Channeling Erik®
  • Suicide
  • March13th


    I had such a wonderful time with the family in Destin, Florida this week. The weather cooperated only one day, but that day made up for everything. Navarre Beach was delightful: powdered sugar sand, crystal clear water and not more than 6 people stretched out in the sun there. We also went to the quaint town of Seaside to spend the day. 

    th-3 \th-2





    I’d like to extend a special thanks to Kate and Jesse for manning the helm in my absence. Also, thank you, everyone, for keeping your emails and FB messages to a minimum during my down time. Enjoy today’s post! 

    Me: Can you give advice for the mentally ill and their caregiver? Actually, let’s expand that to any one with an illness and their caregiver, but if we need to do it separately, that’s okay.

    Erik: Well, if we’re talking about mental illness, there are tons of those.

    Me: Well, let’s just talk about those who are chronically ill and unable to care for themselves. How about that? I’ll simplify it for you, Erik!

    Erik: Dumb it down, Mom!

    I chuckle.

    Erik: Okay. For the caregiver, I think it would be best if every day that they wake up before they go to dedicate their day and their life to caring for that person, they say this: “Even though this person, this child, parent or maybe their career–(You gotta take care of that, too.) Even though that person cannot do for themselves, they are still honorable and respectable on the inside.” The part that sucks about becoming incapable when you were once capable or just coming in to this life incapable is that you are truly on the inside. You’re really there. You’re still processing shit. It’s normally the fucking body that becomes broken, even if it’s a mental disease. The soul is not broken though. So the soul can comprehend, communicate, reach out, see all the goodness, see all the pain, everything, but the body cannot relay it. It’s like you need a megaphone to communicate, but the megaphone is broken. You’re carrying around a broken megaphone.

    Me: Aww.

    Erik: But you’re totally fine. You’re saying the words, everything.

    Me: Mm.

    Erik: But nobody’s ever fucking listening.

    Me (with sympathy): Aww.

    I know he can empathize from his own struggles in life.

    Jamie: He’s talking about a girl who is, uh, her story of being mentally incapable, but the parents never gave up, kept pushing her, and she learned how to use the computer.

    Me: Oh, that’s a real story isn’t it? I saw that on TV.

    Erik: Yeah.

    Me: Yeah. Yeah.

    Erik: Everyone in the world should read her fucking book. They should be forced, commanded to read her story.

    Hm. Being a little harsh, Erik? Who made you dictator? Talk about overkill.

    Me: I don’t think you can force people to do that, Erik.

    Erik: There should be a fucking curriculum for every human being, and I swear to god, the book Nonviolent Communication should be in there.

    Me: Yeah!

    Erik: And this chick’s book, because it would put into perspective that no matter how the body is misshapen, who’s to say you’re shaped right or wrong, if it works great or poorly? Who’s to say what that fucking is? The way that you treat, love, care, provide care for someone should be that way you would want it for yourself.

    Me: Mm hm.

    Erik: And if you cannot do that, you need to fucking walk away for a while. You need to take a break. Caregivers, care providers often don’t know when that is, because they feel too responsible, and they won’t set up breaks for themselves; they won’t call in reinforcements.

    Me: Well, what if they can’t afford reinforcements or don’t’ have those resources?

    (Long pause)

    Erik: Then you do what you’d do to your two year-old when you can no longer stand to be around them, because you’re not providing good care, and they’re pushing your buttons.

    Me: You beat them?

    I’m joking here in case you didn’t know.

    Erik: You lock them somewhere safe, and you sit outside the door and you catch your breath.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Not in the bathroom where they can turn on the fucking water or pull all the toilet paper out but in their room or in their playpen, and you step around the corner and you breathe. There are ways to train yourself to take a break, but many people won’t because they feel like if they do, then they have the right to say, “I pushed myself. I am a good person. Measure me by this,” when really, you’re a dick [to yourself].

    Me: We’ll it seems like most of the time it’s like, “I’m a failure if anything happens to this person. I need to do this for them. I need to do everything I can and more.”

    Erik: Trust me. I don’t care if the person is two years old or a hundred or if they’ve been incapable since they were born or fell into incapability, they know that you can only go so far.

    Me: Yeah. But there’s also the public. Others. Others in their lives that would see them. “Wait. You weren’t caring for them these past two hours? You had to watch your show? What the hell?”

    Erik: Two hours is a little too long to be by yourself. I’m talking about stepping around the corner, not leaving for two hours.

    Where a two year-old is concerned, two hours is often not enough. And I disagree with him here. You need more time away, as long as the person you’re taking care of will be safe for that period of time.

    Erik: There are other things that people don’t think of like turning on the fucking music.

    Me: Yeah. That would be good for both!

    Erik: Yes!

    Me: And meditation! Don’t forget about that!

    Erik: Yes. Smells. People don’t think about smells.

    With his smellier pranks, he obviously thinks about it a lot.

    Erik: You know when you have an incapable person and they’re calm, give them the smell they know they like. Is it a food? Is it aromatherapy, you know, an essential oil?

    Me: Uh huh.

    Erik: And then when they’re going nuts and pushing your fucking buttons, bring out that smell.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: It’s your way of communicating, “No, we gotta get calm.” People forget about using senses. They forget to set the mood, because they go into protection mode. The caregiver goes into protection mode and can’t think about providing any more care than protecting themselves.

    Me: Protecting themselves from what?

    Erik: Going off the deep end.

    Me; Oh, okay. Got it. Anything else on that?

    Erik: Oh, we can talk about that one forever.

    Me: Well, I don’t gots forever, so…

    Here’s a little bonus post for you guys, because I’m feeling so refreshed! (That feeling should last at least six hours.)

    Me: Erik was there any other solution for your mental illness besides suicide?


    Erik: Tons of pills and a fucked up reality.

    Me: Oh, that’s no good.

    Erik: So, for me, that could have been a solution. I could have chosen that, but it’s not what I did choose. It’s not what I sought. It’s not what I wanted. So, if you’re asking if there was some comparable answer to what I found here? No.

    Me (Somberly): Okay.

    Erik: I wouldn’t have found that relief, that release and this joy, this kind of presence that I have.

    Jamie (chuckling): I’m watching his hand gestures. They’re very, um… Sometimes he has this, I don’t know what to call it, like a hip-hop way of moving. I don’t know what to, like “Yo, yo.”

    Me: Oh yeah. Right.

    Jamie: It’s those gestures like they do in hip-hop. Kind of ghetto talk.

    Me: I know exactly what you’re talking about. With their fingers down sometimes (I show her.)

    Jamie: Yes! He’s demonstrating it in front of me.

    Talk about a major distraction. I bet Erik is tapping his foot in impatience.

    Me: News flash, Erik. You’re a white boy.

    Jamie giggles.

    Jaime (to Erik): Called out!

    Erik: Well, you know what? The soul of a black man is in me. I gotta let it out.

    Me: And the soul of a black woman sometimes, too!

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Erik: I love me some big, black women.

    Am I going to get in trouble with this? Sometimes I regret my “no editing” policy.

    Me: What were we even talking about? Seriously. Oh yeah. Anything else on that?

    Erik: No. I just couldn’t’ find anything that would give me what I needed. Nope. Nope.

    Me: Okay.

    Next week, I plan on doing a YouTube on aliens and possibly interviewing a Tall White and/or Short Gray (which is kind of scary.) I have tons os questions, but if you think of others that you’re SURE I don’t have on my list, let me know in the comments section, NOT VIA MY EMAIL. Thanks!

    Because so many people requested it, I plan to ask about the Malaysian Airliner during my next session if it’s not resolved by that time.

    Also, many of you have looked for Jamie and Erik’s small group channeling calls since Jamie is booked up for 2014. These “mini-readings” are booked through March, but they have openings through July, from what I understand. I had trouble finding the link, so here it is. PHONE READINGS

    There are three types: The first type of call is the famous/infamous Erik’s “Call-Outs,” which are designed for general questions about career, spiritual mission, past lives, relationships, health, etc. The second type of call is the “Group Phone Readings” which are Jamie’s gig, but you can still call in Erik if you want. Again, these are for all questions. Finally, there are the “Grievers Call.” With these, you can talk directly to your deceased loved one. Erik will bring them forward and, if necessary, help them communicate. You can use the other two types of calls to talk to your loved ones. This is nice to know if the Grievers Calls are booked for a while. As many will attest, all three are very powerful and immensely healing.

  • February19th


    Hey Erik.  Erik refers me to the blog to catch up on the past few entries.  This morning, and over the past few weeks I’ve been having “background” conversations with Erik about suicide, and I was really on the fence with writing about it publically.  Erik points at the blog and is like, “Look, it’s already being discussed.  Chime in!”

    Okay, so my own mind has been swinging on observing different cultures’ attitudes towards suicide currently and throughout history, and the outcome of those beliefs, positive and negative.

    In North America, we live in a pretty suicide-taboo culture, and I’m not saying that’s good or bad.  I know there can be great harm to the surviving friends and relatives if they believe that their dead loved one continues to suffer on the other side.  It’s the negative fallout of believing that these souls “go to hell”.

    The other extreme is a culture that readily accepts and even bestows honour on suicide.  Grieving widow commits suicide?  Good for her, she must have really loved her husband to follow him to the afterlife.

    See what I mean?

    So this morning I was thinking about the “Miracle of Life” conversation with Erik and I asked him what he thinks about all this, and I tossed in the controversial issue of assisted suicide for people with “terminal” illness.

    Erik says,  Okay can I talk now?  (teasing, because my mind tends to get very busy when I think about this topic, and he’s shoving aside my brain chatter like he’s elbowing his way through the crowd, exaggerating the effort he’s making to talk to me through my busy mind.)  It’s like a club in here!

    Okay so the short answer is that it varies for every person, and as soon as you have a law (cultural or state law) that pushes things one way or another, there’ll be (potentially negative) consequences.  I stick with what I said (in Miracle of Life) that life is so much fucking hard work to even GET a body, to get born, to grow up – it’s a damn big risk you’re taking if you decide to end your life.  You may just end up wanting to go right back in.  (Pulls a quote from my mind where Sylvia Browne declares that ALL people who commit suicide are directly looped back into life.)

    So, are you saying that’s true?

    Yeah, a lot of people DO just end up going back in, because they wanted in for a REASON.  Say the God thing.

    Ha.  Okay, I tend to edit out the religious stuff – but the whole statement from Sylvia Browne is that people who commit suicide are looped back into life because they’re not allowed to break a contract with God.

    So yeah, call it God if you want.  And remember that every person is a part of (shows me the donut universe) and that you had a reason for coming into life in the first place.  The thing about life is, yeah, you can sometimes bite off more than you can chew, and that’s what reincarnation and re-reincarnation is for.

