Channeling Erik®
  • belief
  • May26th2015


    As many of you know, Houston got slammed last night with torrential rains, and many of the homes in my neighborhood were flooded. I’m not sure ours is, but as soon as the squall line passes us, we’ll pull camp and head home to see. I know that a lot of the freeways are closed. Damn El Niño. Can’t even have a decently dry vacay! 

    Don’t forget to enter the giveaway due to expire Thursday. All you have to do is “like” the CE Facebook page. You can click on the “like” button on the “CE on Facebook” banner on the lefthand sidebar of the homepage. Click the giveaway link on this POST.

    Me: A lot of folks want to know, Erik, how they can best to change a belief or perception. Many of us have things we so desperately want to get rid of that no longer serve us well or maybe never did, but we hold on to those beliefs because we find so many way in the past to validate them. So if beliefs and perceptions are a factor in shaping tings in our life and even our afterlife how do we best align those with the highest good? I can see you hovering over that big red button, Mr. Game Host, because this is another one of those Questions of the Day!

    Jamie (giggling): Ding, ding, ding, ding!

    Me: Os the answer behind door number one, two are three?

    Jamie: Oh my gosh, that’s so his attitude!

    Me: I know, I can feel it!

    Erik: But its true. You have directions you can go in. What people do is they take the easier path, the weaker path which is—

    Jamie (puzzled): What?

    (Short pause as Jamie listens to Erik)

    Erik: —often Option C. The answer is usually C.

    Jamie (to Erik): Oh, you’re talking multiple choice. We were laughing about the doors, weren’t we? One, two and three.


    Jamie: How to change the perspective?

    Erik: If you’re able to identify what you like and don’t like but still go back to what you don’t like, that’s two things. Someone who doesn’t want to change who is pampering themselves with comfort or rewarding themselves with comfort.

    Me: Um hmm. (I think, “Guilty!)

    Erik: Here’s an example of that kind of thinking, “I’ve eaten so well, now I’m going to have this slice of cake.”

    (Frankly, I see nothing wrong with that, but I continue to keep my mind open. Plus, I’m going to have a piece of chocolate cake when I’m finished with the session, because my mouth is drooling. Thanks, Erik.)

    Erik: That right there is a weak reward. You should never ever have the slice of cake to reward the hard work that you’ve done. If you wanna eat the fucking cake, you must eat the fucking cake!

    Jamie: Erik!

    Jamie and I laugh our heads off. Now I really want some fucking cake. Two fucking slices.

    Erik: Yeah, don’t see it as a reward. Most of you fall back into comfort, like the woman who’s asking the question.

    (I can’t even remember who asked the question, much less whether it was a he or a she.)

    Erik: I find—and what I’ve heard—the easiest way to identify your heavy, deep-seated rooted patterns is, whenever you’re doing something—ordering something to eat, looking at someone and judging them for what they’re doing—ask yourself, “Is this really me or was I taught to do this?”

    Me: Ah, wow! Very deep, Erik and spot on.

    Erik: As soon as you ask yourself those questions, most of the time, you’ll be shocked. You’ll hear, “This isn’t you,” and when you ask, “Was I taught to do this?” you’ll have a memory of when you were three or four when your mother said, “This is my favorite, favorite soup of all time. Don’t you love it? It’s just my favorite!” And she would make it all the time, and hence you grew to like it. It became your favorite, because you wanted to please your mother, and you ended up getting comments, so it’s your favorite soup. But is it reeeaaally your favorite soup? No! No, it’s not!

    Me: Ah!

    (I’m wondering why he didn’t use cake as an example, but…)

    Erik: You gotta give yourself permission to cut loose from what you’ve been taught to really identify who you are.

    Me: Yeah. You know, I also feel like when we face a challenge, maybe it could be letting go of an old pattern or belief that no longer serves us in a positive way, or a struggle, a confusing choice, we can try to look where love plays a part. It’s always there somewhere whether it’s self-love, whether it’s the absence of love, whether it’s the fear of love or love meant for other people, it seems like love always fits into the equation in every choice we have. So I think we have to decide which path leads to the most love and take that over any other.

    Erik: Exactly! Again, that does back to, “Why are we being human? Why are we even coming here?” It’s really to learn the relationship, the emotional energy—Love.


  • July18th2012


    More detail was suggested on this recent topic. I warned it could be detailed, but the comment suggested it would be worthwhile; that proof gains acceptance. This last aspect is more of a challenge, which I enjoy as much as scientific aspects, so let’s see. Skeptics certainly enjoy their power of doubt, strength of uncertainty and force of disbelief so, let’s see how far The Committee might draw these down.

    (East of Kaikoura, New Zealand, Moby Dick’s great, great nephew gone fishin’)

     As always, E = Erik, ST = substitute teacher  C = The Committee

    ST:       I mentioned spirituality as the environment of beings in non physical matter compared to existence on Earth in dense matter. Is this a good definition?

    C:        Yes, but we must say that density of matter is not as limited as you see on Earth. Densities are seen within a range of vibrations.    

    E:         We gotta get a new dictionary, Webster’s University New Age of the Spiritual Realm. It’ll have words in it like “hoverform” and “flyboard”.

    ST:       Please explain density within ranges and why Erik’s words make sense.

    C:         Smoke will pass through a screen. Imagine a three dimensional screen; a screen box, if you will. One meter along each side, squares inside the screens of 5mm (½ cm) and 200 screens arranged at 5mm between them, forming cubes throughout. Smoke still passes through easily.

    The matter of existence in a higher dimension passes through that of a slower vibration in this same way; the material of the upper range threads through the lower range’s vast space inside & between the atoms – the great majority of the space is within them, not between – without restriction, just as the smoke does through the screen box.

    Solid panels will be used to fly and hover and these concepts, of an energy of a higher vibration able to pass through a slower one, will be used to create anti-gravity and anti-drag capabilities.

    ST:       How does this happen?

    C:       The speeds are much different; the higher vibration speed “misses” the slower, goes around it. Imagine a motorcycle threading through slow cars in traffic. If there were a speed difference of 40 times or greater, this means at a car speed of 2 kph the motorcycle goes at least 80 kph (40 x 2). As long as the cars are a sufficient distance apart, the motorcycle can easily adjust course to avoid any car’s movement.

    ST:       How far apart?

    C:         Far is an Earth term; time is location. In this example, the cars would be approximately 100-120 metres apart from each other. The motorcycle can easily avoid vehicles 100 metres apart at 2 kph. The distances inside an atom are larger, yet this example is instructive.

    ST:       What does this mean, time is location?

    C:        These relative speeds of vibration require, within a range, movement to shift locations. The movement is what is perceived as time. Where movement occurs in a different way, time does not pass in a linear fashion and is not sequential.

    This means time can appear to pass faster or slower relative to other things. The sensation of time going slow as one falls down is an example, or making a trip in 10 minutes that normally requires 15, this another. In both time is altered.

    ST:       How is this done?

    C:       The relative vibration of your body and physical device, a bicycle or car, is accelerated relative to surrounding matter a few percent. You then move around – but not through – that surrounding material more quickly.

    ST:       Why doesn’t it seem like I am travelling faster? Why does my watch read the correct time but somehow I arrived much earlier?

    C:           The sensation of speed to which you refer occurs when the movement between locations involves vibrations of the same speed; when an object is accelerated above speed, yet remains within the vibrational range, it causes the slower vibration to flow around it. The higher speed object displaces the slower. An example is a ship in the water; its hull displaces the water and causes it to flow under and around the ship.

    Recall we said time is movement. You move the same distance, so it is the same amount of your “time”. The perception of the time is what you observe visually; the speed of light photons in your range is 300,000 km per second of your “time”. The increase in your speed to ½ faster is still so much slower than light, you do not notice.

    Imagine the view of the ground from an aircraft travelling at 800 kph at an altitude of 18,000 metres, glance at the Earth’s surface for several seconds and there seems to be no movement. Look at the surface this same way from a balloon at an altitude of 150m moving at 5 kph in a gentle breeze. Both give a sensation of relative stillness, yes? Which travels faster, the aircraft or the balloon?

    ST:       Can you relate this to spiritual concepts?

