Channeling Erik®
  • Death
  • September14th2015

    A blog member sent me this today, and I thought it was so powerful that it deserved its own post. I hope it helps each of us see just how precious life and the human experience is. I wish Erik had read this when he was alive.
    The Morning After I Killed Myself
    by Meggie Royer

    The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

    I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.

    The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

    The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

    The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

    The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

    The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

    The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

    Wow. On another note, I have two live shows today:

    Mind Matters with Ajayan Borys

    Airs LIVE HERE at 3:30-4:00 PM CT on KKNW alternative talk radio 1150 AM, Seattle

    Additional details HERE with Kathleen Martin

    Airs LIVE HERE 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM CT

  • August3rd2015


    When Erik describes Heaven, I react differently depending on the state of affairs in my life. If the shit’s hitting the fan, I’m like, “Sign me up. Let’s get a first class ticket for Mama E!” But when I’m loving life as I have recently, I’m more hesitant. The thought of having no contrast sounds, well, boring as hell. Let’s see what Erik has to say about it. 

    Me: Some people wonder if spirits get bored. Like [my son] Lukas said, “Ugh, I don’t think I wanna die. Heaven sounds boring!”

    Jamie laughs.

    Erik: It’s definitely not boring! There’s way more to do here than there is on Earth. I think people believe that if they don’t have conflict or chaos, that things are boring because you can only be happy for so long before something goes wrong.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Well, that’s just human training. We don’t need that shit here.

    Me: Good.


    Me: Tell me more. One thing is you don’t get that element of surprise or anticipation, “Ooo, I wonder what’s going to happen next.” Not only bad stuff, but good stuff, too.

    No surprise birthday parties and no meeting your husband at the door in a negligeé.

    Erik: Yeah, that element of surprise is dampened a little bit, but there’s still discovery. You can still come across things that are perceived as new even though you already attained that knowledge. It’s kind of like how people fall into amnesia like a pretend amnesia or fake to forget—


    Erik: Or just stopped eating bread for ten years and then had a piece of bread. It’s like a new experience.

    Me: Oh, I see. Okay.

    Erik: That’s how it is here. No matter what, we can get all the information, but at the same time, if we want to know, we can just kind of go to that spot and gather up that information and know.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: But if we don’t want it that way, we just kind of go into it without consciously wanting to receive the information beforehand, and, as you might say, we muddle our way through it.

    Me: Well, do you like it there better than you like it here?

    Erik: Is this a trick question?

    Me: Mm mm.

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: What about others? Are there spirits who prefer to be on Earth as a human?

    Erik: I haven’t come across an entity who’s been trying to get back to Earth who hasn’t had the ability to, because if you really like Earth that much, you can just go back into another body.

    Me: Okay. So there’s nobody who’s like, “Forget this Heaven stuff. I want to dive right back in. I’m ready to go. Boom! I’m going to Earth.”

    Erik: Yeah. Not so much, plus when we’re talking like that, we’re assuming that you can only be in one place at a time because you’re missing it so much that you’re not connecting to it or are there. But since time is all happening at once, all the incarnations you’ve chosen, even if you’re not focusing on one of them, you’re in other incarnations.

    Me: Okay. That makes sense. You can just focus your intent on that one. Bella, get off of my questions. She’s on my desk walking around the questions. Bella, let me see the next one. Okay, this is from a blog member. “What advice do you have for people who know they want to live for others like their family and kids but the pain of life is so great that they fantasize about the relief of death?” This is a really cheerful one. Woo hoo! Yay!

    Jamie laughs.

    Erik: Well, Mom, we gotta remember that death and dying isn’t a sad thing, but our culture has engrained in us that it is. We’ve been taught that it’s sorrowful and negative to think about. So we feel ashamed and we punish ourselves if we are more attracted to death than to life.

    Me: Mm hm.

    Erik: We just have to find a more compassionate way to accept this person’s needs as is. So I would say to this reader, this—

    Jamie: Blogger?

    No, that’s the person who writes the blog.

    Jamie: What are you saying, Erik? B-l-o-g dash capital E. E is for Erik. Blog-E. There we go. I knew I was missing something.

    Erik: What I would say to this blog-ee is, “Don’t ignore your feelings.” I don’t want everyone to think that I’m on one side or the other when I give this advice, so please read with an open mind and an open heart. We shouldn’t ignore what our needs are. Now, the biggest question is “Are we in a healthy place in our life where we can best identify those needs, or are we using escapism?”

    Me: Mm. Yeah.

    Erik: And so I would seek help making sure that how you’re viewing your life has meaning and accuracy for you. I would go to a life coach, therapist, whatever floats your boat, whatever makes you feel comfortable when you’re talking about these needs. And then if you’re in the boat like so, so many of us where you absolutely want to die, but you would never take your own life—you’re just not interested in that. You’re just like, “C’mon. When? When’s the end of the story? Let’s do this! Let’s get out of here.” The way to deal with this is learn astral projection. Learn transcendental meditation. Try the deprivation technique. You know, find techniques that take you to an altered state of mind to go to other dimensional states. That way, you can have that pressure relieved. Guess what? You don’t have to wait until the end of your life to have the joy where we are. You just don’t have to wait for the end.

    Me: So I guess hallucinogens like LSD might be an option, too, under the supervision of a doctor.

    Erik: Hell yeah! Look at my mommy!

    Me: I’ve learned from the best!

    Erik: It’s true. A lot of people can’t take their minds and just let go, but under supervision using hallucinogens—it’s just amazing. Stop forcing yourself to live the life you’ve already willingly disconnected from. Be responsible. Start going beyond the boundaries that you were taught had to be maintained for you to have your life and start living in a way that fulfills all of your needs.

    Me: Exactly. Start tripping.

    Erik: Start tripping! You know, maybe it requires that you move away from the city and you get into nature. Maybe you live in a nature preserve and start taking care of the animals. Maybe it’s a very unconventional life, but, guess what? It allows you to go beyond this human structure—society’s structure—and allows you to live more in an altered state of mind, which gives you joy.

    Me: That’s true.

    Erik: Reconnect your life back to your needs.

    Me: I love that! That should be a bumpersticker.

    Jamie: Yeah, it should be. Highlight that. Bold Italicized. Red font. Let’s go all the way.

    I chuckle.

    Is Heaven boring?

    Is Heaven boring?

  • July28th2015


    Wow, I sure did get a lot of positive feedback about the Chaga mushroom tea. A lot of you want to know the products I bought. Here they are: 

    Salem Botanical Chaga Tea (cup a day)

    Mushroom Science Chaga capsules (two a day)

    Maine Chaga Face and Body Cream by My Berry Organics (morning and night)

    I just ordered the extract version of the above and will apply that before I apply the cream. It received rave reviews from customers. I hear it’s great for skin cancers and other dermatological conditions. No substitute for your healthcare provider’s advice, though! 

    Enjoy the final part on Erik’s series about grief.

    Me: I had that same problem where I had to go through that day when I, you know, found out you shot yourself; I had to run upstairs to see you. I had this compulsion to talk about it and go through the details. You don’t want to go through those details with anybody! That’s tough. That’s a tough one to lay on somebody—going through all of the emotions, the pain, the sights, the sounds, the smells.

    After all, they’re very graphic and disturbing.

    Erik: If you feel your friends are not in that place where you can do that, then you need to find a therapist or you need to find a grievers’ group where you can get it outside of you. You can’t keep these things inside. They get bigger and heavier, and they do change the energetic quality in your body. That’s why it makes it difficult for us to communicate while we’re grieving or while we’re below par.