    Re-reincarnation?  Oh yeah.  That’s an earlier conversation about living out all the variations in ONE particular lifetime, so your life path isn’t just a straight line, it’s more like a tree branching outwards.  Re-reincarnation is my own word for it.  Erik’s pointing me to previous entries in the CE blog with Jamie, where they’d also spoken about “going back in time” and he says, This is basically the same thing.  You can use your girly term if you want.  I’d say something like (puffs up in his He-Man costume MASTER REINCARNATION!!!!)

    This is a throwback to “masters of the Universe” conversation too.  DAMN Erik, I’m going to have to find a lot of past entries this time!

    Yeah, girl!  I’m puttin’ you to work! 

    (Erik shows me the pain and turmoil that this concept can bring up for people who’ve lost a loved one, thinking “there’s this branch where s/he is still alive!  Why can’t I become aware of that!?) 

    So, say you’re on a branch where (Erik’s still alive.)

    Well, some trees get to be huge twisted old oaks, me, I’m just a bush.  (winks)

    You can imagine the visual he gives me with “bush”.

    I’m going to over-explain Erik here while he rolls his eyes at me:  The tree / bush thing (okay, that’s a nice visual for tree!  Thanks, man, I haven’t seen your imaginary penis in a while.  Yeah well I wouldn’t want you to forget what one looked like!)

    Another interpretation of that would be using the “life plan” idea – you have a life plan that has the potential to live to be 100 years old, and plenty of branches where the lifespan is 80s and 90s.  The “bush” thing is the lifespan potential is much shorter, and Erik’s saying he’s a bush.

    Next Erik shows me a guy shouting, “Am I a tree or a bush?  A tree or a bush???”

    He says, If you have to ask, you’re a tree. 

    Okay, so here’s where it’s going to get real.  I’m gonna give you a list of things that make people feel depressed and hopeless, and a lot of it is bullshit.  It’s not even real.  So here goes:

    News.  Yeah, I’m not fucking kidding.  When you’re only hearing about the bad shit in the world, why the fuck would you want to stay living in it???  Keep in mind that a lot of the news is bullshit, and they gotta do a lot of digging and harping over and over again on the negative things just to fill a news show.  It’s a lot like advertising – it’s so repetitive, it sticks in your (shows me the brain and the series of neurons that have been stimulated so many times with the repetition that the negative thinking becomes reflex and habit.)

    They’re trainin’ you like Pavlov’s dog, yo.  Bitch, it’s time to get real. 

    Did you just go gangsta on me?  Did you try?

    Okay, so there was this short and hilarious exchange of “I am so gangsta! Do I need to get Biggie?” and then I see Biggie, mostly his face in a super-close up where despite himself his serious countenance cracks into a grin and he shakes his head like, “I can’t take you seriously, Erik, I tried to help you out!”

    Erik plays the song, “Where is the love?”  See, that’s exactly it, right there.  If you don’t see the love, you gotta start looking for it.  A lot of how you see the world, how you experience your life is habit.  Start thinking about the things that influence your habits, especially your thought habits.

    Okay, second risk factor, are you ready?  Being Young.  There is nothing as judgmental as a damn teenager!  That’s why parents of teenagers deserve medals!  Thing is, young people in their teens and twenties can be really harsh with the world and with themselves.  It’s too easy to be unforgiving of the people in your life (shows me angry / revenge suicide liked to immaturity) and it’s really tough at that age to be forgiving of yourself when your whole life’s about meeting other people’s expectations.

    Third risk factor:  Being middle-aged.  You know, that whole mid-life crisis thing.  It’s like being a teenager all over again, and this time you might be tempted to judge your life as a failure if it didn’t turn out a certain way.  A lot of triggers like divorce, losing a job – that can get you thinking like this.  NO ONE CAN FAIL AT LIFE!!! 

    Fourth risk factor:  Bring old.  This is like, the hidden statistic.  A lot of people don’t look too closely or think about it too hard when an old person dies.  This is why (those against assisted suicide) have a really good point, because old folks, (Elders) don’t get no damn respect anymore!  They’re not valued in the community for being the against-all-odds SURVIVORS they actually are!  And that can really make you feel bad.

    Now, I’m of course skipping over all the other stuff (that’s been discussed in conversations with Jamie and Robert) the mental and physical imbalances / illnesses that  contribute to this conversation, and I’m skipping the addictions stuff, which makes it even harder.  I’m just talking about those things that affect EVERY SINGLE PERSON ALIVE.  Remember the first thing I said – the short answer:  it varies for every person.

    I take a second to think about this whole piece and I just look at my hesitancy in pursuing this topic.  Erik says, It’s because you’ve got this (shows me one hand on the ground, one hand lost in the clouds and this sense of being stretched between them both.)  You’re not afraid of the dark side, and talking about it doesn’t have to create more bad stuff – the point of talking about this here is to release / dissipate the bad stuff!  Refusing to talk about it or look at it is actually giving it power, (shows me being annoyed when I listen to hyper-positive radio shows.) 

    That’s why being happy-happy-joy-joy all the time is really just this expression of fear!  It’s about finding the balance between being at the mercy of every negative news story and actually being (translates as “an angel for good”). 

    It’s about talking / observing / studying without being an asshole, without being invasive or bossy, but also really allowing yourself to experience (shows me a black ocean swelling up and down, meaning the waves of negative events) without drowning.

    Erik puts on his Tarzan costume and beats his chest with a jungle yodel, signaling the end of the conversation.

    Thanks, E.

    Here are links to the entries referenced:

    Kate is a spirit medium and animal communicator located in Tofino, BC.  To learn more about her and her work, please visit her professional website: and her personal blog:


    Here are a few reminders for you guys:

    I have a speaking event at the Edgar Cayce center in Houston on Saturday, 2/22 at 11:00 AM CST

    I also have a book signing event at the Barnes and Noble bookstore in the Woodlands on Sunday, 2/23 from 2-4 PM CST. There won’t be any speech. I’ll just be sitting at a desk answering questions, signing books, etc.

    I’d also invite you to buy the book if you haven’t already done so. Here’s the Amazon link, but you can get it pretty much anywhere.

    My Son and the Afterlife

    If you do buy the book, please consider passing it on to friends and family members who you think my benefit from what Erik has to say. Thanks in advance, guys!




  • November5th


    Since the first post is so short and the second one seems to be a good segue, I’m giving you another two-fer.

    Me: How do know that you’re one of the rare people whose suicide is their predetermined exit point or one of those who are not?

    Erik: There are a lot of people on Earth that kill themselves to say, “Fuck you” to a lover or “Fuck you” to a job or the government. It happens.

    Me: Well, what percent of the cases is it their destiny like part of their contract as it was in your situation?

    Erik: Most of them it’s in their contract, so 75% maybe. There are so many, in this nation and across the world that do it for the wrong reason.

    Me: Wait, I thought you said before that 70% or so were not supposed to do it, like it wasn’t their destiny.

    Erik: Yeah, you’re right. I meant the opposite. Reverse that.

    He must not have had his coffee today!

    I laugh.

    Me: Now, this one guy says, “I feel like I’ve achieved my life’s purpose. I’m tired and I just want to go Home.” Does this sound like it’s his destiny?

    Erik: Yeah. They’re done. They’re not doing it to jab someone, to rob someone of something, to say, “Fuck off.” They’ve done everything that they’ve willingly wanted to do and go check out. You know it’s sad that he doesn’t want to stick around and play. There’s so much to play with.

    Me: Why do some people choose that? Why couldn’t they put in their contract to get run over by a bus? Certainly that’d be easier for their family and friends.

    Erik (with just a touch of sarcasm): Yeah, that bus death is certainly better.

    Jaime bursts out laughing.

    Me: Yeah, I know. But what about having the contract to just have a heart attack or die in their sleep of a stroke.

    Erik: No, but Mom that robs the person of having the conversation and the challenge of life and death.

    Me: Ah! True.

    Erik: If it’s going to be their decision, they need to sit down with it.

    Me: Okay. Anything else on that?

    Erik: Nah.


    Me: This blog member writes, ”We can’t imagine how special and meaningful all of our lives on Earth are, even the mundane or “bad” ones. Frequently it’s all good, and yet spirits you channel seem regretful about what they learned or didn’t learn and are sometimes resentful of the people that let them down. As someone who’s made many, many mistakes in this life and let people down myself, I guess I want to know if there’s forgiveness for those of us who support others poorly, who weren’t very loving or compassionate or conscious on the individual soul level. When does that forgiveness mainly come into play at the higher level from beings closer to Source? Erik has mentioned his disappointment in classmates and friends who weren’t very honest and loving, so I imaging other spirits are the same, even when they return Home. At the same time, I think many of us did poorly out of ignorance of how to be better.” I don’t remember you complaining about those people when you passed away. Do you know what he’s saying?

    Erik: Yeah. Overall, that forgiveness that you’re looking for is going to come from yourself. I mean, God Source is loving you no matter what you’re doing whether you think it’s good or whether you think it’s bad—your own judgment in your own fucked up way. You don’t get there and go, “Oh, he’s so happy I was an asshole!”

    Jamie (to Erik): You should do that more often. That’s funny! It’s like old Jewish, nasally—it’s kind of bad to describe it that way, but it was really, really nasal. (Giggling) I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before. Funny. “Oh, he was so happy I was an asshole.”

    I chuckle.

    Erik: It doesn’t work that way and it’s a spirit talking about their own regret and sorrow for how they behaved on Earth, that’s their own journey. No one here is going to go, “Eh, they didn’t do it right. They’re going to get punished.” There’s no punishment system, and then people think, “Ah, I can do whatever I fucking want. I can leave when I want; I can come when I want; I can destroy.” Nah you can’t, cuz watch, you will feel like a piece of shit for a really fucking long time.

    Me: Wait. When you get over there?

    Erik: Yes. The clarity you get when you arrive over here, it will fuck with your soul, man. So go ahead. Misbehave. Go against what you feel is right for you or best for you and then see how it feels when you get here.

    Me: But I thought there was no space for negative emotions.

    Erik: You can have them for yourself, Mom. They’re not passed around like some disease like they are on Earth, you know, “I’m going to guilt you into doing this. I’m gonna punish you for saying that.” That shit doesn’t exist here. But if you wanna feel guilty for something that you’ve done, go ahead. We’re not going to tell you that you have to feel a certain way or behave a certain way.

    Me: Well it’s still a negative emotion.

    Erik: Yeah, and it’s really hard to maintain that emotion here.

    Me: Ah. So you’re in a lower vibrational frequency when you have those emotions over there, and when you unattach yourself, disconnect yourself from those emotions, you’re in a higher vibrational frequency?

    Erik: Yeah. Yeah. Think of it as a weight lifter. You know, those big, beefy, hunky men.

    Jamie and I burst out in laughter.