    C:         You who know English will remember your singer, John Lennon of the Beatles, who sang “Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be, let it be.” This is how she went to him as he lived on Earth. This is the way all things move inside a dimension and between them. This is how your Erik can retrieve a person with whom your group wishes to speak.

    E:         It’s like this; when I know I’m supposed to go get Frank Sinatra, I don’t call the bartender, but that would have worked sometimes on Earth. I think of him and imagine his appearance and look forward; what I’m looking at turns a gray or sometimes fades to a dull light and then swooshes past and reappears in reverse and the place I want to go shows up, and the dude is there.

    ST:       What’s surrounding the person you go to see?

    E:         The place they were when I went looking.

    ST:       Do you have a physical sensation?

    E:         No.

    C:       The physical sensation occurs within a range of densities; all beings in a physical body have it. What you feel when falling is this. Your soon to be seen visitors also experience this.

    ST:       Can this movement ever happen with a physical body?

    E:         Sure can, happens at the time. As soon as you see the technology for it, many humans will get to try.

    C:         Indeed there will be moments of this; where it is of benefit for a human to remain in a consciousness condition, as events of the shift and its aftertime unfold, and experience certain moments, yes some will experience this.

    ST:       Why?

    C:      Beliefs are immutable; there exists no force to shift a belief. No power there is, in the universe of any dimension, to change a belief. Only an opinion can be coerced; the belief will follow the opinion only willingly. This travel will be useful, as the opinion of that moment such person might have, might not serve the believer’s better interests. The alternatives shown provide opportunity to reconsider. The distinct recall of the experience will mean much more. The demonstration given, as the body sleeps, can be “lost” or taken from immediate availability to memory, as the person returns to the shell.

    E:         This is why I say these wars are so fuckin’ pointless. Some jerk thinks victims won’t be able to defend themselves? Maybe, but what the victims believe is what’ll make ‘em successful, not how many guns one or the other has.

    ST:       Explain this, Erik.

    E:         Why attack or invade? What the victims do about it is what they believe, what they think. If the attacker can force the target to give in, the attacker gets control but beliefs are rivers; can’t bury ‘em. They’re comin’ back up and they usually wash away whatever the attacker gained. Stupid war shit doesn’t work.

    ST:       Erik, sounds like Afghanistan.

    E:         Damned right. Look at the Russian thing and now the USA, Great Britain and a bunch of other countries. Anybody ever confuse the Americans or British with Russians? Same thing happened. Eliminating the attackers that wouldn’t give up, to prevent another attack, just like you’d fight back if attacked on the street? OK but do you then round up friends and family and start a war with the attacker’s family? So stupid. People believe what they believe, you show them love and choices as soon as you’ve protected yourself.

    C:        Erik has identified just how dynamics of the relative vibrations apply to humanity. You are all a being of spirit and have a level of vibration separate from the body you occupy. Your beliefs and ideas are a combination; the true belief all of you hold is never and cannot be forced. This is an absolute and it is through the ability to move, shift location and bend the dense matter perception of time, that ideas and alternatives are shown to you. This is how we show you we love you. Your belief is always your choice. The alternative shown to you, that which is truth and certain for you, will resonate with your soul like a beautiful song. The notes will create a resonance of pleasure and a feeling of joy within you, just as you will feel when the idea shown is of this truth. It is always your choice to select, hold, examine, adopt or reject in any way you prefer, at any time.

    E:         When you get to Earth, you get to see the places and people that match and miss these things and then you get to see the truth about them. Ya learn a lot.

    ST:       How could a doubter be convinced?

    C:         The idea or concept of a doubter is not the way to observe the universe. To refer with this word “doubter” to a person who shares not a belief you like places you in a position of superiority? There is no superior or inferior, there is no convincing. Perhaps the greatest lesson to humanity is that it is not possible to convince. Many leaders have slipped erroneously from the notion of control through power and force into one of commanding beliefs, and we do say truly the review of life experienced by such leader is a well watched documentary. To observe the growth that happens in such a short space as when this person comes to realize this, it reinforces the value and desire of all souls to desire yet more growth and enlightenment upon Earth or another planet where such experience is available.

    ST:       Many people see science and measurement of physical things and effects. How is this related to spirituality?

    C:         They are the same; to drive a car requires not a mechanic but the car is the result of many mechanical operations and steps taken to produce the device. The definitions, the parameters of science extend far beyond your understanding of it. It is this science that will reveal your spirit, what it is and who you are. All things become clear as this is understood. In the moment you will again see and know what these two things are. Your beliefs we be reopened and recalled.

    ST:       Nevertheless, many on Earth say these things are fantasy and so, do not exist.

    C:         Does the moon exist? Does the sun exist? Does the solar radiation from it exist? When in your human history of the past 60 centuries did these things not exist? Suddenly they did. When did humanity rediscover electricity? Chemistry? When was nuclear energy unlocked? When, following the pattern of discovery and development of all these things, at what point can you project forward that you have reached or will attain the limit of what there is to know? It is assumed that, because you know of it not, it is not. Oh, but it is.

    ST:       Then why all of the skepticism of aliens and crop circles and UFOs?

    C:         You do not see them in the way you want.

    ST:       What way should we see them?

    C:         Your books called the Bible and Koran; they are read in many languages by people who understand only the language in which they read. The books were first written in languages far different, what was the Hebrew, the Aramaic and the Arabic of the moment. Those codes of communication have evolved much since used then. Does that make the book from that time have less meaning or does it make the book of today have more meaning?  Look at the English spoken and used in the time and place where William Shakespeare lived and ask if these expressions, these idioms and phrases might be as easily understood today, in English? Has the evolution caused the meanings to decay and erode? How should you see these things? Is the way you prefer to see them – in the language you can understand – the ONLY way to see them?

    E:         And the steering wheels in cars CAN be on the other side.

    C:         You cannot see the visitor ship for one simple effect; it produces an energy field around the hull that prevents light you see on Earth from reaching. It is not cloaked or covered. Visible light you can see does not reach her. She moves through the universe at a speed your vibration does not detect. Earth understanding of science will say this is impossible. So it is true; open a book not, study of it not make, the test you will not take.

    E:         You’ve got a fleet around the Earth right now.

    ST:       When are we going to see these ships? Show us!!!

    C:         Some of you see them now, and some of you have even recorded the image. Nearly all of humanity will see some of them, at some point.

    ST:       People will be scared.

    C:         Scared of your own planes are you? So you will quickly see your fear has no merit, and your understanding will be better.

    ST:       Why are these things hidden from Earth?

    C:         Your friends are not hidden from you. This term is a product of an Earth point-of-view, as is this word “convince”. You do not see them, many of you, only because your choice was to live on Earth in a circumstance where this would not be possible. They are not being kept from you. Do you hide your knowledge of literature, of wood working or a musical instrument from your young child or is the child yet unable to read, use tools or play music? The growth and evolution of this child will make all these things possible, just as the shift and ascension of humanity will make all of you aware of things all around that are, for a moment, just outside perception. The ability to play a guitar cannot be forced. In this way, the intersection of sciences and explanations of what is understood as spirituality will come together as the ways and routes are shown to you all.

    Until our next visit, fare all well.

  • June22nd2012


    Enjoy Part Four. Sorry I had to edit one part out. First time for everything. If it’s going to happen, it’ll happen with this guy!

    Me: Now, do you think it was your destiny to die when and how you did?

    George: Really? You think there was a choice in that?

    Me: Yeah, well, I don’t know; you tell me!

    George: Woman, don’t you think it all happened for a particular reason? Maybe it was a huge conspiracy that they didn’t want me alive anymore on Earth because I was disrupting the flow of beliefs, the flow of Big Brother? No, my body couldn’t do any more and I abused it.

    Me: Did you design this death between lives?

    George: I don’t remember designing anything.

    Me: Okay. Well, tell me what your afterlife is like, now. What does it look like and what do you do there?

    George: My afterlife looks like me haunting a lot of people that I knew and me playing the role of Pee Wee Herman in dark theaters.

    Me: Oh, boy. You’re joking, right?

    Jamie: He is joking, but, um, I know I’m not playing it off right, but he’s teasing about being the prankster in dark spaces much like Pee Wee Herman did.

    Me: Oh, boy. Erik, you might want to learn some tricks from him. He sounds like the master prankster.