    Me: That was my next question. So many people get signs or feel the presence of the spirit [of the deceased loved one] but for some reason, those in deep grief don’t, and those are the people who need it the most.

    Jamie (laughing): He goes, (in a suspicious, inquiring tone) “Or are they?”

    Jamie: He goes like this. (She puts the tip of her index finger to the corner of her mouth, Dr. Evil style.)

    Erik: Those who are in deep grief and are not coming out of it, they’re using a sabotage technique in a way. They’re proving to themselves that we’re really dead and that there are no options. By doing that, they stay in hard grief. They stay in hard denial that there can be an opportunity for new relationship with their loved one.

    Me: Is there any, I don’t know, energetic reason why we don’t get, uh, for example, I didn’t get any signs from you, Erik, for a long time until my grief lifted a little bit. Is the energy too dense, or… Walk me though that.

    Erik: When you are in hard grief, we can leave a thousand messages for you and you’ll never be able to pick up a single one of them. That’s just what it is. They don’t translate easily through that [dense] vibrational pattern. Sometimes we can get into your subconscious because when you’re asleep, your grief lightens and we can come into a dream. If you’re asleep and your grief is lighter, then obviously that’s something you can do in your conscious life.

    Me: And realizing that, you know, we always say that we’ve “lost” somebody, but they’re really not “lost.” They just don’t have a body. They’re the same, right?

    Erik: Yes. You didn’t lose anybody. Death is a transition, and—

    Jamie: Oh, he’s going through a bunch of other words.

    Erik: Losing someone needs to be taken out [of our vocabulary.] Nobody’s lost. I didn’t lose myself. In fact, I found myself even more. We don’t “deal” with grief. Grief isn’t some negative thing.

    I beg to differ. But then Erik always insists that there is no positive and negative. Everything is just a beautiful lesson.

    Erik: It’s a process that helps you shift gears into a new understanding and a new relationship. Some people take 30 minutes to go through it; some people take 30 years. Whatever works for you. Timing isn’t the issue. “Trying.” “Trying to understand.” I call bullshit on that one, too. “Trying” means your hitting the same way, the same topic again and again and again and again and again, and it’s not working. You could be doing something different. “doing” something different not “trying” something different. And if you feel like you’re listening to all of this and you’re trying these techniques and you’re getting mad at people because they’re giving you advice and all you can think is, “I’ve done that before and it didn’t work.” “I did that before and it didn’t work.” You’re mad at the world because it’s giving you opportunity but you’re saying, “There is no hope.” The responsibility is on you. It’s totally on you, and you gotta have a come to Jesus moment when you say—in an extremely honest moment—that you’re sabotaging yourself and keeping yourself in a grief process because you “lost” somebody. You did. Then you’ll start to recognize that it wasn’t your fault that they died. It was cancer. It was an accident. It was a suicide. It was something. You didn’t pull the trigger; you didn’t run them over with the car; you didn’t give them the cancer. You have to relinquish that you were responsible and that you were only a witness. You have to recognize that you loved that person so much, but you had no power to help them to live. That’s very difficult to get over sometimes. Then you have to recognize that they didn’t leave you 100%. There are still opportunities to stay engaged with them. You have to figure out what that looks like for you within your belief system, within your religious structure or spiritual structure. A lot of times, people can’t do that for themselves. They have to rely on a community. Then you have to reach out and look at it. But if you are stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck even though you’re doing everything that everybody says, you’ve got to point the finger at yourself and ask, “Why is this serving me so well?” “Why am I staying in this place?” “Why is this good for me?”

    Me: Why do some people do that, though? In what way could it serve some people?

    Erik: Well, if you stay in grief, traditionally our culture pities you. “I’m so sorry for you. Can I bring you a meal? Can I do this for you?” People show help and pity, and sometimes, to a griever, it feels very good. What if they’re healthy after this? All that might go away. Maybe they’re 80 years old and have lost their husband, and if they stop bringing by the meals and everything, then what do they have left? They’re at home, alone.

    Me: TV dinners.

    Erik: Yes, and that’s when you gotta say, “Wait a second. That’s not really the truth. I could invite them over for dinner. I could say, “I don’t like eating alone.” I could choose to go to a restaurant. I could choose to join a group of people who do dinners out.” There are so many opportunities, but we paint ourselves into a corner, and sometimes that’s where we feel we need to stay to get what we want. Get over it!

    Jamie winces at his bluntness.

    Me: Okay. Along the same lines, I know what it feels like to lose somebody to suicide, and I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. So I was wondering, how do you help somebody who’s suicidal?

    (Long pause)

    Jamie covers the lower part of her face with her hand, then pulls at an imaginary beard like a stuffy professor.

    Jamie: He has his hand up on his face.

    Erik: Good question, Mom. Good question.

    Me: I try.

    Yes, I do have my moments.

    Erik: There are two types of suicidal people. There are the ones who shout out that they want to kill themselves. “Oh, I just wanna die. I wanna die. I don’t want to stay here.” Normally, the one who talks about it freely really isn’t interested in the actual act of suicide, but they do want whatever they’re into to be completely over. Gone. They’re really asking for help. Let’s say you put them on suicide watch. Yeah, I get that. That’s a protocol, but they really need help changing what’s in their life more than being watched so they don’t kill themselves. We need to help them reconnect to life again and [to figure out] what they want out of it, because if they keep talking about it, and they want to go but they’re not going to do the action, then there’s still something good in it for them. So let’s help them live and open up again. Then there are those who don’t ever talk about it. They don’t even mention that they’re sad. They don’t even mention that they want to go, and they leave. These are the quiet suicides where people had no idea that this was coming or that they were suffering or hurting. Because you don’t know, how can you help? You should treat everybody just the same. We’re all in the boat together, and asking people how they feel instead of what they think, that’s a life jacket right there in the middle of the ocean. We don’t give a lot of places to open up and talk about how we’re feeling. “How are you?” That’s really an emotional question, but in our culture, we’re trained to respond with—what is it, Mom?

    I fumble on this one.

    Erik: How are you?

    Me: Yeah, what are you talking about?

    Erik: “I’m fine.”

    Me: Oh yeah. I see. Knee jerk reaction.

    Erik: Yes. The knee jerk reaction. It’s not working for us. There is a lot of energy changing in the world today. The Earth’s energy is changing, and, with that, many people can’t connect to the new vibration. They can’t connect to this “Shift” if you want to call it that. So they’re just going to be checking out because [they feel like] they no longer fit. We just have to accept that this is okay. If we didn’t know they needed help and then they committed suicide, the first thing you should go to is not, “They didn’t trust me enough, or, “They didn’t rely on me enough as a mother, father, sister, best friend, family member, aunt, counselor, whoever,” but that they knew the best answer for them was this. It takes a lot of strength and a lot of guts to follow through.

    I can’t imagine what it took for Erik to pull that trigger.

    Erik: It’s not a weak man’s path. So we need to accept that since they’ve done this without our knowledge, it’s what they wanted. It’s not about us.


    Jamie: He’s up again walking and talking.

    Me: Okay. Is there anything you can tell parents who have, or anybody who’s lost a loved one—“lost!”—whose loved one has transitioned due to suicide? That’s so taboo. That’s a different kind of grief.

    Erik: Why, because it was their choice and not an accident?

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Or it was parent and child? I don’t know. You tell me.

    Me: I’m just saying that the grief from having someone transition due to suicide is different. Suicide is such a taboo thing.

