Channeling Erik®
  • Death of a Child
  • June5th

    12 Comments

    Blog member, Daniel Lucas, created the masterpiece below. How, I don’t know, but it gives me such a sense that we’re all family, connected. If you’d like a picture of yourself in the image, please send a good quality, bright photo to him at daniel-lucas95@hotmail.com. Thanks, Daniel!

    The Family

    The Family

    This is the continuation of Erik’s description of his death and the events that occurred in the moments that followed.

    Erik: Then I felt pulled. It felt like I was being pulled from the back of my shoulders. Not pushed, but, it’s kind of what I would imagine water being moved up a straw would feel like.

    (Pause)

    Erik: It wasn’t like being abducted by aliens. You know like a UFO hovers over you and they like sssllrrrruuup (sucking sound), get sucked up. It wasn’t like that.

    Jamie (laughing): Erik, you’re so creative! He’s showing me the motion of being pulled backwards.

    Erik: It’s like being dragged out of the sea by your life jacket with one of those boat hooks. And the distance is about the same as from the water to the boat. It wasn’t very far. Maybe a few feet. It’s not like I went up, up, up into the sky.

    Me: Uh huh.

    Erik: I kinda expected that, though. But that didn’t happen. And it wasn’t like I got pulled into a different room. It’s like the room I was in began to change. It’s like when kids draw chalk on the sidewalk and then you take a hose to it or the rain comes and gently washes it away. It becomes a clean sidewalk again. The room I was in gently washed away, and I was in a different room.

    Me: Hmm. But did you come back to see when I came upstairs and came into your room? Anything like that?

    Erik: I know you were there. But really, that seems like 15 minutes after if happened.

    Me: Okay. Yes, that’s exactly when I came up to your room. So you were pulled away by your shoulders, and the room gently washes away. So when do you see me and then the police?

    Erik: Well, I saw it sorta from a different vantage point. It’s not like I was standing in the room.

    Jamie: Erik, how do I explain what you’re showing me?

    Erik: It’s not like I’m watching a TV. It’s not like I’m removed in that way. I was a part of it; I see myself in the room, but I’m not really part of that room at all anymore. It’s really hard to explain it in words, Mom.

    Me: Like you were behind the veil?

    Erik: Yeah, Sorta like that! You know how you can put a sheet over your body, but you can still see through it, but you’re pretending that nobody can see you?

    Me: Oh, yeah!

    Erik: That’s kinda how I viewed what took place.

    Me: How did that scene make you feel? Was it difficult to watch?

    Erik: At first I was a little confused why you were crying. I knew the police had to be there, but I really couldn’t have told you why. I just knew they had to be there. I knew it was right. But yeah, it was very painful for me to watch you break down like that. It was horrible, the most painful thing I’ve ever had to bear. I really didn’t think about how you would react. All I thought about was how I could get relief.

    Me: Well, we called them, you know, the Hedwig Village Police. Maria told us she heard a gun shot so we turned the car around and drove like a bat out of hell back, and we called 911. (Explaining to Jamie): Since we live in a small village inside Houston and have our own police department, they came right away. In fact, they almost beat us there.

    Jamie (giggling): He’s laughing that you called the village.

    Erik: Once that was taken care of, I saw my body being zipped up. Then it was carried out, but I can’t really explain where it went after that.

    Me: Well I guess at that point you didn’t follow it. You probably didn’t have much of an attachment to your body, an emotional attachment, I mean.

    Erik: Yeah, none. It’s like you always told me when I was growing up that I wasn’t my body, that my soul was separate from it.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Then, I remember the Light. It was really, really bright to look at, but there wasn’t any tunnel. No tunnel.

    Me: Okay, so the tunnel was probably just the physiologic thing you were talking about before?

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: You probably died so instantly, that there was no period of slow oxygen deprivation to that part of the brain that causes the tunnel effect. Okay, so then after you saw the Light, what happened?

    Erik: After I was pulled away, watched the scene, and then my body got carried away?

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Well, for a while I didn’t leave the house. I didn’t go out into the yard or anything. So that’s when I started to check on people I knew.

    Me: Okay. Living people or deceased?

    Erik: Oh, the living.

    (Long pause)

    Me: For exaaaammmple? Miiiilking the cow, miiiilking the cow! (Coaxing more information from his was like pulling teeth!)

    Jamie: He’s showing me this image; it’s almost like going through a book.

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Jamie: you know, you flip one page, you see that person. You flip another page, you go see somebody else. He saw one of the friends. Male. A male friend that was close to him. Dark hair.

    Me: Sean, Valentin, Jonathan?

    Jamie: Does Valentin have a nickname?

    Me: I don’t know. Frenchie, maybe? He was French. Anyway, he was the guy who hung out with Erik a lot during the last year of his life.  One activity they enjoyed together was target shooting at the gun range. Erik was too young to buy a gun, and we didn’t even know he had one. Apparently, he traded in some of his possessions and asked an acquaintance of Valentin’s to buy one for him. But if it hadn’t been the gun, it would have been something else: a rope, pills. Kim once told us that he might try to kill himself, but that there was nothing we could do to prevent it. Of course I took him to a therapist once a week, a psychiatrist once a week, I tried to get him to do past life regression, everything. We just didn’t want that prediction to come true. But, sadly, it did. Valentin was his best friend toward the end and made his life so full of love and friendship. Now, Sean is one of his lifelong friends. We’ve know him since grade school, and I homeschooled him along with Erik for many years. So, they were very close, too.

    Jamie: No, he went to Valentin first. He didn’t check on Sean until later.

    Erik: Then I went to see Popi.

    Me: Yeah, Popi (my dad, Erik’s grandfather) told me you visited him, sat down in his lap and laid your head on his chest. That kind of freaked him out, because he’s a total atheist. He doesn’t believe in life after death at all.

    Erik: Yeah, and it was sort alike going to the house next door.

    Me: Wait, are you talking about my dad, Popi, or Pappa’s father in Norway?

    Erik: Your dad. Popi.

    Me: Well, I have to tell you, Erik, it really startled my dad. He called and said he was in shock and that he didn’t know what to think. I’m glad, because he’s almost 90 so…

    Erik and Jamie laugh.

    Erik: Then, I went to Norway to see Bestefar. Chilled with him a while.

    Me: Okay, so then what?

    Erik: Well, there was this really bright light that I didn’t really feel I could look at, cuz I’ve always been taught not to look at the sun since it might burn your eyes, you know?

    Me: Yeah, sure.

    Erik: But it didn’t burn at all. No tunnel, no upward and away motion. I was actually a little disappointed in that! (laughing) You know how when you come out of a movie theater after sitting in the dark and you come out into the bright-lit lobby? It takes a while to get use to it, to adjust. Your eyes adjust, and you begin to see you’re not alone.

    Me: Uh huh.

    Erik: And the odd thing is, I can’t tell you if I was inside or outside. It’s like I was just in a space.

    Me; How did you get to the Light from Norway? Were you pulled there?

    Erik: It’s weird. It’s like I just walked a few steps and got there. I just walked in the direction that I felt the pull was taking me. Let’s go back to the life jacket idea. It’s like I was being pulled and pulled toward and then into the boat, but while I was being pulled, I made those visits. I do all this stuff, and finally, by the time I’m done, I’m getting closer to the boat, and they pull me a few feet up into the Light and into the ALTERNATE DIMENSION. (He says this like Rod Serling would say “TWILIGHT ZONE” with an eerie and mysterious tone.)

    Jamie: He’s laughing hard!

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Me (laughing): Making a joke about it, huh?

    Erik: Of course that’s not what we call it when we’re here. You don’t even know what to call it! You just know you’re in the right place. That’s the only thing that matters, You know you’re in the right place. I knew I didn’t do anything wrong, that I was just in the right place.

    Me: Good. So who did you see over there?

    Erik: I remember seeing Aunt Denise first.

    Me: Yeah, that’s what you said through Kim. So, uh, how did that conversation go?

    Erik (chuckling): It’s so funny that you say conversation, because she had a mouthful for me!

    Me: Oh, boy! I bet!

    Erik: She went at me verbally. And frankly, I really felt like that was unfair, because she knew what was going on, and I didn’t!

    (My younger sister, Denise, committed suicide in 2003 after a life ravaged by severely brittle Diabetes. She walked with a walker, was fed by J-Tube directly into the small intestine, wore diapers and had to be catheterized three times a day. When she had a small bowel obstruction, they gave her blood that was Hepatitis C positive. Her nephrologist told her that essentially she was a goner because they couldn’t treat the Hep C without her rejecting her new pancreas and kidney.)

    Me: Yeah, because she killed herself too! Of course she was so debilitated by her disease so, no surprise there…

    Erik: Yeah, but over a period of time, again and again and again she would come at me with “what happened?” and “what do I need to do?” and “who should I console?”

    (I found this really funny, because our family took care of Denise; she lived with us. And she was such a busy body, always asking so many questions. We always used to tease her by saying, “Why say why; Try Bud Dry.” That used to make her laugh, plus it gave us all a short reprieve from the barrage of questions.)

    Me: Yeah, Denise was a bit of a Buttinsky, but in a loving way.

    Erik: But there were other people there, too. But no God on a throne. There were like six people there to greet me, uh, dressed in clothes.

    Me (chuckling): Nothing Greek?

    Erik (laughing): Yeah, nothing Greek.

    Me: No toga party, then? Dang! I remember those when I went to Rice University!

    Jamie laughs loudly.

    Erik: That was good, Mom! That was good.

    Me: Were they all departed loved ones of ours?

    Erik: Yes, and there were some I knew that I knew, but it was kind of like when you have a dream where you know you know that person, but in consciousness you can’t identify them at all.

    Me: Okay, wow, this is all so interesting. Well, I guess we should close now. But Erik, you know it’s your brother’s birthday today. Did you wake him up this morning or try to?

    Erik: I tried to, but he sleeps like a log.

    Me: That’s true! That’s true! Okay, well maybe you can give him a little surprise while he’s awake, then.

    Erik: Yep.

