Channeling Erik®
  • Death
  • March16th

    26 Comments

    Here I am way up above the tree line in Norway where Internet access is spotty and very expensive. For that reason (plus the fact that I’m on vacation) I’m only going to post three days a week. Got to tend to the moose and trolls, after all. It’s so peaceful and pristine here. So quiet that the silence is deafening. It’s so nice to unwind in such a place far from the crazy, busy life I’m used to in my daily life. For those of you who make comments, I probably won’t have a chance to read them, nor will I be able to answer Facebook private messages and comments, so if you can refrain from leaving them (the ones directed to me) then the moose, trolls and I would very much appreciate it. 

    Me: Let’s see. Okay, I know we’ve talked a lot about what happens in the afterlife when someone commits suicide, you know, how they’re treated.

    Erik: Yeah.

    Me: We also talked about how suicide is usually not someone’s destiny in that it’s not a pre-designed exit point, but that in some cases, like yours, it is. So why do some people choose suicide as part of the spiritual blueprint they create for their incarnation? I mean, so many of the blog members insist that you can’t choose suicide as part of your destiny, because it’s just not right, taking any life, including your own. But from my perspective, I think you can. Maybe that’s wishful thinking on my part, but—

    Erik: No, you’re right, Mom. You can choose that type of death, um, I mean transition, when you plan your life. How ignorant for somebody to say, “You can choose all these other kinds of deaths, but you can’t choose this one.”

    Me: Well, cut ‘em some slack, Erik, because I think there’s a lot of influence from different religions on the subject. It’s a taboo thing.

    Erik: Nope. Ignorance.

    Me: Erik! Play nice!

    Erik, Jamie and I laugh.

    Me: Or maybe I’m just being too nice, giving people the benefit of the doubt.

    Erik: You’re always nice, Mom.

    Me: Aw! You’re sweet, Erik! Okay, so can you name all the reasons, or at least some of the reasons for why someone would choose suicide as a destiny?

    Erik: Um, one could be finding inner strength.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: So that they can overcome themselves. One is to succumb to get in.

    Me: Why would that be a choice?

    Erik: It’s more of a breaking of boundaries or a breaking of structure.

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Erik: So, let’s say if you were into that heavy religious belief that suicide is taboo, it’s never the answer and you’re going to burn in hell if you do it.

    Me: Um hmm..

    Erik: That’s a rule in your life that’s binding you. So when you kill yourself to experience succumbing, you’re giving in to YOUR feelings, YOUR needs. Succumbing to YOURESELF would be breaking an external rule or structure. And that would teach others that the belief system doesn’t give room for the complete truth. Another, which is one of the most common reasons, is when people know they’re going to come into a life that is extremely powerful and demanding on themselves.

    Me: Yeah, to accelerate their spiritual growth?

    Erik: Right, and some people won’t do it unless they know they have an out. If it gets to be too much for them, they do break and feel they can’t repair themselves, then they know that they can leave.

    Me: So that’s one of the exit points they create for themselves. Like a safety valve on a pressure cooker.

    Erik: Exactly. That’s generally the most common reason for suicide as a pre-designed exit point.

    Me: Is there—of course you had such a great life, apart from your mental illness, so what was your reason?

    Erik: Mine was to get out of my head, and I set myself up to have a very hard life, mentally, so that I could be better prepared to do the job I’m doing now. Just like you, Mom. You’ve had a really hard life, lot’s of drama and tragedy. That’s so you could have the understanding and compassion a healer and teacher needs to be effective. I needed to develop that compassion also so I could guide and help others from this side of the veil. It’s what I was meant to do.

    Me: Are there any reasons someone might commit suicide to teach lessons to others?

    Jamie listens for awhile, then starts chuckling.

    Erik: First, it’s not like we’re wanting to be vindictive or “in your face,” but a lot of times, suicide is that final, “Fuck you.”

    Me: Uh huh.

    Erik: That, “Look what you’ve made me do!” We covered that part about you’re fully in control of your own actions so that’s all bullshit. To give away your power, you know, to say somebody made you do it is because that person isn’t strong enough and doesn’t want to take responsibility.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: So, it’s a huge “in your face” action, because it shows that the person needed such help but wasn’t able to express it. And so the people around you perk up. Often, they take on new positions in life. If they don’t fall apart from the suicide of their friend or family member, they take on new parts. Look at you, for example, Mom—able to help thousands of other people.

    Me: Okay, so yeah, it can be a catalyst, a positive catalyst for other people, then?

    Erik: Yes, but most people see it negatively, because of what they were taught about suicide when they came into this world. It’s bogus. Totally bogus.

    Me: Okay, so anything else?

    Erik: Oh, yeah. Some try to teach others about loss, some about the sanctity of life and the human experience.

    Me: So can they learn about the sanctity of the human experience themselves, like they kill themselves, then they get over there and think, “Oh my god, I just wasted an opportunity!” Do they ever design it for that?

    Erik: Uh, yeah. There are tons of regrets where when they were alive they couldn’t see five feet in diameter around them, but then with their death, they can see a lot more, and they realized how they shortchanged themselves.

    Me: Yeah, exactly.

    Erik: And yes, doing that, then there’s work to be done, because there were people’s lives that they were supposed to be involved with that they were supposed to affect. So they have to do all that work in spirit that they would have done if they remained alive. All that, the regrets and missed opportunities—that’s to teach the soul how important the human experience is to spiritual progress, not only for them, but others too. It’s a lot harder to get the work done over here in spirit.

    Me: Okay, now, at first, you said your death wasn’t your destiny, and lately you’ve said it was. I always felt like it was. I could never imagine you as an old man with grandkids and stuff.