    Jamie (laughing): Do we really want the two of them teaming up?

    Me: Hell, no! Erase, erase! Never mind!

    Jamie: Phew!

    Me: So, for real, what does it look like where you are? And what do you really do?

    George: For real it looks similar to spaces on Earth. I had such a good time putting people down; I still want to continue doing that, so that’s what I do.

    Me: Interesting. Let people lighten up a bit? People tend to take themselves too seriously. They need to quit it.

    George: They do.

    Me: What insight did you gain once you crossed over? Now you have a broader perspective.

    Jamie (giggling): He’s laughing.

    George: No matter what you believe in, you’re still going to end up dead.

    Me: That’s right. None of us are getting out of this alive! So that’s your new insight?

    George: Yeah. It’s not about how holy you are or how murderous you are, you’re all going to end up dead.

    Me: Exactly. Now, what were you here to learn and teach?

    George: I really think I was sent to Earth to learn how to be good.

    Me: Oh!

    George: I don’t think I achieved any of it.

    Me: Oh boy.

    George: Maybe that’s why I was punished with the big d#$%.

    Me: Punished?

    Jamie: He’s laughing!

    Me: Oh, god. So, what about to teach? Were you here to teach anything?

    George: Really? You think I was there to teach something?

    Me (chuckling): I don’t know! Who’s the interviewer, me or you?

    George: Not to pull the words out of your mouth, but I really think I was here to teach people to shut up and to not take themselves so seriously.

    Me: That’s good. We still got a long way to go on that lesson. Just watch people on the news or those around you. So many have this bloated sense of self-importance.

    Jamie giggles in agreement.

    George: It’s true, but at least I can mark Fox News off my list, because they definitely don’t take themselves seriously!

    Me: Oh, god, no. Now, what about regrets? Do you have any?

    George: Nah, I was able to say everything I wanted to whenever I wanted to and people hailed me for it.

    Me: Lucky you! I could never get away with that.

    George: Oh, it’s all talent.

    Erik: Yeah, all talent and big d#$%s. 

    George: (Edited )

    Me: Now, what was your proudest accomplishment while you were alive?

    George: The birth of my daughter.

    Me: Aw, and do you still consider that your proudest accomplishment?

    George: Yeah.

    Me: How wonderful.

    George: I fucking hated how vulnerable I felt when I held her.  I knew that was the only thing I could believe in.

    Me: Do you have any messages for her?

    George: Tell her she is my sun.

    Me: Aw. I’ll try to get that to her.

    An interview with George Carlin’s daughter, Kelly:

  • June19th2012


    I’d like to ask if anyone here is having trouble with DISQUS. We were having a problem with the upgrade that came along with the WordPress upgrade, so we switched back to the previous version, but I’m still not getting any comments. Usually I gets tons! Has anyone posted comments that have not come through? If so, email me at Thanks!

    Before we start with the ever-raunchy Mr. Carlin, please make sure your children are not peering over your shoulders. Better yet, make sure they’re in the other room. If you, personally, are faint of heart, step away from the computer and save yourself. This guy makes Erik look like a meadow full of frolicking puppies. Deep breath. Here he go.

    Me: Erik, let’s go ahead and ask George Carlin some questions. Is he still there with you?

    Erik: Uh, just give me three seconds. He must’ve wandered off.

    Me: Okay. I’ll put the stopwatch on.

    Jamie (giggling): One-two-three!

    Erik returns with George Carlin

    Jamie: Oh!

    George: Hello, ladies!

    Me: Hello, George!

    Jamie: He’s got his hair—everything is shaved and cut short.

    Me: Oh, okay! Well, thank you for coming!

    Jamie (laughing): My heart is racing!

    Me: Brace yourself, Jamie! This is gonna be wild!

    Jamie: I know. Wow, it’s really racing.

    Me (concerned): Why do you think that is?

    George: It’s because she’s hot in the pants for me.

    Jamie (laughing): No, George, that’s not it! What are you doing to me?

    Me: Oh, how funny! Poor Jamie.

    George: Don’t you wanna know how I died or how it was like with my death? Isn’t that what we’re here to talk about? I thought I’d show you.

    Jamie (to George): No, I don’t want to know what that’s like! No, no, no, no, no! We’re just going to talk about it, and if you need to go to the other side of the room, you can!

    Me: Hint, hint.

    Jamie (obviously hurting): Aw, it’s such pain!

    Me: Leave her alone, George. Just tell us what your transition was like. We’ll start with that one to get it over with.

    George: Yeah, let’s just talk about it so we can get over this one.

    Jamie: Oh, god, he died of a heart attack.

    Me: Aw.

    Jamie: Yeah.

    George: It pretty much failed in every sense it could have. It kept teasing me; I had several heart attacks and heart failure. Eh, I could never seem to stop what was—

    Jamie (sweetly): You have to slow down some, now.

    George: I could never really stop the addictions that were creating the heart problems anyway, so I was very proud; I got to do what I wanted. I knew how I was going to die, and sure enough, I fulfilled my own premonition of my death—death by heart attack.

    Me: Mm.

    George: I lived a pretty long healthy life.

    Me: So, it was a good trade off for you, then.

    George: Yeah. I worked up until the day I died. I just continued working.

    Me: And you loved that didn’t you?

    George: Yeah, I did.

    Jamie (giggling): Erik and George are deciding how many time we’re going to hear the word, “fuck” in this interview.

    Me: We’re gonna give poor Jamie a ride for her money.

    Jamie (breathing shallowly): He has GOT to let go of my chest. That’s the first thing that has to happen.

    Me: Let go, George, or I’m going to put you in time out.

    Jamie: God, the pain is up under my arm, running down my arm and wrapping around my ribs. It feels like it goes straight through on one side of my sternum all the way.

    Me (very concerned): Erik, can you handle this? Can you get him to stop?


    Erik: I’ll stand in front of you to block him.

    Jamie: Aw, he’s just quickly going to be my hero. But now I really can’t see George. Erik is directly in front of me.

    Me: Good!

    Jamie (with a sigh of relief): Ah, that’s better.

    Me: Okay, I guess it’s safe to proceed then. How was your actual passing, George?

    George: Do you know if you take medicine—?

    Jamie (laughing and stunned): Oh my god. (She clears her throat and composes herself.) Okay, I’m just going to set aside all of my little hang-ups.

    Me: Oh, yeah. Just go ahead and drop those F-bombs. I don’t care. God knows I’ve heard it plenty of times from Erik.

    Jamie: Nah, he’s talking about getting his d*@$# hard and all the blood going to his d*@$# and away from his heart, so of course his heart would fail, because his d@*$# was so big.

    Jamie, Erik and I burst out laughing.

    George: That’s what you get for being well hung.

    Sigh. See what I mean.

    Love this YouTube where George talks about his atheist views. Boy was he surprised. Wait until that part of the interview!

    If you have any general questions for Erik, feel free to submits them, and please spread word of the blog do we get more members!

  • March16th2012


    Enjoy the next to the last segment of Leo!

    Me: What were you here to learn?

    Leonardo: I was here to learn how to take direction from myself—not from my mother, not from my father, not from my sponsoring artist, not from money, not form politics, not from kings and queens, and not—especially not—from God!

    Me: Oh, wow!

    Leonardo: Our definition of God back then was really what drove war. Fight for God. Change who you are for God. Nobody wanted you close to God.

    Me: Well, so many say, “Our beliefs are right and yours are wrong” in a way to strengthen their own egos and then you have two groups: the people who believe in God A and the people who believe in God B. So you have all these Holy Wars and the millions of deaths that result. Is that what you’re referring to?

    Leonardo: Yes, and that’s such ignorance.

    Me: Yes, it is. It seems to be getting worse and worse now.

    But on the other hand, spirituality seems to be growing just as ego driven things are also growing.

    Jamie: Oh wow, when he smiles and claps his hands, he kind of has this little youthful, childlike excitement about him. You can tell that he’d be a fun guy to hang out with, like he isn’t a stick in the mud!

    Me: Yeah! Let’s go chill with Leo! So, can you share a past life that most influenced your last one?

    Jamie (laughing): He stops to clarify that what you mean is what life, not what past life.

    Me: I know, I know! All lives are happening at once!