    Me: Give him some goosebumps like you do to me!

    Erik (chuckling): I do have some tricks up my sleeve that I’m going to use throughout the day!

    Me: Good!

    Erik: A special day!

    Me: Why do I always feel intense goosebumps more on my left side?

    Erik: Your left side is more sensitive than your right.

    Me: Oh, okay. Well, I love you Sweetie, and when I come over there, we’ve got some catching up to do! I’m going to prank you to no end, just like you do to Jason and Robert and me!

    Jamie and Erik laugh.

    Me: Well, I love you, Erik. I love you so, so much. I miss you. I miss you so, so much, Sweetie.

    Erik: I love you more.

    I find that very hard to believe.

  • June3rd

    21 Comments

    This part of the channeling transcript was not at all easy for me. The graphic memories, the heartache, the sense of loss, it all flooded back to me like a tsunami of dread and despair. For that reason, I’ve transcribed just a portion of Erik’s description of his death. The heart can only endure so much pain.

    I do hope, however, that you can find some comfort in his words, particularly when you think of your own departed loved ones, because there are elements of peace, beauty and joy in death.

    Me: What did you notice after your death that was different for you, Erik? I know it’s different for each person, but as a general rule, what do most souls notice right away?

    Erik: Their bodies.

    Me: Yeah. You see your body? That’s the first thing you notice?

    Erik: No. The body… the way it feels. It’s crazy, Mom, because you don’t have any pain, but sometimes that doesn’t register until like days or weeks later, as Earth time goes. There’s no hunger or thirst. You’re never too cold or too hot. And some notice it right away, but for others, it’s like a few days after they go, “Hey, I don’t have any pain!”

    Me: Wow.

    Erik: Because some people have lived with pain for so long, they don’t realize when it’s gone.

    Me: Yeah. So what else? What other sensations do you notice right away?

    Erik: Expanded. You feel expanded and lighter. It’s like you’re not cramped into that tight space anymore, and you can fill any space you want. Also, one of the first things you notice is when you think of something…when you have a thought, you don’t get in a car and travel somewhere to see it or go get it. You just end up there. Like when I think of you, I’m there. When I think of Bestefar in Norway, I’m there.

    Me: Wow, so thought creates reality much faster there?

    Erik (laughing): Oh, yeah!

    Me: Must save on those plane tickets. No frequent flyer miles for you, though, Erik.

    Erik laughs.

    Me: But can you create a car or motorcycle or boat and travel that way if you want to?

    Erik: Yeah! Hell yeah! You can create anything. Just like humans can create houses and build their cars; we have the same capabilities here, but it’s done in a much different way. Easier and quicker.

    Jamie (laughing): He’s giving me this look like, “Oh, poor you!”

    Me: Us poor peons down here have to do everything the hard way, huh?

    Jamie laughs.

    Me: What about the body? After you leave the physical body and look down at your spirit self, do you still have a body of some sort like a “memory body?” Does your form seem solid to yourself, at least at first?

    (Long pause)

    Me: I mean, when you looked down on your, you know, your lifeless body, but then looked at your soul’s body, what did it look like to you?

    Erik: Mom, at that time, I didn’t even know to wonder if it was solid or not. It just wasn’t even in my realm of thinking. I was just too concerned about, “What’s gonna happen now?”

    Me (sadly): Yeah. Must have been scary for you, Baby.

    (Pause)

    Erik: I know this sounds weird, but I didn’t have a lot of fear, because there weren’t those smells and sounds and sights and feelings that would create fear. It was actually extremely peaceful. And you know that one second felt like five minutes.

    Me: Okay. Which one second? When you pulled the trigger?

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: Oh, okay. Did it hurt?

    Erik: I remember the sounds around me but not the pain. It’s like I heard the ricochet whizzing sound of the bullet after it went through my head.

    Me: Gosh, Erik, weren’t you scared when you were slowly squeezing the trigger? I almost feel like you probably weren’t sure you were actually going to do it until it was all over, like you didn’t totally make up your mind until it was too late. What were you feeling at that moment?

    Erik: That’s pretty interesting that you knew I pulled the trigger slowly.

    Me: Oh, I just got that. I don’t know. I just get the feeling you had not made up your mind until it was all over. Maybe you told me about your indecisiveness before in another channeling session, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t tell me you pulled the trigger slowly. That’s just what I get. Maybe it was channeled.

    Erik: That’s true, but I didn’t really think I would die from it.

    Me (somberly): Yeah, well, it was a 45 caliber hollow point. Oof.

    (Long, poignant pause)

    Me: What else do you want to share about death and the moment right after death, you know, what the soul realizes right after death?

    Erik: Well, definitely lack of pain, like I said. Ease of movement. How thought creates reality in an instant. Also these wonderful things are happening to you. There’s this full-on weakness that you have at first. For me, I relate that to—I don’t know how to maneuver this body. When I was alive, I would reach out, grab the can, open it up and drink it. I could feel thirst and take care of it. If I wanted to see my family, I could go call or come over or email. But now these patterns that I learned don’t exist anymore. They don’t work the same way.

    Me: Hmm. Wow!

    Erik: In the beginning, there’s this sense of helplessness. I’ve heard some spirits call it release, but you have to sorta relearn how to interact with people and stuff. Some spirits know how to do it right away. You know, entering a dream or moving something away or making something appear. But some of us just take longer before we able to do certain things.

    Me: To do what, exactly? Can you give me an example of something you’ve tried to do and it was difficult?

    Erik: I remember I tried to pick the gun up.

    Me (sadly): Um hm.

    Erik: I tried to move my face to help me.

    Me; Um hm.

    Erik: None of that worked. My hand just went right through everything. It penetrated, it had a sensation; it wasn’t like my hand was moving through air. I could feel density and texture. I could feel the emotion of what I was going through.

    Me: Did the emotions feel different?

    Erik: Yes, they did. It’s like they weren’t mine. Though I was looking at myself—I know it was me, but it didn’t feel like me at all.

    Me: Help me understand this. What emotions did you—your soul—feel right after death?

    (Pause)

    Me: Besides, of course, helplessness and—

    Erik: Joy. Wait. I take that back. If I have to break it down in a sequence, I’m guessing the first feeling I had was peacefulness. Being at peace.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: I recognized I was at peace and felt joy. Then, when I saw that I was separated, you know, from my physical body, I felt I wasn’t solid, that’s when I went to go help myself, try to anyway. I only had time to try to help once. And I wasn’t afraid for myself, either.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: Because I felt fine!

    Me: Yeah. And then, did you feel like, when I went up there and found you, did you go through that, “Oh my gosh; what have I done” feeling?

    Erik: Not right away. At first I was really interested in finding out what was next. I didn’t do the “Oh my gosh; what have I done” thing until I realized that it was irreversible.

    Me: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so walk me through the sequence: you tried to grab the gun, then you tried to help yourself once, then what?

    Even as I proofread this, my stomach turns and my heart sinks to familiar depths. As I’m brought back to that tragic day, magical thinking takes over in that for a split second, I truly believe I can intervene as his finger slowly flexes around the trigger. God, if only I could create a time machine. What would I do? I’d make him do the past life regression that would have cast a light into his darkness. I would have insisted he join us for lunch. I would have wrapped him in my arms and kept him there forever no matter how hard he squirmed and protested. But alas, there is no time machine, and magical thinking is just that—illusion. Or delusion. I miss you, Erik.

  • May13th

    19 Comments

    Jamie’s assistant, Amy, wanted you guys to know that there are a few spots open for the following channeling calls. All others are booked up.

    Griever’s Call June 2oth

    Erik’s Conference Call July 11th

    Griever’s Call July 18th

    This post was published just 4 months after Erik died. It makes me sad to read it because it reminds me of how deep and cutting my pain was at that time. Now, the pain has dulled, but I suppose it will always be my constant companion.

    Losing a child, particularly to suicide, is gut wrenching. It lends an entirely new perspective on the term, “a broken heart,” because every morning when I wake up and realize that ‘yes, Erik is still dead; it wasn’t all some horrible dream,’ I feel like a dagger has been plunged to the hilt into my heart. Since his death, it’s like I’ve lost a limb and must limp through life a broken woman. Some days I wonder how I can bear plodding through the decades I have left on Earth when every day that my son isn’t with me is like a bitter eternity. Some days, I long for death, but the love I have for my husband, my other children, my friends and the rest of my family plays tug-of-war with my soul. I must stay. I must love. I must endure.

    Of course I have many good days, but when I slip into a particularly dark place, Erik comes to comfort me. The other day he did just that. Here is just one story of the many miracles with which he graces our lives:

    Erik shot himself in the head in his bedroom. Finding him moments later was the most horrible experience I’ve ever had. For days, I couldn’t even go upstairs, much less return to that room. Then, I went through a phase when I wanted to be there all the time. I wanted to smell his dirty clothes. I cursed the fact that the sheets on his bed were changed minutes before his death, robbing me of the chance to soak in his scent, his essence. I tended to the makeshift altar on his desk by lighting the candles and rearranging the flowers that were slowly turning brown. I combed every surface, every wall to find the dent made by the wretched bullet that stole him from me forever.

    Now, I avoid the room again. Seeing the rough wood planks from which the carpet was removed, seeing the yellow bags the crime scene cleanup crew filled with his clothes, seeing his empty bed…it’s just too hard. We keep pictures of him around the house, but every reminder of his death is locked away in his room: the photo album from the funeral home, the keepsake box filled with sympathy letters, leftover programs for his memorial service, copies of our eulogies, they’re all in his room as unspeakable reminders of a life cut short. Erik’s room is a no man’s land behind a locked door that no one dares open. To open that door is to open painful wounds again.

    The other day, I felt particularly sad. As I sat on the couch sobbing softly, the housekeeper who comes once a week and has know Erik since he was 16 months old approached me quietly. She said, “Elisa, look what I found on the utility room floor.” She placed a little card in my hand. It was a card meant to be distributed to everyone at Erik’s visitation and memorial service providing information on how to leave an audio message, thoughts, prayers, remembrances, condolences.