    Erik: It’s extremely taboo because we look at it as, “That person really didn’t care for what they had in their life, and they just checked out. You obviously weren’t good enough for them. You didn’t teach them well enough, or they were ungrateful. They were broken.” That’s such bullshit.


    Jamie (smiling): Say that again, Erik.

    Erik: The end goal in life isn’t living to a ripe old age.


    Jamie: Please say the other part again.

    Erik: The end goal isn’t living to a ripe old age. The end goal is achieving everything that you desired to do. Some of us know what our natural out is, and suicide should be seen as a natural out. Words to whoever has handled the suicide whether it’s a parent, grandparent, another family member or even the best friend, the wife: Take great solace in knowing that in the quality of love for them, the kind of attention and love that you gave to them, they didn’t take that an translate it into the power to leave this world. That’s not the motivator. It’s not about you. Take great—

    Jamie: Say that word again? (To me) It’s weird. When he gets deep, he’s not as loud as he normally is. His voice gets lower almost like a little bit of a mumble in a way.

    Erik: Just take great solace in knowing that you got to be a part of their life and that they, the person that left, were able to know when their days were over. I don’t know what else to say because like everything else we talk about, Mom, [every case] is uniquely different.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: We can talk about suicide, but there are so many different reasons for why we come to the decision of suicide. Every single one of them is…

    Jamie: He fades off.

    Me: I think you’ve covered it very well. We can close there. Thank you, Erik. Thank you, Jamie. Very enlightening.

    And sobering.

    How Grief Works

    How Grief Works

  • June16th2015


    Some of you have reported that the form for the free giveaway rejects those living outside the U.S. I’m going to try to have the publisher to change that. For those of you who missed it, if you pre-order Erik’s new book, My Life After Death (click HERE to do so,) you can click HERE to receive a free gift: One of the recorded channeling sessions where Erik shares information for the book. Everyone is a winner in this one!

    Today is a nasty one. Tropical Storm Bill has his sights set on the Texas Gulf Coast, and the rain is coming down. This isn’t good since all of our waterways are already full. Send us some prayers. On the other hand, it is cozy. I have my little dog, Bella, on one side of me and my grand-dog, Gidget on the other, all snuggly and warm. We’re going to keep Gidget overnight because her parents (my eldest daughter and her husband) are on call at the hospital all night and day, and we don’t want Gidget to be home alone in case their house floods. 

    Me: Are there a couple of ways that someone who has lost somebody can communicate with them?

    (Long pause. Jamie seems to be following Erik around the room with her eyes.)

    Me: I know you talked about the hand game, for example. Maybe you can talk about that.


    Me: Or something else. Your choice.

    Erik: There are a whole lot of ways to communicate with us. I want to debunk—

    Jamie: Debunk? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Start over.

    Erik: Commonly after someone dies, the living person will feel them around, and they get a sensation that something’s happening, and then after a period of time, that goes away. Then the person goes, “Oh my god. I’ve lost them all over again. I don’t feel them” and then they grieve harder. Let me set the record straight. When you stop feeling them around, it’s not because they quit. Trust me, we don’t quit. We don’t look at our watch and go, “Oh, there we go. You get three weeks of us showing signs and now we’re getting out of here.”

    Jamie mimics Erik moving his two thumbs in back of him like people do when they say, Adios.”

    Jamie and I chuckle.

    Erik: That’s not it. It’s because you’ve raised your vibration, and now, if we’re doing the same thing, it’s just like feeling air rather than a gust of wind. It doesn’t get your attention as much. Though I’m going to say to you who’re watching (or reading) this, say to your loved one, “Amp it up. Make it bigger so I can understand these signs on [my new] plateau, on this level of energy, energetic messages and signs.” Now for the others, you haven’t really felt anything or you want to continue a relationship—


    Jamie: Yeeees? (She laughs) Don’t say it like what I—Do your thing.

    Erik: You have to figure out the way that you can get your information the easiest. Are you a good listener? Are you a good feeler? Are you a good seer? Pick one of those and ask your loved one to use that to give you a sign or message. Then take away the expectation. Don’t tell them how to perform in that way. Like if you’re a good feeler, don’t say, “Okay, come and mess with my hair.”

    Me: Mm hm.

    Dance monkey boy. Dance.

    Erik: They might not be good at messing with your hair, but they’re absolutely great at giving you hugs and getting your chest all tight and you feel like you’re having an anxiety attack.

    Great. How fun.

    Erik: So if you don’t put an expectation on it, they can perform better according to your needs.

    Me: I think you told us that expectation is a very dense energy just like depression is and it vibrates at a very low frequency in the visible range of the electromagnetic spectrum. So it takes you guys a lot to lower your vibrational energy to get to us. So anyway, that’s why we use expressions like, “I feel low” or “I feel down.” It’s a very dense feeling.

    I’ve felt that for a long time after Erik died. It’s this very heavy feeling in my chest. Still have it sometimes.

    Me: So can you try to think joyful things to make it easier for you to get to them?

    Jamie covers her mouth with both hands, clearly embarrassed. What did he say? Whatever it is, she’s not going to repeat it.

    Erik: Yes, you can watch comedy. You can go have an orgasm.

    Oh, there it is.

    Erik: You can engage with things that bring you a lot of joy, and then step into the realm of meditative thought or openness, mindfulness. Then you’re going to perceive that subtle energy so much easier than what you would if you were in that down, low or dense point.

    Me: Yeah. Tell us about the hand game.

    (Long pause, then Jamie laughs.)

    Erik: It’s not the slap game.

    You know that one where you hands are on top of someone else’s and you fold them over to slap them. First one wins.

    Erik: For those who are living, you pick a hand that represents yes and you pick a hand that represents no.

    How many hands do we have?

    Erik: Keep it the same. Don’t change it. Stop changing that shit. You guys will change it and think that we know what’s going on. We are creatures of habit still.

    Jamie: He’s giggling.

    Erik: So when you have your yes and no, in the center of your hand there’s an energy center. It’s like a secondary chakra, and it’s very sensitive. We can merge; we can push our energy into the hand.

    Jamie points to her palm.

    Erik: So it will make your hand have a different sensation, hot, cold, tense, tingly. Most of the time it interferes with blood flow so you’ll feel a tingle.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: Sometimes pain, stiffness.


    Jamie: Sound like fun.

    Erik: But you’re not having a heart attack. Keep your hands separate from each other. Don’t keep them next to each other. So keep them far out,

    Jamie: If you’re going to communicate with your loved one or spirit, make sure you’re talking to them and nobody else.

    Erik: So call on them and no one else. Dismiss them from the party.

    Me: So basically it’s good for yes and no questions.

    Erik: Yes, but that’s the hard part, Mom. People will just go, “Well how are you doing?” That’s not a yes or no question.

    Me: That’s true!

    Jamie laughs hard.

    Erik: And after you get a sensation in your hand, acknowledge it so that we know to stop so you can go back to feeling normal, and you can begin the next question.

    Me: All right. Anything else on this topic?

    Erik: No. I love you and Happy Valentines Day.

    Erik has told me, in the past, that if you don’t get a sensation after a few minutes, just keep saying, “Make it stronger.”


  • June15th2015


    I have a question for you guys. What kind of reality TV show would you watch with Jamie, Erik and I in it? There are so many possibilities, so I want your input! Ponder that after you read Part Two of Three of the Suicide and Loss series. 

    Me: All right. How do you know if it was a mistake or destiny if you kill yourself?