    Erik: I was totally disoriented when I first got here, Mom. Mostly, I just felt (pause), it’s odd. It’s peaceful and I knew I did the right thing, but then I felt horrible watching the people I love, and to speak up and tell them that, yeah, this was the right thing for me to do—that’s just another stab right into their hearts.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: And a lot of people can’t accept that. You know, “How could your son, who you loved so much, and you believed they loved you do that to you?” And that’s an egocentric way of thinking about it. You’d be thinking just about yourself instead of the other person’s position, but again, that’s what our structure gives to us on planet earth.

    Me: Yep, exactly. So you were disoriented; you thought it wasn’t your destiny, you thought you just kind of messed up, because you saw us grieving so much? Then you all of a sudden remembered it was your destiny, because you were supposed to be doing all this—what you’re doing now?

    Jamie: He said this and you said this at the same time!

    Me: Ha! How cool. I guess great minds think alike!

    Erik chuckles.

    IMG_2075

    Selfie in the Tundra

    Lukas, Annika and I in Norway

    Lukas, Annika and I in Norway

     

  • February2nd

    52 Comments

    Yesterday was a brutal day. A bittersweet one. We finally cleared out all of the yellow crime scene bags (and there were a lot of them) from Erik’s closet. In a way it was a relief, but I still had to cry because now I’ve let go of the last physical part of him. I really don’t feel like posting anything today.

    Hearing Erik’s voice always makes me feel better, so let’s have a little contest. Anyone who finds his voice on a YouTube recording (or any other type of recording) other than what’s already been found will receive a signed copy of the book to keep for themselves or pass along to others. You can let me know, timestamp and all) through my email, emedhus@gmail.com.

    It comforts me to know that I have my lovely children and husband, so I’ll post their pictures here.

    My Grand daughter, Arleen

    My Grand daughter, Arleen

    My Youngest, Annika

    My Youngest, Annika

    My Eldest, Kristina

    My Eldest, Kristina

    Rune in His Norwegian Folk Dress (Bunad)

    Rune in His Norwegian Folk Dress (Bunad)

    Rune Doing What He Loves

    Rune Doing What He Loves

    The two photos below are of my third child, Lukas. He looks eerily like Erik.

    Lukas with the Babes

    Lukas with the Babes

    Lukas in Norway

    Lukas in Norway

    Michelle

    My second eldest, Michelle

     

    Despite the tragic loss of my son, I am truly blessed. My you are see the blessings in your life. They’re there whether you realize it or not.

  • January5th

    11 Comments

    Less than two years after Erik’d death, his younger sister, Annika, wrote a poignant poem for high school. Its depth belies her young age. She was only 15 years old. I’ve also included the explanation her English teacher required for the assignment. Note: “Red Hands” are a metaphor for her sense of guilt, something all too common in those who grieve. She refers to the dragonfly because that’s how Erik has come to her.

    Annika's poem and Erik's prank

    Annika Medhus

    4/20/11

    Revitalized

    My red hands alone cradle an empty chest.

    Skies bruise into a deep violet.

    Blackness falls from the grieving clouds.

    The soil laments for its loss.

    A palace becomes a frail shed.

    A laugh becomes a haunting scream.

    Shackles strangle the weakening flowers.

    The lost is now found as a burden set between torn wings.

    Suddenly, a light dagger releases all the drowning souls.

    Dried eyes wearily regain the sun.

    A silhouette of wings replaces the shadow of death.

    Arms of light tighten around my own.

    Dragonflies buzz wildly, whispering secrets.

    With the dust gone, never has the sun dripped in like this.

    The ground ceases to shake, waves calm to ripples.

    Omniscient water flows within thirsty veins.

    Earth blossoms when the realization is made.

    Twenty candles are still and will forever be lit.

    A brother was lost, but an angel is gained.

    My clean hands—not alone—cradle a beating heart.

    My intentions were to convey a tone of sorrow and loss but also renewal and awakening. The shift in mood contributes to the tone; for example, from red hands to clean hands represent the metamorphosis from guilt to acceptance. The image of Earth blossoming emphasizes the epiphany and the connotation between silhouette and shadow shows the difference between things that can negatively and positively loom over you. In the beginning, the lines are short and dramatic. As it progresses into a lighter tone, the sentences lengthen and flow more, representing the flow of light that is consuming the darkness. The first and last sentences show how the feeling in the poem has altered, yet both remain somewhat similar in structure to reveal the small amount grief that lingers.

    Here is a self-explanatory video of Erik’s niece, Arleen, after she was pranked by him. The cool thing is that 5 year olds usually don’t make this kind of stuff up. (I hope I haven’t already posted this! I did a search for the appropriate keywords and couldn’t find it.)

    Stay tuned soon for the last half of the Abe Lincoln’s interview.

  • December31st

    22 Comments

    I know I said I wasn’t going to post anything until January 2nd, but I’m sorry to report that a dear friend and long time member of the Channeling Erik Facebook group has died. Audie Herron was truly a special soul. Please send your love and healing energy to him wife and the rest of his family and friends. I know he’s in good hands with Erik, his guides and his deceased loved ones.

    Although it seems odd in light of this news, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year. Be sure not to drink and drive. Stay among those you love and be sure that I will be toasting to you, my cyber family. May 2015 be the best year of your life.

    Sorry I’ve been neglecting your comments. Holidays here with my family are a little crazy.

    Here’s a YouTube video from my daughter, Kristina’s,famous blog, Pretty Shiny Sparkly You can watch the whole thing, but definitely watch the part beginning at 18:40. Proof of how Erik’s death was an atom bomb blowing up in our family. All of us still suffer.

    I love you all,

    Elisa

  • December16th

    29 Comments

    I’m putting myself on a limb here because this is a very controversial topic. I wonder if knowing that we are all eternal beings influences opinions out there, but that being said, the jury is still out for me. 

    Me:  So, what about the death penalty and it’s consequences? What do you think about it, Erik?