    How could this be? These cards have been locked away in the leather keepsake box in his room upstairs. The door to his room has been closed for months. How did that card go from that box, from that room, all the way downstairs to settle on the white tile floor in the middle of another room?

    As I touched that card, Erik’s image appeared in my mind. However, this was no ordinary image. It was vivid. It was strong. It was tangible. And the smile on his face spoke volumes. It said, “Mom, I’m fine. I’m here. I’m as alive as I’ve ever been.”

    I’ve learned so much from the books I’ve read on how souls can manipulate energy to move material objects, even books explaining the physics behind the phenomenon. In a previous entry, I recounted how Erik said he was working on developing that skill so he can contact us in more tangible ways. That miracle proved to me that his practice paid off.

    A day destined to be sad had become happy. Thank you, Erik, my darling boy.

  • February27th

    34 Comments

    Today is a very sad day. A friend that my daughter, Annika, has known since preschool died Friday in a very tragic way. She and our family were very close. She even traveled with us to San Antonio and Florida. I went to the viewing yesterday, and, as is always the case, it was clear to me that what remained of Emma was a shell. The spark in her eye that was her soul was gone. I plan to help with the wake, but, although I fully intended to, I just can’t go to the memorial service. It would remind me of Erik’s. My heart just bleeds for the family. I remember the call from the cornea donation place, having to pick out a casket, the corner decorations, the marker and its message, the plot, the clothes he would wear. I remember looking at his neck and getting a glimpse of the Y incision made during his autopsy. I remember caressing his hair only to have some of it come off, because they had to put color matched “fake” hair to cover up the bullet hole. It triggers so much pain, but I plan to take her mother under my wing and help her get through this. I know when Erik died there was no one there who had lost a child. 

    By the way, I forgot to tell you that Erik used to always wear the same kind of hat as that dude in the Believe video. He loved fedoras. I didn’t get that connection until after I posted the YouTube, but I think that’s pretty cool. Plus, the guy’s energy reminds me so much of Erik’s. 

    Here’s yet another neglected post. I think I have one more. Also, I just wanted to tell you guys that I just interviewed Farrah Fawcett and Meher Baba. I have to finish the session I’m transcribing now, but then I’ll get on these. Each of them takes me several days, because my days are so full of other things. I hope you look forward to them!

    Me: Okay. Anything about your growth? I’m not focusing on you, Erik. About you.  I know about your trying to understand the difference between participation and involvement thing.

    Erik: That is part of my growth.

    Me: Yeah, but how else are you doing there? Tell me your life over there. What’s going on besides just helping me? Now, for every one hour you talk about me, I want you to spend one hour talking about you!

    Jamie giggles.

    Erik: I did. I told you about how I’m learning how to be involved but not be involved.

    Me: Okay. Well, what else? What else is going on in your life?

    Erik: Oh, my god, that’s like been the biggest topic on my head for about two months.

    Me: Well, do you have any fun over there? What do you do with your day besides blog-related things?

    Erik: My fun is playing with my balls.

    Jamie (laughing hard): Oh, Erik!

    Me: Oh, god. Well, it always has been probably. (Sigh) What else, Erik?

    Jamie is still laughing.

    Me: By the way, a lot of people seem to have crushes on you, but I saw one comment in the Channeling Erik group, “Yeah, I always had a crush on him, but now I really do once I found out he had a big package.”

    Jamie laughs. I don’t know how much more of this she can take.

    Jamie: He’s just laughing. He’s pointing at his crotch and going, “That’s the ticket.”

    I giggle.

    Jamie (to Erik): You wish you knew how to use it! Next topic, Erik. Um, he’s showing me a picture of being on—it’s a motorcycle, but it’s not like a Harley. It’s one of those fancy ones with the—

    Me: Like a crotch rocket?

    Jamie (laughing): Crotch rocket! Yeah.

    Me: Okay.

    Jamie: Doo—dook—

    Me: Ducati? Okay, yeah.

    (My husband only rides Ducatis and Erik used to love riding my red Ducati Monster.

    Jamie: And, um (Pause) He’s showing me a bunch of pictures. He’s on it. It’s a steel gray color and he’s on a road that has no speed limit.

    Me: I hope you’re wearing your helmet.

    Jamie: It’s kind of a mountainous place, but it looks like a highway. He said it’s on Earth. Oh, the, um. Oh my god, I just totally forgot the name of it. That road that doesn’t have a speed limit. It’s in Europe, right?

    Me: Oh, the Autobahn, for one?

    Jamie: The Autobahn, yeah. So, yeah, he apparently has a few other friends who are biker fans as well.

    Erik: We kind of blow steam off by doing that.

    Me: Good!

    Erik: It’s not racing, though. It’s just the joy of riding.

    Me: All right. Anything else you wanna talk about? Your fun? Your life over there? I forget to ask you these things, because these sessions are so blog-driven. I want to know more about my baby!

    Erik: Well, tell Pappa not to be disappointed that I’m not racing, but I am still enjoying them.

    Me: Good. The Ducati is his favorite bike. That’s it. That’s what he races with.

    Jamie: Are you serious?

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: It’s not like we have a garage full of them or anything, because we don’t need to keep them like that. We just manifest them. If it’s something we can think about, create and dream up, then we can get it.

    Me: That’s awesome.

    Erik: Yeah, it’d definitely be good for the Earth, that whole recycling thing.

    Me: Okay, tell me one more thing that you do during the day. Or night. As if there were day and night.

    Jamie: That is wild, because when you said “night” I didn’t see it at all. There was no image. It was just kind of a softer version of a day.

    Me: Oh!

    (Pause)

    Me: You go clubbing?

    Jamie: No, he’s showing me this building he’s walking into, and it’s huge! It’s not tall. It’s maybe 12 or 13 stories tall. Not like a skyscraper or anything, but it’s got a fascinating shaped roof. It’s kind of domed or domed with a little bit of wave. It makes you wonder how it’s standing up like that.

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Jamie: And tons of glass. Tons of light coming in. Very unique. Almost reminds me of an observatory, but on a way huger scale. And he says there are places, he’s saying the word, but I don’t get it! It’s the name of the building. It’s some name for the building. You go in and you, um—

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: Sorry. It’s more images that words right now, so I’m trying to watch and then know what I’m about to explain, because I don’t know what it is. I know I’m in a room structure, but there’s something about it where you can transport yourself.

    Me: Hm!

    Jamie: Time. Space. Cuz I know that the body, itself—the spirit—can think. It’s driven by attraction and it can go where it needs to go or wants to go, and that’s how spirits travel. But he’s talking about going to other universes and galaxies.

    Me: Is it like a portal? Is that what you’re saying?

    Erik: Yeah, we can say it’s like a portal, but it’s not electronically driven. Nobody goes, “What’s your destination please, Sir” and then they pull a switch.

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Me: Beam me up, Scotty! Well, can you do that outside of the building? Aren’t you able to think about another galaxy and be there?

    Erik: Well, yes, but this is the building where we learn about these other galaxies or remember them, because there is so much—there are infinite amount information and knowledge. It’s not like we carry that all around in our consciousness. So, when you wanna go and learn about a new place—it’s not really learning. It’s just recalling. Pulling the information back in.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik:  It’s almost like trigger rooms. You know, you go into a room and you go, “I remember this place. Of course. It’s called this, and this is where it’s located in the stars.”

    Me: So it reinserts or you reinsert into your consciousness that bit of information of those memories.

    Erik: Right, and you have to have that clarity before you can transport yourself to that place.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: Because if you’re not clear, you ain’t going to get there. That’s stupid.

    Me: Yeah. You have to know—

    Erik: It’s like saying, “I want a sandwich” and like, what the fuck are you going to get then? You didn’t specify ham, cheese, lettuce and tomato. You’re just going to get this shit that you created. Then you’re going to be disappointed and you have to think about what sandwich you really want, so…

    Me: Exactly. All right.

    Great. Now I’m starving.

    ***************************

    Dear Reader,

    The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.

    As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.

    Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.

    I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.

    Love and light,

    Elisa

  • February10th

    15 Comments

    Happy Monday everyone! I’m still transcribing my first session with Robert as well as the Ask Erik answers to the winner of that submission. It takes a long time with these fingers which, for some reason, seemed to have turned into nubs with a mind of their own or fat little Vienna Sausages that can’t seem to avoid typing 2 to 3 keys at once. Indecisive wieners. Hmm. 

    Of course, children have always been so dear to my heart even after raising five of them through the teenage years. That’s why anything Erik says about child spirits perk my interest. Erik adored children so much. The last joy he had just 30 minutes or so before he took his life was playing peek-a-boo with his niece, Arleen, through the posts along the stairwell. It was a half-hearted attempt at best.

    ********************

    Me: How are children’s souls treated when they die? Do they grow up there? Can they be any age they want including an adult, and who takes care of them? Maybe I should have done these one at a time, but go ahead. Let’s see what you remember.

    Jamie (giggling): First he made a smart-ass comment that I refuse to say!

    Erik: Children are treated like spirits. They’re treated like anyone else that passes away.

    Jamie: The only difference he can think of is if the child–

    (Pause)

    Jamie (to Erik): So we could say… Give me some examples.

    Erik: Okay. If the child’s spirit is a baby and dies very young or dies in the belly from miscarriage or abortion, cord strangulation, stillbirth, anything like that, that’s such a short life.

    Jamie (to Erik): What’s a short life?

    Erik: Pretty much from zero when the spirit decides to enter the body and I’ll say five. Five years old.

    Jamie: He calls that a short life.

    As a parent who’s lost a son, I say when I survive my child, theirs is a short life.

    Erik: A short life means that the child hasn’t been influenced by the culture or society to let go of the beliefs that they came in with.

    Me: Mm hm.

    Erik: So, their connection to the afterlife is still pretty strong. If they’re passing from five and below, they pretty much know their shit, so when they get back, everyone’s like, “Hey, you’re here again! How have you been?” And they have that calmness, that knowingness, that familiarity. There’s really zero trauma. Zero trauma.