    Erik: You know it the moment you arrive.

    Me: Okay, so I guess it could be like, “Oops” or it’s like, “All right! Made it!” How can we prevent ourselves from taking our lives? In other words, how can we get help if we have suicidal ideation? That’s kind of an obvious one—seek the help of a mental health professional, call the suicide hotline, etc. –but for example Erik, you had all these resources. You even had the cell phone number of your therapist, but you didn’t do it. You didn’t call for help. How can you, as a person, get help?

    Erik: I got years of help.

    Me: Yeah. You sure did.

    Erik: It wasn’t like, “Today I want to commit suicide so I guess I’ll go ahead and do it.” Jamie mimics his happy face.

    Me: Happy face!

    Erik: I thought about death before on several occasions and discussed it with other people, so in my case, I did the logical thing and weighed my options. I felt at peace with the idea of leaving. That was the way of death that attracted me the most. I knew this ending would create a joy, a release, and I was right.

    Me (crying a little): Yeah.

    Erik: I think for those who are thinking about suicide and they think they want to just go ahead and do it and they haven’t talked to a stranger or a therapist or a friend and heard feedback and really gotten in the community to find out what their ideas were based on or not based on, I think they’re missing out. I think that they think of suicide and choose it immediately, when they arrive, they’ll see where they missed the boat. For us, even Robin Williams who we talked to, he had decades of thinking about death and leaving. It was not some fleeting moment that he played upon. And when you read the stories of people committing suicide and they tried before or talked about it before and had issues with it before, put a smile on your face. This person found their answer and had the balls enough to give that relief to themselves. We need to stop condemning this shit. We need to start looking at it as what it is. It’s an option that doesn’t value life any less. I hope that sits heavy in your head. It doesn’t give—

    Jamie sighs and makes the talking hand gesture in a way that says Erik is talking a mile a minute.

    Jamie: He’s boiling with it. Hold on. He wants it to sit with everyone who’s watching (or reading) this that if someone chose to take their life, they didn’t value life any less than anyone else. It took more courage to step out of their lives than to stay in it.

    Me: All right, well you’re not condoning suicide are you?

    Erik: I’m accepting of suicide. I’m not condoning it because it’s not the answer for everybody, like it’s not the answer for everybody to smoke pot.

    Me: Right.

    Jamie starts to talk. I’ve clearly interrupted her.

    Me: Oh, go ahead.

    Jamie: No, he was totally off topic. Go ahead.

    Me: Yes it is and that’s typical. What do you say to people who’ve lost somebody to suicide? What do you recommend for them?

    Erik: Isn’t it true that the first words you hear are, “I’m so sorry for your loss?”

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: What does that really even mean? You’re “sorry” for the “loss.” First of all, there is no loss—okay a physical one, yeah, but you didn’t lose the person after they died. They transitioned. I don’t know why you’d be sorry for them because it’s obviously what the person really, really wanted. In away, it’s a form of achievement. Sorry I put it that way. I know I’m really going to piss people off, but I was in those shoes, so I can at least say that, right?

    Me (sadly): Yeah. No trophy on the mantle though. Please.

    Erik: No, no. This is not like a trophy thing, but for those of you who are coming across people who are living who have had a family member, partner or friend take their own lives, acknowledge them. Just say, “Oh”—and say their name and acknowledge that they’ve transitioned, but why are you apologizing? Nobody needs an apology. Nobody needs pity while you’re in a moment of grief or not understanding what has happened. Show support. Say, “I’m here if you need anything.”

    Me: There we go. That’s perfect. I didn’t like it when they say, “But you’ve got other children,” or when they say, “Just move on!”

    Jamie laughs, but I don’t know why.

    Me: I just don’t like that.

    Erik: I don’t care how a person die; it’s not about moving on and forgetting them because that’s really what they mean. It’s about reaching out and showing support like, “Hey, if you want to talk about Erik, I’d like to listen.” You know, hey, they transitioned. It’s going to be a change.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: And it’s okay to admit to someone, “I don’t know what the fuck to say. I don’t know what to say to you, but I’m here; I’m available. I can’t imagine what it feels like. Here’s my hug.”

    Me: I wish more people had done that for me.

    Erik: Yeah, where’s the support? Why do people just take grief and then dump sorrow on top of it? It’s maddening to even think about it.

    Me (crying softly): I know. I lost a lot of friends.

    Erik: Yes.

    Me; I guess they were really uncomfortable.

    Erik: Yeah, and oh, and then how great is it that, um, —

    Jamie listens and then says, “Oh, that’s said sarcastically.

    Erik: Like three months after or a year after when you want to talk about me and the person’s like (Jamie mimics a facial expression of a person being completely poleaxed like they’re trapped and want to escape.)

    Me: I know.

    Erik: They don’t know how to handle it. Relationships can carry on, even after death. (Leaning back in his chair): A whole lot of people are missing out on a while lot of love.

    Me: Yeah. That’s a shame.

  • June12th2015

    No Comments

    Is death an illusion?

    Most scientists would probably say that the concept of an afterlife is either nonsense, or at the very least unprovable.

    Yet one expert claims he has evidence to confirm an existence beyond the grave – and it lies in quantum physics.

    Professor Robert Lanza claims the theory of biocentrism teaches that death as we know it is an illusion created by our consciousness.

    ‘We think life is just the activity of carbon and an admixture of molecules – we live a while and then rot into the ground,’ said the scientist on his website.

    Lanza, from Wake Forest University School of Medicine in North Carolina, continued that as humans we believe in death because ‘we’ve been taught we die’, or more specifically, our consciousness associates life with bodies and we know that bodies die.

    His theory of biocentrism, however, explains that death may not be as terminal as we think it is.


    Biocentrism is classed as the Theory of Everything and comes from the Greek for ‘life center’.

    It is the belief that life and biology are central to reality and that life creates the universe, not the other way round.

    Lanza uses the example of the way we perceive the world around us.

    A person sees a blue sky, and is told that the color they are seeing is blue, but the cells in a person’s brain could be changed to make the sky look green or red.

    Our consciousness makes sense of the world, and can be altered to change this interpretation.

    By looking at the universe from a biocentric’s point of view, this also means space and time don’t behave in the hard and fast ways our consciousness tell us it does.

    In summary, space and time are ‘simply tools of our mind.’

    Once this theory about space and time being mental constructs is accepted, it means death and the idea of immortality exist in a world without spatial or linear boundaries.

    Theoretical physicists believe that there is infinite number of universes with different variations of people, and situations taking place, simultaneously.

    Lanza added that everything which can possibly happen is occurring at some point across these multiverses and this means death can’t exist in ‘any real sense’ either.

    Lanza, instead, said that when we die our life becomes a ‘perennial flower that returns to bloom in the multiverse.’

    ‘Bottom line: What you see could not be present without your consciousness,’ explained Lanza. ‘Our consciousness makes sense of the world.’

    By looking at the universe from a biocentric’s point of view, this also means space and time don’t behave in the hard and fast ways our consciousness tell us it does. In summary, space and time are ‘simply tools of our mind.’

    Similarly, theoretical physicists believe there is infinite number of universes with different variations of people, and situations, taking place simultaneously.


    In the experiment, when scientists watch a particle pass through two slits in a barrier, the particle behaves like a bullet and goes through one slit or the other.

    Yet if a person doesn’t watch the particle, it acts like a wave.

    This means it can go through both slits at the same time. This demonstrates that matter and energy can display characteristics of both waves and particles, and that the behavior of the particle changes based on a person’s perception and consciousness.