    Leonardo: There were several experiences where I was only alive in the womb. I never made it outside the womb alive.

    Me: Ah, so you couldn’t discover the world!

    Leonardo: There was once, many times I was having this experience—four or five times being only in the womb, only listening to the mother, only deciding who I was as awake consciousness in a body. It’s a magical time, being in a womb. It’s not like trapped in a prison. It’s the most spacious place I have found to be held in. There is such a vast awareness of what each movement it and how if feels and what it means and how to describe it without words and without logic, without knowing what comparison or measurement is. And it was these moments in my journey to Earth and life on Earth that encouraged me to have that same exploration when after he has learned these concepts and has been outside of the womb itself.

    Me: Interesting. Well, you know. I think our eyes often lie to us and keep us from living with our hearts. It makes our thoughts imprison us and fragment our reality. Now, have your reincarnated? In other words, have you incarnated in our—

    Leonardo: Yes, yes.

    Me: Interesting. So, you’re on the earthly plane now living in the same “time” as Jamie and me?

    Leonardo: Well, no, if you’re speaking of linear time, I’m coming later after you’re gone.

    Me: Okay. Can you tell us a bit about what your afterlife is like?

    Leonardo: Which one?

    Jamie: W-w-whoa!

    Erik laughs.

    Jamie listens.

    Jamie (to Leonardo): Okay, I think I understand, but can you say it one more time?

    Leonardo: Heaven, being multi-dimensional, you have many—

    Jamie (to Leonardo): What are you touching? What is that?

    Erik: That’s chess.

    Me: Hm.

    Jamie: Okay. Aw, I’m not going to understand this.

    Erik (laughing): Shut up, Jamie!

    Jamie laughs.

    Me: Oh no!

    Jamie: I wish you could see the picture they’re putting in my head! Okay, it’s a flat chessboard, and there are all the pieces of the chess on there. They’re pretending this is Heaven.

    Jamie (to Erik and Leonardo): Sorry, thank you.

    Leonardo: If you pretend that was Earth and you took the pawn and looked at the perspective of the pawn and then you moved it one place forward, you’d have a different perspective.

    Me: Oh!

    Leonardo: You’d no longer have the one from the place you were in. It’s like if you were in a car and you were driving, you’d just have those moments of the places you had been, but at the end, your whole surroundings are different. You’re not where you were.

    Me: Okay.

    Leonardo: In Heaven, if you move the pawn forward, you have the perspective of the pawn in the square above it, but you also have still remaining as true as it was the perspective of the place you just came from.

    Me: I see. So, you can see all of the different facets of the diamond all at once, huh?

    Leonardo: Yes.

    Me: I guess it just depends on if your able to focus your intention on a particular square or squares.

    Leonardo: Yes, and each square is a different type of dimension, but you arte still one being and you are still wholly connected to the memory and consciousness of the one you created yourself as well as the collective whole.

  • January24th2012


    Last night’s conference call was amazing. There was laughter, there are tears, there was healing, there were dropped jaws and a sense of awe. Unless anyone objects, we’ll release the recording in the next few days, but the agreement must be unanimous! If anyone doesn’t want the recording to be released to the CE family, please email me at We will all completely understand and your name will not be made public.

    Now, enjoy part one of our interview of Mr. Bob Marley, mon.

    Me: I know it might be a little bit too early, but I’d love to interview Steve Jobs! Whaddya think?  (Mr. Jobs passed away the day before this interview.)


    Jamie: Oh, sorry. Erik’s doing something, not to me, not talking to me. (to Erik): Who are you talking to? (pause) So, not today?

    Erik: No. But I’ll do my best to set it up for our next conversation, but Steve is not available now.

    Me: I can imagine not. I figured.  Well, let’s hunt down Bob Marley then. Remember we already interviewed him, but I accidently erased the recording. I’m so bad!  Ugh!

    Erik disappears and reappears with Mr. Marley who is laughing and laughing as he comes in.

    Bob (chuckling loudly): Hello, again!

    Me: So, sorry, Bob! Dang it. And I remember it was a stellar interview. It was amazing.

    Bob: Well thank you! That just gives us a chance to talk again!

    Me: Oh good. Thanks for understanding. I know you know the drill, so I guess we’ll just start! I think I remember a lot of what you said, but I need it word for word. I guess your answers could even change over time.

    Bob: Oh, you remember me?

    Me: Of course! I adore you, Bob! I do. You were all about love, and that’s what I’m all about—at least that’s what I aim for! Love is all there is!

    Jamie (giggling): I wish I could talk the way he does in that island accent.

    (She tries, but fails miserably. I try and am even worse.)

    Bob: Sing it! Sing it, Mama!

    Jamie giggles.

    Me: You don’t want to hear me sing, trust me!

    Jamie laughs hard.

    Me: So what beliefs did you have about death and the afterlife before you crossed over?


    Jamie: He’s talking about him teaching about God, and the r-re-in—oh, his accent! Yay! –Reincarnation of Jesus.

    Me: Is he saying he is the reincarnation of Jesus?

    Jamie: No, he’s talking about teaching it to the people.

    Me: Through song?

    Bob: Through song—it shows up in every part of my body, in all my words.  I had my own place where I would minister or preach.

    Me: What were you raised to believe?

    Jamie: He’s only talking about the Rasta—

    Me: Oh, Rastafarian?

    Bob: Rastafarian, yes.

    Me: Did those beliefs change after you crossed over?

    Bob: No.

    Me: Well, what is the Rastafarian belief?

    Bob: It is de belief and de love of all; Dee acceptance dat God is in everything—de use of de plant, de life of de plant to help expand de love of One.

    Jamie: He’s saying it has a basis in Christianity almost.

    Me: Hmm, okay. But not in the sense of organized religion where man often oppresses and controls man.

    Bob: No, none of dat. 

    Jamie (giggling): I just still keep wanting to imitate him better.

    Me: I know! I know! It’s coming through fine, though!

    Bob: It is not about—too many men are living life with der eyes, seeing man and woman seeing race against race. It is—

    Jamie; Back up; back up. I’m so sorry.

    Jamie giggles like a little girl.

    Jamie; It’s like his tone of voice and the way he talks is almost like a Jamaican rap session. You know, bud dum, bud dum, bud dum.

    Nice try Jamie!

    Me: It’s got a rhythm to it, doesn’t it?

    Jamie: Yeah.

    Bob: I believe mon should not live with der eyes; they should live with de heart. My father was a white mon; my mother was a black woman.

    Jamie (to Bob): Really? You’re a mix? Is that a metaphor?

    Me: I was going to say, yeah! Oh my gosh.

    Bob: No it’s not metaphorical.

    Me: Well, maybe it wasn’t planned that way, but being the product of a racially mixed couple makes you a symbol of acceptance and love. Pretty cool!

    Jamie: Yeah!

    Me: You’re a spiritual metaphor, Bob!

    Bob (laughing): I am jest a child of God.

    Me: As are we all!

    Bob: That’s what I wanted everybody to know. It is my belief dat God loves you for who you are; it doesn’t matter if you’re de good child or de bad child. All dat matters is dat you are dat child. People spend too much time living life with der eyes and judging one another when day should be living life through der hearts.

    Me: Yes! Now, do you still feel the same way about using plants like weed?—and I don’t know if you did psychedelics like peyote, mushrooms, you know?

    Bob (laughing): I have tried dos.

    Me: Of course you have! But do you still feel they’re safe from the broader perspective you now have over things?

    Bob: Yes!

  • January7th2012


    Enjoy this YouTube video sent from blog member, Amy Cavanaugh. Thanks, Amy! Love you!

    Here are more videos from Next to Normal

    Find out more about Reconnective Healing here:

    I’m wondering if this will help ensure we get through The Shift unscathed? Do any of you know about this form of healing?

    You will see these experiences happening to you and others as the Shift transforms us. Don’t be afraid to go out and talk to others about your experiences and beliefs. Remember, this is what those who thought the world was round had to go through. As Shopenhauer says:

    All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

    -Arthur Schopenhauer


    Be sure to share the love with the social connect buttons, as always, and ask your friends–believers or skeptics alike–to vote for our blog!