    Erik (sighing): You know, it’s so odd. I think sometimes—and it’s on a rare occasion—

    Jamie: He’s standing up; his hands are in his pocket; his thumbs are sticking out. He’s just kind of pacing. He’s really thinking about this one!

    Me: Yeah, it’s a tough one. I don’t think anyone should be put to death, but I guess it could be a pre-designed exit point for some. I don’t know.

    Erik: Right. It definitely can be a pre-designed exit point that somebody else is to take their life, and so many people put themselves in harm’s way so that happens. It’s the same way, but it’s just done in a little more public way.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Um, but there are very few cases—there are some—that actually fit the whole definition and lesson and learning and cleansing of having their life taken from them in this way.  Over all, no.

    (Pause)

    Jamie (laughing): Erik!

    Erik: Now I do like the idea of an eye for an eye but not so much for death.

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Jamie: Erik! He’s giving me an example.

    Erik: I feel if some woman was raped, I think we need to bring in some big ol’ guy to rape the rapist.

    Me: I can just hear it. “You gon be my bitch!”

    Erik (laughing): Can you fucking imagine that? How—

    Me: Well, that’s not very compassionate, Erik!

    Erik: No, that’s not very compassionate. Yeah, maybe the rapist was abused as a kid or something. You never know! Or maybe it was a spiritual contract between the rapist and the woman to, you know, experience that for some reason.

    Me: Hm. I don’t know about that.

    Erik (belly laughing): I know, Mom, take a joke! Take a joke!

    Me: Ha. Ha.

    All three of us laugh.

    Erik: No, I totally agree with you, but, um, going back to the death penalty, there are those small cases, but honestly, I think the better way to handle it all—death is such a release, keeping them alive is more of a punishment.

    Me: Oh, yeah.

    Erik: And for the jail structures, great. Someone came up with, you know, a thousand years ago, how to lock someone away as a punishment, but what you really need to be teaching them is how to make a community. You know, we should lock them together as a community—

    Me: So they can teach each other?

    Erik: Correct. The more dangerous ones can be in a more solitary environment, but the others, we have to reform them; we have to teach them even the simplest things like how to respect their linens and make their beds, how to take pride in the small things they’ve done and what they’ve learned from it.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: And if they earn a larger amount of freedom, then they move into a different part of the community so that they interfere with others or evoke jealousy. Again, another opportunity to learn.

    Me: It just seems like an awful lot of responsibility to give the collective to actually put somebody down, to kill somebody just so that person can have their exit point, oof, you know? That would be a sacrifice on the side of the executioner or the system overall.

    Erik: And there’s a lot of narcissistic people who want their names in the paper, who want people watching them when they pass away! It’s just the saddest thing, really. It’s messed up.

    images

  • October17th

    10 Comments

    Hey all,

    I was contacted by a producer of a reality show who is considering using an “Erik story” for an episode. Of course this is a long shot, but I would love it if you can share a time when Erik may have literally prevented you from committing suicide and whether you’d be willing to share that story on the show. If you do, please email it to me at emedhus@gmail.com.

    Thanks.

  • August26th

    27 Comments

    This repost is about respite. A break from the grief of losing someone we love. A break from being mired in daily struggle. A break from being human. This is the first time Erik spoke to me without the need of a question prompt. He spoke with solemn passion. How timely.

    Erik: You know, Mom, before you ask me a question, I want to talk to you about people who want to take their own life. In some cases, the stress, the grief, whatever builds up, it’s like a volcano. Only so much can build before it has to release. The lesson in each case is that there is perfection in imperfection.

    Me: Mm hm.

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: He’s pausing. Erik, I can see that.

    Me: What? Is he picking his nose?

    Jamie (sounding touched): No. His eyes are tearing up.

    Me: Oh, Sweetie. It’s okay.

    Jamie: He’s just kind of readjusting his gestures and how he’s sitting so that he’s really not squared off with me; we’re not looking at each other face to face.

    (Pause)

    Jamie (to Erik): But, you know, I can see that you’re adjusting. I can see. I can see.

    Erik: Well, it’s hard …

    (Pause)

    Jamie (to Erik, in a warm, motherly tone): Take a deep breath. You don’t always have to be the fast talker.

    Me: Yeah, Sweetie. Take your time.

    Jamie (with a soft chuckle): I don’t mind a pause.

    Erik: It just throws me right back into my human state of mind—right back into my body—and I haven’t shaken hands with those demons in a long time.

    Me: Yeah, I know.

    Erik: And I’m happy not to shake hands with them anymore, but when you’re human, you think you have the power to override them—the internal thoughts, those crazy horses in your head that just run with ideas and thoughts that actually hold no truth. But because the thoughts are so heavy, they feel incredibly real, and we start to validate them as real and they’re not. It’s within this slice of anxiety, madness, grief, this really imbalanced state of mind and heart—that’s the imperfection that makes us perfect.

    Me: Not sure if I understand, but…

    Erik: In so many people who want to take their life, it’s just about getting out of the body, not an act or a willingness to die. It might be nice, ya know? First hand, I kinda know that experience.

    Me (solemnly): Yeah.

    Erik: A lot of times those people might be worried that they couldn’t do everything they wanted or needed to do, desired to. But then right before, they get this peace and calm, knowing that everything is going to be all right. All of a sudden, they know it’s all going to be okay. Really at that moment, they already left the body.

    Me: Oh!

    Erik: A lot of people I see that are headed toward the answers, committing suicide, attempting suicide, ending their life, they just need out of their body just for a certain moment. A lot of times they do that before they get a chance to follow through, and then they back down.

    Me: They just need a rest. A rest from being human.

    Erik: Yeah. And when people struggle to that point, like I said, many times it’s about the perfection of imperfection.

    Me: What do you mean by that? I just don’t understand.

    (Pause)

    Erik: Our perfectness is composed of a huge percentage of things that just aren’t’ right.