    Yeah, for them, but…

    Erik: Because they’re like, “I was just here! Hey!”

    Me: It’s like one of those revolving doors in a high rise.

    Erik: Yes, and, if they choose, they can stay that age or they can grow from that age and grow with the family annually to be a part of them. For me, I like being my age. I think I’m staying this way. In fact I think that if I got older, I’d look pretty stupid cuz my maturity level is not going to go beyond what it is right now.

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Me: That’s probably true!

    Jamie: So, he would look like he didn’t have all his marbles together.

    Me: Who said he did?

    (Pause as Jamie smiles and moves her head and body as if she’s either trying to follow Erik’s movements.)

    Jamie (to Erik): What are you doing?

    (Pause)

    Jamie: He’s checking his pockets. He’s pretending to dig through his pockets to find his marbles as proof to you that he had them all.

    Me (chuckling): That’s a good one. All right, so, what about babies when they cross over? Does somebody have to take care of them if they want to, if they want to remain a baby?

    Erik: Yeah, if they want to stay a baby and grow, it’s not like in humans though, Mom. It’s not like they need to be fed or they need to be dressed or they need to be protected.

    Me: But nurtured, right?

    Erik: Sure. Nurtured. Absolutely. But the things that you think of like sleepless nights and rocking and stuff like that, that’s not what we mean when we’re babied.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: It’s kind of like, just thinking of it in terms of size, just being small or simple. Simplicity. Then we grow into accepting more knowledge.

    Me: Who takes, uh, is there a place like a nursery where they take care of them or do the deceased relatives take care of them or what? I mean, they just don’t go crawling around with a diaper on out in the ethers!

    Erik: No, no, no. No diapers needed. Wherever they think they want to be, they go. They have the same intelligence as an independent spirit would in the afterlife. They’re not helpless. They are not helpless at all.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: They can communicate. They might not have had the English language on Earth, but they can speak loud and proud as soon as they let go of their body!

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: There’s nothing that’s being mistranslated. What they might want, like you said, is nurturing, companionship.

    Me: Yeah.

    (My retorts show that I have a great deal of contribution to the conversation.)

    Erik: Commonly, it’ll be from those who have passed away in that family structure, that lineage. If that’s not there, it’s the guides of the parents.

    Me: Okay.

    See?

    Erik: So, the family unit still stays together until time passes, and then that child can decide, are they going to stay and kind of—

    Jamie (to Erik): Linearly? Is that a word? Lin-e-ar-ly. (She over-pronounces the word as if to keep herself from stumbling over it. Sometimes when Jamie channels, it’s like she forgets words. That’s because they go straight from the spirit through her mouth, bypassing the brain. She rarely remembers any part of these sessions.)

    Erik: —play out that life with the family that they tried to come [into], or are they going to kind of remove their energy from it and place themselves into another lifetime?

    Me: Okay. Interesting. Now, why are children and babies and pets—why are they able to see spirits sometimes, and why does that eventually fade away? I suppose they fade away because they—at least the children and babies—get indoctrinated by the parents, right?

    Erik: Yep. They tell them, “Good!” “Bad!” “That’s not right!” “That’s wroooonnnng!”

    Jamie laughs.

    Me: Well, why are they able to see spirits?

    (Pause)

    Erik: Pure energy.

    (Long pause)

    Me: Can you make that a whole sentence, please!

    Erik: Cuz they’re not getting fucked up or mucked up by other belief systems.

    Me: So, everybody, who doesn’t, uh, I mean if I didn’t have a belief system and wasn’t all messed up or “tainted” would I be able to see spirits?

    Erik: Yeah.

    Me: Like babies do?

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: Okay. Interesting.

    Erik: That’s why pets, cats and dogs, continue to do it. Because they don’t sign up for our belief system.

    Me: That’s true. I see my cats; they look up into this empty space and purr or keep following something with their eyes. Same thing with Bella, my dog. She’ll bark at the stairway even though it’s empty. Nobody’s there, except maybe Erik.

    Erik: That’s me.

    Me: Of course it is!

     

    Teasing Arley

    Teasing Arley

  • June10th

    12 Comments

    Me: At what point did you ask for help? When did you finally say, “I need help”?

    Erik: When I wanted to get back to my family and I didn’t know how.

    Me: Aw. Did you miss us?

    Erik: Yeah!

    Me: So, who appeared.

    Jamie: This was a female guide. Not his aunt. This was someone who was telling him how to cross dimensions and how to communicate.

    Erik: About this time, it was when you were doing all the research and trying to find mediums, you know. So, I was trying to learn how to talk through them and get into it. By then, I didn’t have any conflict with my emotions. I was perfectly A-OK.I knew how to travel, and ten I immediately started learning how to communicate to humans. Cross-dimensional communication.

    Me: How did you ask? Did you just think, “I need help!”?

    Erik: Yeah. Yeah.

    Me: Or did you get on the loudspeaker and yell, “A little help here!”

    Erik: No, I thought about it. I would need someone to come to teach me, and that’s all you do. You just think that.

    Me: Did you have to go through some sort of therapy? They say some people have to go through therapy to mend energetically, etc. Did you go through that process, too?

    Erik: I did some, yeah.

    Me: One medium told me that you had to go through a lot less therapy than most suicides.

    Erik: Yeah.

    Me: Why is that?

    Erik: Because it was a contract written that it was the end of my line whereas with most people who take their lives it’s not the end of their line. They’re just doing it out of revenge or because they want an out or avoidance.

    Me: Okay. It’s not their destiny. It’s not an exit point for them.

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: All right. Now, what do most spirits miss about the earthly plane. I know you have all of your buddies over there and they’re like, “Oh my god, I really miss pizza” or whatever, but what do most, if you were to do a survey, miss about the earthly plane.

    Erik: Food, number one. Sex, number two.

    Jamie giggles.

    Me: But I thought the sex was better over there.

    Erik: It is, but it’s not physical like that. It’s different. So different.

    Me: And why do you miss food? Can’t you conjure up the taste and texture thing or is it different?

    Erik: It’s totally different.

    Me: But can’t you create that taste, the texture and the fullness in the belly?

    Erik: It’s the whole chewing it, smelling it, waiting for it to be done. I mean, we don’t really have that kind of process. We don’t need it.

    Me: Yeah, but can’t you create every aspect of it like you’ve described?

    Erik: It’s not the same, Mom.

    Me: It’s not the same.

    Erik: It’s like artificial flavor is not the same as the real thing.

    Me: I see. And sex is not quite, uh; you don’t have that physical, the physical body.

    Jamie bursts out in laughter.

    Jamie: Uh huh. He’s talking about the “bang banging”.

    Me: Oh god, Erik. Well, you didn’t have much of it when you were her, poor guy. I guess you’ll have to come back as a prostitute.

    Jamie laughs hard.

    Me: Or, what do you call it? A gigolo. Come back as a gigolo.

    Erik: If I come back, I’m definitely coming back with a dick.

    Me: So, come back as a gigolo and then you can really get some—on a regular basis.

    Jamie still hasn’t stopped laughing.

    Erik: Jamie has just checked out!

    We all can’t help but laugh at that one.

    Me: Okay. Let’s talk about this. When spirits cross back over what do they miss about Heaven?

    Erik: Huh?

    Me: When they come back to Heaven, and say, “I’m so glad to be back because I missed…” What do they miss about Heaven?

    Erik: The bullshit.

    Me: You miss getting away from the bullshit.

    Erik: Yeah. The emotional conflict. That’s why a lot of spirits like to come to Earth—to feel the lower vibrational emotions. Hardship. Struggle.

    Me: But when they come back to Heaven, they go, “Ugh, I miss being away from those emotional conflicts.”

    Jamie: Does that make sense? Cuz the way he’s explaining it is that they’re attracted to it, so that’s why they reincarnate. That’s where some of the deeper lessons are learned.

    Me: Mm hm.

    Erik: Through the conflict. There’s no conflict in Heaven or Home. So, when the human dies and becomes a spirit again, the ease of life is sometimes shocking and hard to adjust to.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Cuz they just spent all that time adjusting to conflict.

    Jamie: Oh. So he’s saying not that they miss that the most. It’s just that it’s the hardest to adapt to.

    Me: To not have the conflict anymore? You like the conflict-free dimension, but it’s hard to adapt to. But I want to know what they miss about Heaven when they come back. “Oh my god, I’m so glad to be back, because I miss…”

    Jamie: Glad to be back on Earth or glad to be back in Heaven?

    Me: No, in Heaven?

    Why is this so damn hard?

    Erik: Oh, the ease of life. Peace. Love. Unconditional love.

    Me: All right. (finally!) What are the coolest new abilities you gained that you didn’t’ have on Earth?

    Jamie: Coolest new abilities.

    Me: Yeah.

    Jamie (to Erik): That aren’t raunchy!

    Me: Really!

    Jamie giggles.

    Me: I didn’t expect we could go there on THIS question, but leave it to Erik.

    Erik: Telepathy. Love it. It’s accurate. It’s better than instant messages. It’s better than text. It’s better than email.

    No fax?

    Me: Okay. What else?

    Erik: Not being stuck on planet Earth. You can just go wherever the F you wanna go.

    Me: Why are you saying, “F”? Seriously, Jamie!

    Jamie: I know! He said, “You can just go wherever the fuck you wanna go.”

    Me: There we go!

    Jamie laughs.

    Me: He’s got you all messed up today.

    Jamie: Oh, the highs and lows we’ve gone through already!

    Me: I swear to god! This is Emotional Roller-coaster Day. Okay, what else? I can imagine the frequent flyer miles you can rack up there!

    Jamie: Now that! He loves that!

    Me: What else. Name a couple more.

    Erik: A couple more. Transcending space and time. Time travel. Going back into your past lives. Oh, what about going to the fucking library?

    Me: The Akashic Records?

    Erik: Yeah. That shit fucking blows your mind.

    Me: Tell me about it.