    Me: Gross. I hate that.

    Erik: They lift up those gigantic weights, you know, and they can’t hold onto them forever. So, that’s the imagery you can have for the difficulty in handling the denser vibrations in Heaven, in this higher dimensional plane. And again, higher doesn’t mean better.

    Me: Exactly.

    Erik: So stop, people. Stop your judgments.

    Me: I love your analogies. They’re so awesome, Erik. That’s what makes you such a good teacher.

    Jamie (whispering): I know! I know!

    Me: Is she saying that or are you saying that?

    Jamie: I said that.

    Me: I thought he was breaking his arm, patting himself on the back


    PENCIL THIS IN ON YOUR SCHEDULE! I’ll be a guest on Peace World Radio at 11:00 PST. My host will be Kristina Jansz. I’d love for you to join us! To listen live, go HERE at the scheduled time. It can also be heard at a later time by going to Peace World Radio’s Library of Past Shows HERE.


  • August24th


    I’m sitting here typing on my Mac here in a Best Western Hotel in the piss ant town of Cresson, TX. Pretty much an intersection, a gas station, and a liquor store (Thank God. I need my Cabernet!) Why, you ask? I’ve asked that same question for the past couple of days.But I have to show solidarity for my man. This is a motorcycle race weekend and he feels compelled to drag is knees on asphalt and defy death and avoid keeping the orthopedic doctors from taking his money. (Yawn) Actually–and this is pretty ironic–I had to go to the local ER to get a splint because of super severe extensor digitorum longus tendinitis. (There will be a short quiz on this later.)

    Me: What about suicides? A lot of people think that suicides got straight to Hell. Obviously you didn’t do that, but…Tell me more.

    Erik: Yeah, maybe if there was a Hell, I probably would have skimmed it a little bit.

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Jamie: He’s teasing.

    Erik: First of all, there is no Hell. Using the term in general, God loves everybody and it’s not in every culture. IF you do the research, suicide is seen as a negative. I can’t grasp the concept of why people want to judge other people’s actions. I know it’s a very tender subject. Anyone who’s watching—don’t you know that I know that more than any other person out there? I’m the one who did it. I’m the one who succeeded. Don’t you think I know what it takes to get there? So most people on Earth would put suicide under murder, under rape. These are things that mankind cannot embrace—cannot even see it as acceptable or understood. I’m not here to change your mind on that. If I was here to change you mind about it and preach to you, then I’m just as bad as the next person. It’s not about changing minds. It’s about embracing what you find to be your own truth. Just getting out and beyond that, just unzip out of your understanding of those terms, of suicide, the definition of suicide. Just unzip out of it for one second so I can talk to you.


    Erik: Thank you for unzipping.

    Jamie and I giggle.

    Erik: Suicide. I can speak from my example. For me, it ended up being a natural timing of death. It was a way of dying in my life just like cancer is, just like a car accident. There’s a certain kind of timing—we’ll call it timing—in life, and this timing is extremely graceful and flexible, but it helps build what the experiences are on Earth. And yes, it’s changeable, it’s flexible. I’m not saying it’s fixed in concrete, so please don’t take what I’m saying the wrong way. Now, those people who take suicide as a way out, and it’s not under that graceful and good timing—maybe they were supposed to struggle with that little bit longer before they followed through or live an entire life and die from a heart attack. I’m not one to sit around and say, “You were right and you were wrong” cuz you know what that shit is—total judgment, right? So, if you’re leaving your life no matter how you’re leaving your life—accidentally, by disease, murder or by your own hand, if you’re leaving your life and it’s your time, you’re gracefully accepted into the higher dimensions. It doesn’t matter how or why. It was the timing and your understanding of it.

    Me: And if it’s not your time?

    Erik: If it’s not your time or that you weren’t ready but you did it anyway or it happened to you anyway, you got some shit to work out. You got some experiences that have to occur on Earth that aren’t going to be able to occur because you’re not a player in it anymore. You removed yourself. So now you, in spirit, need to finish up those things and help that grace still stay in place. Then when you’ve finished that, you can say your work is done. But not everything is perfect timing.

    Jamie (laughing): He’s getting a little crazy trying to use the words again, like he wants to speak more emotionally without the language to it, but that’s not going to go well, you know, in a situation like this.

    Erik: We talked about it before that on Earth there are these concepts of being like you’re on a pendulum swing where one side is completely accurate and the other side is completely wrong, and the middle of the swing is on the fence. And when you, on Earth, look at a situation, you tend to go for “Was that the wrong thing to do” (Jamie mimics the swing of a pendulum stopping at its height on the right) “or was it the right thing to do?” (Jamie does the same thing, but on the left side.) All I’m going to ask you guys to do on Earth is: It’s okay to have your own opinion. It’s okay to find out and explore where you want to be on that pendulum swing. Living on one side or the other is not going to be the healthiest thing for you.

    Me: So, basically, suicides and gays are embraced even though, um, suicides who die before their time, there’s no judgment over there. They’re completely loved and embraced.

    Erik: There’s no judgment here. Absolutely. This place is only about unconditional love. Even just asking the question just sounds retarded.
    Me: Oh, thank you!

    Erik: Why would somebody die and be hated?

    Me: Thank you very much!

    Jamie laughs.

    Erik: No, Mom. There are other people out there asking the same questions.

    Me: I’m just kidding.

    Erik: You gotta look at, not just the content of your question, but you gotta look at it with nonhuman eyes. I mean, you’re looking at it with human language, human emotions, human opinion, and human judgment in a place that’s not even human!

    Here’s a short bonus post:

    Me: Can you work with your hands like build a deck or…

    Jamie (laughing): When you said, “Work with your hands” he kind of lifted a certain finger and said, “Yeah”.

    Me: Uh oh!

    Jamie: You got it? I’m not going to do it.

    Me: Yeah!

    Erik: Yeah I can do that. You don’t have to do it that way, but if that was something you were attracted to or it helped to ground you in your human life, you can create that situation for yourself in the afterlife.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: It’s not completely removed. You can—

    (Pause. Jamie looks like she’s a little frustrated.)

    Jamie: He’s doing the picture thing again. Apparently it takes a lot of focus. That’s what he’s showing me, to be able to have dense energies like that to where things can be touched, manipulated, handled, cuz most of the energy is shaped or changed by intent, thought or emotion. But yeah, you can have that. I know you’re not going to do that while you’re here so I don’t know why you’re asking that one!

    I would definitely loose some spirit fingers sawing the wood.

    Me (laughing): That’s true. You know what? I’m going to just create a La-Z-Boy there and kick back for a few millennia.


    Dear Reader,

    The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.

    As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.

    Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.

    I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.

    Love and light,



  • June14th


    Why Stay?

    Posted in: Death, Suicide

    Thank you all for your prayers. We surely needed them and still do. I’m so sorry I haven’t responded to comments to the posts, emails and Facebook messages. I still have a hard time seeing and there’s not much signal in the ICU. 

    In this post, Erik gives his case against suicide. Hope you enjoy!

    Me: Erik, you paint a great picture of death, right? Tell me something that would keep people from offing themselves.

    Jamie laughs hard.

    Jamie (to Erik): Pull it together, man! (To me) He’s just laughing.

    Erik: Shit, I can’t think of something right now.

    Erik (throwing his arms out over his knees): Well, we talked about the sadness of not being able to touch someone and that communication is different, so I would say what could keep you on Earth are the relationships you have with friends and family, because even though the bond isn’t broken when you pass over, the relationship really does redefine itself. You can’t just run up and see each other and embrace and sit down and have your coffee and chat.

    I miss that.

    Erik: Mom, I guess I’d say this: Do your shit now so you don’t have to come back and do it later.

    Me: Mm hm.

    Erik: Like, why are you putting off life? Mecca’s not going to be any sweeter for you.

    Jamie (giggling): Mecca!

    Me: Okay.

    Jamie (laughing): He’s going, “Mecca-heiny-ho.

    Me: Oh, well, I used to take my kids once a year to the Hyatt here in Houston just as a special treat. You know, we’d spend the might, jump on the beds, have pillow fights and order brownies a la mode from room service. So, at the restaurant there, they’d order this shake called Meka-heiny-hai or something like that. It was a Hawaiian thing, but the kids would joke and say, ”Make a heiny high.” They would laugh and laugh. That’s what he’s talking about..

    Jamie: Oh my god!

    Erik: Mom, you are really fun!

    Me: It was so much fun. We had a blast. All right. Anything else on that? Don’t you take your problems with you?

    Erik: Totally. Totally. I mean that’s why I said why would you put off life? You’re going to have to deal with that shit that brought you to that point eventually—all the individual lessons that your soul is craving to learn and experience. Why would you snuff it out too soon? And of course you’re going to get feedback, Mom, on when is the right time to die? I mean, seriously, you will know. If you’re questioning suicide, guess what? It isn’t your time. If you have a doubt—even a small one—about whether to kill yourself, guess what, it isn’t your time. You’re fucking wrong. Don’t do it. And if you’re doing it really fast, because you think you’re a chicken ass when it comes time to die, guess what? You shouldn’t fucking do it.

    Me: Mm hm.

    Erik: You know when you’re finished! You know when you’re done. That’s like the elusive question: How do you know you’re in love? How do you know if you’re marrying the right person? It’s when you have no doubt that this is it. You have arrived. Then when you go to end your life—sorry I’m talking about this, because, culturally, people are going to really be pissed here—but when you go to end your life, it’s peaceful. It’s a release. It’s an acceptance—thinking of yourself for being—

    Jamie: I was just looking up at him, saying, ‘Please watch your words here.’

    Me: Mm hm!

    Jamie: I just glared at him. Okay. (Clears throat in preparation)

    Erik: It’s an acceptance to yourself that you are kind enough and understanding enough to forgive yourself. You already know you’re done.

    Me: Well, I don’t think you were at that point. I think there was some hesitation or something on your part.

    Erik (to Jamie): Do I have to tell the truth?

    Jamie (to Erik): Hell, yeah you have to tell the truth!

    Erik: I knew it was the answer. That I knew for sure, Mom. I totally knew it.

    Me (somberly): Yeah.

    Erik: And I was real comfortable with the idea. It didn’t bring me any anxiety. It didn’t, you know, make my heart race or freak my shit out.

    (Long pause)

    Erik: But, you know, you’re right. I hesitated.

    Me: Okay. So you didn’t think to do it real fast. It was just like you hesitated because–?

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: He’s not saying anything. He’s just kind of looking. His eyes look really spacy. Glazed. You know how you’re thinking back on something?

    Me: Uh huh. Is he just thinking? Are you thinking, Erik?

    Erik: Yeah. I’m trying to think of the right way to describe it. It wasn’t that my life would be over. I had a clear understanding that everyone in my family would be okay. That didn’t weigh heavy on me at that time. I think I was just nervous about how—


    Erik: —well, where I would end up.