    Jamie (giggling): He kind of puts that in air quotes.

    Erik: I know there’s no right or wrong—there just “is”, but as humans, the brain has a hell of a hard time relaxing in that state of mind. It’s almost like we enjoy struggle more than we enjoy peace. And all of humanity has to learn this lesson for us to achieve it—to make it a natural state of being. Peace. That’s what our generations to come might experience, but for now, we’re still in a natural state of being in struggle. Our natural state of being as a human is based on being in a constant struggle. Even when you’re calm, you’re thinking, “How long is this going to last?” “When I get out of this, then I have to face that shit, and then I have to manage that crap over there.” You know, it’s still all fucked up, but you’re going to have these pockets of peace. We’re getting through all of this as humanity. Everyone has to learn to turn the dial on the emotional, mental, spiritual level from chaos and struggle to peace and calm. Until we do that, you know, we’re all attached to each other—we’re all antennas. And we can get those incredibly enlightened people, loving people, people who are aware, and their antenna inside their body just starts to pick up all the struggle and the chaos. And they don’t want it. Just like you, Mom. And some of those people just want a break from being human. But this whole media, vulnerability, kind of openness that you and I have gone through—it was done in a way to save other people but not you. And I know you’ll come soon enough and see how you can save yourself. And how you do that will not stop the openness, the storytelling, because we—

    Jamie (to Erik): Who’s we? (To me) You and him.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: We cannot even count how many people we’ve touched nor how many people that we have taught. So, now that they’re more knowledgeable and can heal through their grief and not leave this world as it’s changing—that absolutely is extremely valuable and extremely important, but never, ever more important than you. I hope knowing that helps.

    Me: Aw. I love you, Erik.

    Erik: I love you more.

    Taking a Break from Being Human - Channeling Erik

  • August14th

    28 Comments

    Since Robin William’s death, a lot of people have been wondering about why he made the decision he did. Personally, I think a lot of comedians, including Robin, Richard Jeni and others, have their dark side, and feeling lost and sad compels them to balance their lives with humor. Let’s revisit the suicide issue again.

    Me: Erik, some of my readers who write in say they’re so depressed that they want to commit suicide. I’m not sure how to handle this. After all, they read your description of how your death was so painless and how the afterlife is so beautiful, what’s to keep them from taking the leap like you did?

    Erik: I dunno. It’s fuckin great over here. It’s an individual choice. You know how we all choose when and how we return to the earthly plane? It’s the same thing with returning to the spiritual plane. Do you do what I did and get here earlier, or do you let your destinies play out and get here when you’re meant to? It’s always better for us to stay on the earthly plane and fulfill our destiny, because our life has a ripple effect on so many others. Without us, other people are not going to be able to do what they’re supposed to do.

    I can certainly vouch for the ripple effect Erik’s suicide has had. It has all but destroyed me. I have a deep dark hole in my heart that can never be filled. Everyone who knew him and loved him has suffered phenomenally too. Has it stopped me from fulfilling my destiny? Possibly. Perhaps had I been left whole I could have had the confidence, the energy, the motivation and the power to help thousands of others. Perhaps I could have transformed a life, a family or a community in some positive way. As you will read about in an upcoming entry, one young suicide victim Erik channeled realizes now that his destiny to be a powerful healer has been cut short. For that reason, many will be deprived of his abilities. Without him, many will die.

    Other suicide victims Erik channels realize that their problems still haunt them in the afterlife. They may have shed their bodies but their depression, their angst, their poor self-esteems, all survive death and are, in fact, only aggravated by the remorse they have for their fateful decision. They are well aware of the grief and pain they’ve created for the loved ones they’ve left behind on the earthly plane. And with their destinies cut short, their spiritual progress has taken a huge step backwards. The therapy and work they’ll have to do in both the afterlife and in future earthly lives will be long and arduous. Hmm, not worth it.

    Erik continues…

    Erik: I’m worried that you’re taking on the weight of the world, Mom. It’s so typical of you to want to prevent or help minimize the suffering of other people. You’re so nurturing; you wanna mama everyone. Just don’t take on the weight of the world. Just say what you believe and what you’ve experienced and leave it at that.

    Kim: Can I ask Erik a question, Elisa?

    Me: Of course!

    Kim: Erik, is…Oh, he’s shaking his head no but wait, wait, let me just finish asking the question, Erik! He keeps shaking his head no and telling me I’m wasting time. (She laughs.) Erik, could…and I appreciate you saying that. Is Mom supposed to be…He’s shaking his head vigorously!

    Erik: No! Mom is supposed to be sharing information, her thoughts, her beliefs, her experiences, period, end of story. She’s not to be giving advice, Kim, because that is not part of her earthly responsibilities. You have enough responsibilities as it is. Mom, Mom, you don’t want to get yourself into a position where your guides or guardian angels think, ‘She’s bored and has got nothing to do; we’ll give her something to do!’ The blog and the books are all going to be about what you see, hear, believe, and experience. You’re also going to be doing web-isodes on YouTube where you are going to be channeling me yourself. You’re going to be doing little programs on YouTube.

    Prime Source, God Source, Life Force - Channeling Erik

  • July10th

    2 Comments

    This is for all of you animal lovers out there. That includes birds, insects and, well I don’t know about cockroaches. For me, the jury is still out on that one. But on a high note, I refuse to smush ‘em. That’s my husband’s job. No cleats though.

    Me: Are there animals there?

    Erik: Yes. Insects, plants—

    Me: Are they all ones who have died or can you create your own Chihuahua?

    Erik: You don’t really manifest another life form. It’s pretty wild. You can tend to plants and animals, but you’re not an owner of them. You’re a companion, but you don’t have ownership. There are different breeds of plants and animals that no longer exist on Earth or that haven’t come to exist on Earth that are in this higher dimensional planes.

    Me: Even T-Rex?