  • December24th2011


    The Ego

    Posted in: belief, Ego

    That stinkin’ ego. It sure gets us into a world of trouble, doesn’t it? But why do we have one? It’s all about survival–that sense of separateness crucial to the duality of the human experience. And the ego does what it can to give us a sense of separate identity so that we can create the contrasting roles we need to learn and grow.

    It accomplishes this by comparing itself to others. “Do I have as much money as he does?” “Do I have a better belief system than she does?” “Am I thinner, prettier, more handsome, smarter, fitter?” To gain a sense of self, we must measure ourselves to a reference of some sort: another person, past performance, someone’s expectations. As a result, we feel either superior or inferior to that point of reference. Whether this makes us feel lesser or more than the “enemy,” the ego creates boundaries and defines us as individuals.

    We best achieve this sense of separation by making others–a person, a group, a situation– the reviled enemy. There is nothing that increases the sense of “other-ness” more than enmity. In contrast, friendship and affinity blur the borders we establish between others. This sounds self-defeating, but, teleologically, we had to have this not only for spiritual growth through the human experience, but also for survival. I’m sure we’d want to feel as separate from a ferocious tiger as possible rather than cozy up to one ask to be its best friend.

    When you look at the ego, you see that it is merely a bundle of thoughts and emotions. It is not YOU. Nevertheless this ego, when allowed to romp with reckless abandon, creates horrid repercussions for its owner: bulimia, jealousy, a sense of inadequacy, envy, hatred, anger, fear and more. It can plunge us into victimhood;  it makes us gossip, complain, bear grievances, resentments, and more.

    In all cases, the ego is always right and the “other” is always wrong, even if it perceives someone as “wrong” for being superior. You feel wronged when someone or something delivers a blow to your sense of self-worth–even if they don’t even know who the hell you are.  Damn the rich. Damn the powerful. Damn the accomplished. Damn the ones that covet this belief or philosophy or opinion, repudiating yours.

    On a grander scale, the collective has its own ego, creating bundles of rigid and powerful thoughts such as doctrines, edicts, organized religions and other collective beliefs. Those thought bundles are often wielded like swords to cut down the individual and even entire masses. Holy wars, imperialism, genocide, civil wars, and other atrocities result.

    That said, the ego divides and creates conflict on small and large scales. The more tenaciously our ego clings to beliefs about ourselves and others, the more intense and damaging that conflict is. It makes us believe that we alone possess the real truth. Everyone else’s is wrong. But thoughts are not the truth. As Eckhart Tolles says, it at best can point to the truth. One Buddhist saying capitulates this: One can point at the moon, but that doesn’t mean the finger is the moon.

    To best grow and to mitigate the trials and tribulations of the human experience, we must recognize our ego for what it is: an impetuous child demanding our attention in order to define its identity. How do we do this? We simply become aware of it. YOU are that which is aware of the ego. YOU are the I AM. You are the way, the truth, the life.

    Resisting the ego is futile. Ignoring a whining child will only encourage him or her to whine louder and with greater capacity to annoy. “You cannot fight against it any more than you can fight against the darkness,” as Tolle says. Instead, shine a light on the darkness that is the ego and it will disappear.

    Look at the world around you and you will see two polar developments. Negativity in every form from war to victimhood is on the rise. The egoic mind is reaching its peak. On the other hand, those who embrace spirituality as we do are also increasing in numbers. This is as it should be. It is part of The Shift.

    So, how do we let go of our egos? We must become aware of  of our thoughts and emotions rather than remain imprisoned by them. When I see signs that my ego is rearing its ugly head, I try to see it as that little toddler having a tantrum, and I laugh because it’s so damn cute! (Although I don’t recommend this with an actual toddler.) You can create your own technique, but the important thing is this: Thoughts and emotions must be used in the service of the truth rather than in service of the ego. Once you accomplish this, you will feel that glorious oneness, that connection to all there is. That is LOVE. And to experience LOVE is JOY.

    Once you are able to see the ego as separate from the essence that is YOU, it’s nearly impossible to react to things and persons that would have normally incited anger, sadness, shame and other negative emotions. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself for the holiday season and beyond.

    The concept of joy (and gifts) conjure up the very nature of the holiday season. I have been reflecting lately on how much you all have saved my life–given me a reason to continue living after Erik’s “death,” and for that I am eternally grateful. Each and every one of you are the best Christmas present I could ever ask for, and I know Erik feels the same. He could not do what he is doing without his Channeling Erik loved ones. Below is a picture of him sitting in Santa’s lap with Annika and Lukas.

    Happy Holidays, Sweeties.


    Get These Freaking Kids Off My Lap So I Can Get My Flask!

  • December6th2011


    A couple of things before we welcome Mr. Hudson. First, remember how not long ago Erik warned us we needed to have the supplies and plans necessary for urban camping, at least for a duration of a week or two. Lately, we’ve been seeing instances all over the country where I hope his advice was heeded. In California, the high winds from several days ago still have people in the dark. Before that, the unseasonable nor’easter paralyzed the northeast United States for weeks. It seems these mini-disasters are becoming more and more frequent.

    Second, we interviewed Natalie Wood Friday and the details surrounding her death are startling. In fact, Robert tells me that Natalie came through around a half a year ago while he was on the telephone with blog member, Steve. When she spoke to Robert, she confirmed all those details to him and he relayed those to me Friday before I had a chance to share what came through with Jamie and Erik. Also, Ms. Wood told Robert that her case would soon be reopened. I mean, this was 6-8 months ago!

    So here’s my dilemma. Do I divulge this publicly? Natalie wants me to, but I’m afraid. I know it’s true, too. First of all, it feels true. Second of all, the two accounts are identical and in great detail. Any advice?

    Okay, you’re ready for your close-up Mr. Hudson:

    Me: Okay, who do you want to bring forward today, my sweeties?

    Jamie: There’s a Mr. Rock Hudson here. Erik already went and got him. Is he on your list?

    Me: Yep, he is. Talk about taking initiative, Erik! Hey Mr. Hudson.

    Rock: Good morning!

    Me: Good morning to you! Let’s just jump right into the first question. Is that okay?

    Rock: Absolutely.

    Me: What beliefs did you have about death and the afterlife and did they change after you crossed over?

    Rock: Yes, they did change. When I was growing up, there was a lot of emphasis on faith—faith that we would be taken care of, faith that we would have food, money to pay our bills.


    Jamie: Oh, he’s talking about living in poverty when he was younger.

    Me: Oh, really? Hm. I had no idea!

    Rock: Yes, so it was important to show gratitude. But I really don’t recall my family telling me exactly what to believe in. Of course there was Jesus and God, and it was very powerful and present at every dinner, especially around food and the things in our life that supported us for being who we were.

    Me: Oh, that’s lovely. So how did those beliefs changed after you died?

    Jamie: He has such a smooth, nice voice. I’ll have to watch some of his movies to see if it sounds like this.

    Rock: There was much more acceptance of my beliefs, because what we had, I think, really spoke in general terms for that day and age, you know, around the Great Depression.

    Jamie: Great Depression? That was in the twenties!

    Me: Yeah, that’s probably around the time when he was little.

    Jamie: Wow, I didn’t think he was that old. Sorry!

    She giggles in embarrassment.

    Me: Oopsie!

    Jamie: Yeah, ‘Whoops!’

    Rock: It was a day in a life, I really think, cut out of that religious belief. And when I passed away—you know I lived a very intriguing life—

    Me: Um hm!

    Rock: —and most of the life I led was very public.

    Me: Yeah.

    Rock: But on the flip side, the rest of my life had to be extremely private.

    Me: Yes.

    Rock: There was just so much misunderstanding and judgment of who I was. And in any faith or belief, I could find no solitude for who I was.

    Me (with sympathy): Yeah.


    Jamie: I asked him to clarify what he meant by who he was. He’s talking about his sexual preference.

    Me: Yes. Rock, you were one of the first people in that industry to “come out” as a gay man, and I think that was very heroic of you. Personally speaking, I think that was one of the first movements toward compassion and understanding for gays. We still have a long way to go, but you opened a door for the others. I really believe that.

    Rock: Thank you. Thank you so much.

    Me: Do you suppose that was why you were here or at least one of the reasons?

    Rock: Yes, that was my biggest driving force. I feel, looking back at my life, that I knew I was in the public eye, not just for the entertainment business, but as a teacher as well.