    Me: Did you think you’d go to Hell or did you believe in that sort of thing?

    Erik: Nah.

    Me: Okay. Anything else on that?

    Erik: I just knew that it’d be better than where I was.

    Me (choking up): Aw, poor baby. (Pause) It ended up that way, didn’t it?

    Erik: Yeah. I’m more at peace and alive than I ever had been.

    Me: Yeah. That’s right. Any other reason you want to share that will convince people not to kill themselves when it’s before their time?

    Erik: I just want to highlight the fact that if you’re teetering or waffling on the decision, then your death is fucking wrong. Delete that as being an option. And not only do you carry your baggage here with you, you create more shit for yourself, because you see and feel all the grief you leave behind. You need to look at ways to recreate what you have in your life. You know, a lot of times people feel like they’re at a dead end and they think that suicide is the answer when really they just haven’t giving themselves permission to—

    Jamie: Ec– Oh, evacuate! (To Erik) What are you saying? I thought he said excavate.

    Jamie and I chuckle.

    Me: Permission to evacuate their bowels!

    Erik laughs.

    Erik: Evacuate their situation. They choose to stay in it and rot rather than pack their bags and leave. I think that 90% of all the people who have decided to commit suicide—if they chose to leave the situation that they’re in—physically change their environment—I believe that they would still be living and successfully enjoy what they’d consider balance in their life. Sometimes they just need a break from being human.

    Me: Any other downside to suicide?

    Erik: Yeah, you’re not finishing up your spiritual contract and that can fuck up a lot of shit. For example, maybe you were supposed to have a kid and that kid was supposed to find a cure for AIDS? If you die before you have that kid, a lot of people are going to die when they don’t have to. That will really fuck up your mind, and you have to work from this side to make all that happen. It’s much harder from here.

    Me: So, are there a lot of people whose destiny it is to take their lives?

    Erik: Fuck no! It’s very, very rare.


    I hope that Erik’s words convince any of you who waiver on this decision to find the courage to continue with their life. To see the human experience as a precious opportunity to grow..

    Please don’t forget to sign up for these two events occurring next Wednesday, June 19th:

    Channel Erik, your guides, and your deceased loved ones through Jamie’s small group readings:

    Group Phone Reading

    Join this very important web class, too. Being grounded is one of the most important things you must do to feel stable emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.

    How to Get and Stay Grounded

    For her other events, click here:



    Dear Reader,

    The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.

    As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.

    Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.

    I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.

    Love and light,


  • June10th


    Me: At what point did you ask for help? When did you finally say, “I need help”?

    Erik: When I wanted to get back to my family and I didn’t know how.

    Me: Aw. Did you miss us?

    Erik: Yeah!

    Me: So, who appeared.

    Jamie: This was a female guide. Not his aunt. This was someone who was telling him how to cross dimensions and how to communicate.

    Erik: About this time, it was when you were doing all the research and trying to find mediums, you know. So, I was trying to learn how to talk through them and get into it. By then, I didn’t have any conflict with my emotions. I was perfectly A-OK.I knew how to travel, and ten I immediately started learning how to communicate to humans. Cross-dimensional communication.

    Me: How did you ask? Did you just think, “I need help!”?

    Erik: Yeah. Yeah.

    Me: Or did you get on the loudspeaker and yell, “A little help here!”

    Erik: No, I thought about it. I would need someone to come to teach me, and that’s all you do. You just think that.

    Me: Did you have to go through some sort of therapy? They say some people have to go through therapy to mend energetically, etc. Did you go through that process, too?

    Erik: I did some, yeah.

    Me: One medium told me that you had to go through a lot less therapy than most suicides.

    Erik: Yeah.

    Me: Why is that?

    Erik: Because it was a contract written that it was the end of my line whereas with most people who take their lives it’s not the end of their line. They’re just doing it out of revenge or because they want an out or avoidance.

    Me: Okay. It’s not their destiny. It’s not an exit point for them.

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: All right. Now, what do most spirits miss about the earthly plane. I know you have all of your buddies over there and they’re like, “Oh my god, I really miss pizza” or whatever, but what do most, if you were to do a survey, miss about the earthly plane.

    Erik: Food, number one. Sex, number two.

    Jamie giggles.

    Me: But I thought the sex was better over there.

    Erik: It is, but it’s not physical like that. It’s different. So different.

    Me: And why do you miss food? Can’t you conjure up the taste and texture thing or is it different?

    Erik: It’s totally different.

    Me: But can’t you create that taste, the texture and the fullness in the belly?

    Erik: It’s the whole chewing it, smelling it, waiting for it to be done. I mean, we don’t really have that kind of process. We don’t need it.

    Me: Yeah, but can’t you create every aspect of it like you’ve described?

    Erik: It’s not the same, Mom.

    Me: It’s not the same.

    Erik: It’s like artificial flavor is not the same as the real thing.

    Me: I see. And sex is not quite, uh; you don’t have that physical, the physical body.

    Jamie bursts out in laughter.

    Jamie: Uh huh. He’s talking about the “bang banging”.

    Me: Oh god, Erik. Well, you didn’t have much of it when you were her, poor guy. I guess you’ll have to come back as a prostitute.

    Jamie laughs hard.

    Me: Or, what do you call it? A gigolo. Come back as a gigolo.

    Erik: If I come back, I’m definitely coming back with a dick.

    Me: So, come back as a gigolo and then you can really get some—on a regular basis.

    Jamie still hasn’t stopped laughing.

    Erik: Jamie has just checked out!

    We all can’t help but laugh at that one.

    Me: Okay. Let’s talk about this. When spirits cross back over what do they miss about Heaven?

    Erik: Huh?

    Me: When they come back to Heaven, and say, “I’m so glad to be back because I missed…” What do they miss about Heaven?

    Erik: The bullshit.

    Me: You miss getting away from the bullshit.

    Erik: Yeah. The emotional conflict. That’s why a lot of spirits like to come to Earth—to feel the lower vibrational emotions. Hardship. Struggle.

    Me: But when they come back to Heaven, they go, “Ugh, I miss being away from those emotional conflicts.”

    Jamie: Does that make sense? Cuz the way he’s explaining it is that they’re attracted to it, so that’s why they reincarnate. That’s where some of the deeper lessons are learned.

    Me: Mm hm.

    Erik: Through the conflict. There’s no conflict in Heaven or Home. So, when the human dies and becomes a spirit again, the ease of life is sometimes shocking and hard to adjust to.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Cuz they just spent all that time adjusting to conflict.

    Jamie: Oh. So he’s saying not that they miss that the most. It’s just that it’s the hardest to adapt to.

    Me: To not have the conflict anymore? You like the conflict-free dimension, but it’s hard to adapt to. But I want to know what they miss about Heaven when they come back. “Oh my god, I’m so glad to be back, because I miss…”

    Jamie: Glad to be back on Earth or glad to be back in Heaven?

    Me: No, in Heaven?

    Why is this so damn hard?

    Erik: Oh, the ease of life. Peace. Love. Unconditional love.

    Me: All right. (finally!) What are the coolest new abilities you gained that you didn’t’ have on Earth?

    Jamie: Coolest new abilities.

    Me: Yeah.

    Jamie (to Erik): That aren’t raunchy!

    Me: Really!

    Jamie giggles.

    Me: I didn’t expect we could go there on THIS question, but leave it to Erik.

    Erik: Telepathy. Love it. It’s accurate. It’s better than instant messages. It’s better than text. It’s better than email.

    No fax?

    Me: Okay. What else?

    Erik: Not being stuck on planet Earth. You can just go wherever the F you wanna go.

    Me: Why are you saying, “F”? Seriously, Jamie!

    Jamie: I know! He said, “You can just go wherever the fuck you wanna go.”

    Me: There we go!

    Jamie laughs.

    Me: He’s got you all messed up today.

    Jamie: Oh, the highs and lows we’ve gone through already!

    Me: I swear to god! This is Emotional Roller-coaster Day. Okay, what else? I can imagine the frequent flyer miles you can rack up there!

    Jamie: Now that! He loves that!

    Me: What else. Name a couple more.

    Erik: A couple more. Transcending space and time. Time travel. Going back into your past lives. Oh, what about going to the fucking library?

    Me: The Akashic Records?

    Erik: Yeah. That shit fucking blows your mind.

    Me: Tell me about it.

    Erik: I can’t even plan how to get to the grocery store and buy everything that I need, and I go into here and all my past lives, my future lives, my now lives, my afterlife lives are all finely tuned. How the fuck does that happen?

    Me: What? Do you go into a library and open up a book? I mean, what’s it like?

    Erik: No, it’s not really like a book. It’s more like a never-ending page. Like it’s not like a “lick, flip” book.

    I chuckle.

    Erik: It’s kind of like a scroll, in a way, like one constant page, but you don’t have to manually unroll it. The information just comes to you.

    Me: Is it like a holographic display?

    Erik: Sort of like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s technologically advanced.

    Me: Do you just take your thumb and scroll through it like an iPhone or do you think about going to the next life or whatever?

    Erik: Yep. It shows you what you want it to show you.

    Me: Interesting. Does it have cool colors? Glowing? Sparkly?

    Erik: Yeah. To me I see it in a kind of glowing blue color.

    Me: Hmm. I can almost see it. Probably have.


    Dear Reader,

    The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.

    As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.

    Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.

    I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.

    Love and light,




  • June6th


    You may find typos or spelling errors in this entry, but again, I didn’t have the stomach to proofread it. Sorry.

    Me: Who was the first one to meet you?

    Erik: Well, hell, I can’t even remember.
    Me: Was Denise (my sister) there? Aunt Denise. I think she was also there to greet you, right?

    Erik: Yes. I remember seeing a whole bunch of faces. It’s different now. Looking back, I can get the feeling much more clear rather than relying on what I was seeing or saying.

    Me: Yeah, because in spirit, it’s more about feelings than about mental, uh brain based remembering of details. I think why people get disappointed when they go to a medium and ask validation questions like, “What did we put in your pocket when we buried you?” You don’t remember things like that anymore. It’s not important after you cross over. It’s all about feelings.

    Erik: You’re right, and, trust me; we’re not checking our fucking pockets, either.

    Me: Exactly. All right. Let’s go on to the life review. What’s the life review like? I mean maybe they’re all different, but give me a general idea about what the life review entails.

    Erik: Yeah, sometimes you feel like you’re going into this room, like an Imax theater and it’s almost a 360, but you get to feel what emotions or impressions that other people perceived of you. So, it’s like you’re going through this life review and you get to feel like you’re done for yourself. You see YOU through other people.

    Jamie (laughing): I can’t imitate that. Basically, he said, “That’s totally wrong. That’s fucked up. It’s the worst joke you could play on anyone.