    Erik: I can’t even plan how to get to the grocery store and buy everything that I need, and I go into here and all my past lives, my future lives, my now lives, my afterlife lives are all finely tuned. How the fuck does that happen?

    Me: What? Do you go into a library and open up a book? I mean, what’s it like?

    Erik: No, it’s not really like a book. It’s more like a never-ending page. Like it’s not like a “lick, flip” book.

    I chuckle.

    Erik: It’s kind of like a scroll, in a way, like one constant page, but you don’t have to manually unroll it. The information just comes to you.

    Me: Is it like a holographic display?

    Erik: Sort of like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s technologically advanced.

    Me: Do you just take your thumb and scroll through it like an iPhone or do you think about going to the next life or whatever?

    Erik: Yep. It shows you what you want it to show you.

    Me: Interesting. Does it have cool colors? Glowing? Sparkly?

    Erik: Yeah. To me I see it in a kind of glowing blue color.

    Me: Hmm. I can almost see it. Probably have.

    *******************************

    Dear Reader,

    The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.

    As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.

    Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.

    I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.

    Love and light,

    Elisa

     

     

  • June7th

    3 Comments

    My vision is slowly improving. Please forgive me if I haven’t attended to your comments and emails as I usually do. It’s still very difficult to read them. Next week, I’m having the surgery on my other eye, so both will be going through that blurry period at the same time, and my  current glasses, which at least now corrects my left eye, will be rendered useless. That means I’ll be even more visually impaired, so if you could keep emails, Facebook messages and comment questions directed to me at a minimum, I’d appreciate it. Patrick will be posting on the day of my surgery (Tuesday), and I’ll hopefully take over from Wednesday on.

    *****************************

    Me: All right. We went backwards there. What were some of the adjustments you had to make when crossed over? What were some of the most, uh, I won’t say difficult. The most interesting. The most intense.

    Erik: How to move.

    Me: How to move! Yeah. “I cain’t feel my laigs!’

    Jamie: He’s laughing.

    Me: That’s from the movie, “Major Payne.” “That’s cuz they ain’t there!”

    Jamie (laughing): I have no idea what you’re talking about, but he’s almost on the floor!

    Me: Cuz we watched it all the time. It was with one of the Waylon brothers. It’s so funny. Erik loved it.

    Jamie is still laughing.

    Erik: Similar to that, but it’s just interesting. I’d say that’s the most urgent one that you come across.

    Me: Mm hm.

    Erik: You know, how to get from here to there. And it’s weird, because you keep moving and traveling, yet you can’t explain to yourself how you’re doing it. It’s like, “What’s happening. Oh shit, it’s happening!” You don’t know how.

    Me: Was it scary?

    Erik (chuckling): No. No, I wasn’t afraid, but I definitely wasn’t getting all the answers I needed ASAP, so that was weird.

    Me: Was there some sort of guide who was there for you during your death, your life review or afterwards? Wasn’t there anybody to help you?

    Erik (laughing): If there was, that dick must have been hiding behind the curtain, because I didn’t see anyone!

    Me: Oh my god! That’s awful. How come? Was it because you didn’t ask for help?

    Erik: Oh, I didn’t ask for help.

    Typical guy. They won’t ask for directions.

    Erik: And I think I just wanted to be alone.

    Me: Do you think if you asked for help somebody would come?

    Erik: Oh, yeah, with bells a‘ringing.

    Me: Why did you want to be alone?

    Erik: Cuz I wanted rest.

    Me: Was part of it shame? Did you think you’d get in trouble for doing what you did?

    Erik: Wow. That’s interesting.

    (Pause)

    Me: Like, “Uh oh. I’m busted. Don’t take me to Hell!”

    Erik: No.

    Me: Okay. That’s good.

    Erik (amazed): Nah, I never felt like that! How cool is that?

    Me: That’s awesome. So, you couldn’t move. Tell me about the whole learning experience of learning how to move.

    Erik: Well, it’s like I consciously couldn’t make myself go, but if I thought about being somewhere, I’d end up there. It kept happening, but I couldn’t figure out how exactly it was happening.

    Me: Could you see your arms and legs?

    (Pause)

    Me: Or were you just consciousness? Could you see your spirit body?

    Erik: Yeah. That’s mostly what you see. You don’t see yourself like you were as a human.

    Me: So, it wasn’t like you were seeing only your environment like you were just an awareness of self without a body?

    Erik: Yeah, without a human body. I had an energetic shape, you know, as light, and I felt like myself. I knew my whereabouts. I know what happened. It’s not like I was thrown into some strange world without a map. I felt like I belonged and I was safe. I was never afraid, but it was just the smallest things like that that would fuck you in the head a little bit.

    Me: But when you looked down, you could see your legs and your feet and all that? It wasn’t a human body, but you weren’t just like a ball of light?

    Erik: Correct. Yeah, right. I had an energetic shape like my human body.

    Me: And you could move? You could look at your hand and make a fist, move your legs and things like that?

    Erik: Oh, yeah!

    Me: So, it was more about moving from one place to another.

    Erik: Yeah.

    Me: So, you learned how to think of a place and be there?

    Erik: Yeah.

    Me: What were some other adjustments that you had to make when you crossed over?

    Erik: Well, I was used to kind of arguing to myself in my head or having contradicting thoughts and emotions, but that shit just doesn’t happen. That was weird.

    Me: Hm. What happens instead?

    Erik (slightly frustrated): I don’t really know how to explain it. You just don’t have them. You couldn’t be angry and happy.

    Me: So, more peace? No more conflict in your head?

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: How old were you when you had no conflict in your head?

    Erik: I had moments of it, but never consistently.

    Me: Well, I don’t think anybody has it consistently.

    Erik: Really?

    Me: Where they’re always, always, always at peace with no conflict in their head? Of course not.

    Erik: C’mon. There’s gotta be people. Isn’t that what being happy is?

    Me: One hundred percent of the time?

    Jamie (to Erik): Yeah, Erik. There’s—

    Me: C’mon! What if someone is super constipated, and they’re sitting there on the toilet, and they can’t pinch one off? That is NOT a happy situation!

    Erik (chuckling): Yeah, but that’s a physical conflict.

    Me: It doesn’t make any difference. It’s going to create some emotional conflict. Nobody is totally at peace all the time unless they’re the Dalai Lama.

    Erik: You must have an issue with shit, Mom.

    Me: Look at you and your scatological humor! I wouldn’t talk! Okay. Let’s move on. What are some other adjustments you had to make? Any others?

    Erik: Those two are the main ones.

    *****************************

    Be sure to sign up for Jamie’s phone reading next week on the 12th!

    GROUP PHONE READING 

    *****************************

    Dear Reader,

    The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.

    As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.

    Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.

    I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.

    Love and light,

    Elisa

  • June6th

    4 Comments

    You may find typos or spelling errors in this entry, but again, I didn’t have the stomach to proofread it. Sorry.

    Me: Who was the first one to meet you?

    Erik: Well, hell, I can’t even remember.
    Me: Was Denise (my sister) there? Aunt Denise. I think she was also there to greet you, right?

    Erik: Yes. I remember seeing a whole bunch of faces. It’s different now. Looking back, I can get the feeling much more clear rather than relying on what I was seeing or saying.

    Me: Yeah, because in spirit, it’s more about feelings than about mental, uh brain based remembering of details. I think why people get disappointed when they go to a medium and ask validation questions like, “What did we put in your pocket when we buried you?” You don’t remember things like that anymore. It’s not important after you cross over. It’s all about feelings.

    Erik: You’re right, and, trust me; we’re not checking our fucking pockets, either.

    Me: Exactly. All right. Let’s go on to the life review. What’s the life review like? I mean maybe they’re all different, but give me a general idea about what the life review entails.

    Erik: Yeah, sometimes you feel like you’re going into this room, like an Imax theater and it’s almost a 360, but you get to feel what emotions or impressions that other people perceived of you. So, it’s like you’re going through this life review and you get to feel like you’re done for yourself. You see YOU through other people.

    Jamie (laughing): I can’t imitate that. Basically, he said, “That’s totally wrong. That’s fucked up. It’s the worst joke you could play on anyone.

    Me: So, you’re like that person. You’re seeing through their eyes and feeling what they felt?

    Erik: Yes.

    Me: Oof. Boy, that’s not fun. If on Earth, you’ve resolved those issues, if you’ve made amends with that person, do you still have to go through that with that person?

    Erik: No! No.

    Me: Okay, good.

    Erik: If it’s truly resolved, it’s not on your plate.

    Me (chuckling): Oo, I’m going to go around apologizing to a lot of people!

    Jamie and Erik laugh.

    Erik: And the life review is not like somebody comes in and says, “Excuse me. It’s time for your life review. It’s at 2:30. Please walk into this room and have a seat.”

    I chuckle.

    Erik: It just kind of overtakes you, and it’s weird. It happens really fast, but you’ll feel like you’ve been in it forever.

    Me: Well, what causes the life review? I don’t understand. What are its origins? Who decides this; who creates this?

    Erik: Most of the time, it’s actually the consciousness, the human experience, the need for the human to do a checklist. Energetically and spiritually, it’s not really needed. You don’t need to go through those checkpoints, because if you came in spiritually, energetically connected, you already know what those checkpoints are. So, you know, this is pretty much for every living person where we’re functioning more from our brain than any other part.

    Me: Uh huh.

    Erik: So, it’s almost like the brain decompressing, running through everything, but it’s in the reverse. You get to understand how other people perceived you for you. And your answers are given to you. “Oh! That’s why this happened this way!” You put things to rest in a very quick way.

    Me: So, is it painful, emotionally?

    Erik: Nah. It’s definitely fucked up, but it’s not painful. You don’t’ leave wrecks like the Titanic, right, Mom?

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Me: So, was yours long? Did you have to go through a whole lot?

    Erik: No, it wasn’t a whole lot. Mine was mostly the voices in my head. You know, my fucked up shit.

    Me: What do you mean?

    Erik: I had to deal and have conversations with myself quite a bit, you know, talk myself down from shit and try to understand myself. That’s mostly what I came across.