    Me: All right. And what, specifically, do you think you were here to teach?

    Rock: To not judge others. I came to teach the world to not judge other people.

    Me: Were you here to learn anything, too?

    Jamie (laughing): He kind of drops his arms and straightens his shoulders and says:

    Rock: Yes ma’am, I was here to teach myself how to be honest. You know, I’ve given many speeches and I’ve played a lot of roles, but the hardest role to play was myself. That’s true for most of us.

    Me: Oh, wow, that sends goosebumps.

    Rock: It’s not prewritten like a script; there are no marks on the floor telling you where to go and where to stop and where to begin. And this is what I had to do for myself: to be myself and to speak up for who I was.

    Me: Good. And you did. You did.

    Rock: It caused me ulcers, a lot of stress in my body hiding who I was.

    Me: Yeah, I can imagine! 

    YouTube of Rock Hudson outakes (bloopers)


  • November14th2011


    One of the blog members posed a very thought provoking question recently, and I was a little surprised by Erik’s response.

    Me: Erik, why do so many people have so much money while others starve?

    Jamie: I know! Isn’t it unfair?

    Me: Yeah. What’s that all about?

    Erik: We can chalk that up to lessons. It’s all about the fear that there isn’t abundance. But there’s enough for everyone. 

    Me: Okay.

    Erik: For instance, there’s enough food for everyone all over the world, even though it might not seem like it.

    Me: Yeah. Well it seems like there are finite resources, right?

    Erik: Actually, no. I know it’s hard to imagine, but you have the power to create whatever you fuckin’ want. Even a new universe. 

    Me: Whoa, what?

    Erik: But what happens is, we’re taught that maybe we can’t have it or that we’re not good enough. It’s your own personal lesson to stand up and say, “This is what I want, and this is what I’m getting.”

    Me: Okay, but what about the other side? Shouldn’t we feel indignant when some people have an obscene amount of wealth, more than they could possibly spend while so many people are suffering in poverty? 

    Erik: Like I said, everybody can have what they want. Scarcity is a bullshit illusion.

    Me: So the super wealthy aren’t doing something wrong? They’re not evil?

    Erik: No! Humans have just created this reality of limited resources, and I know it’s hard to imagine, but it doesn’t have to be that way. 

    Me: Okay, good—unless the rich use their money for nefarious purposes, of course.

    Erik (laughing): What, like porn?

    Me: Oh, that’s okay, watching or reading porn, as long as someone does so privately and it doesn’t exploit or harm others, like kids. To each his own.

    Erik: No, if we get into that sort of thinking, we’re going down that path of judgment again.

    Me: Exactly!

    Erik: So, abundance is infinite. The only thing in the way is your narrow awareness and weak intention. Most people people just don’t believe they can create wealth, so they can’t. And some people don’t think they deserve it, so they don’t get it. A lot of people think the rich poor thing is unfair, so they just keep that idea going on and on. That idea of inequality is the reality the collective belief creates. 

    Me: Makes sense. I guess. 

    Erik: And people’s level of abundance varies so greatly. You know, if we go to a tribe in Africa and we ask, “What’s your idea of abundance,” it might be capturing one big animal a week.

    Me: Ah!

    Erik: It doesn’t have to do with the clothes they wear, the threads they use, or other possessions. America is so driven by material things, that our definition of abundance—

    Jamie (giggling): He looked at me and, I don’t know, he kind of dropped his posture and cocked his head and said, “ so fucked up!”

    Me: Oh, my god, I can just see him doing that with his body!

    Jamie: He kind of went ghetto; you know how you do your fingers, like to the back?”

    Me: Yeah, yeah!

    Erik: —so fucked up! And so we don’t know how to get out of that definition, and that spiritual evolution we’re kicking into is going to help us, but right now we’re such a sick society. 

    Me: We’re still so ego-driven, I guess.

    Erik (announcing like a ringmaster in a circus): EGOCENTRIC! Everything revolves around MY ass!

    Jamie and I laugh.

    Me: I guess that stokes the fires of the separation illusion. In order for me to be me, I have to have an enemy to oppose. That’s how people define their own separate egos, by having counterparts.  

    Erik: Yes! But that’s just another lesson. What sort of abundance is worth creating for yourself? What sort of abundance helps you evolve?


    On a final note, Amy suggested we create a Channeling Erik radio talk show using I think it’s a wonderful idea, and my question is this: would any of you like to host our show from time to time? It would be a great way to get your name out there and showcase and practice your skills whether they include channeling, healing, past life regression, or other spiritual gifts.

    Be sure to share the love with any or all of the social connect buttons below!

  • October31st2011


    A Sister’s Eulogy for Steve Jobs. You must read the last bit and share what you believe he saw! I believe he saw evidence of the afterlife. Maybe this is truly the effect his death was supposed to have on the world. What an amazing man.


    Published: October 30, 2011

    I grew up as an only child, with a single mother. Because we were poor and because I knew my father had emigrated from Syria, I imagined he looked like Omar Sharif. I hoped he would be rich and kind and would come into our lives (and our not yet furnished apartment) and help us. Later, after I’d met my father, I tried to believe he’d changed his number and left no forwarding address because he was an idealistic revolutionary, plotting a new world for the Arab people.

    Even as a feminist, my whole life I’d been waiting for a man to love, who could love me. For decades, I’d thought that man would be my father. When I was 25, I met that man and he was my brother.

    By then, I lived in New York, where I was trying to write my first novel. I had a job at a small magazine in an office the size of a closet, with three other aspiring writers. When one day a lawyer called me — me, the middle-class girl from California who hassled the boss to buy us health insurance — and said his client was rich and famous and was my long-lost brother, the young editors went wild. This was 1985 and we worked at a cutting-edge literary magazine, but I’d fallen into the plot of a Dickens novel and really, we all loved those best. The lawyer refused to tell me my brother’s name and my colleagues started a betting pool. The leading candidate: John Travolta. I secretly hoped for a literary descendant of Henry James — someone more talented than I, someone brilliant without even trying.

    When I met Steve, he was a guy my age in jeans, Arab- or Jewish-looking and handsomer than Omar Sharif.

    We took a long walk — something, it happened, that we both liked to do. I don’t remember much of what we said that first day, only that he felt like someone I’d pick to be a friend. He explained that he worked in computers.

    I didn’t know much about computers. I still worked on a manual Olivetti typewriter.

    I told Steve I’d recently considered my first purchase of a computer: something called the Cromemco.

    Steve told me it was a good thing I’d waited. He said he was making something that was going to be insanely beautiful.

    I want to tell you a few things I learned from Steve, during three distinct periods, over the 27 years I knew him. They’re not periods of years, but of states of being. His full life. His illness. His dying.

    Steve worked at what he loved. He worked really hard. Every day.

    That’s incredibly simple, but true.

    He was the opposite of absent-minded.

    He was never embarrassed about working hard, even if the results were failures. If someone as smart as Steve wasn’t ashamed to admit trying, maybe I didn’t have to be.

    When he got kicked out of Apple, things were painful. He told me about a dinner at which 500 Silicon Valley leaders met the then-sitting president. Steve hadn’t been invited.

    He was hurt but he still went to work at Next. Every single day.

    Novelty was not Steve’s highest value. Beauty was.

    For an innovator, Steve was remarkably loyal. If he loved a shirt, he’d order 10 or 100 of them. In the Palo Alto house, there are probably enough black cotton turtlenecks for everyone in this church.

    He didn’t favor trends or gimmicks. He liked people his own age.

    His philosophy of aesthetics reminds me of a quote that went something like this: “Fashion is what seems beautiful now but looks ugly later; art can be ugly at first but it becomes beautiful later.”

    Steve always aspired to make beautiful later.

    He was willing to be misunderstood.

    Uninvited to the ball, he drove the third or fourth iteration of his same black sports car to Next, where he and his team were quietly inventing the platform on which Tim Berners-Lee would write the program for the World Wide Web.

    Steve was like a girl in the amount of time he spent talking about love. Love was his supreme virtue, his god of gods. He tracked and worried about the romantic lives of the people working with him.

    Whenever he saw a man he thought a woman might find dashing, he called out, “Hey are you single? Do you wanna come to dinner with my sister?”