    Me: So, you’re like that person. You’re seeing through their eyes and feeling what they felt?

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: Oof. Boy, that’s not fun. If on Earth, you’ve resolved those issues, if you’ve made amends with that person, do you still have to go through that with that person?

    Erik: No! No.

    Me: Okay, good.

    Erik: If it’s truly resolved, it’s not on your plate.

    Me (chuckling): Oo, I’m going to go around apologizing to a lot of people!

    Jamie and Erik laugh.

    Erik: And the life review is not like somebody comes in and says, “Excuse me. It’s time for your life review. It’s at 2:30. Please walk into this room and have a seat.”

    I chuckle.

    Erik: It just kind of overtakes you, and it’s weird. It happens really fast, but you’ll feel like you’ve been in it forever.

    Me: Well, what causes the life review? I don’t understand. What are its origins? Who decides this; who creates this?

    Erik: Most of the time, it’s actually the consciousness, the human experience, the need for the human to do a checklist. Energetically and spiritually, it’s not really needed. You don’t need to go through those checkpoints, because if you came in spiritually, energetically connected, you already know what those checkpoints are. So, you know, this is pretty much for every living person where we’re functioning more from our brain than any other part.

    Me: Uh huh.

    Erik: So, it’s almost like the brain decompressing, running through everything, but it’s in the reverse. You get to understand how other people perceived you for you. And your answers are given to you. “Oh! That’s why this happened this way!” You put things to rest in a very quick way.

    Me: So, is it painful, emotionally?

    Erik: Nah. It’s definitely fucked up, but it’s not painful. You don’t’ leave wrecks like the Titanic, right, Mom?

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Me: So, was yours long? Did you have to go through a whole lot?

    Erik: No, it wasn’t a whole lot. Mine was mostly the voices in my head. You know, my fucked up shit.

    Me: What do you mean?

    Erik: I had to deal and have conversations with myself quite a bit, you know, talk myself down from shit and try to understand myself. That’s mostly what I came across.

    Me: Oh. Who did you have to deal with the most as far as your life review is concerned?

    Erik: Mostly my family.

    Me: Yes, of course. Okay. Anything else on the life review.

    Erik: Nah. That’s probably it.

    Me: Do you ever have to go through life reviews for past lives at the same time, or is it only for this current life?

    Erik: It’s pretty much decompressing the life you were just exiting.

    Me: Okay. Now, this white tunnel. This white light you hear about. Of course, some people experience it; some people don’t. Why do some experience and others don’t, and what the hell is it?

    Erik (teasing): Only the good get to go down the tunnel. No, really. That’s bullshit.

    Me: It reminds me of that show, “Outer Limits” where the guys jump into this big swirly circle.

    Jamie laughs.

    Erik: No, really it’s based on a belief system.

    Me: What is it? Does it exist?

    Erik: The tunnel of white light?

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Here’s my two cents about it. When you die, if that’s what you believed in, that when you die you’re gonna see this bright white light and all that crap, then I think that’s what you’re going to get.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: But also, the actually death of the brain, the lack of oxygen and everything, creates this tunnel vision. Is that the light you go into and cross into death? No. That’s your brain dying.

    Me: Well, the belief system had to start from some place.

    Erik: It started form those people had those near death experiences or whatever and their brains were dying, and they got up and talked about it—that they saw God and angels and all this. Consciously—

    Jamie (to Erik): Thank you for saying that. This makes sense.

    Erik: Consciously, you’re trying to look through the eyes that are set in your head, so when the brain is dying, that’s what you’re seeing. Intuitively, if you’re looking with the third eye, you don’t have to see a tunnel of white light to cross over into the Beyond.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: So, if you’re looking with your third eye—the intuitive eye—most likely it’ll be like going into another room.

    Me: Yeah, a lot of people describe it that way—It’s like going into another room. When you got pulled back by your shoulders, where’d you end up?

    Erik (chuckling): In another room!

    Me: Okay, and—

    Erik: It’s wild. The room around me just kind of disappeared. Where I was just dissolved. I think that’s the only way I know how to say it. Got dark. Dim the lights. Turn the lights on. You’re in a different space. There’s nothing fast about it. It wasn’t like a quick jerk or anything. It was more of how you feel your body going to sleep. It’s more like that.

    Me: I remember when you were doing your life review, you talked about how you sat at a long table and you had your head in your hands.

    Erik: Mm hm.


    For those of you who wish to speak with a deceased loved one, please sign up for the Griever’s Channeling Call TOMORROW. Remember, your loved one wants to communicate with you, too!

    Griever’s Call


    Dear Reader,

    The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.
    As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.
    Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.
    I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.
    Love and light,

  • June3rd


    Tomorrow, I have surgery on one of my eyes early in the morning. I think I’ll be able to post something, but if I don’t, you’ll know why. I’m having the other eye operated on the following Tuesday. Wish me luck! Maybe I’ll finally not drive at night with sweaty palms! Meanwhile, here, Erik continues his description of his own personal death experience.

    Me: Did you think it was cool to just fly around? Did you feel that unconditional love that a lot of people talk about?

    Erik: No.

    Me: Or was that when you crossed over?

    Erik: Yes. When I crossed over.

    Me: All right. Let’s talk more then. So, you were looking at that (his body), and you were like, “Wow”, and there was a little bit of shock. Did you feel a little bit of, “Oh, shit? What are they going to think when they find me?”

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: He’s real quiet. I can tell he’s going through it.

    (Very long pause)

    Jamie: I’m telling him to take his time.


    Erik: You know, I don’t slow down to think about my death too much.

    (Long pause)

    Erik: To me, it was a way out. It has a lot of pain associated with it.

    Me (tearing up): Mm hm.

    Erik: It’s not just my pain, but my family’s pain and mu friends’ pain.

    Me: Yeah.

    (Long pause. Clearly he’s not comfortable)

    Me (sensing his discomfort and wanting to spare him further pain): Well, let’s not dwell on it. Let’s go to what happened and what it felt like when you started getting out of your room. Tell me about that.

    Erik: I remember seeing my body leave.


    Me: You body leave? Oh, when they were taking you away?

    Erik: In the bag.

    Me: Okay. Right.

    Erik: Then I remember thinking that I needed to say goodbye.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: And if I remember right, That’s when I started checking in with family members.


    Me: That must have been painful, because we were not happy.

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: He’s got his elbows on his knees; his hands are clasped in front of him. Very casual, but he’s (pause) solemn. A little bit more solemn.

    Erik: I remember finding—

    (Long pause)

    Jamie (with emotion): Aw. He’s tearing up.

    Me: Oh. We don’t have to do this, Baby.

    Erik (teasing): Shut up, Mom.

    Jamie:  Tearing up, but not afraid to tell you to be quiet.

    I chuckle softly.

    Erik: When you slow down to go back through your memories, you see more. You do miss a lot when you’re in the moment, like your eyes aren’t big enough. I know I’ve told you before. I’m really sorry—for you. I’m really sorry for Pappa and for everyone else in my family.

    Me (sobbing quietly): Yeah.

    Erik: But I know there’s one thing—I cannot apologize for my happiness.

    Me: I know. I’m happy for you. I wouldn’t have it any other way. If I had to choose between you being here an miserable, of course…

    Erik: How fucked up is it, Mom, that that was my option?

    Me: Yeah. I wouldn’t want that to happen.

    Erik: What I can’t seem to figure out when I go through it again, “Why does it hurt so bad when the outcome was exactly what I was looking for?

    Me (still crying): And you’re happy. I mean, how could it hurt when you’re happy? I’m just looking at the moment. The moment is unhappy, but the result was happy. So, we’ll move past the moment. Tell me about your crossing over. Did you, I remember you said something like you felt like you were bing tugged by your shoulders. I can’t remember exactly.

    Erik: Yeah. I felt like I was being pulled back. I guess I just really wasn’t’ paying attention. It sounds like me, anyway. Like, I was looking at something I wasn’t supposed to be looking at.

    Me (confused): You were looking at something you weren’t supposed to be looking at?

    Jamie: He’s speaking in general.

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Erik: That’s probably why I didn’t’ see this big gorgeous white light, you know, hear angels sing!

    Jamie (giggling): He’s laughing.

    I chuckle through my tears.

    Erik: Nah, I was probably fucking doing something wrong and over to the side. Probably I got jerked.

    Me: Oh, I see. I see.

    Erik: Yeah. THAT feeling was unspeakable. That one is like taking a body and putting it through a strainer and have all of the pieces come out on the other end, but different. Clean. I supposed it would be the feeling that I would think back in the old times when people thought that if they were baptized by Jesus, everything would disappear and they’d only be good. That’s really what death is.

    Me: Wow. Mm.

    Erik: You really are good. You’re not missing those other parts. They’re still with you, but they don’t play a big part of the song. You don’t lose any of yourself, but what comes forward is this overwhelming sense of perfection, being in the right place, being loved and you being able to FEEL it. Like, there’s not even the tiniest comment or remark about doubting what’s coming your way or if there was some string attached, or were they just trying to lure you and really it was Hell, you know. (He chuckles.) None of that. It just, it’s so much you don’t even weep about it. That’s when your family and your friends show up. When you notice you’re not alone.

    Erik Rune Medhus

    Erik Rune Medhus


    Jamie still has openings for small group readings and the grievers’ call this week. Please click on the link below, find what you’d like to register for and click on it. The readings provide an opportunity to ask questions about your future, your career, your health, your relationships and more. Both calls give you a chance to speak with your deceased loved ones.

    Jamie’s Calendar


    Dear Reader,

    The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.

    As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.

    Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.

    I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.

    Love and light,



  • April28th


    The title speaks for itself. For those of you who haven’t yet, please subscribe to the Channeling Erik YouTube channel.


    Please LIKE my book’s Facebook fan page!

  • March23rd


    It’s been a long time since we’ve visited those posts where Erik talked about his own death and death in general. In this three part post, you’ll notice how different Erik is now compared to how he was then.

    Part One:

    Grasping for contact of any sort with a lost loved one is natural. Years before, I would have considered channeling through a medium a little wacky, great fodder for jokes, even. But when Erik died, things I once doubted became urgent lifelines for me to cling to in hope. However skeptical at first, when I spoke to Erik through world-renown psychic, Kim O’Neill, I felt it was truly he. His personality, his wit, his manner of speaking, it was all Erik. Furthermore, she conveyed details she could not possibly have known such as the fact that he suffered from bipolar disease since he was 10 or 11 or the fact that he killed himself while sitting in a chair at his desk in his bedroom.

