jean Kerrsee More

    Grief is...Channeling Erik

  • January5th2015


    Less than two years after Erik’d death, his younger sister, Annika, wrote a poignant poem for high school. Its depth belies her young age. She was only 15 years old. I’ve also included the explanation her English teacher required for the assignment. Note: “Red Hands” are a metaphor for her sense of guilt, something all too common in those who grieve. She refers to the dragonfly because that’s how Erik has come to her.

    Annika's poem and Erik's prank

    Annika Medhus



    My red hands alone cradle an empty chest.

    Skies bruise into a deep violet.

    Blackness falls from the grieving clouds.

    The soil laments for its loss.

    A palace becomes a frail shed.

    A laugh becomes a haunting scream.

    Shackles strangle the weakening flowers.

    The lost is now found as a burden set between torn wings.

    Suddenly, a light dagger releases all the drowning souls.

    Dried eyes wearily regain the sun.

    A silhouette of wings replaces the shadow of death.

    Arms of light tighten around my own.

    Dragonflies buzz wildly, whispering secrets.

    With the dust gone, never has the sun dripped in like this.

    The ground ceases to shake, waves calm to ripples.

    Omniscient water flows within thirsty veins.

    Earth blossoms when the realization is made.

    Twenty candles are still and will forever be lit.

    A brother was lost, but an angel is gained.

    My clean hands—not alone—cradle a beating heart.

    My intentions were to convey a tone of sorrow and loss but also renewal and awakening. The shift in mood contributes to the tone; for example, from red hands to clean hands represent the metamorphosis from guilt to acceptance. The image of Earth blossoming emphasizes the epiphany and the connotation between silhouette and shadow shows the difference between things that can negatively and positively loom over you. In the beginning, the lines are short and dramatic. As it progresses into a lighter tone, the sentences lengthen and flow more, representing the flow of light that is consuming the darkness. The first and last sentences show how the feeling in the poem has altered, yet both remain somewhat similar in structure to reveal the small amount grief that lingers.

    Here is a self-explanatory video of Erik’s niece, Arleen, after she was pranked by him. The cool thing is that 5 year olds usually don’t make this kind of stuff up. (I hope I haven’t already posted this! I did a search for the appropriate keywords and couldn’t find it.)

    Stay tuned soon for the last half of the Abe Lincoln’s interview.

  • December31st2014


    I know I said I wasn’t going to post anything until January 2nd, but I’m sorry to report that a dear friend and long time member of the Channeling Erik Facebook group has died. Audie Herron was truly a special soul. Please send your love and healing energy to him wife and the rest of his family and friends. I know he’s in good hands with Erik, his guides and his deceased loved ones.

    Although it seems odd in light of this news, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year. Be sure not to drink and drive. Stay among those you love and be sure that I will be toasting to you, my cyber family. May 2015 be the best year of your life.

    Sorry I’ve been neglecting your comments. Holidays here with my family are a little crazy.

    Here’s a YouTube video from my daughter, Kristina’s,famous blog, Pretty Shiny Sparkly You can watch the whole thing, but definitely watch the part beginning at 18:40. Proof of how Erik’s death was an atom bomb blowing up in our family. All of us still suffer.

    I love you all,


  • December4th2014


    Now that I’m almost finished with using sessions for gathering material for the next book, I’m going to start channeling famous figures again. This time, Erik will be asking the questions because I don’t want him to be excluded from the interview. After all, it is “Channeling Erik.” I’ve randomly picked a few for you to choose from, although I have all of your suggestions on the list. I won’t be adding any more to that list because there are 450+ on it. I won’t live long enough to get through them all! Here’s the poll. 

    On another note, I tried yoga for the first time (probably because my workout club offers it for free!) and something weird happened. I started crying. I had to stifle back sobs to keep from breaking the focus of the others who were taking the class. Any thoughts as to why that would happen? Have any of you experienced something like this? 

    Now for today’s post:

    To lose a loved one is pure agony. When you lose a child, your grief is compounded exponentially. When you lose that child to suicide, your grief is multiplied to unbearable levels. When that suicide is violent, you become a POW in a private war, tortured mercilessly day after day. In my desire to show solidarity to those who grieve, know I understand how drastically life changes for you and how you feel nothing will every be the same as “before.”

    After Erik’s death, friends, family and neighbors were there for us in ways that are immeasurably loving. But death is a very uncomfortable beast for most, so the calls and visits are long gone. Most of my days are spent drowning in a deep loneliness by no fault but my own. I have chosen to become a recluse. Arms that once reached out to others are now withdrawn for fear of drawing back bloody nubs. When I do venture out into the public, I fight to keep on a brave front, smiling, laughing at jokes, sharing casual stories, but I’m constantly aware of the fact that I’m hiding beneath a fragile façade. Behind the soft grin is that ever-present lump in my throat as I fight to choke back the tears. Behind the cheery exterior lurks a bottomless sense of profound sorrow that has become my constant companion. When I go to sleep, my last thoughts are that Erik is dead. When I wake up, my first thoughts are the same. Never, never is there a moment when I’m not acutely aware of my loss.