    Erik: Yo-yo, dinosaur!

    Jamie (to Erik, in mock frustration): Why? (To me) He says he’s going to follow me around all day and say, “Yo-yo, dinosaur.”

    Me: Oh no!

    Jamie: Better than apples!

    Me: Yeah, I remember he did that.

    Jamie shakes her head.

    Erik: Yeah, anything that existed or is going to exist on Earth is here.

    Me: Do you have to take care of dogs and cats and so on or can they survive on their own?

    Erik: Yeah, they can survive on their own. Remember, this is not a place where we have those needs—like you need water, you need food, you need this. So, animals can tend to themselves and there’s a pure line of communication between the two of them. You can talk to the animal and the animal can call back. Again, when I’m talking about conversations it’s more from the heart. I didn’t realize how much that frustrates me until we had these interviews today.

    Me (in a voice that’s like a mother talking to her baby): So you don’t have to meow like a kitty cat?

    Erik: No, but I’m sure when you get here you’ll still do it anyway, Mom.

    Me: I’m sure. There was another question I wanted to ask about animals, but I can’t remember it for the life of me. What was it Erik?

    Erik: How people can be animals?

    Of course we are, but I didn’t want to pull rank on the guy.

    Me: Yeah, that’s right. We can be animals.

    Erik: If there’s a life form, then a person can be a part of that life form. So they can be an animal, an insect, a plant.

    Oh, Erik. An insect is an animal. You must have missed that lecture in biology class.

    Me: Oh! I remember what I was going to say!

    Erik: What?

    Me: Do you have a particular animal companion? I mean, do you hang out with a dog, a cat, a snake or anything more than other animals?

    Erik (to Jamie): My mom’s pairing me up with a snake!

    Me: Uh oh. Sorry.

    Erik: No, no. I don’t have any companions right now.

    Me: What about my puppy dogs?

    Erik: Well, you can have ‘em!

    Me: No, I mean the ones who’ve passed away. All of the ones.

    Erik: Well, I get to see nut head every now and then.

    He’s referring to Peanut, our Chihuahua.

    Jamie: Nut head?

    Me: Aw. Peanut!

    Jamie: Peanut.

    Me (to Erik): Nut head. Erik!

    Erik: We don’t hang out every day.

  • June5th

    13 Comments

    Blog member, Daniel Lucas, created the masterpiece below. How, I don’t know, but it gives me such a sense that we’re all family, connected. If you’d like a picture of yourself in the image, please send a good quality, bright photo to him at daniel-lucas95@hotmail.com. Thanks, Daniel!

    The Family

    The Family

    This is the continuation of Erik’s description of his death and the events that occurred in the moments that followed.

    Erik: Then I felt pulled. It felt like I was being pulled from the back of my shoulders. Not pushed, but, it’s kind of what I would imagine water being moved up a straw would feel like.

    (Pause)

    Erik: It wasn’t like being abducted by aliens. You know like a UFO hovers over you and they like sssllrrrruuup (sucking sound), get sucked up. It wasn’t like that.

    Jamie (laughing): Erik, you’re so creative! He’s showing me the motion of being pulled backwards.

    Erik: It’s like being dragged out of the sea by your life jacket with one of those boat hooks. And the distance is about the same as from the water to the boat. It wasn’t very far. Maybe a few feet. It’s not like I went up, up, up into the sky.

    Me: Uh huh.

    Erik: I kinda expected that, though. But that didn’t happen. And it wasn’t like I got pulled into a different room. It’s like the room I was in began to change. It’s like when kids draw chalk on the sidewalk and then you take a hose to it or the rain comes and gently washes it away. It becomes a clean sidewalk again. The room I was in gently washed away, and I was in a different room.

    Me: Hmm. But did you come back to see when I came upstairs and came into your room? Anything like that?

    Erik: I know you were there. But really, that seems like 15 minutes after if happened.

    Me: Okay. Yes, that’s exactly when I came up to your room. So you were pulled away by your shoulders, and the room gently washes away. So when do you see me and then the police?

    Erik: Well, I saw it sorta from a different vantage point. It’s not like I was standing in the room.

    Jamie: Erik, how do I explain what you’re showing me?

    Erik: It’s not like I’m watching a TV. It’s not like I’m removed in that way. I was a part of it; I see myself in the room, but I’m not really part of that room at all anymore. It’s really hard to explain it in words, Mom.

    Me: Like you were behind the veil?

    Erik: Yeah, Sorta like that! You know how you can put a sheet over your body, but you can still see through it, but you’re pretending that nobody can see you?

    Me: Oh, yeah!

    Erik: That’s kinda how I viewed what took place.

    Me: How did that scene make you feel? Was it difficult to watch?

    Erik: At first I was a little confused why you were crying. I knew the police had to be there, but I really couldn’t have told you why. I just knew they had to be there. I knew it was right. But yeah, it was very painful for me to watch you break down like that. It was horrible, the most painful thing I’ve ever had to bear. I really didn’t think about how you would react. All I thought about was how I could get relief.

    Me: Well, we called them, you know, the Hedwig Village Police. Maria told us she heard a gun shot so we turned the car around and drove like a bat out of hell back, and we called 911. (Explaining to Jamie): Since we live in a small village inside Houston and have our own police department, they came right away. In fact, they almost beat us there.

    Jamie (giggling): He’s laughing that you called the village.

    Erik: Once that was taken care of, I saw my body being zipped up. Then it was carried out, but I can’t really explain where it went after that.

    Me: Well I guess at that point you didn’t follow it. You probably didn’t have much of an attachment to your body, an emotional attachment, I mean.

    Erik: Yeah, none. It’s like you always told me when I was growing up that I wasn’t my body, that my soul was separate from it.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Then, I remember the Light. It was really, really bright to look at, but there wasn’t any tunnel. No tunnel.