    One of the first assurances Erik expressed was that we, his parents, did everything we could to prevent it. He said he had contemplated suicide for many years, really and just wanted to make certain he did it in a way that would ensure his passing. In recent months, he even researched all sorts of suicide methods on the Internet. Although he thought about taking an overdose of pills, one of his biggest fears was that he would survive, but remain impaired for the rest of his life. In the end, Erik felt shooting himself in the head assured him the biggest guarantee for “success.” Next, he had to choose a moment when he felt sure we would not be in the house when the gun went off. That opportunity would occur on October 6 during the ill-fated attempt to treat my sister, Teri, my daughters, Annika and Michelle, and my grand baby, Arleen to lunch.

    Naturally, I asked him the heart-wrenching “why” of it all, and here’s what he had to say: “First, guys, I want you to know that you shouldn’t blame yourself. Dad, you’re better about that than Mom, but Mom, do not blame yourself. It is because of you that I lived to be the age that I did. It had nothing to do with school; it had nothing to do with the family; it had nothing to do with my health; I got real depressed when I was about 10 or 11. That’s when the bipolar disorder started. It would haunt me, haunt me. And it was real unpredictable; it would come and go. The lows were so terrible that I knew I wasn’t going to live to an old age. I just needed to figure out how and when to do it without killing you both with grief.” I asked him if, once he decided to take his life, he was afraid of dying and he replied, “Oh no! I was afraid of living!”

    I also asked him what death was like, and he replied with great exuberance, “Oh, Mom, it was great, it was awesome; aw, it was fantastic. When my soul popped out of the body, awww! I didn’t feel any pain. One second I was sitting in my chair, and the next second my soul was out of my body and I was like, ‘this is so fucking great!’ I felt no pain or discomfort. I could fly. I felt happy; I felt joyous; I felt warm; I felt secure. That happiness, that joy was overwhelming. And I was flying around and flying around, then I looked down at my body, and I’m like ‘Oh shit. Oh shit shit shit.’ I was surprised by all the blood! I was so surprised! I wasn’t even thinking about that. I was just thinking about relief. I wasn’t even thinking about what I was going to look like! I wasn’t thinking about the clean up.” Then laughing heartily to himself, Erik announced, “Cleanup on aisle six!” Kim was a little shocked by his irreverent humor, but I assured her that this was very typical of him. This was very “Erik.”

    He goes on to say, “Right after my soul popped out of my body, I heard the gunshot, and at first, I was a little confused to see my own body sitting in the chair. I thought, ‘Wait, I’m here. Why is my body down there?’ But then I realized I was a soul. I was really worried about what would happen when you found me, Mom, so I went to Bestefar’s house in Norway right away. After a while of hanging with him, though, I started to feel real, real, real sorry for what you guys were gonna find. The person I was most worried about was Michelle, because of all the people in the family, she’s the most sensitive. She’s the most vulnerable to being fucked up by something like that.” With a chuckle he added, “But don’t tell her I said that. I don’t want her to be pissed off at me. Mom, I knew you were going to be crushed, but I thought you would be able to deal with it if you knew I was going to be so much happier in spirit and that I was going to be with you. I’m with you all the time, but I’m in spirit and I’m happy. So you have a son who is with you in spirit and I’m safe and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I figured you would be able to understand that and accept it. I’m still with you. I’m with you all the time.” (All of this repetition left me with the impression that Erik was nervous about my reaction. This is exactly how he would talk if he came home after curfew or brought home a bad grade.)

    I will continue to share Erik’s description of his death and his first moments in the afterlife, but this has all exhausted me. I need to rest and lick my wounds.


    Part Two:

    I’d like to dive in to where I left off in the first channeling session with Erik. As he mentioned, after he saw his body and voiced dismay at the “mess” he created and his concerns about how we would react when we found him, he escaped to Norway to visit his grandfather, Bestefar. I’ll get into the abilities of a soul later, including how they travel and manifest whatever they wish.

    Once he was in Norway, he says, “I felt this magnetic pulling sensation, pulling, pulling, pulling me almost like a vacuum. And all of a sudden there I am, there I am! I started looking around and saw that Allie was there! Denise was there! Denise was right there in front.” (As mentioned early, Allie was one of Erik’s former girlfriends killed by an accidental gunshot wound to the head back in March 2009, and Denise was his aunt (my sister) who committed suicide to end years of suffering from the complications of diabetes.) Erik approached Denise, who was standing in front of the others and asked, “‘Did I go to Hell?’ She responded with a big laugh and said, ‘Because you see me?’ Then they both laughed and Denise added, ‘Erik, you idiot!’ They hugged and everyone else came up to hug him and welcome him back to Heaven. Denise told Erik she already knew what he was going to do and asked him if he could just stay for at least fifteen minutes to visit with them before he go back to check in on us.

    At this point, Kim says Erik’s case is a “huge anomaly,” because under ordinary circumstances (if the word “ordinary” can ever be appropriate in this subject matter!) committing suicide before it’s your time to go is a big no-no. Souls that end their lives always have to go through some form of therapy in isolation to help them understand why they did what they did, how they forestalled their chance to work on certain issues, etc. But Erik didn’t have to go through all of these steps, meaning he is probably a higher level soul. (More about soul hierarchy later.) Instead, Erik met and mingled with his soul group, stayed for a short period of time, and then returned to Earth where he’s living with our family now.)

    In the channeling session, Erik continues, “I wanted you to know I was there. Those are the orbs you saw in the pictures you took. That’s me! At first, souls materialize as balls of light and then later we can materialize in a form you can see. And that was me visiting Pappa in the dream where we were standing next to the truck. It was also me in the dream Popi (his maternal grandfather) had of me in his lap. And Mom, that dream Kelley had, that was Allie sitting next to me!”

    Kim adds that Erik is very well liked and is seen as extremely charismatic to others in Heaven. She also commented that Erik is going to be very tangible in dreams. She’s amazed how he already has so much control and power over his energy despite his recent arrival. She says, “This much electrical power is astonishing!”

    Next, I asked Erik if he was more comfortable in the spiritual plane than the physical plane, and he answered, “Yes, it was like having pain all the time like with a migraine or an abscess. I found some peace in Norway, but all the peace I found was fleeting. That’s why I always jumped from one thing to the next, to the next, to the next. That’s why I didn’t stick with anything long-term. The pleasure or enjoyment or stimulation it gave me was always so fleeting. I would start feeling pain again and then I’d jump to something else.”

    Kim then started to get choked up and said, “I see Erik getting on his knees, his hands together as if pleading, and tears are streaming down his face. He’s begging you to forgive him for what he’s done.”

    I plan to practice channeling Erik on my own. If this goes well, I will urge anyone who has lost a loved one to develop their own skill, too. Apparently, everyone has the ability to channel those on the other side, including their own guides. Maybe this will give hope to other parents who have suffered what I believe is the ultimate tragedy, losing a child. If I can establish a relationship with my son in the afterlife, so, too, can they.

    I urge everyone to read about the scientific evidence for the existence of an afterlife, the survival of consciousness after death, the fact that we live many lives, and other matters I once considered the domain of quacks and charlatans. I recommend two books in particular. One is entitled “The Hidden Domain.” This deals with the quantum physics of the soul, consciousness, thought, and the “other side.” You have to digest each page slowly, because it’s pretty heavy stuff! The second book is entitled, “The Afterlife Experiments.” Here, you’ll read about experiments that are performed using strict scientific methods to establish the fact that consciousness, and therefore the soul, does survive after death and communication with departed souls is possible.


    Part Three:

    Through the medium, Kim O’Neill, Erik shared volumes of information about death, but I wanted to start by letting him know that, although I would like to channel him on my own, my grief makes it difficult to have the quiet mind necessary to hear him. Here’s his response:

    “I’m just going to have to talk louder than your grief! Your grief is causing a lot of static. It’s like if we were at a water park, we’d have to talk louder to hear each other.”

    ‘Can you do that, Erik?’ I ask.

    “Oh, sure.”

    ‘But how will I know it’s you and not a conversation I just make up in my mind?’

    “Because you know me, Mom. You know the way I talk. You know my sense of humor. I’m gonna say, ‘Mom it’s me,’ and you’ll know it’s me. You’re going to be able to feel the difference between your grief, your head talk and me. And I’ll talk louder than your head talk so you’re probably gonna have to tell me to keep it down a notch CUZ I’M GOING TO BE TALKING REALLY LOUDLY! Here’s my plan for now. I’m going to be coming to you in dreams, lucid dreams. So I’m coming to you first. In the morning, you’re going to have total recall about what we talk about, usually. If you don’t, when you go to the computer and start typing. It’ll just come out.”

    I ask, ‘How often can you come to me?’

    “Any time I damn well please!” he says jokingly.

    ‘Well then, how often do you think that can be?’ I ask this because I want so desperately to have him with me all the time. It’s funny; when a person is around, you feel okay about seeing them only sporadically. It’s no big deal if they go away on a trip for a week or two and hang out with friends more than home, but when they die, they become the center of your every thought and emotion. You want them to be around you, communicating constantly.

    Erik goes on to say, “Well, I’d like to come every night the day before you wanna write something the next day.”

    That, of course, means I will be determined to write daily. Communicating in dreams, however, is one thing, but feeling their touch is another. So I ask, ‘How can I better feel your presence?’

    Erik assures me by saying, “I’ve been working on building my ability to manipulate physical matter on the earthly plane. Every time we pass away and our soul goes to heaven, we’ve gotta work on our ability to expand our electrical energy so that, if we want to, we can move material objects; we can really make our presence known in the most tangible way possible—to materialize, to touch others, and to have them feel it. That’s what I’ve been working on. So, what I’m going to do is this: I’ll come up and hug you; I’ll touch your arm and you’ll know it’s me; I’ll come up and give you a kiss on the cheek, and I’m going to rub your hair. I’m going to put my hand on top of your head and rub your hair back and forth just like I used to do. Remember how it used to piss you off when I messed up your hair like that?” (He laughs really hard for several seconds. Of course, now, I’d give anything for him to have my hair in a rat’s nest all the time.) “And when you drive you’ll hear me saying ‘Mom, go faster’ or ‘it’s yellow, you can make it; you can make it; go through the light.’”

    ‘Yeah, I remember what a backseat driver you were, Erik!’ I respond with a chuckle.

    He laughs and says, “Yeah, it was easier to be a backseat driver with you than with Pappa, huh? You took it better than he did! And Mom, this is what you’re going to write about in a book: How parents can rise above the grief to actually be able to feel and hear and be aware of their kid around them. You’re also going to be smelling me, Mom. It’ll be the smell like I’ve been working outside, kinda like a sweaty guy smell.” Ah, how well I remember that scent. It wasn’t objectionable to me a all; it was just a sign of how much he loved working outside on cars, bikes, and his welding.