    I recoil at the thought of those “looks” from others, a mix of pity and horror. I watch the uncomfortable squirming, the shifting from one foot to another, the lack of eye contact, all part of that person’s desire to get away from me—the mother who has lost a child to a violent act of suicide. They don’t dare mention Erik’s name, and for me, that’s like watching him die again—day after day after day. In short, I feel like a leper living in a colony of one.

    You see, I do understand you. That’s why I share your pain as well. Were it not for you, my virtual friends, life would be impossible to bear. Each member in my loving family grieves in their own personal way, so sharing our sadness only opens up raw wounds, and I want be their source of support, not pain. So I’d like to thank you for giving me a safe place to vent the anguish I can’t share with friends and family, and know that this is a place that you can do the same.

    That’s why this email from Shelly, courtesy of Compassionate Friends, struck a deep chord in me. Share this with others if you can. Know that I am here for you, and I’m grateful you’re here for me.


    1. I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child lived and was important, and I need to hear his name.
    2. If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me; the fact that my child died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry, and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
    3. I wish you wouldn’t “kill” my child again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances.
    4. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.
    5. I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy, and I wish you wouldn’t compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse, or a pet.
    6. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me.
    7. I wish you knew that all of the “crazy” grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following the death of a child.
    8. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be “cured” or a “former bereaved parent,” but will forevermore “be a recovering bereaved parent.”
    9. I wish you understood the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses, and be accident prone-all of which may be related to my grief.
    10. Our child’s birthday, the anniversary of his death, and holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us that you are thinking about our child on these days, and if we get quiet and withdraw, just know that we are thinking about our child and don’t try to coerce us into being cheerful.
    11. It is normal and good that most of us re-examine our faith, values, and beliefs after losing a child. We will question things we have been taught all our lives and hopefully come to some new understanding with our God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion without making me feel guilty.
    12. I wish you wouldn’t offer me drinks or drugs. These are just temporary crutches and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal.
    13. I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to “get back to my old self,” you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values, and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me-maybe you’ll like me still.

    I believe that instead of sitting around and waiting for our wishes to come true, we have an obligation to tell people some of the things we have learned about our grief. We can teach these lessons with great kindness, believing that people have good intentions and want to do what is right, but just don’t know what to do with us.

    grief, Channeling Erik

    Grief Changes Us, Channeling Erik


  • November20th2014


    Many of you, including me, have signed up for the upcoming webinar slated to take place December 17th at 6:00 PM EST. To give you a taste, here’s the first one. Since this one, Jamie has improved the audio, and the video isn’t small screen anymore. Due to another glitch, you have to move forward to timestamp 30:00 to go to the start of the event. To join, click on the link below. Be sure to think of a question to ask him!

    Ho-Ho Holiday Web Channeling with Erik
    Wednesday, December 17 from 6-7 PM EST
    Cost is $20
    Register HERE

    In several previous posts, Erik has discussed ways that we can help mitigate the grief we feel after we lose someone dear in our life. Here, he shares how we can help them.

    Me: What makes our deceased loved ones happy? What can we do to help them?

    (Pause as Erik thinks a bit)

    Erik: I got it! Live-Your-Own-Life.

    Me: Okay.

    Jamie: He’s saying it real slow like people are retarded.

    Me: Erik!

    Erik: That’s not why! I’m just trying to make a point, an important point. They’re not retarded. They’re my friends!

    Me: Oh, okay. Good, we’ll let you off the hook then.

    Erik and Jamie chuckle.

    Me: I can be a little retarded sometimes, though. So, is that it, then? Is that the only thing we can do?

    Erik: No, really. You live your own life. It’s great to include us in memories. I’m not saying they should totally make us disappear, but don’t forget to live life. Don’t live your human life based on our death or the memory of it. That’s horrible. It makes us sad. Like don’t buy cookies because it’s our favorite ones. That’s really nice, but let that be a memory for you. Don’t buy the cookies because you know we like those cookies; cuz I can get whatever fucking cookie I want any time I want. Buy the cookies you like.

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Me: Well, I’m sure that’s true, and you probably already have gorged on plenty of them. I wish we had the low calorie ones over here too.

    (God, I’m really starving for homemade Tollhouse chocolate cookies now. Sigh.)

    Erik: Yeah, I do eat ‘em all the time. That and ice cream!

    Me: Lucky boy. Mint chocolate chip used to be your favorite.  So what about just sending love? Does that really help the energy of our deceased loved ones?

    Erik: Okay, look. If we have a really rough passing—

    Me: Um hm.

    Erik: Okay. I was just speaking in general, across the board what makes us happy. If y’all are happy, we’re happy. Period.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: But if there’s a traumatic passing or a hardship right before the passing or right after, then love and attention—like in a prayer or an intent, a statement, a shout out—yeah, we absorb that and that helps us transition.

    Me: Oh yeah. I can imagine.

    Erik had both of these: a difficult like and a violent, traumatic death. Looking back, I was so consumed by grief that I did’t send him any of this: no prayer, no intent, no love. How I regret that now.

    Videos like this make me miss him so much, but it also makes me realize that there were good times. It’s funny how we humans focus on the tragic more than the happy. Why do we let ourselves suffer so much?

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