    Lanza added that everything which can possibly happen is occurring at some point across these multiverses and this means death can’t exist in ‘any real sense’ either.

    Lanza, instead, said that when we die our life becomes a ‘perennial flower that returns to bloom in the multiverse.’

    He continued: ‘Life is an adventure that transcends our ordinary linear way of thinking. When we die, we do so not in the random billiard-ball-matrix but in the inescapable-life-matrix.’

    Lanza cited the famous double-slit experiment to backup his claims.

    Lanza’s full theory is explained in his book Biocentrism: How Life and Consciousness are the Keys to Understanding the True Nature of the Universe.

    Have a great weekend, guys. See you Houstonians Saturday for lunch! 



  • May12th2015


    First a few announcements. You will notice soon that the archives have changed. Instead of listing them by month and year, they’ll be listed by title. That will make it easier to cherry pick the posts you want to read. Also, I finally figured out how to make the Lisa Williams channeling event into an audio only YouTube so you’ll soon see how Erik barges his way into the conversation. Persistent little devil. Last, there have been so many Erik Encounters posts that I think it’s been too overwhelming, so I want to post them only on the weekends. What do you guys think about that? It means that those in queue will have to wait a bit longer to see their stories published, but I promise they will. Keep those wonderful stories coming!

    This post came up in queue right after Mother’s Day. (Almost) perfect timing!

    Me: Here’s a question from a blog member. Why do we choose to be mothers?


    Me: I’m here to tell you that it ain’t easy!

    Robert: Erik looked over at Jillian.

    Erik: Do you mind if Jillian answers this question?

    Me: Go for it, Jillian! Hi, by the way!

    Jillian: Hello. How are you doing?

    Me: Fine. I can’t wait to meet you. Not right away, but…

    Jillian: I can’t wait until you remember that we’ve already met.

    Me: Cool thought!

    Robert laughs.

    Robert: She speaks so differently from Erik. Her energy is calmer compared to Erik. I get dizzy sometimes when I talk to him.

    Both of us laugh.

    Robert: But I still love him.

    Me: What’s not to love?

    Erik: I love me, too.

    Me: Of course you do.

    Robert: Jillian, by the way, always comes in when it’s about how to raise kids, help marriages, and all that stuff. She’s really good at that. Now I know why Erik brought her in. “Jilly.”

    Jillian: Well, in the simplest way I can put this, from a spiritual perspective, it’s to—

    Robert: She gives me everything at once, so I have to parse it out.

    Me: Help him out, Jillian!

    Robert: She is. She’s got such a pretty face, pretty smile. She’s very sweet looking.

    Me: Aw.

    Robert: Very elegant. She reminds me of Meghan Fox.

    Me: You struck pay dirt, Erik.

    Erik: She’s hot.

    Robert and I laugh.

    Jillian: The simplest answer is to create this connection on a spiritual level and to develop a deeper understanding of what it is to be connected. From the human perspective, there is no greater type of connection than between mother and child.

    Me: Yeah. Yeah.

    Jillian: You share the same blood; you even share the same cells.

    Funny she should say that because I just read about the scientific discovery of the presence of a child’s cells existing in its mother.

    Jillian: And this creates this bond, this connection, this awareness. It’s enhanced compared to external connections that have never existed within the mother. You know.

    Me: Yes I do.

    Jillian: And the pain of their loss can almost mean the demise of a mother.

    Me: Trust me, I know.

    Jillian: In many cases, it does mean their demise. With any kind of loss, a piece of our heart goes with them. The heart has to grieve over that loss and the big hole that’s there. When that happens to a mother, it’s like their entire heart has been taken.

    Me (tearing up): I know. I know.

    Jillian: There’s nothing but an empty spot in their chest.

    (Long solemn pause)

    Jillian: From a spiritual perspective, we understand through the contrast of that incredible pain what that connection is, how important that bond is.

    Me: Isn’t there another way that we can figure that out instead of going through all of that pain?

    Jillian: Right now humans are a very young species, and so they’re having to learn how to accept things. Physical and emotional pain are two of those things. They’re learning to accept that and the fact that it has the right to be. It’s only there to teach us. It’s not a punishment.

    Me: It feels like it sometimes.

    Jillian: I know it does, but it only feels that way because it’s so unbearably uncomfortable.

    I’d call it more than discomfort.

    Jillian: And that’s what I spend a lot of my time doing. I help mothers who have lost a child to get through that process. I’ve been helping you. Many times, I will come to a mother who has lost a child—and sometimes fathers, too because even though they haven’t carried a child, there’s still a bond there. Some men can develop a bond similar to the mother/child one. You’ve heard about how some men go through morning sickness when their wives are pregnant?

    Me: Oh, yeah.

    Jillian: That’s unique. What I will do with mothers or fathers is visit them. It’s easiest to do it while they’re asleep. Then I talk them through the pain.

    Robert: She’s showing me an image of a person lying down, sleeping, and she’s sitting at their bedside, and as they breathe in, she funnels this pure, white energy into them. Then when they breathe out, it comes out black. It’s the pain. That’s the way she helps heal the wound that’s there.

    That reminds me of that movie, The Green Mile, where the inmate sucks in someone’s bad energy and spews out a big, black cloud.

    Me: Right. Mine must be totally blocked. It must be hard for her to breathe that white energy into me.

    Jillian: No.

    I start to cry. Long pause as I gather myself.

    Robert: She’s so gentle.

    Me: What a great balance between you and Erik!

    Robert: For sure!

    I couldn’t resist adding a few quotes.

    This one makes me choke up.

    This one makes me choke up.


    I know that pain and that love so well.

    Ready for a little comic relief?

    Ready for a little comic relief?

    And exposed to the elements

    And exposed to the elements





  • April23rd2015


    Rune and I will be flying to Denver tomorrow morning to attend the Channeling Erik Weekend of F-ing Enlightenment. I’m so excited! Every time I go I think it can’t be better than the one before, and I am proven wrong. I’ll let you guys know all about it when I get back. I probably won’t publish a regular post tomorrow, but I’ll try to publish one of the Erik Encounters. Thank you guys for the awesome stories! If any of you others have a story to share, it’s super easy to do. Just click HERE and type away. Here’s Part Two of the series on children.

    Me: Hi Erik.

    Erik: Hi, Mama.

    Me: So let’s go on to ask more questions about children. When they’re in the afterlife, do they stay as children? If so, who takes care of them? Tell me about that.

    Erik: When they come into the afterlife even when they are infants?

    Me: Mm hm.

    Erik: Days old, months old, years old, they tend to stay that age until they’re comfortable with their environment, and then they allow what I call like the “mass knowledge” to kind of seep into them so that they can, as you might call it, grow up, but most of the time, if they enjoy being young or little, they’ll keep that appearance. If they’re infants, most of the time, in general, they enjoy staying with their parents through the process of grieving and understanding all of [what happened.] Then if they want, they’re going to look at getting into that family one more time. If they want to do that, they’ll stay little. They’ll stay as what we see in our heads as small, energetically small. If they’re older and they know they can’t won’t back into that family, many of them like to grow up with the family, so every year that passes by, they’ll get a little bit older, a little bit taller, and they change and grow with the family. They also take on the role of guiding their family. If they have other siblings, they love checking in on them, and they like being with their parents. If, let’s say there’s a situation where they didn’t really want to go back into the family—

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: —and they didn’t want to grow up with the family for whatever reason, then they’ll take the time to absorb that mass knowledge. A lot of you will call it the archives. I just call it, “If you want to know it, then you’ll go and learn it.” So they’ll start to do that and—

    Jamie (to Erik, smiling): No. Do you want to say that?