    Erik continues with, “Mom, you did everything you could. The problem was I didn’t listen to you. I thought all that stuff was a bunch of bullshit, but now I know! Oh my God, if only, if only, if only. I created something that was much more stressful than it was supposed to be. Even when I had the gun in my hand, it was like should I, shouldn’t I, should I, shouldn’t I? It happened so fast that my guardian angels couldn’t do anything to stop it. They tried to get other people to call or come over, but there wasn’t enough time.”

    Just before his death, his older sister, Kristina, experienced something that gives Erik’s statement credence. She says, ”I had been reading about learning disabilities and suicidality in children/teens for my behavioral science course, and I of course was thinking about him the whole time that morning. I got a strong urge to pick up my cell phone and text him ‘I love you’ for no apparent reason at all. But it was in my purse in the other room and I didn’t go get it. I feel remorseful about that.”

    On the day of his death, Erik’s younger sister, Annika, and his Aunt Teri recall passing by his room as they walked down the hall to go to the lunch we had planned. In fact, their encounters occurred within ten minutes of his death. They both claimed they saw him sitting at his desk, staring ahead solemnly. Oh, how they wished they had recognized his sadness and stopped to comfort him! In retrospect, these three incidents were most assuredly his guides’ attempts to muster our help and intervention.

    Yet Erik reassures us as he continues, “I know you knew it was a possibility this would eventually happen, Mom, but there was nothing you could have done beside worry and do all the stuff you did to help me. Did you know a third of parents around the world have kids who are suicidal? I know that now. You need to let other parents know that too.”

    ‘Could you tell me more about what it’s like to die, Erik?’  I ask.

    “I literally felt no pain. I felt no pain. Mom, it’s really important to put that down because a lot of kids die in accidents like car accidents or motorcycle wrecks. Some have been murdered; some have drowned. Even if a child has died of a heart attack or cancer, the parent is always going to worry about the pain and suffering they might have had during death. But tell everyone there is no pain. My soul popped out of the body at the moment of my death. I truly felt nothing. You know, Mom, I’m going to be totally honest with you about everything. I felt this shocking, this immediate sense of peacefulness, happiness, euphoria. It was stunning. I felt like I was floating, like I was levitating. After my soul popped out of the body, at that moment, I heard a shot. I can’t gauge the time.

    “I was feeling this awesome euphoria and enjoying it and it then it was as if this invisible hand was telling me ‘look there, look down.’ So I looked down and I thought, ‘holy shit’ and I realized it was me. For a couple of seconds I wondered, ‘how can I be there and be here too?’ And then I realized, ‘Ooooh, it’s my soul! This is my soul! Then I came into this overwhelming knowing about who I really am, all of my past lives. At that moment I could understand what you were trying to help me heal from in those past lives. I got this immediate knowing and I was like, ‘Oh, oh, that’s what Mom was trying to help me with. Wow, she knew!’ I could see you for who you really are, I could see Pappa for who he really is, and Lukas, Kristina, Michelle and Annika, everybody, everybody—family, friends, everyone on the earthly plane. I could see them for who they really are. This knowing was rapturous. I know that’s a word I wouldn’t use on the earthly plane so I’ll say this so you’ll know it’s really me, ‘It was fucking rapturous!’ I all of a sudden had all this wisdom and I thought, ‘Aaawww, why didn’t I have all this when I was there?’ Then I realized I could have. I could have.

    “Mom, that’s where you’re headed. You are going to feel this knowingness, this peace in this lifetime, and then you’re going to teach everybody else in the family. You’re going to feel neutral, objective about the choices other people make. It’s a lot easier being in spirit because you can see someone else’s destiny even when they make choices that change that destiny. Spirits can immediately be neutral and not judge themselves or others.”

    “So of course I already told you what happened when I saw all the mess I made. I knew you were going to find me and that was not my goal. I didn’t think. Once I pulled the trigger I couldn’t change my mind. I felt this horrible sense of loss knowing what you guys were gonna feel and I had my own sense of loss, scared, real scared that you guys weren’t going to be able to pick up on me. I was real frightened about it. Then I had this tragic feeling of grief knowing you were gonna find it, Mom. I knew it. I felt this impossible to describe sense of remorse. Maybe it was even more grief than you feel, Mom, because I did it. I did it. I have no one to blame but myself. I knew I would have to have therapy because of it. So you know I went to Norway right away to see Bestefar (his grandfather), but my guide made me come back and watch when you found me. It was the most horrible thing I have ever experienced, seeing you break down in my lap, sobbing. My guide made me look at what pain I caused for you. It was unbearable.” (Here, Kim, again describes him kneeling, hands together as if begging, tears streaming down his face asking for forgiveness.)

    “Then I felt this pulling, this pulling like a gravitational pull and I heard this “zinnnggg” and all of a sudden I was standing there in front of a whole bunch of other spirits and I recognized them all! There were hundreds of them. I was like ‘Oh, there’s Aunt Sophie; there’s my brother from the Middle Ages,’ I could recognize everybody from all my past lives and my brother from this lifetime.” (I had lost a baby during my 24th week of pregnancy. It was a boy. We named him, Seth. It happened around 16 years ago, so Kim could not have known Erik had a brother on the other side.)

    “There was this big table where everybody was going to sit down…like a family dinner. There was a lot of music, there was a lot of laughing. Oh, and, Mom, I asked four souls from your soul group who aren’t part of your life now if they could help you through all this. I want to do something to help the family. I want to be able to do something for you guys. If there is anything at all I can do to help anyone in the family, please let me know, and I’ll do everything I can. I want to feel like I’m still part of the family. Ask me to do stuff. I can’t exactly take out the garbage but… Spiritual being can move physical objects just as well as you guys.”

    ‘Okay,’ I joke, ‘I’ll get a chore list together for you!’

    Erik laughs, then continues, “Mom, you’re going to notice things have been done, and you’ll ask other people ‘Did you do that?’ ‘Did you do this?’ and they’ll say ‘no’ and you’ll know it was me!” I found that so comforting. Proof of his presence is crucial. I don’t want to feel like I’ve really lost my little boy forever. That would be too much to bear.

    “Okay, let’s get back to what happened next,” I prod. Erik was always easily distracted, just like his mom.

    “Oh yeah, right, Well, I was at this big long table, and I felt dazed. I was still euphoric, but I was dazed. It’s like one minute I was in my physical body and the next minute I was a free spirit without physical limitations, and I kept asking, ‘I’m really a spirit, right? I mean, I don’t get to go back to that lifetime; I’ve let that lifetime go?’ Then I started “the review.” Nobody did the review but me. I was sitting at the table. Uh, I was sitting there and everyone was talking about how happy they were that I’m back. No matter how we pass, we’re always welcomed back with open arms. Everyone is always thrilled to see us again. Anyway, so I’m sitting at the table, and I’ve got my elbows on the table. I’ve got my head in my hands and I’m reviewing my life. I started sobbing when I remembered being a little boy and you calling me your ‘little man’ and doing things with me and telling me what a big man I’m gonna be. I’ve taken all of that away. Those were the worst moments of the review. I want to thank Pappa for treating me like an adult. Pappa, you treated me like an adult for as long as I can remember. Thanks, Pappa; that meant a lot to me.”

    “So I finished my review and I considered what I could have done that I didn’t; what I did do that I shouldn’t have. I don’t know how long the review took. I didn’t mark time. No one here marks time. But it didn’t take long, because the candles were still burning on my cake, my “welcome home” cake. Then I felt this heaviness, this real emotional heaviness. I was approached by this female soul who offered to counsel me; she offered me therapy. So I’ve been going to therapy. She’s not only helping me understand why I did it, why I took my life, but how I can go back to the earthly plane with this heaviness added to the healing I was supposed to do this lifetime without doing the same thing again. Wow, Mom, if I could have seen what I was healing from (in past lives,) no wonder I was so fucking depressed and angry. No wonder, Mom!”

    “I want you to let other people know that we have lots of company here. A lot of parents who have lost kids worry that their kid is all alone, but it’s not that way. We imagine what we want to eat, and it’s right there. We live where we want; we live how we want; we don’t feel hot or cold. Thought creates reality much faster here. It happens in an instant.”

    I only booked an hour with Kim, so, sadly, it was time to wrap things up. I ask him, ‘Okay, I’m running out of time, but do you have anything else you want to say about what it’s like to die?’

    “Shit yeah, tons but don’t worry, I’ve written it all down. We can cover it later.”

    Erik writing things down? Could it be? That might just be the biggest transformation of all! I can hear him laughing in agreement.

    In this video, Erik shows his beautiful sensitive side I adore so much. Ironically, he talks about teaching his niece, Arleen, how to shoot and at the end of the video, I’m wearing the same shirt I wore when I found Erik dead. Now, it’s in the bottom drawer in my closet covered with blood. I don’t know why I can’t throw it away. I guess it’s the only physical thing I have left of him.


  • February10th


    Me: Okay, now what do I tell people when you’ve spent a lot of time here talking about how easy death usually is and how wonderful the afterlife can be? What’s to stop them from wanting to go there before it’s their time? I mean, you make a great case for dying. What can I tell them, Sweetie?

    Erik: Well, first, Mom, you gotta define what is “before their time.”

    Me: Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. I guess what I want to know is what’s to keep people from committing suicide given you’re descriptions about Heaven, uh, when they maybe shouldn’t go that route?

    (Long pause)

    Me: It’s like getting off early from work when you’re not supposed to, you know? “It’s Friday; I’m leaving at two!”

    Jamie (laughing): Sneaking out!

    Me: Yeah.

    Jamie: He has a really different tone when he’s talking right now. (pause) It’s not his, “Hey, I’m telling you a story. I’m chit-chatting.” His tone has kind of dropped a level—more sincere.

    Erik: Mom, if people are at the place of suicide, and they’re romancing that idea—cuz that’s what it’s like; you have to romance it for a while before you test yourself to see if you have the strength to do it or not.

    Me (somberly): Um hm.

    Erik: If you find out you have the strength, I’m going to tell you right then and there, Mom, it’s not a wrong choice. I don’t know if you ever want to write that in a book.

    Me: Well, should I or shouldn’t I?

    Erik: I just don’t want you to catch hell, because people are going to rise up against you—humans need to have the structure and the rules. They have to be told what is right and wrong. But really, we’re supposed to do that internally for ourselves. And yes, Mom, people can be saved from suicide; people can be stopped; uh, a friend can show up and take the gun away; an unexpected person can arrive and pump their stomach of the pills they just took. Those are the moments of salvation that scream: “You have a second chance.”

    Me (sadly): Yeah. How I wish…

    Erik: But if you actually follow through on the suicide, and you achieve it, most of the time—I’ll say 70% of the time—you’re supposed to go. You’re supposed to go. But you’re right, there’s the other 30%–that’s a loose number—but there are those few who succeed that really should have had that second chance.

    Me: Oh, yeah.