    Me: Oh. Who did you have to deal with the most as far as your life review is concerned?

    Erik: Mostly my family.

    Me: Yes, of course. Okay. Anything else on the life review.

    Erik: Nah. That’s probably it.

    Me: Do you ever have to go through life reviews for past lives at the same time, or is it only for this current life?

    Erik: It’s pretty much decompressing the life you were just exiting.

    Me: Okay. Now, this white tunnel. This white light you hear about. Of course, some people experience it; some people don’t. Why do some experience and others don’t, and what the hell is it?

    Erik (teasing): Only the good get to go down the tunnel. No, really. That’s bullshit.

    Me: It reminds me of that show, “Outer Limits” where the guys jump into this big swirly circle.

    Jamie laughs.

    Erik: No, really it’s based on a belief system.

    Me: What is it? Does it exist?

    Erik: The tunnel of white light?

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: Here’s my two cents about it. When you die, if that’s what you believed in, that when you die you’re gonna see this bright white light and all that crap, then I think that’s what you’re going to get.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: But also, the actually death of the brain, the lack of oxygen and everything, creates this tunnel vision. Is that the light you go into and cross into death? No. That’s your brain dying.

    Me: Well, the belief system had to start from some place.

    Erik: It started form those people had those near death experiences or whatever and their brains were dying, and they got up and talked about it—that they saw God and angels and all this. Consciously—

    Jamie (to Erik): Thank you for saying that. This makes sense.

    Erik: Consciously, you’re trying to look through the eyes that are set in your head, so when the brain is dying, that’s what you’re seeing. Intuitively, if you’re looking with the third eye, you don’t have to see a tunnel of white light to cross over into the Beyond.

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: So, if you’re looking with your third eye—the intuitive eye—most likely it’ll be like going into another room.

    Me: Yeah, a lot of people describe it that way—It’s like going into another room. When you got pulled back by your shoulders, where’d you end up?

    Erik (chuckling): In another room!

    Me: Okay, and—

    Erik: It’s wild. The room around me just kind of disappeared. Where I was just dissolved. I think that’s the only way I know how to say it. Got dark. Dim the lights. Turn the lights on. You’re in a different space. There’s nothing fast about it. It wasn’t like a quick jerk or anything. It was more of how you feel your body going to sleep. It’s more like that.

    Me: I remember when you were doing your life review, you talked about how you sat at a long table and you had your head in your hands.

    Erik: Mm hm.

    ***********************

    For those of you who wish to speak with a deceased loved one, please sign up for the Griever’s Channeling Call TOMORROW. Remember, your loved one wants to communicate with you, too!

    Griever’s Call

    ***********************

    Dear Reader,

    The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.
    As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.
    Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.
    I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.
    Love and light,
    Elisa

  • June3rd

    9 Comments

    Tomorrow, I have surgery on one of my eyes early in the morning. I think I’ll be able to post something, but if I don’t, you’ll know why. I’m having the other eye operated on the following Tuesday. Wish me luck! Maybe I’ll finally not drive at night with sweaty palms! Meanwhile, here, Erik continues his description of his own personal death experience.

    Me: Did you think it was cool to just fly around? Did you feel that unconditional love that a lot of people talk about?

    Erik: No.

    Me: Or was that when you crossed over?

    Erik: Yes. When I crossed over.

    Me: All right. Let’s talk more then. So, you were looking at that (his body), and you were like, “Wow”, and there was a little bit of shock. Did you feel a little bit of, “Oh, shit? What are they going to think when they find me?”

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: He’s real quiet. I can tell he’s going through it.

    (Very long pause)

    Jamie: I’m telling him to take his time.

    (Pause)

    Erik: You know, I don’t slow down to think about my death too much.

    (Long pause)

    Erik: To me, it was a way out. It has a lot of pain associated with it.

    Me (tearing up): Mm hm.

    Erik: It’s not just my pain, but my family’s pain and mu friends’ pain.

    Me: Yeah.

    (Long pause. Clearly he’s not comfortable)

    Me (sensing his discomfort and wanting to spare him further pain): Well, let’s not dwell on it. Let’s go to what happened and what it felt like when you started getting out of your room. Tell me about that.

    Erik: I remember seeing my body leave.

    (Pause)

    Me: You body leave? Oh, when they were taking you away?

    Erik: In the bag.

    Me: Okay. Right.

    Erik: Then I remember thinking that I needed to say goodbye.

    Me: Yeah.

    Erik: And if I remember right, That’s when I started checking in with family members.

    (Pause)

    Me: That must have been painful, because we were not happy.

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: He’s got his elbows on his knees; his hands are clasped in front of him. Very casual, but he’s (pause) solemn. A little bit more solemn.

    Erik: I remember finding—

    (Long pause)

    Jamie (with emotion): Aw. He’s tearing up.

    Me: Oh. We don’t have to do this, Baby.

    Erik (teasing): Shut up, Mom.

    Jamie:  Tearing up, but not afraid to tell you to be quiet.

    I chuckle softly.

    Erik: When you slow down to go back through your memories, you see more. You do miss a lot when you’re in the moment, like your eyes aren’t big enough. I know I’ve told you before. I’m really sorry—for you. I’m really sorry for Pappa and for everyone else in my family.

    Me (sobbing quietly): Yeah.

    Erik: But I know there’s one thing—I cannot apologize for my happiness.

    Me: I know. I’m happy for you. I wouldn’t have it any other way. If I had to choose between you being here an miserable, of course…

    Erik: How fucked up is it, Mom, that that was my option?

    Me: Yeah. I wouldn’t want that to happen.

    Erik: What I can’t seem to figure out when I go through it again, “Why does it hurt so bad when the outcome was exactly what I was looking for?

    Me (still crying): And you’re happy. I mean, how could it hurt when you’re happy? I’m just looking at the moment. The moment is unhappy, but the result was happy. So, we’ll move past the moment. Tell me about your crossing over. Did you, I remember you said something like you felt like you were bing tugged by your shoulders. I can’t remember exactly.

    Erik: Yeah. I felt like I was being pulled back. I guess I just really wasn’t’ paying attention. It sounds like me, anyway. Like, I was looking at something I wasn’t supposed to be looking at.

    Me (confused): You were looking at something you weren’t supposed to be looking at?

    Jamie: He’s speaking in general.

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Erik: That’s probably why I didn’t’ see this big gorgeous white light, you know, hear angels sing!

    Jamie (giggling): He’s laughing.

    I chuckle through my tears.

    Erik: Nah, I was probably fucking doing something wrong and over to the side. Probably I got jerked.

    Me: Oh, I see. I see.

    Erik: Yeah. THAT feeling was unspeakable. That one is like taking a body and putting it through a strainer and have all of the pieces come out on the other end, but different. Clean. I supposed it would be the feeling that I would think back in the old times when people thought that if they were baptized by Jesus, everything would disappear and they’d only be good. That’s really what death is.

    Me: Wow. Mm.

    Erik: You really are good. You’re not missing those other parts. They’re still with you, but they don’t play a big part of the song. You don’t lose any of yourself, but what comes forward is this overwhelming sense of perfection, being in the right place, being loved and you being able to FEEL it. Like, there’s not even the tiniest comment or remark about doubting what’s coming your way or if there was some string attached, or were they just trying to lure you and really it was Hell, you know. (He chuckles.) None of that. It just, it’s so much you don’t even weep about it. That’s when your family and your friends show up. When you notice you’re not alone.

    Erik Rune Medhus

    Erik Rune Medhus

    ****************************************

    Jamie still has openings for small group readings and the grievers’ call this week. Please click on the link below, find what you’d like to register for and click on it. The readings provide an opportunity to ask questions about your future, your career, your health, your relationships and more. Both calls give you a chance to speak with your deceased loved ones.

    Jamie’s Calendar

    ****************************************

    Dear Reader,

    The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.

    As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.

    Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.

    I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.

    Love and light,

    Elisa

     

  • April28th

    17 Comments

    The title speaks for itself. For those of you who haven’t yet, please subscribe to the Channeling Erik YouTube channel.

    CLICK FOR VIDEO

    Please LIKE my book’s Facebook fan page!

  • April6th

    25 Comments

    A few weeks ago, a blog member wanted to say that, although she enjoyed my posts immensely, she had not forgotten the tremendous tragedy that had brought me to this point. I so appreciated that comment, because long gone are those earlier entries about grief and loss as we have moved into the uncharted territory of the nonphysical world and the human experience. But not a day goes by that I don’t think about my boy. In the morning when I open my eyes and in the night when I close them. I forger that it’s only been a little over three years.

    I know those days are gone when I used to read him bedtime stories and tuck him in at night, fuss at him to do his homework or finish his chores or brush his cheek with a kiss and tell him to be careful as he leaves with his friends to go to a party. Yes, I know he’s alive in another dimension, and he’s happier than he’s ever been. Our relationship is as happy as it’s every been. But I share this for a reason that is not as selfish as at first it may seem, because I speak for everyone who’s lost a child—everyone who’s lost someone they love. It still hurts, because no matter how thin that gossamer veil is, it’s still too goddam thick. But take heart in knowing that at least we know they’re there. They’re alive. They’re happy. And we’ll be together, because we’re eternal beings. You can’t argue with forever, baby.

    Thank you for remembering what got me here.

    (Arggh. It won’t let me use Verdana or any other font. Just italics vs. plain font.)

    On another subject, I’d like to announce a wonderful opportunity for those living in and around Texas. If not, I think the DVD of this documentary will be available soon:


    The Path Beyond the Physical 

    The Path Austin

  • March23rd

    31 Comments

    It’s been a long time since we’ve visited those posts where Erik talked about his own death and death in general. In this three part post, you’ll notice how different Erik is now compared to how he was then.

    Part One:

    Grasping for contact of any sort with a lost loved one is natural. Years before, I would have considered channeling through a medium a little wacky, great fodder for jokes, even. But when Erik died, things I once doubted became urgent lifelines for me to cling to in hope. However skeptical at first, when I spoke to Erik through world-renown psychic, Kim O’Neill, I felt it was truly he. His personality, his wit, his manner of speaking, it was all Erik. Furthermore, she conveyed details she could not possibly have known such as the fact that he suffered from bipolar disease since he was 10 or 11 or the fact that he killed himself while sitting in a chair at his desk in his bedroom.