    Me: Okay, so the tunnel was probably just the physiologic thing you were talking about before?

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: You probably died so instantly, that there was no period of slow oxygen deprivation to that part of the brain that causes the tunnel effect. Okay, so then after you saw the Light, what happened?

    Erik: After I was pulled away, watched the scene, and then my body got carried away?

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Well, for a while I didn’t leave the house. I didn’t go out into the yard or anything. So that’s when I started to check on people I knew.

    Me: Okay. Living people or deceased?

    Erik: Oh, the living.

    (Long pause)

    Me: For exaaaammmple? Miiiilking the cow, miiiilking the cow! (Coaxing more information from his was like pulling teeth!)

    Jamie: He’s showing me this image; it’s almost like going through a book.

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Jamie: you know, you flip one page, you see that person. You flip another page, you go see somebody else. He saw one of the friends. Male. A male friend that was close to him. Dark hair.

    Me: Sean, Valentin, Jonathan?

    Jamie: Does Valentin have a nickname?

    Me: I don’t know. Frenchie, maybe? He was French. Anyway, he was the guy who hung out with Erik a lot during the last year of his life.  One activity they enjoyed together was target shooting at the gun range. Erik was too young to buy a gun, and we didn’t even know he had one. Apparently, he traded in some of his possessions and asked an acquaintance of Valentin’s to buy one for him. But if it hadn’t been the gun, it would have been something else: a rope, pills. Kim once told us that he might try to kill himself, but that there was nothing we could do to prevent it. Of course I took him to a therapist once a week, a psychiatrist once a week, I tried to get him to do past life regression, everything. We just didn’t want that prediction to come true. But, sadly, it did. Valentin was his best friend toward the end and made his life so full of love and friendship. Now, Sean is one of his lifelong friends. We’ve know him since grade school, and I homeschooled him along with Erik for many years. So, they were very close, too.

    Jamie: No, he went to Valentin first. He didn’t check on Sean until later.

    Erik: Then I went to see Popi.

    Me: Yeah, Popi (my dad, Erik’s grandfather) told me you visited him, sat down in his lap and laid your head on his chest. That kind of freaked him out, because he’s a total atheist. He doesn’t believe in life after death at all.

    Erik: Yeah, and it was sort alike going to the house next door.

    Me: Wait, are you talking about my dad, Popi, or Pappa’s father in Norway?

    Erik: Your dad. Popi.

    Me: Well, I have to tell you, Erik, it really startled my dad. He called and said he was in shock and that he didn’t know what to think. I’m glad, because he’s almost 90 so…

    Erik and Jamie laugh.

    Erik: Then, I went to Norway to see Bestefar. Chilled with him a while.

    Me: Okay, so then what?

    Erik: Well, there was this really bright light that I didn’t really feel I could look at, cuz I’ve always been taught not to look at the sun since it might burn your eyes, you know?

    Me: Yeah, sure.

    Erik: But it didn’t burn at all. No tunnel, no upward and away motion. I was actually a little disappointed in that! (laughing) You know how when you come out of a movie theater after sitting in the dark and you come out into the bright-lit lobby? It takes a while to get use to it, to adjust. Your eyes adjust, and you begin to see you’re not alone.

    Me: Uh huh.

    Erik: And the odd thing is, I can’t tell you if I was inside or outside. It’s like I was just in a space.

    Me; How did you get to the Light from Norway? Were you pulled there?

    Erik: It’s weird. It’s like I just walked a few steps and got there. I just walked in the direction that I felt the pull was taking me. Let’s go back to the life jacket idea. It’s like I was being pulled and pulled toward and then into the boat, but while I was being pulled, I made those visits. I do all this stuff, and finally, by the time I’m done, I’m getting closer to the boat, and they pull me a few feet up into the Light and into the ALTERNATE DIMENSION. (He says this like Rod Serling would say “TWILIGHT ZONE” with an eerie and mysterious tone.)

    Jamie: He’s laughing hard!

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Me (laughing): Making a joke about it, huh?

    Erik: Of course that’s not what we call it when we’re here. You don’t even know what to call it! You just know you’re in the right place. That’s the only thing that matters, You know you’re in the right place. I knew I didn’t do anything wrong, that I was just in the right place.

    Me: Good. So who did you see over there?

    Erik: I remember seeing Aunt Denise first.

    Me: Yeah, that’s what you said through Kim. So, uh, how did that conversation go?

    Erik (chuckling): It’s so funny that you say conversation, because she had a mouthful for me!

    Me: Oh, boy! I bet!

    Erik: She went at me verbally. And frankly, I really felt like that was unfair, because she knew what was going on, and I didn’t!

    (My younger sister, Denise, committed suicide in 2003 after a life ravaged by severely brittle Diabetes. She walked with a walker, was fed by J-Tube directly into the small intestine, wore diapers and had to be catheterized three times a day. When she had a small bowel obstruction, they gave her blood that was Hepatitis C positive. Her nephrologist told her that essentially she was a goner because they couldn’t treat the Hep C without her rejecting her new pancreas and kidney.)

    Me: Yeah, because she killed herself too! Of course she was so debilitated by her disease so, no surprise there…

    Erik: Yeah, but over a period of time, again and again and again she would come at me with “what happened?” and “what do I need to do?” and “who should I console?”

    (I found this really funny, because our family took care of Denise; she lived with us. And she was such a busy body, always asking so many questions. We always used to tease her by saying, “Why say why; Try Bud Dry.” That used to make her laugh, plus it gave us all a short reprieve from the barrage of questions.)

    Me: Yeah, Denise was a bit of a Buttinsky, but in a loving way.

    Erik: But there were other people there, too. But no God on a throne. There were like six people there to greet me, uh, dressed in clothes.

    Me (chuckling): Nothing Greek?

    Erik (laughing): Yeah, nothing Greek.