    Erik: Those are the ones that have such a rough time over here in the afterlife, Mom. They have to retrace their steps as if they were living and help those who were supposed to be a crucial part of their life. You think it’s hard to communicate with someone who won’t listen to you? It’s way more difficult to talk while you’re dead to someone who’s living. It’s a real pain. It’s frustrating! So imagine the hardships that soul has trying to amend and make things smooth after their accidental “success” of suicide.

    Me: You mean in trying to help those they left behind? Those who are grieving, who feel betrayed, abandoned?

    Erik: Yeah. Yeah, cuz maybe it was in five years that the guy was supposed to win the lottery and give twenty thousand to his mom—

    Me: Oh, yeah! I see!

    Erik: —so she could develop a way to cure a toe fungus.

    Me (chuckling): Ah!

    Erik: And now that the guy killed himself, that’s not gonna happen. So now, he has to find ways to get other people in his mom’s life to do that, to give her the money and follow through with the destiny he cut short.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: There’s that missing link, because they chose that free will option, and they followed through with it instead of allowing the structures of life to teach them.

    Me: But the other ones who have a, um, those for whom it’s okay to commit suicide as their exit point, is that always predetermined between lives?

    Erik: Predetermined? Yes.

    Me: Like, “Okay, I’m finished with my spiritual contract, so…”

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: Wouldn’t it be great if we could change the term, “commit suicide?” To “be committed,” that’s like jail time.

    Me: Yeah, I guess for those who die at their predestined exit point, death is freeing.

    Erik: Yeah, what’s up with that? 

    Me: Well, were you one of the 30% or one of the 70%?

    Erik: Oh, I was one of the 70%.

    Me: So it was your time?

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: Wow. Well, look at all the good you’re doing, so maybe it was. So, was this planned between lives for you, or was it one of many exit points for you?

    Erik: It was planned, but you’re right, it was one of many possible exit points. My other one’s would have soon followed this one. It wasn’t like thirty more years, and there’d be another opportunity. They were all grouped together in my twenties.

    Me: Why was this your designed exit point? What was the reason? It seems like you were just so confused about what you were here to do, so why, uh—

    Erik: Because I have a bigger voice here, Mom.

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Erik: You’re my megaphone. And through your experiences of this, other people around the world have been enlightened and will be enlightened.

    Me: So, in a way, it was your destiny, and the whole purpose was for you to help others with your bigger voice in the afterlife? Is that what you’re saying? I just want to make sure I get this right.

    Erik: Yeah, and to help you find your place, Mom.

    Me: Oh, okay. Like we’ve talked about before, early on, you said it was not your destiny.

    Erik: Well, right after death, you’re more likely to be a little confused. I wasn’t totally oriented to what was going on, what happened and why.

    Me: Yeah, I remember you saying that. It makes so much more sense. Of course, I’d much rather your death be something you designed between lives for a higher purpose, but it also explains why, of all the kids, I could never imagine you getting old, getting married, having kids, and—

    Erik: Yeah, neither could I.

    Me: So, I guess I must have known deep inside.


    Jamie (in mock offense): No! Erik, that’s just mean! He says women aren’t the best mediums—

    I gasp!

    Jamie: See, isn’t that mean?

    Me (laughing): You are so grounded, Mister!

    Jamie: He says we tend to want to console, and so we put our own feelings within the reading to sugarcoat things. If you were to find a male medium, they’re a little more dry and harsh, less compassionate, so they’d tend to say things straight up.

    Me: Well, gosh, I find that, in general, women are much better at channeling!

    Jamie: Yeah, we’re more receptive!

    Me (chuckling): That’s right, more receptive! What’s with that, Erik, you male chauvinist!

    Erik (laughing): Pig?

    Me: Yes, yes, yes, that’s what I was going to say, but I didn’t want to diss the pigs!

    Jamie (laughing hard): You didn’t want to hurt the pig’s feelings! He’s laughing so hard!

    Me: So, it was your destiny, right? This is important to me, so I want to clarify it completely.

    Erik: Yep, it was my destiny to check out.

    Me: So, Erik, what’s your advice to those who want to kill themselves?

    Erik: Don’t do it if it’s not 100% your destiny, because your problems won’t go away with death. For instance, if you have a bad self-esteem, it’ll still suck. If you have problems with confidence, with intimacy, with openness, you’ll still have these problems when you cross, plus you’ll just feel so horrible about what you’ve done to those you love. On top of all that, you’ll have to clean up the mess you left behind with your loved ones and the destinies that have been altered by the ripple effect from your death. People who kill themselves are really shocked by that when they cross over. They think it’s a clean release with no more crap to deal with. And cleaning up all this type of shit is much harder to do in the afterlife.

    Me: Well, that should be enough to convince them. Okay, so is there anything else you want to say about anything? You talked about death, what happens afterwards, the life review, the socializing period, and, well, I guess that’s it as far as the sequence of what happens at and shortly after death. So, then what? You go to different classes, you underwent some therapy, you’ve evolved there in the afterlife according to your changing belief system. I remember at the beginning you were in an environment very similar to the earthly plane, because that’s what your belief system seemed to mesh with. And now you’ve graduated out of that, because your belief system opened up to greater possibilities, right? Tell me in your own words for the book.

    Erik: You could say belief systems, but it’s more like—

    Jamie (giggling): Baby birds? Really, Erik?

    Erik: Yeah, it’s like being a baby bird—

    Jamie (after listening to Erik’s explanation for a bit): Oh, that’s right, baby birds are born knowing everything!

    Me: Oh, really? Cool!

    Erik: Yeah, they don’t have to learn anything. They’re born with all their knowing, their lessons, already done. They know how to build a nest; they know how to fly; they know everything.

    Me: Oh, yeah!

    Erik: So when you die, you’re a baby bird, and it just takes time for you to open up. It’s not really about learning things; it’s about remembering what you already know.

    Me: Awesome metaphor, Erik. Okay, Baby, I guess that’s all we have time for. Thank you so much, Jamie.  Alright, Sweetie, until next time.

    Jamie (giggling): He’s blowing you kisses!

    Me: Aw, thank you, Erik. I love you.

    Many of you have seen this video of Erik singing while driving home from Florida with his sister, Michelle. I find the words so ironically prophetic. At one point, you can see his dark despair come through, followed purposeful comic relief. I wish I had been there to hug him. I wish I could hug him now.

    If you can’t access the above YouTube, here’s the direct link:




  • December5th


    As the holidays approach, some of us long for a break. A break from the grief of losing someone we love. A break from being mired in daily struggle. A break from being human. This is the first time Erik spoke to me without the need of a question prompt. He spoke with solemn passion. How timely.

    Erik: You know, Mom, before you ask me a question, I want to talk to you about people who want to take their own life. In some cases, the stress, the grief, whatever builds up, it’s like a volcano. Only so much can build before it has to release. The lesson in each case is that there is perfection in imperfection.

    Me: Mm hm.

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: He’s pausing. Erik, I can see that.

    Me: What? Is he picking his nose?

    Jamie (sounding touched): No. His eyes are tearing up.

    Me: Oh, Sweetie. It’s okay.

    Jamie: He’s just kind of readjusting his gestures and how he’s sitting so that he’s really not squared off with me; we’re not looking at each other face to face.


    Jamie (to Erik): But, you know, I can see that you’re adjusting. I can see. I can see.

    Erik: Well, it’s hard …


    Jamie (to Erik, in a warm, motherly tone): Take a deep breath. You don’t always have to be the fast talker.

    Me: Yeah, Sweetie. Take your time.

    Jamie (with a soft chuckle): I don’t mind a pause.

    Erik: It just throws me right back into my human state of mind—right back into my body—and I haven’t shaken hands with those demons in a long time.

    Me: Yeah, I know.

    Erik: And I’m happy not to shake hands with them anymore, but when you’re human, you think you have the power to override them—the internal thoughts, those crazy horses in your head that just run with ideas and thoughts that actually hold no truth. But because the thoughts are so heavy, they feel incredibly real, and we start to validate them as real and they’re not. It’s within this slice of anxiety, madness, grief, this really imbalanced state of mind and heart—that’s the imperfection that makes us perfect.

    Me: Not sure if I understand, but…

    Erik: In so many people who want to take their life, it’s just about getting out of the body, not an act or a willingness to die. It might be nice, ya know? First hand, I kinda know that experience.

    Me (solemnly): Yeah.

    Erik: A lot of times those people might be worried that they couldn’t do everything they wanted or needed to do, desired to. But then right before, they get this peace and calm, knowing that everything is going to be all right. All of a sudden, they know it’s all going to be okay. Really at that moment, they already left the body.

    Me: Oh!

    Erik: A lot of people I see that are headed toward the answers, committing suicide, attempting suicide, ending their life, they just need out of their body just for a certain moment. A lot of times they do that before they get a chance to follow through, and then they back down.

    Me: They just need a rest. A rest from being human.

    Erik: Yeah. And when people struggle to that point, like I said, many times it’s about the perfection of imperfection.

    Me: What do you mean by that? I just don’t understand.


    Erik: Our perfectness is composed of a huge percentage of things that just aren’t’ right.

    Jamie (giggling): He kind of puts that in air quotes.

    Erik: I know there’s no right or wrong—there just “is”, but as humans, the brain has a hell of a hard time relaxing in that state of mind. It’s almost like we enjoy struggle more than we enjoy peace. And all of humanity has to learn this lesson for us to achieve it—to make it a natural state of being. Peace. That’s what our generations to come might experience, but for now, we’re still in a natural state of being in struggle. Our natural state of being as a human is based on being in a constant struggle. Even when you’re calm, you’re thinking, “How long is this going to last?” “When I get out of this, then I have to face that shit, and then I have to manage that crap over there.” You know, it’s still all fucked up, but you’re going to have these pockets of peace. We’re getting through all of this as humanity. Everyone has to learn to turn the dial on the emotional, mental, spiritual level from chaos and struggle to peace and calm. Until we do that, you know, we’re all attached to each other—we’re all antennas. And we can get those incredibly enlightened people, loving people, people who are aware, and their antenna inside their body just starts to pick up all the struggle and the chaos. And they don’t want it. Just like you, Mom. And some of those people just want a break from being human. But this whole media, vulnerability, kind of openness that you and I have gone through—it was done in a way to save other people but not you. And I know you’ll come soon enough and see how you can save yourself. And how you do that will not stop the openness, the storytelling, because we—

    Jamie (to Erik): Who’s we? (To me) You and him.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: We cannot even count how many people we’ve touched nor how many people that we have taught. So, now that they’re more knowledgeable and can heal through their grief and not leave this world as it’s changing—that absolutely is extremely valuable and extremely important, but never, ever more important than you. I hope knowing that helps.

    Me: Aw. I love you, Erik.

    Erik: I love you more.


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