    Jamie and I chuckle. I have no idea what he told her, but it seemed worth a chuckle.

    Erik: They’ll kind of merge back into themselves. I know it sounds funny to say it like that.

    Me: It does!

    Erik: If we have all these other lifetimes happening, and we have all these incarnations—it’s not linear. It’s happening all at once—so if we’re relinquishing that life and we don’t care about playing it anymore, then we’ll kind of push that energy back into ourselves.

    Me: So this little infant, this three month-old infant is over there. Does somebody take care of them? I know that’s a job I’d sign up for because there are no diapers to change, but yeah, what about that?

    Jamie laughs.

    Erik: Most of the time, the ancestral line of the family they came into will have grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. to take care of them. There are all kinds of support systems in place already so it’s not like, “Oh, the nanny spirit is being called up to collect the baby.”

    I chuckle.

    Erik: It’s not like that at all. The baby is independent in and of itself. It doesn’t need to be fed; it doesn’t need to be groomed; it can already move and exist in and of itself.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: It wouldn’t be seen as infantile. When it crosses over, yes, because it’s coming away from that human experience, but as it absorbs its awareness of where they are, it starts to collect the mass knowledge and therefore doesn’t need anyone to provide care for them.

    Me: Right. Right.

    Erik: Unless it’s coming back into the family. Then we have spirits in place to help it incarnate. They’re already looking at, “Okay, can I get back in? Can I carry the same lessons? Can I carry over the same timing?” That’s all looked at in a way that acknowledges free will. So there are spirit entities to help with that, call them spirit counselors or whatever. (Throwing his hands in the air, leaning back and rocking from side to side) Labels, labels, labels, labels!

    Me: He hates labels!

    But you can’t be human without them. Sigh.

    Me: Are there any situations where a spirit will think, “Hey I want to take care of a baby” so they create themselves that job, and they have that agreement with the baby that’s passed?


    Erik: If you want to play that role, I mean, you can. Everything is possible here.

    Me: Well that’s true.

    Erik: But that’s a very human need. There are times when there is a spirit guide, angel, guardian, who helps the baby spirit through the pregnancy and being born if it’s difficult for them. You know, a lot of times, babies don’t enjoy that process. (Throwing up his arms and scoffing) Imagine being claustrophobic!

    Me (laughing): Yeah, really!

    Erik (curling up into a little ball): Tight, small, dark spaces. It takes time to condense your energy, condense your soul, get it focused to get into the body.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: I’m all for getting in there to be birthed, but sometimes it happens after birth.

    Me: Okay, right. They want to make sure before they commit, I guess. Do they often come back to us in the lifetime we live in the present? In other words, say Sally lost a child—

    Erik: Bobby.

    Me: Can it come back to her as another child or maybe as her sister’s child?

    Erik: Yes.

    Jamie: He was shouting out the name, “Bobby.”

    Me: Bobby, huh? Okay, we’ll work with Bobby.

    Erik: Sally lost Bobby. If Sally’s not able to have another child, and Bobby still wants to be in the family then, yes, there are many occasions when they’ll wait to become a grandchild or they’ll come through the sister, the brother to be a niece or nephew, and there are occasions where they’ll come through as the family pet, as well.

    Me: Wow! Fido.

    Bobby's back!

    Bobby’s back!



    By the way, guys, we just got through interviewing an Atlantean (not the Georgian kind) yesterday. Fascinating! I can’t wait to transcribe and post it. 

  • April22nd2015


    A lot of us have lost children, and, as I can attest, the pain is especially excruciating. To make matters worse, the healing seems to take longer than when we lose other family members or friends–not always, but generally. As for my journey through grief, this blog and especially the upcoming book has done a lot to heal me. In fact, I can now report that I don’t grieve over Erik’s death as much as miss him. I know he’s not gone. His body is. It feels like he’s off to some work-study program abroad. Actually, I guess he is. It’s just in another dimension. Plus he’s making all As in my opinion. I hope this post about children and their deaths helps some of you. 

    Me: Today we’re going to talk about a very tender subject and that’s children. I love children, and a lot of people ask what’s it like for children to be spirits? Hi, Erik.

    Erik: Hi, Mama. I love you.

    Me: I love you, too. Hi Jamie.

    Jamie: Hi.

    Me: So tell us as much as you can about it.

    Erik: Can I be included in being a child?

    Me (in a very sappy tone): Yeah, you’ll always be my baby.

    Erik: But I know what you’re talking about, Mom. You mean like under the age of, what, 15?

    Me: Yeah, maybe even younger than that. Let’s say ten and below.

    Erik: Ten and below.

    Me: Before they get to that annoying stage.

    Erik (laughing): The double digits age.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: So what do you want to know? If we’re talking about children’s struggles and deaths and processes like that, it’s so much easier for them than it is from 15 up.

    Me: Why? Why is that?

    Erik: Because they’re still connected to The Beyond. They still understand that there is a safety or some kind of security, a place for them to go and belong to. Mostly in these ages—and I’m going to talk in general because—


    Jamie: I don’t have any idea what he just said. It was a little mumbled.

    Me: He mumbles sometimes.

    Erik: In general, the way our culture is in America, it used to be that every child belonged to a religion and, from a young age, they learned what that religion was. They had a language for it. They knew that certain belief structure or system. Nowadays, not every child is taking that path. Most of them aren’t. That leaves them completely open to stay attached to the things they could remember before they came into this life and even stay attached to those memories up until the ages of 6 or 7. I’m picking those ages because that’s when they get into the public school system—

    Me: And become indoctrinated.

    Erik: Yeah. They get taught linear time, that one thing is based on another and so forth, and they start to let go of what they carried in and what they knew naturally belonged to them. They then start to believe that they’re inferior, that there’s an authority figure and that they need to report to someone. External pleasing becomes more important than internal pleasing. Before this age, during illness and pain, they don’t ask, “Why me?” They just don’t have that desire to understand. They just know that’s their body and this is what’s happening. They might need to understand the disease and the process of what’s occurring, but in the death process, there’s no fear built into it yet. They just see it as a part of something that they’re going to do.

    Jamie: He’s talking about documented cases of children with diseases who have transitioned, and it’s stated that the child would still be caring for everybody else around him, even the doctors, the nurses, the parents, letting them know that everything is okay with them.

    Erik: They show this amazing amount of strength and calm. But it’s not that weird for them to find that strength and perseverance. As adults, that’s what we’re taught is required to get through those times. Really, they’re just showing acceptance. That’s all it is. They just have it innately. I’m not saying this is just for those who aren’t trained in religious beliefs. That’s not true. I’m talking about anyone in any belief system up until about 6 or 7. Then when you get above that like ten, you’re going to get more of those, “Why me? Why is this happening to me? Why can’t they fix it?” They’ve already been in the system, and we’re training them to think they’re independent, in control and if they’re hurting, it’s because of something that they did. They didn’t please someone; they didn’t do something right, so they get this sense of a loss of control.

    Me: What’s it like for them when they cross over? They probably don’t have any kind of belief system to create their own afterlife.

    Erik: No, but most of them know what a party is!

    Me: Ah! Par-tay!

    Erik: And that’s normally what happens. The party.

    Me: Aw.