    One of the first assurances Erik expressed was that we, his parents, did everything we could to prevent it. He said he had contemplated suicide for many years, really and just wanted to make certain he did it in a way that would ensure his passing. In recent months, he even researched all sorts of suicide methods on the Internet. Although he thought about taking an overdose of pills, one of his biggest fears was that he would survive, but remain impaired for the rest of his life. In the end, Erik felt shooting himself in the head assured him the biggest guarantee for “success.” Next, he had to choose a moment when he felt sure we would not be in the house when the gun went off. That opportunity would occur on October 6 during the ill-fated attempt to treat my sister, Teri, my daughters, Annika and Michelle, and my grand baby, Arleen to lunch.

    Naturally, I asked him the heart-wrenching “why” of it all, and here’s what he had to say: “First, guys, I want you to know that you shouldn’t blame yourself. Dad, you’re better about that than Mom, but Mom, do not blame yourself. It is because of you that I lived to be the age that I did. It had nothing to do with school; it had nothing to do with the family; it had nothing to do with my health; I got real depressed when I was about 10 or 11. That’s when the bipolar disorder started. It would haunt me, haunt me. And it was real unpredictable; it would come and go. The lows were so terrible that I knew I wasn’t going to live to an old age. I just needed to figure out how and when to do it without killing you both with grief.” I asked him if, once he decided to take his life, he was afraid of dying and he replied, “Oh no! I was afraid of living!”

    I also asked him what death was like, and he replied with great exuberance, “Oh, Mom, it was great, it was awesome; aw, it was fantastic. When my soul popped out of the body, awww! I didn’t feel any pain. One second I was sitting in my chair, and the next second my soul was out of my body and I was like, ‘this is so fucking great!’ I felt no pain or discomfort. I could fly. I felt happy; I felt joyous; I felt warm; I felt secure. That happiness, that joy was overwhelming. And I was flying around and flying around, then I looked down at my body, and I’m like ‘Oh shit. Oh shit shit shit.’ I was surprised by all the blood! I was so surprised! I wasn’t even thinking about that. I was just thinking about relief. I wasn’t even thinking about what I was going to look like! I wasn’t thinking about the clean up.” Then laughing heartily to himself, Erik announced, “Cleanup on aisle six!” Kim was a little shocked by his irreverent humor, but I assured her that this was very typical of him. This was very “Erik.”

    He goes on to say, “Right after my soul popped out of my body, I heard the gunshot, and at first, I was a little confused to see my own body sitting in the chair. I thought, ‘Wait, I’m here. Why is my body down there?’ But then I realized I was a soul. I was really worried about what would happen when you found me, Mom, so I went to Bestefar’s house in Norway right away. After a while of hanging with him, though, I started to feel real, real, real sorry for what you guys were gonna find. The person I was most worried about was Michelle, because of all the people in the family, she’s the most sensitive. She’s the most vulnerable to being fucked up by something like that.” With a chuckle he added, “But don’t tell her I said that. I don’t want her to be pissed off at me. Mom, I knew you were going to be crushed, but I thought you would be able to deal with it if you knew I was going to be so much happier in spirit and that I was going to be with you. I’m with you all the time, but I’m in spirit and I’m happy. So you have a son who is with you in spirit and I’m safe and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I figured you would be able to understand that and accept it. I’m still with you. I’m with you all the time.” (All of this repetition left me with the impression that Erik was nervous about my reaction. This is exactly how he would talk if he came home after curfew or brought home a bad grade.)

    I will continue to share Erik’s description of his death and his first moments in the afterlife, but this has all exhausted me. I need to rest and lick my wounds.

    *******************************

    Part Two:

    I’d like to dive in to where I left off in the first channeling session with Erik. As he mentioned, after he saw his body and voiced dismay at the “mess” he created and his concerns about how we would react when we found him, he escaped to Norway to visit his grandfather, Bestefar. I’ll get into the abilities of a soul later, including how they travel and manifest whatever they wish.

    Once he was in Norway, he says, “I felt this magnetic pulling sensation, pulling, pulling, pulling me almost like a vacuum. And all of a sudden there I am, there I am! I started looking around and saw that Allie was there! Denise was there! Denise was right there in front.” (As mentioned early, Allie was one of Erik’s former girlfriends killed by an accidental gunshot wound to the head back in March 2009, and Denise was his aunt (my sister) who committed suicide to end years of suffering from the complications of diabetes.) Erik approached Denise, who was standing in front of the others and asked, “‘Did I go to Hell?’ She responded with a big laugh and said, ‘Because you see me?’ Then they both laughed and Denise added, ‘Erik, you idiot!’ They hugged and everyone else came up to hug him and welcome him back to Heaven. Denise told Erik she already knew what he was going to do and asked him if he could just stay for at least fifteen minutes to visit with them before he go back to check in on us.

    At this point, Kim says Erik’s case is a “huge anomaly,” because under ordinary circumstances (if the word “ordinary” can ever be appropriate in this subject matter!) committing suicide before it’s your time to go is a big no-no. Souls that end their lives always have to go through some form of therapy in isolation to help them understand why they did what they did, how they forestalled their chance to work on certain issues, etc. But Erik didn’t have to go through all of these steps, meaning he is probably a higher level soul. (More about soul hierarchy later.) Instead, Erik met and mingled with his soul group, stayed for a short period of time, and then returned to Earth where he’s living with our family now.)

    In the channeling session, Erik continues, “I wanted you to know I was there. Those are the orbs you saw in the pictures you took. That’s me! At first, souls materialize as balls of light and then later we can materialize in a form you can see. And that was me visiting Pappa in the dream where we were standing next to the truck. It was also me in the dream Popi (his maternal grandfather) had of me in his lap. And Mom, that dream Kelley had, that was Allie sitting next to me!”

    Kim adds that Erik is very well liked and is seen as extremely charismatic to others in Heaven. She also commented that Erik is going to be very tangible in dreams. She’s amazed how he already has so much control and power over his energy despite his recent arrival. She says, “This much electrical power is astonishing!”

    Next, I asked Erik if he was more comfortable in the spiritual plane than the physical plane, and he answered, “Yes, it was like having pain all the time like with a migraine or an abscess. I found some peace in Norway, but all the peace I found was fleeting. That’s why I always jumped from one thing to the next, to the next, to the next. That’s why I didn’t stick with anything long-term. The pleasure or enjoyment or stimulation it gave me was always so fleeting. I would start feeling pain again and then I’d jump to something else.”

    Kim then started to get choked up and said, “I see Erik getting on his knees, his hands together as if pleading, and tears are streaming down his face. He’s begging you to forgive him for what he’s done.”

    I plan to practice channeling Erik on my own. If this goes well, I will urge anyone who has lost a loved one to develop their own skill, too. Apparently, everyone has the ability to channel those on the other side, including their own guides. Maybe this will give hope to other parents who have suffered what I believe is the ultimate tragedy, losing a child. If I can establish a relationship with my son in the afterlife, so, too, can they.

    I urge everyone to read about the scientific evidence for the existence of an afterlife, the survival of consciousness after death, the fact that we live many lives, and other matters I once considered the domain of quacks and charlatans. I recommend two books in particular. One is entitled “The Hidden Domain.” This deals with the quantum physics of the soul, consciousness, thought, and the “other side.” You have to digest each page slowly, because it’s pretty heavy stuff! The second book is entitled, “The Afterlife Experiments.” Here, you’ll read about experiments that are performed using strict scientific methods to establish the fact that consciousness, and therefore the soul, does survive after death and communication with departed souls is possible.

    *******************************

    Part Three:

    Through the medium, Kim O’Neill, Erik shared volumes of information about death, but I wanted to start by letting him know that, although I would like to channel him on my own, my grief makes it difficult to have the quiet mind necessary to hear him. Here’s his response:

    “I’m just going to have to talk louder than your grief! Your grief is causing a lot of static. It’s like if we were at a water park, we’d have to talk louder to hear each other.”

    ‘Can you do that, Erik?’ I ask.

    “Oh, sure.”

    ‘But how will I know it’s you and not a conversation I just make up in my mind?’

    “Because you know me, Mom. You know the way I talk. You know my sense of humor. I’m gonna say, ‘Mom it’s me,’ and you’ll know it’s me. You’re going to be able to feel the difference between your grief, your head talk and me. And I’ll talk louder than your head talk so you’re probably gonna have to tell me to keep it down a notch CUZ I’M GOING TO BE TALKING REALLY LOUDLY! Here’s my plan for now. I’m going to be coming to you in dreams, lucid dreams. So I’m coming to you first. In the morning, you’re going to have total recall about what we talk about, usually. If you don’t, when you go to the computer and start typing. It’ll just come out.”

    I ask, ‘How often can you come to me?’

    “Any time I damn well please!” he says jokingly.

    ‘Well then, how often do you think that can be?’ I ask this because I want so desperately to have him with me all the time. It’s funny; when a person is around, you feel okay about seeing them only sporadically. It’s no big deal if they go away on a trip for a week or two and hang out with friends more than home, but when they die, they become the center of your every thought and emotion. You want them to be around you, communicating constantly.

    Erik goes on to say, “Well, I’d like to come every night the day before you wanna write something the next day.”

    That, of course, means I will be determined to write daily. Communicating in dreams, however, is one thing, but feeling their touch is another. So I ask, ‘How can I better feel your presence?’