    I remember when he phoned the day he met Laurene. “There’s this beautiful woman and she’s really smart and she has this dog and I’m going to marry her.”

    When Reed was born, he began gushing and never stopped. He was a physical dad, with each of his children. He fretted over Lisa’s boyfriends and Erin’s travel and skirt lengths and Eve’s safety around the horses she adored.

    None of us who attended Reed’s graduation party will ever forget the scene of Reed and Steve slow dancing.

    His abiding love for Laurene sustained him. He believed that love happened all the time, everywhere. In that most important way, Steve was never ironic, never cynical, never pessimistic. I try to learn from that, still.

    Steve had been successful at a young age, and he felt that had isolated him. Most of the choices he made from the time I knew him were designed to dissolve the walls around him. A middle-class boy from Los Altos, he fell in love with a middle-class girl from New Jersey. It was important to both of them to raise Lisa, Reed, Erin and Eve as grounded, normal children. Their house didn’t intimidate with art or polish; in fact, for many of the first years I knew Steve and Lo together, dinner was served on the grass, and sometimes consisted of just one vegetable. Lots of that one vegetable. But one. Broccoli. In season. Simply prepared. With the just the right, recently snipped, herb.

    Even as a young millionaire, Steve always picked me up at the airport. He’d be standing there in his jeans.

    When a family member called him at work, his secretary Linetta answered, “Your dad’s in a meeting. Would you like me to interrupt him?”

    When Reed insisted on dressing up as a witch every Halloween, Steve, Laurene, Erin and Eve all went wiccan.

    They once embarked on a kitchen remodel; it took years. They cooked on a hotplate in the garage. The Pixar building, under construction during the same period, finished in half the time. And that was it for the Palo Alto house. The bathrooms stayed old. But — and this was a crucial distinction — it had been a great house to start with; Steve saw to that.

    This is not to say that he didn’t enjoy his success: he enjoyed his success a lot, just minus a few zeros. He told me how much he loved going to the Palo Alto bike store and gleefully realizing he could afford to buy the best bike there.

    And he did.

    Steve was humble. Steve liked to keep learning.

    Once, he told me if he’d grown up differently, he might have become a mathematician. He spoke reverently about colleges and loved walking around the Stanford campus. In the last year of his life, he studied a book of paintings by Mark Rothko, an artist he hadn’t known about before, thinking of what could inspire people on the walls of a future Apple campus.

    Steve cultivated whimsy. What other C.E.O. knows the history of English and Chinese tea roses and has a favorite David Austin rose?

    He had surprises tucked in all his pockets. I’ll venture that Laurene will discover treats — songs he loved, a poem he cut out and put in a drawer — even after 20 years of an exceptionally close marriage. I spoke to him every other day or so, but when I opened The New York Times and saw a feature on the company’s patents, I was still surprised and delighted to see a sketch for a perfect staircase.

    With his four children, with his wife, with all of us, Steve had a lot of fun.

    He treasured happiness.

    Then, Steve became ill and we watched his life compress into a smaller circle. Once, he’d loved walking through Paris. He’d discovered a small handmade soba shop in Kyoto. He downhill skied gracefully. He cross-country skied clumsily. No more.

    Eventually, even ordinary pleasures, like a good peach, no longer appealed to him.

    Yet, what amazed me, and what I learned from his illness, was how much was still left after so much had been taken away.

    I remember my brother learning to walk again, with a chair. After his liver transplant, once a day he would get up on legs that seemed too thin to bear him, arms pitched to the chair back. He’d push that chair down the Memphis hospital corridor towards the nursing station and then he’d sit down on the chair, rest, turn around and walk back again. He counted his steps and, each day, pressed a little farther.

    Laurene got down on her knees and looked into his eyes.

    “You can do this, Steve,” she said. His eyes widened. His lips pressed into each other.

    He tried. He always, always tried, and always with love at the core of that effort. He was an intensely emotional man.

    I realized during that terrifying time that Steve was not enduring the pain for himself. He set destinations: his son Reed’s graduation from high school, his daughter Erin’s trip to Kyoto, the launching of a boat he was building on which he planned to take his family around the world and where he hoped he and Laurene would someday retire.

    Even ill, his taste, his discrimination and his judgment held. He went through 67 nurses before finding kindred spirits and then he completely trusted the three who stayed with him to the end. Tracy. Arturo. Elham.

    One time when Steve had contracted a tenacious pneumonia his doctor forbid everything — even ice. We were in a standard I.C.U. unit. Steve, who generally disliked cutting in line or dropping his own name, confessed that this once, he’d like to be treated a little specially.

    I told him: Steve, this is special treatment.

    He leaned over to me, and said: “I want it to be a little more special.”

    Intubated, when he couldn’t talk, he asked for a notepad. He sketched devices to hold an iPad in a hospital bed. He designed new fluid monitors and x-ray equipment. He redrew that not-quite-special-enough hospital unit. And every time his wife walked into the room, I watched his smile remake itself on his face.

    For the really big, big things, you have to trust me, he wrote on his sketchpad. He looked up. You have to.

    By that, he meant that we should disobey the doctors and give him a piece of ice.

    None of us knows for certain how long we’ll be here. On Steve’s better days, even in the last year, he embarked upon projects and elicited promises from his friends at Apple to finish them. Some boat builders in the Netherlands have a gorgeous stainless steel hull ready to be covered with the finishing wood. His three daughters remain unmarried, his two youngest still girls, and he’d wanted to walk them down the aisle as he’d walked me the day of my wedding.

    We all — in the end — die in medias res. In the middle of a story. Of many stories.

    I suppose it’s not quite accurate to call the death of someone who lived with cancer for years unexpected, but Steve’s death was unexpected for us.

    What I learned from my brother’s death was that character is essential: What he was, was how he died.

    Tuesday morning, he called me to ask me to hurry up to Palo Alto. His tone was affectionate, dear, loving, but like someone whose luggage was already strapped onto the vehicle, who was already on the beginning of his journey, even as he was sorry, truly deeply sorry, to be leaving us.

    He started his farewell and I stopped him. I said, “Wait. I’m coming. I’m in a taxi to the airport. I’ll be there.”

    “I’m telling you now because I’m afraid you won’t make it on time, honey.”

    When I arrived, he and his Laurene were joking together like partners who’d lived and worked together every day of their lives. He looked into his children’s eyes as if he couldn’t unlock his gaze.

    Until about 2 in the afternoon, his wife could rouse him, to talk to his friends from Apple.

    Then, after awhile, it was clear that he would no longer wake to us.

    His breathing changed. It became severe, deliberate, purposeful. I could feel him counting his steps again, pushing farther than before.

    This is what I learned: he was working at this, too. Death didn’t happen to Steve, he achieved it.

    He told me, when he was saying goodbye and telling me he was sorry, so sorry we wouldn’t be able to be old together as we’d always planned, that he was going to a better place.

    Dr. Fischer gave him a 50/50 chance of making it through the night.

    He made it through the night, Laurene next to him on the bed sometimes jerked up when there was a longer pause between his breaths. She and I looked at each other, then he would heave a deep breath and begin again.

    This had to be done. Even now, he had a stern, still handsome profile, the profile of an absolutist, a romantic. His breath indicated an arduous journey, some steep path, altitude.

    He seemed to be climbing.

    But with that will, that work ethic, that strength, there was also sweet Steve’s capacity for wonderment, the artist’s belief in the ideal, the still more beautiful later.

    Steve’s final words, hours earlier, were monosyllables, repeated three times.

    Before embarking, he’d looked at his sister Patty, then for a long time at his children, then at his life’s partner, Laurene, and then over their shoulders past them.

    Steve’s final words were:


    Mona Simpson is a novelist and a professor of English at the University of California, Los Angeles. She delivered this eulogy for her brother, Steve Jobs, on Oct. 16 at his memorial service at the Memorial Church of Stanford University.

  • October31st2011


    I hope everyone had a wonderful and restful weekend and is prepared for a week of Channeling Erik insight, camaraderie and inspiration. I’m very excited to announce that Erik was finally able to find Steve Jobs Friday, despite his recent passing. You’ll notice that Job’s ability to focus his communication clearly and control his choice of channels hasn’t yet been refined, but he’s certainly more oriented than he was in the week or two following his death.