    Me: No toga party, then? Dang! I remember those when I went to Rice University!

    Jamie laughs loudly.

    Erik: That was good, Mom! That was good.

    Me: Were they all departed loved ones of ours?

    Erik: Yes, and there were some I knew that I knew, but it was kind of like when you have a dream where you know you know that person, but in consciousness you can’t identify them at all.

    Me: Okay, wow, this is all so interesting. Well, I guess we should close now. But Erik, you know it’s your brother’s birthday today. Did you wake him up this morning or try to?

    Erik: I tried to, but he sleeps like a log.

    Me: That’s true! That’s true! Okay, well maybe you can give him a little surprise while he’s awake, then.

    Erik: Yep.

    Me: Give him some goosebumps like you do to me!

    Erik (chuckling): I do have some tricks up my sleeve that I’m going to use throughout the day!

    Me: Good!

    Erik: A special day!

    Me: Why do I always feel intense goosebumps more on my left side?

    Erik: Your left side is more sensitive than your right.

    Me: Oh, okay. Well, I love you Sweetie, and when I come over there, we’ve got some catching up to do! I’m going to prank you to no end, just like you do to Jason and Robert and me!

    Jamie and Erik laugh.

    Me: Well, I love you, Erik. I love you so, so much. I miss you. I miss you so, so much, Sweetie.

    Erik: I love you more.

    I find that very hard to believe.

  • June3rd

    26 Comments

    This part of the channeling transcript was not at all easy for me. The graphic memories, the heartache, the sense of loss, it all flooded back to me like a tsunami of dread and despair. For that reason, I’ve transcribed just a portion of Erik’s description of his death. The heart can only endure so much pain.

    I do hope, however, that you can find some comfort in his words, particularly when you think of your own departed loved ones, because there are elements of peace, beauty and joy in death.

    Me: What did you notice after your death that was different for you, Erik? I know it’s different for each person, but as a general rule, what do most souls notice right away?

    Erik: Their bodies.

    Me: Yeah. You see your body? That’s the first thing you notice?

    Erik: No. The body… the way it feels. It’s crazy, Mom, because you don’t have any pain, but sometimes that doesn’t register until like days or weeks later, as Earth time goes. There’s no hunger or thirst. You’re never too cold or too hot. And some notice it right away, but for others, it’s like a few days after they go, “Hey, I don’t have any pain!”

    Me: Wow.

    Erik: Because some people have lived with pain for so long, they don’t realize when it’s gone.

    Me: Yeah. So what else? What other sensations do you notice right away?

    Erik: Expanded. You feel expanded and lighter. It’s like you’re not cramped into that tight space anymore, and you can fill any space you want. Also, one of the first things you notice is when you think of something…when you have a thought, you don’t get in a car and travel somewhere to see it or go get it. You just end up there. Like when I think of you, I’m there. When I think of Bestefar in Norway, I’m there.

    Me: Wow, so thought creates reality much faster there?

    Erik (laughing): Oh, yeah!

    Me: Must save on those plane tickets. No frequent flyer miles for you, though, Erik.

    Erik laughs.

    Me: But can you create a car or motorcycle or boat and travel that way if you want to?

    Erik: Yeah! Hell yeah! You can create anything. Just like humans can create houses and build their cars; we have the same capabilities here, but it’s done in a much different way. Easier and quicker.

    Jamie (laughing): He’s giving me this look like, “Oh, poor you!”

    Me: Us poor peons down here have to do everything the hard way, huh?

    Jamie laughs.

    Me: What about the body? After you leave the physical body and look down at your spirit self, do you still have a body of some sort like a “memory body?” Does your form seem solid to yourself, at least at first?

    (Long pause)

    Me: I mean, when you looked down on your, you know, your lifeless body, but then looked at your soul’s body, what did it look like to you?

    Erik: Mom, at that time, I didn’t even know to wonder if it was solid or not. It just wasn’t even in my realm of thinking. I was just too concerned about, “What’s gonna happen now?”

    Me (sadly): Yeah. Must have been scary for you, Baby.

    (Pause)

    Erik: I know this sounds weird, but I didn’t have a lot of fear, because there weren’t those smells and sounds and sights and feelings that would create fear. It was actually extremely peaceful. And you know that one second felt like five minutes.

    Me: Okay. Which one second? When you pulled the trigger?

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: Oh, okay. Did it hurt?

    Erik: I remember the sounds around me but not the pain. It’s like I heard the ricochet whizzing sound of the bullet after it went through my head.

    Me: Gosh, Erik, weren’t you scared when you were slowly squeezing the trigger? I almost feel like you probably weren’t sure you were actually going to do it until it was all over, like you didn’t totally make up your mind until it was too late. What were you feeling at that moment?

    Erik: That’s pretty interesting that you knew I pulled the trigger slowly.

    Me: Oh, I just got that. I don’t know. I just get the feeling you had not made up your mind until it was all over. Maybe you told me about your indecisiveness before in another channeling session, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t tell me you pulled the trigger slowly. That’s just what I get. Maybe it was channeled.

    Erik: That’s true, but I didn’t really think I would die from it.

    Me (somberly): Yeah, well, it was a 45 caliber hollow point. Oof.

    (Long, poignant pause)

    Me: What else do you want to share about death and the moment right after death, you know, what the soul realizes right after death?

    Erik: Well, definitely lack of pain, like I said. Ease of movement. How thought creates reality in an instant. Also these wonderful things are happening to you. There’s this full-on weakness that you have at first. For me, I relate that to—I don’t know how to maneuver this body. When I was alive, I would reach out, grab the can, open it up and drink it. I could feel thirst and take care of it. If I wanted to see my family, I could go call or come over or email. But now these patterns that I learned don’t exist anymore. They don’t work the same way.

    Me: Hmm. Wow!