    Erik: If they have a disease, and they’re going in and out [of their body] they will have already had dreams and connections with loved ones in other dimensional planes. They’ll have that awareness. The same thing goes for infants who don’t have [verbal] language where they can’t talk to you yet. Little guys. Trust me; there’s a language there that you’re not getting as the mommy, as the daddy. When they go to sleep, the family members, the angels of loved ones are already working with them and taking care of them. When they’re transitioning, whether it’s from SIDS or whatever, they’re not having those fears or struggle or panic because death doesn’t have that meaning for them. It’s just a different process. They’re still living every moment in their curious life learning something new with acceptance. So when this process of death comes to them, they’re accepting of it. When they get to the Other Side, Mom, mostly it’s celebratory. They’re already remembering that they’ve been there before. There’s this familiarity. There’s no fear or anxiety or “Where am I! Where’s Mommy?” I’ll see that with older kids, you know, they’re like, “Why? Where am I?” and they panic, trying to get back into their body because they’ve been trained to think that, “Death is not successful. You have to be alive to be successful.”

    Me: Why do some people make it their spiritual contract to die young?

    Erik: It’s going to depend on the people who are around them in their family and their life. Normally, infants—innnn general—they’re letting go of their lives to make an impact on their families, for their families to understand death and separation, to understand love, the importance of living in the moment, living in the Now. That’s normally what’s going on in things of that nature. Rarely, the infant will choose to die to experience incompletion, you know, they started something that they couldn’t finish to understand this [concept.] But usually, that young, there’s not a—

    Me (rudely interrupting): Okay. What about in the cases of miscarriages and stillbirths?

    Erik: A lot of those are because of the physical body—not designing it properly. Those don’t come with a contract, per se, for the baby’s soul. That’s more of a contract designed by the mother. It’s for the mother to experience, “I’m not good enough. I didn’t make it [happen.]” So it’s really a self-centered lesson that has nothing to do with the baby’s spirit. In those cases, the infant’s soul is not inside or struggling with that [death.] They don’t experience the death process because they didn’t come into the physical body. We call that riding sidesaddle.

    Jamie (laughing): We do! The little spirit is sitting sidesaddle.

    Me: So in these instances, it’s teaching the mother something. Is the child here to teach the mother or parent something?

    In other words, is it a mutually designed contract?

    Erik: No, but the spirit will help with the lesson. It’s not there to teach, though. It’s not coming in with independent knowledge to give the mother. It’s coming in to give the mother an experience and helping her accept that her body has a level of intelligence in and of itself, so it’s not anything that she ate or did or didn’t do or didn’t know. There’s a lot of trust that needs to happen.


    Jamie (to Erik): Really?

    Erik: Sometimes a kid will come in. They’ll hop on a pregnancy—

    Jamie (laughing): His terms are so funny. Sometimes they make me stop.

    Me: Like hopping aboard a train?

    Jamie: Yeah, like, “Here I goooooo!”

    Erik: And they’ll follow through with the miscarriage so that the mother will trust the body better. In the second pregnancy, they won’t come into it with more fear. They’ll come in with, “Okay. The worst has already happened. Let’s go.” And when the baby comes the second time, the third time, the fourth time, there is this, “You have arrived” moment. “You are here, and you are special.” You are a survivor in a sense when really you just had a healthy normal pregnancy (or maybe it was a difficult but successful one.) This helps the child to build a certain bond with the mother.

    Me: Okay. That would probably be an even stronger bond, if that were possible, after the loss of other babies. The one carried to term would be very special.

    Erik: Yes, and some experience that train ride 4 or 5 times before having a full-term pregnancy.

    Me: We souls, we spirits, come into each other’s lives to teach something or to learn from each other, of course. Children must do the same thing, but do they teach us something different than an adult spirit would?

    Erik: Yeah!

    Me: Like what?

    Erik: There’s so much to take in on this!

    Me: Well, for example it might be a lesson in loss because losing a child is just so horrible. That loss is so much deeper than other losses. So would that be an example?

    Erik: That’s a great example. Trust. Trust is a huge one because this kind of trust between parent and child comes with a certain kind of knowing and understanding because, you know, you wanna hold tight, but at the same time, you can’t. You have to let loose. You can’t do both at the same time. There’s gotta be a middle, and in that middle is the perfect amount of trust. That’s what [the child] is giving.

    Jamie: Erik went on to talk about the beauty of having a child and not having a [verbal] language to communicate—just physical language, physical cues, noticing the smell, the look, everything else but the [verbal] language.

    Erik: Try that with your sweetheart or your lover later today. Pick an evening when you can’t talk and see how deeply [your connection] becomes.

    Me: Okay, that’s an exercise for all of you guys. We’re going to call this Part One. I don’t know. Y’all’s attention spans are probably too short to go on. I know you guys! You’re like me!

    A child's beautiful transition into Heaven

    A child’s beautiful transition into Heaven


  • March16th2015


    Here I am way up above the tree line in Norway where Internet access is spotty and very expensive. For that reason (plus the fact that I’m on vacation) I’m only going to post three days a week. Got to tend to the moose and trolls, after all. It’s so peaceful and pristine here. So quiet that the silence is deafening. It’s so nice to unwind in such a place far from the crazy, busy life I’m used to in my daily life. For those of you who make comments, I probably won’t have a chance to read them, nor will I be able to answer Facebook private messages and comments, so if you can refrain from leaving them (the ones directed to me) then the moose, trolls and I would very much appreciate it. 

    Me: Let’s see. Okay, I know we’ve talked a lot about what happens in the afterlife when someone commits suicide, you know, how they’re treated.

    Erik: Yeah.

    Me: We also talked about how suicide is usually not someone’s destiny in that it’s not a pre-designed exit point, but that in some cases, like yours, it is. So why do some people choose suicide as part of the spiritual blueprint they create for their incarnation? I mean, so many of the blog members insist that you can’t choose suicide as part of your destiny, because it’s just not right, taking any life, including your own. But from my perspective, I think you can. Maybe that’s wishful thinking on my part, but—

    Erik: No, you’re right, Mom. You can choose that type of death, um, I mean transition, when you plan your life. How ignorant for somebody to say, “You can choose all these other kinds of deaths, but you can’t choose this one.”

    Me: Well, cut ‘em some slack, Erik, because I think there’s a lot of influence from different religions on the subject. It’s a taboo thing.

    Erik: Nope. Ignorance.

    Me: Erik! Play nice!

    Erik, Jamie and I laugh.

    Me: Or maybe I’m just being too nice, giving people the benefit of the doubt.

    Erik: You’re always nice, Mom.

    Me: Aw! You’re sweet, Erik! Okay, so can you name all the reasons, or at least some of the reasons for why someone would choose suicide as a destiny?

    Erik: Um, one could be finding inner strength.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: So that they can overcome themselves. One is to succumb to get in.

    Me: Why would that be a choice?

    Erik: It’s more of a breaking of boundaries or a breaking of structure.

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Erik: So, let’s say if you were into that heavy religious belief that suicide is taboo, it’s never the answer and you’re going to burn in hell if you do it.

    Me: Um hmm..

    Erik: That’s a rule in your life that’s binding you. So when you kill yourself to experience succumbing, you’re giving in to YOUR feelings, YOUR needs. Succumbing to YOURESELF would be breaking an external rule or structure. And that would teach others that the belief system doesn’t give room for the complete truth. Another, which is one of the most common reasons, is when people know they’re going to come into a life that is extremely powerful and demanding on themselves.

    Me: Yeah, to accelerate their spiritual growth?