    A bit of sad news as well. I’ve kept this all a secret until now, but last summer a very famous TV producer contacted me hoping to turn Erik’s story into a one hour weekly drama, truth based on fiction. Out of deep respect and admiration for her, I don’t want to share her identity, but you’d all recognize the many award-winning shows she and her partner have produced through OWN, LIfetime, Michael Gordon Productions and now Sony. Since our first meeting in Hollywood, she’s been looking for an experienced writer. We were excited to find one fairly quickly only to have our hopes deflated when he found out he had a contractual obligation with HBO he couldn’t get out of. So the search for a writer continued.

    Friday, she finally gave up. She said the writers didn’t want to take on the story partly because of the subject matter, both woo woo and dark, but also because they couldn’t believe in the reality of the story. Naturally that hit me pretty hard. These last few months my spirits have been buoyed by the prospects that my son’s death just might have some grander purpose, some meaning. For a few hours my heart fell to a very dark place, followed on its heels by my thoughts: What if this is all a mass delusion? Maybe the scientists are wrong. Maybe all that’s happened to us are figments of our imagination. Maybe Erik truly is gone forever. But reflecting on the pranks, the materializations, the visits, the phone call, how can I have doubts? And what about the near death experiences? What about the findings at Scole? What about all those discoveries being made by theoretical physicists about the afterlife and multiple dimensions? What about all the evidence for reincarnation? In the end, I’ve decided that not believing leaves more questions unanswered than believing. Still, I started this journey as a skeptic and the freshness of my wounds are often no match for bitter disappointments.

    It’s amazing that the YouTube videos about the scientific and rationalistic proof of the afterlife were actually in queue for today. Given that, I found it quite comforting. I hope you do. But it won’t help you if you don’t watch them. (That last sentence is coming directly from Erik.)

    And now I present Mr. Steve Jobs, a sharp contrast to our last celebrity, funny man Chris Farley:

    Young Steve Jobs

    Me: Who do you want to do next, Baby? Let’s do a short one since we don’t have a huge chunk of time left.

    Erik: Oh, you mean like height-wise?

    Jamie (laughing): Erik!

    Me: Okay. We could do that, Mister Smart Ass!

    Erik: You call it.

    Me: Okay, what about Steve Jobs? I know he’s known to be short in the temper department, but, is it still too soon?

    Erik: Nah, I’ll go get him.

    Me: Yeah, see if he’s ready!

    Jamie (to Erik): What?!

    Me: Hmm?

    Jamie (whispering): Erik thinks he’s an asshole.

    Me: Really? I’ve heard he doesn’t mince words, but—

    Jamie: I didn’t know that about him. I thought he was—oh, here, here he is.

    Me: Oh, okay. Hi Mr. Jobs, how are you?

    Steve: Hello.

    Me: You’re sorely missed by Apple fans the world over, especially me. I’ve had nothing but Apple products for the last 25-26 years. In fact, my mom has one of the first models signed on the inside by your buddy, Wozniak.

    Jamie: Really?

    Me: Yeah. A whole family of Apple nuts.(Hm, sounds like a great name for a cereal.)

    Jamie: Okay, I sound WAY more happier than he does as I channel him. He’s kind of plain faced. He’s wearing a black t-shirt; he’s got jeans on, and he says, “Thank you so much.”

    Me: How are you doing, Steve? Have you acclimatized to the afterlife yet? Are you feeling oriented?

    Steve: I don’t think I’ll ever be oriented.

    Me: Okay.

    (Awkward silence as I wait for more, to no avail)

    Me: What beliefs did you have about the afterlife before you crossed over, and did they change at all after your death?

    (Long pause)

    Jamie: Um, it’s kind of weird. Erik is basically telling me what Steve is saying.

    Me: Maybe he hasn’t gotten used to communicating directly from that side yet.

    Jamie: Ah, that might be right, actually. So what I’m hearing is through Erik in front of me and Steve is kind of off to my left.

    Me: Okay.

    Jamie: And you asked about his perception?

    Me: Yeah, what his beliefs were about death and the afterlife and whether they changed once he crossed over.

    Jamie: Um, apparently they changed almost every day when he was alive, where he’s believe in something grand, you know, this spiritual enlightenment. Uh, he’s talking about looking into Ashrams and in India, said he stayed there for a long time and just searched, just kind of took on the whole culture. He took on—

    Jamie listens to Erik.

    Jamie: What, what like drugs?

    Erik: Yeah, psychedelic drugs to search his inner soul, to cleanse himself. It’s like he could never be his best or know himself totally until he was turned inside out.

    Me: Ah!

    Erik: And in the process, he says, “People want to know why I’m short? Why I’m to the point? It’s because when I was turned inside out, I pretty much found out that—“

    Jamie (surprised): What?!

    (Long pause as Jamie gets clarification)

    Jamie: Oh! Being curt was better for him than being polite—Erik is translating here—because politeness can be misconstrued as him being nice like he’s trying to do something or give something more.

    Erik: Yeah and he wanted people to know exactly who he was.

    Me: That’s good. Black or white, just like the iPhone. So, what was your transition like for you, Steve? Oh wait, first tell me if your beliefs changed after you died.

    Steve (finally speaking directly through Jamie): Ah, it was a very long and painful death.

    Jamie: What? He’s saying that his death was so painful and with such suffering that it was almost pleasurable to go through this hardship so that he would know what that felt like. 

    Me: Aw.

    Jamie: He’s very much an in the moment, gotta experience it man. He couldn’t take anyone else’s viewpoint as real; he’d have to experience it himself.

    Me: Oh, I bet he was.

    Erik: Yeah, so people talking to him about God and beliefs and what to do—he couldn’t trust it. He had to experience it himself. So that’s why he went and lived in the Indian culture, why he took the psychedelics—he did that to find out who he was.

    Me: Wow, that’s so interesting, and that’s probably part of what made you such a success, too.

    Erik: I swear this guy is slightly bipolar, Mom, cuz when he’s communicating, it’s almost like he’s really firm and short, he’ll give you the answer, but if there’s something that moves him, he’s really moved.

    Me: Aw!

    Jamie: Yeah, I can see that too, Erik. It’s like his eyes water up, his posture gets soft. He goes from one extreme to the other.

    Me: Well, some of the most creative ideas have come from people who are bipolar. So, when you passed over into the afterlife, how would you describe your surroundings, and what were your first thoughts?

    Steve: Very peaceful, very quiet, very dark. There was light where I was, but surrounding me was dark. I stayed in that space for what seemed like days. I knew that I was to challenge myself, to heal myself before I was allowed to continue on.

    Me (impressed by the improvement in his ability to communicate): Okay. Then what?

    Steve: And then when I continued on, the whole space where I was lit up; I was allowed to see other people, other family members.

    Me: What were your first thoughts?

    Steve: I was happy it wasn’t commercialized.

    Jamie giggles.

    Me: What do you mean?

    Erik: He’s talking about like it is in Disneyland: the people, the fake applause, the corny music, the canned laughter—like there wasn’t this rote thing that was supposed to repeat every time someone crossed over.

    Me: Oh no! That would be awful! More like hell than heaven.

    Jamie: He was happy it wasn’t commercialized? What a first thought to have when you die!

    Me: That is too funny! So, was it your destiny to die when and how you did, Steve?

    Steve: Yes.


    Pulling eyeteeth here.

    Me: Why?

    Erik: He’s saying he battled cancer before, then after a remission, it came back and changed its space. He said then he knew that he was given extra time.

    Steve: I knew it was my time to go, because I had done everything right to my body, for my body while I was living. There was no way that what I fed myself would give me any kind of disease.

    Erik (looking squarely at Steve Jobs): Well Dude, did you ever check out your attitude?

    Me: Oh!

    Jamie: Can you believe Erik just did that? Fuck! Oh my god, I said the f-word. Yes I did.

    Erik puts a hand up.

    Jamie: No, I’m not going to high five you, Erik. Oh my god. Erik, you’re such a bad influence on me.

    We all laugh.

    Me: So what did Steve answer to that?

    Jamie: His tone of voice actually does not change.

    Steve: Well, Erik, I think you have the understanding that I did not. 

    Of course he would have checked out his attitude! This, a man who never left a stone unturned?


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