    Erik: In the beginning, there’s this sense of helplessness. I’ve heard some spirits call it release, but you have to sorta relearn how to interact with people and stuff. Some spirits know how to do it right away. You know, entering a dream or moving something away or making something appear. But some of us just take longer before we able to do certain things.

    Me: To do what, exactly? Can you give me an example of something you’ve tried to do and it was difficult?

    Erik: I remember I tried to pick the gun up.

    Me (sadly): Um hm.

    Erik: I tried to move my face to help me.

    Me; Um hm.

    Erik: None of that worked. My hand just went right through everything. It penetrated, it had a sensation; it wasn’t like my hand was moving through air. I could feel density and texture. I could feel the emotion of what I was going through.

    Me: Did the emotions feel different?

    Erik: Yes, they did. It’s like they weren’t mine. Though I was looking at myself—I know it was me, but it didn’t feel like me at all.

    Me: Help me understand this. What emotions did you—your soul—feel right after death?

    (Pause)

    Me: Besides, of course, helplessness and—

    Erik: Joy. Wait. I take that back. If I have to break it down in a sequence, I’m guessing the first feeling I had was peacefulness. Being at peace.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: I recognized I was at peace and felt joy. Then, when I saw that I was separated, you know, from my physical body, I felt I wasn’t solid, that’s when I went to go help myself, try to anyway. I only had time to try to help once. And I wasn’t afraid for myself, either.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: Because I felt fine!

    Me: Yeah. And then, did you feel like, when I went up there and found you, did you go through that, “Oh my gosh; what have I done” feeling?

    Erik: Not right away. At first I was really interested in finding out what was next. I didn’t do the “Oh my gosh; what have I done” thing until I realized that it was irreversible.

    Me: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so walk me through the sequence: you tried to grab the gun, then you tried to help yourself once, then what?

    Even as I proofread this, my stomach turns and my heart sinks to familiar depths. As I’m brought back to that tragic day, magical thinking takes over in that for a split second, I truly believe I can intervene as his finger slowly flexes around the trigger. God, if only I could create a time machine. What would I do? I’d make him do the past life regression that would have cast a light into his darkness. I would have insisted he join us for lunch. I would have wrapped him in my arms and kept him there forever no matter how hard he squirmed and protested. But alas, there is no time machine, and magical thinking is just that—illusion. Or delusion. I miss you, Erik.

  • May13th

    19 Comments

    Jamie’s assistant, Amy, wanted you guys to know that there are a few spots open for the following channeling calls. All others are booked up.

    Griever’s Call June 2oth

    Erik’s Conference Call July 11th

    Griever’s Call July 18th

    This post was published just 4 months after Erik died. It makes me sad to read it because it reminds me of how deep and cutting my pain was at that time. Now, the pain has dulled, but I suppose it will always be my constant companion.

    Losing a child, particularly to suicide, is gut wrenching. It lends an entirely new perspective on the term, “a broken heart,” because every morning when I wake up and realize that ‘yes, Erik is still dead; it wasn’t all some horrible dream,’ I feel like a dagger has been plunged to the hilt into my heart. Since his death, it’s like I’ve lost a limb and must limp through life a broken woman. Some days I wonder how I can bear plodding through the decades I have left on Earth when every day that my son isn’t with me is like a bitter eternity. Some days, I long for death, but the love I have for my husband, my other children, my friends and the rest of my family plays tug-of-war with my soul. I must stay. I must love. I must endure.

    Of course I have many good days, but when I slip into a particularly dark place, Erik comes to comfort me. The other day he did just that. Here is just one story of the many miracles with which he graces our lives:

    Erik shot himself in the head in his bedroom. Finding him moments later was the most horrible experience I’ve ever had. For days, I couldn’t even go upstairs, much less return to that room. Then, I went through a phase when I wanted to be there all the time. I wanted to smell his dirty clothes. I cursed the fact that the sheets on his bed were changed minutes before his death, robbing me of the chance to soak in his scent, his essence. I tended to the makeshift altar on his desk by lighting the candles and rearranging the flowers that were slowly turning brown. I combed every surface, every wall to find the dent made by the wretched bullet that stole him from me forever.

    Now, I avoid the room again. Seeing the rough wood planks from which the carpet was removed, seeing the yellow bags the crime scene cleanup crew filled with his clothes, seeing his empty bed…it’s just too hard. We keep pictures of him around the house, but every reminder of his death is locked away in his room: the photo album from the funeral home, the keepsake box filled with sympathy letters, leftover programs for his memorial service, copies of our eulogies, they’re all in his room as unspeakable reminders of a life cut short. Erik’s room is a no man’s land behind a locked door that no one dares open. To open that door is to open painful wounds again.

    The other day, I felt particularly sad. As I sat on the couch sobbing softly, the housekeeper who comes once a week and has know Erik since he was 16 months old approached me quietly. She said, “Elisa, look what I found on the utility room floor.” She placed a little card in my hand. It was a card meant to be distributed to everyone at Erik’s visitation and memorial service providing information on how to leave an audio message, thoughts, prayers, remembrances, condolences.

    How could this be? These cards have been locked away in the leather keepsake box in his room upstairs. The door to his room has been closed for months. How did that card go from that box, from that room, all the way downstairs to settle on the white tile floor in the middle of another room?

    As I touched that card, Erik’s image appeared in my mind. However, this was no ordinary image. It was vivid. It was strong. It was tangible. And the smile on his face spoke volumes. It said, “Mom, I’m fine. I’m here. I’m as alive as I’ve ever been.”

    I’ve learned so much from the books I’ve read on how souls can manipulate energy to move material objects, even books explaining the physics behind the phenomenon. In a previous entry, I recounted how Erik said he was working on developing that skill so he can contact us in more tangible ways. That miracle proved to me that his practice paid off.

    A day destined to be sad had become happy. Thank you, Erik, my darling boy.



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