    Erik: Right, and some people won’t do it unless they know they have an out. If it gets to be too much for them, they do break and feel they can’t repair themselves, then they know that they can leave.

    Me: So that’s one of the exit points they create for themselves. Like a safety valve on a pressure cooker.

    Erik: Exactly. That’s generally the most common reason for suicide as a pre-designed exit point.

    Me: Is there—of course you had such a great life, apart from your mental illness, so what was your reason?

    Erik: Mine was to get out of my head, and I set myself up to have a very hard life, mentally, so that I could be better prepared to do the job I’m doing now. Just like you, Mom. You’ve had a really hard life, lot’s of drama and tragedy. That’s so you could have the understanding and compassion a healer and teacher needs to be effective. I needed to develop that compassion also so I could guide and help others from this side of the veil. It’s what I was meant to do.

    Me: Are there any reasons someone might commit suicide to teach lessons to others?

    Jamie listens for awhile, then starts chuckling.

    Erik: First, it’s not like we’re wanting to be vindictive or “in your face,” but a lot of times, suicide is that final, “Fuck you.”

    Me: Uh huh.

    Erik: That, “Look what you’ve made me do!” We covered that part about you’re fully in control of your own actions so that’s all bullshit. To give away your power, you know, to say somebody made you do it is because that person isn’t strong enough and doesn’t want to take responsibility.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: So, it’s a huge “in your face” action, because it shows that the person needed such help but wasn’t able to express it. And so the people around you perk up. Often, they take on new positions in life. If they don’t fall apart from the suicide of their friend or family member, they take on new parts. Look at you, for example, Mom—able to help thousands of other people.

    Me: Okay, so yeah, it can be a catalyst, a positive catalyst for other people, then?

    Erik: Yes, but most people see it negatively, because of what they were taught about suicide when they came into this world. It’s bogus. Totally bogus.

    Me: Okay, so anything else?

    Erik: Oh, yeah. Some try to teach others about loss, some about the sanctity of life and the human experience.

    Me: So can they learn about the sanctity of the human experience themselves, like they kill themselves, then they get over there and think, “Oh my god, I just wasted an opportunity!” Do they ever design it for that?

    Erik: Uh, yeah. There are tons of regrets where when they were alive they couldn’t see five feet in diameter around them, but then with their death, they can see a lot more, and they realized how they shortchanged themselves.

    Me: Yeah, exactly.

    Erik: And yes, doing that, then there’s work to be done, because there were people’s lives that they were supposed to be involved with that they were supposed to affect. So they have to do all that work in spirit that they would have done if they remained alive. All that, the regrets and missed opportunities—that’s to teach the soul how important the human experience is to spiritual progress, not only for them, but others too. It’s a lot harder to get the work done over here in spirit.

    Me: Okay, now, at first, you said your death wasn’t your destiny, and lately you’ve said it was. I always felt like it was. I could never imagine you as an old man with grandkids and stuff.

    Erik: I was totally disoriented when I first got here, Mom. Mostly, I just felt (pause), it’s odd. It’s peaceful and I knew I did the right thing, but then I felt horrible watching the people I love, and to speak up and tell them that, yeah, this was the right thing for me to do—that’s just another stab right into their hearts.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: And a lot of people can’t accept that. You know, “How could your son, who you loved so much, and you believed they loved you do that to you?” And that’s an egocentric way of thinking about it. You’d be thinking just about yourself instead of the other person’s position, but again, that’s what our structure gives to us on planet earth.

    Me: Yep, exactly. So you were disoriented; you thought it wasn’t your destiny, you thought you just kind of messed up, because you saw us grieving so much? Then you all of a sudden remembered it was your destiny, because you were supposed to be doing all this—what you’re doing now?

    Jamie: He said this and you said this at the same time!

    Me: Ha! How cool. I guess great minds think alike!

    Erik chuckles.


    Selfie in the Tundra

    Lukas, Annika and I in Norway

    Lukas, Annika and I in Norway


  • February2nd2015


    Yesterday was a brutal day. A bittersweet one. We finally cleared out all of the yellow crime scene bags (and there were a lot of them) from Erik’s closet. In a way it was a relief, but I still had to cry because now I’ve let go of the last physical part of him. I really don’t feel like posting anything today.

    Hearing Erik’s voice always makes me feel better, so let’s have a little contest. Anyone who finds his voice on a YouTube recording (or any other type of recording) other than what’s already been found will receive a signed copy of the book to keep for themselves or pass along to others. You can let me know, timestamp and all) through my email,

    It comforts me to know that I have my lovely children and husband, so I’ll post their pictures here.

    My Grand daughter, Arleen

    My Grand daughter, Arleen

    My Youngest, Annika

    My Youngest, Annika

    My Eldest, Kristina

    My Eldest, Kristina

    Rune in His Norwegian Folk Dress (Bunad)

    Rune in His Norwegian Folk Dress (Bunad)

    Rune Doing What He Loves

    Rune Doing What He Loves

    The two photos below are of my third child, Lukas. He looks eerily like Erik.

    Lukas with the Babes

    Lukas with the Babes

    Lukas in Norway

    Lukas in Norway


    My second eldest, Michelle


    Despite the tragic loss of my son, I am truly blessed. My you are see the blessings in your life. They’re there whether you realize it or not.

  • January5th2015


    Less than two years after Erik’d death, his younger sister, Annika, wrote a poignant poem for high school. Its depth belies her young age. She was only 15 years old. I’ve also included the explanation her English teacher required for the assignment. Note: “Red Hands” are a metaphor for her sense of guilt, something all too common in those who grieve. She refers to the dragonfly because that’s how Erik has come to her.

    Annika's poem and Erik's prank

    Annika Medhus



    My red hands alone cradle an empty chest.

    Skies bruise into a deep violet.

    Blackness falls from the grieving clouds.

    The soil laments for its loss.

    A palace becomes a frail shed.

    A laugh becomes a haunting scream.

    Shackles strangle the weakening flowers.

    The lost is now found as a burden set between torn wings.

    Suddenly, a light dagger releases all the drowning souls.

    Dried eyes wearily regain the sun.

    A silhouette of wings replaces the shadow of death.

    Arms of light tighten around my own.

    Dragonflies buzz wildly, whispering secrets.

    With the dust gone, never has the sun dripped in like this.

    The ground ceases to shake, waves calm to ripples.

    Omniscient water flows within thirsty veins.

    Earth blossoms when the realization is made.

    Twenty candles are still and will forever be lit.

    A brother was lost, but an angel is gained.

    My clean hands—not alone—cradle a beating heart.

    My intentions were to convey a tone of sorrow and loss but also renewal and awakening. The shift in mood contributes to the tone; for example, from red hands to clean hands represent the metamorphosis from guilt to acceptance. The image of Earth blossoming emphasizes the epiphany and the connotation between silhouette and shadow shows the difference between things that can negatively and positively loom over you. In the beginning, the lines are short and dramatic. As it progresses into a lighter tone, the sentences lengthen and flow more, representing the flow of light that is consuming the darkness. The first and last sentences show how the feeling in the poem has altered, yet both remain somewhat similar in structure to reveal the small amount grief that lingers.

    Here is a self-explanatory video of Erik’s niece, Arleen, after she was pranked by him. The cool thing is that 5 year olds usually don’t make this kind of stuff up. (I hope I haven’t already posted this! I did a search for the appropriate keywords and couldn’t find it.)

    Stay tuned soon for the last half of the Abe Lincoln’s interview.

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