    Erik assures me by saying, “I’ve been working on building my ability to manipulate physical matter on the earthly plane. Every time we pass away and our soul goes to heaven, we’ve gotta work on our ability to expand our electrical energy so that, if we want to, we can move material objects; we can really make our presence known in the most tangible way possible—to materialize, to touch others, and to have them feel it. That’s what I’ve been working on. So, what I’m going to do is this: I’ll come up and hug you; I’ll touch your arm and you’ll know it’s me; I’ll come up and give you a kiss on the cheek, and I’m going to rub your hair. I’m going to put my hand on top of your head and rub your hair back and forth just like I used to do. Remember how it used to piss you off when I messed up your hair like that?” (He laughs really hard for several seconds. Of course, now, I’d give anything for him to have my hair in a rat’s nest all the time.) “And when you drive you’ll hear me saying ‘Mom, go faster’ or ‘it’s yellow, you can make it; you can make it; go through the light.’”

    ‘Yeah, I remember what a backseat driver you were, Erik!’ I respond with a chuckle.

    He laughs and says, “Yeah, it was easier to be a backseat driver with you than with Pappa, huh? You took it better than he did! And Mom, this is what you’re going to write about in a book: How parents can rise above the grief to actually be able to feel and hear and be aware of their kid around them. You’re also going to be smelling me, Mom. It’ll be the smell like I’ve been working outside, kinda like a sweaty guy smell.” Ah, how well I remember that scent. It wasn’t objectionable to me a all; it was just a sign of how much he loved working outside on cars, bikes, and his welding.

    Erik continues with, “Mom, you did everything you could. The problem was I didn’t listen to you. I thought all that stuff was a bunch of bullshit, but now I know! Oh my God, if only, if only, if only. I created something that was much more stressful than it was supposed to be. Even when I had the gun in my hand, it was like should I, shouldn’t I, should I, shouldn’t I? It happened so fast that my guardian angels couldn’t do anything to stop it. They tried to get other people to call or come over, but there wasn’t enough time.”

    Just before his death, his older sister, Kristina, experienced something that gives Erik’s statement credence. She says, ”I had been reading about learning disabilities and suicidality in children/teens for my behavioral science course, and I of course was thinking about him the whole time that morning. I got a strong urge to pick up my cell phone and text him ‘I love you’ for no apparent reason at all. But it was in my purse in the other room and I didn’t go get it. I feel remorseful about that.”

    On the day of his death, Erik’s younger sister, Annika, and his Aunt Teri recall passing by his room as they walked down the hall to go to the lunch we had planned. In fact, their encounters occurred within ten minutes of his death. They both claimed they saw him sitting at his desk, staring ahead solemnly. Oh, how they wished they had recognized his sadness and stopped to comfort him! In retrospect, these three incidents were most assuredly his guides’ attempts to muster our help and intervention.

    Yet Erik reassures us as he continues, “I know you knew it was a possibility this would eventually happen, Mom, but there was nothing you could have done beside worry and do all the stuff you did to help me. Did you know a third of parents around the world have kids who are suicidal? I know that now. You need to let other parents know that too.”

    ‘Could you tell me more about what it’s like to die, Erik?’  I ask.

    “I literally felt no pain. I felt no pain. Mom, it’s really important to put that down because a lot of kids die in accidents like car accidents or motorcycle wrecks. Some have been murdered; some have drowned. Even if a child has died of a heart attack or cancer, the parent is always going to worry about the pain and suffering they might have had during death. But tell everyone there is no pain. My soul popped out of the body at the moment of my death. I truly felt nothing. You know, Mom, I’m going to be totally honest with you about everything. I felt this shocking, this immediate sense of peacefulness, happiness, euphoria. It was stunning. I felt like I was floating, like I was levitating. After my soul popped out of the body, at that moment, I heard a shot. I can’t gauge the time.

    “I was feeling this awesome euphoria and enjoying it and it then it was as if this invisible hand was telling me ‘look there, look down.’ So I looked down and I thought, ‘holy shit’ and I realized it was me. For a couple of seconds I wondered, ‘how can I be there and be here too?’ And then I realized, ‘Ooooh, it’s my soul! This is my soul! Then I came into this overwhelming knowing about who I really am, all of my past lives. At that moment I could understand what you were trying to help me heal from in those past lives. I got this immediate knowing and I was like, ‘Oh, oh, that’s what Mom was trying to help me with. Wow, she knew!’ I could see you for who you really are, I could see Pappa for who he really is, and Lukas, Kristina, Michelle and Annika, everybody, everybody—family, friends, everyone on the earthly plane. I could see them for who they really are. This knowing was rapturous. I know that’s a word I wouldn’t use on the earthly plane so I’ll say this so you’ll know it’s really me, ‘It was fucking rapturous!’ I all of a sudden had all this wisdom and I thought, ‘Aaawww, why didn’t I have all this when I was there?’ Then I realized I could have. I could have.

    “Mom, that’s where you’re headed. You are going to feel this knowingness, this peace in this lifetime, and then you’re going to teach everybody else in the family. You’re going to feel neutral, objective about the choices other people make. It’s a lot easier being in spirit because you can see someone else’s destiny even when they make choices that change that destiny. Spirits can immediately be neutral and not judge themselves or others.”

    “So of course I already told you what happened when I saw all the mess I made. I knew you were going to find me and that was not my goal. I didn’t think. Once I pulled the trigger I couldn’t change my mind. I felt this horrible sense of loss knowing what you guys were gonna feel and I had my own sense of loss, scared, real scared that you guys weren’t going to be able to pick up on me. I was real frightened about it. Then I had this tragic feeling of grief knowing you were gonna find it, Mom. I knew it. I felt this impossible to describe sense of remorse. Maybe it was even more grief than you feel, Mom, because I did it. I did it. I have no one to blame but myself. I knew I would have to have therapy because of it. So you know I went to Norway right away to see Bestefar (his grandfather), but my guide made me come back and watch when you found me. It was the most horrible thing I have ever experienced, seeing you break down in my lap, sobbing. My guide made me look at what pain I caused for you. It was unbearable.” (Here, Kim, again describes him kneeling, hands together as if begging, tears streaming down his face asking for forgiveness.)

    “Then I felt this pulling, this pulling like a gravitational pull and I heard this “zinnnggg” and all of a sudden I was standing there in front of a whole bunch of other spirits and I recognized them all! There were hundreds of them. I was like ‘Oh, there’s Aunt Sophie; there’s my brother from the Middle Ages,’ I could recognize everybody from all my past lives and my brother from this lifetime.” (I had lost a baby during my 24th week of pregnancy. It was a boy. We named him, Seth. It happened around 16 years ago, so Kim could not have known Erik had a brother on the other side.)

    “There was this big table where everybody was going to sit down…like a family dinner. There was a lot of music, there was a lot of laughing. Oh, and, Mom, I asked four souls from your soul group who aren’t part of your life now if they could help you through all this. I want to do something to help the family. I want to be able to do something for you guys. If there is anything at all I can do to help anyone in the family, please let me know, and I’ll do everything I can. I want to feel like I’m still part of the family. Ask me to do stuff. I can’t exactly take out the garbage but… Spiritual being can move physical objects just as well as you guys.”

    ‘Okay,’ I joke, ‘I’ll get a chore list together for you!’

    Erik laughs, then continues, “Mom, you’re going to notice things have been done, and you’ll ask other people ‘Did you do that?’ ‘Did you do this?’ and they’ll say ‘no’ and you’ll know it was me!” I found that so comforting. Proof of his presence is crucial. I don’t want to feel like I’ve really lost my little boy forever. That would be too much to bear.

    “Okay, let’s get back to what happened next,” I prod. Erik was always easily distracted, just like his mom.

    “Oh yeah, right, Well, I was at this big long table, and I felt dazed. I was still euphoric, but I was dazed. It’s like one minute I was in my physical body and the next minute I was a free spirit without physical limitations, and I kept asking, ‘I’m really a spirit, right? I mean, I don’t get to go back to that lifetime; I’ve let that lifetime go?’ Then I started “the review.” Nobody did the review but me. I was sitting at the table. Uh, I was sitting there and everyone was talking about how happy they were that I’m back. No matter how we pass, we’re always welcomed back with open arms. Everyone is always thrilled to see us again. Anyway, so I’m sitting at the table, and I’ve got my elbows on the table. I’ve got my head in my hands and I’m reviewing my life. I started sobbing when I remembered being a little boy and you calling me your ‘little man’ and doing things with me and telling me what a big man I’m gonna be. I’ve taken all of that away. Those were the worst moments of the review. I want to thank Pappa for treating me like an adult. Pappa, you treated me like an adult for as long as I can remember. Thanks, Pappa; that meant a lot to me.”

    “So I finished my review and I considered what I could have done that I didn’t; what I did do that I shouldn’t have. I don’t know how long the review took. I didn’t mark time. No one here marks time. But it didn’t take long, because the candles were still burning on my cake, my “welcome home” cake. Then I felt this heaviness, this real emotional heaviness. I was approached by this female soul who offered to counsel me; she offered me therapy. So I’ve been going to therapy. She’s not only helping me understand why I did it, why I took my life, but how I can go back to the earthly plane with this heaviness added to the healing I was supposed to do this lifetime without doing the same thing again. Wow, Mom, if I could have seen what I was healing from (in past lives,) no wonder I was so fucking depressed and angry. No wonder, Mom!”

    “I want you to let other people know that we have lots of company here. A lot of parents who have lost kids worry that their kid is all alone, but it’s not that way. We imagine what we want to eat, and it’s right there. We live where we want; we live how we want; we don’t feel hot or cold. Thought creates reality much faster here. It happens in an instant.”

    I only booked an hour with Kim, so, sadly, it was time to wrap things up. I ask him, ‘Okay, I’m running out of time, but do you have anything else you want to say about what it’s like to die?’

    “Shit yeah, tons but don’t worry, I’ve written it all down. We can cover it later.”

    Erik writing things down? Could it be? That might just be the biggest transformation of all! I can hear him laughing in agreement.

    In this video, Erik shows his beautiful sensitive side I adore so much. Ironically, he talks about teaching his niece, Arleen, how to shoot and at the end of the video, I’m wearing the same shirt I wore when I found Erik dead. Now, it’s in the bottom drawer in my closet covered with blood. I don’t know why I can’t throw it away. I guess it’s the only physical thing I have left of him.


    UNCLE ERIK



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