Channeling Erik

October3rd

56 Comments

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Posted in: Channeling, Child abuse, Death, Death of a sibling, Grief, Grieving, Loss of a sibling, Post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, Sexual abuse, Struggles, Suffering, Suicide, Violent deaths

At long last, I’ve been urged (strongly) to seek treatment for my PTSD. Okay, we’re talking major arm twisting here, because I’m a typical mom who feels that everyone else’s needs must be addressed and nurtured before I tend to my own wounds. So, with five kids, a husband and friends (including cyber friends), I kept myself in the back of the line, bleeding inside.

Looking back, I realize that I’ve had PTSD nearly all of my life.  In the simplest of terms, there are apparently two types of PTSD: The first is caused by various chronic, ongoing traumas, usually in the form of childhood abuse and neglect. The second is more acute or abrupt trauma such as combat related events, rape, or, in my case, seeing your son after he’s lost a war with a 45 caliber hollow point to the head. Some of the traumas I’ve experienced I can’t reveal here; others I’ve already shared. Suffice it to say, my life has pretty much been a string of tragedies.

I don’t share this to invite sympathy. In fact, I don’t do well with pity. No, I share this to reveal what I know in hopes that those of you who have suffered traumas or have overt PTSD with feel connected, validated and understood. The central elements in PTSD are a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. It’s more common when the traumatic event is caused by a human (rape, war, terrorism, assault, etc.) instead of by an Act of God like a flood or tornado. It’s not just some “emotional” disorder, either. It actually causes structural changes in the brain itself.

Symptoms

Symptoms of PTSD fall into three main categories:

1. “Reliving” the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity

  • Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again
  • Repeated upsetting memories of the event
  • Repeated nightmares of the event
  • Strong, uncomfortable reactions to situations that remind you of the event

2. Avoidance

  • Emotional “numbing,” or feeling as though you don’t care about anything
  • Feeling detached
  • Being unable to remember important aspects of the trauma
  • Having a lack of interest in normal activities
  • Showing less of your moods
  • Avoiding places, people, or thoughts that remind you of the event
  • Feeling like you have no future

3. Arousal

  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Startling easily
  • Having an exaggerated response to things that startle you
  • Feeling more aware (hypervigilance)
  • Feeling irritable or having outbursts of anger
  • Having trouble falling or staying asleep

You might feel guilt about the event (including “survivor guilt”). You might also have some of the following symptoms, which are typical of anxiety, stress and tension:

  • Agitation or excitability
  •  Dizziness
  • Fainting
  • Feeling your heart beat in your chest
  • Headache
Alcohol and substance abuse, panic attacks and depression are very common comorbid factors.
Risk Factors
People of all ages can have post-traumatic stress disorder. However, some factors may make you more likely to develop PTSD after a traumatic event, including:
  • Being female
  • Experiencing intense or long-lasting trauma
  • Having experienced other trauma earlier in life
  • Having other mental health problems, such as anxiety or depression
  • Lacking a good support system of family and friends
  • Having first-degree relatives with mental health problems, including PTSD
  • Having first-degree relatives with depression
  • Having been abused or neglected as a child

Women may be at increased risk of PTSD because they are more likely to experience the kinds of trauma that can trigger the condition.

There are many forms of therapy, but I’m going to give EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) a try, because apparently this has been very effective with veterans who suffer from PTSD. Check it out on this link:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/pdf/emdr.pdf

On another but related note, some of my children would like to help with the campaign to make bullying illegal: a formal offense with standards for prosecution and sentencing. Why? Because bullying is so pervasive and can have monumental effects both short and long term. PTSD can result from chronic bullying or even one instance.  Michelle suffers from PTSD from the bullying she had endured during middle school. It has affected every aspect of her life. Fortunately, she plans on joining me  in EMDR therapy. Erik was the target of endless bullying as well, and we all now the end result of his suffering. Sigh.

So, in Erik’s memory, my kids hope to start a petition, organize various silent demonstrations in front of courthouses, create a website and Facebook page full of resources including an anonymous tip line, and more. In addition to making bullying a punishable offense, I think those who witness such events without reporting them should be considered accessories to the crime, and that includes school officials.

Anyway, I bring this up in case any of you have suggestions for them.

 

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  • Su

    I’m rooting for you and Michelle Elisa. It’s a courageous thing to face our issues head on to healing. I had read of the link, it’s fascinating way to help process to help our bodies to heal. I wish you both well.
    As for bullying, YES, YES, YES it should be illegal. It is wrong and cruel beyond words. Anyone standing around or turning a blind eye is just as bad. You got my support all the way in England! xx

  • Angela

    Love following ur blog thanks for sharing your pain and vulnerability, it gives people permission to share as well. Good on u for using EMDR something that can go with that is ‘emotional freedom techniques’ (EFT)being used extensively in the US for PTSD . Tons of info on internet if u feel inclined to look it up . Using all these techniques are a ‘journey ‘. I wish u well and thanks for being part of mine.
    Very best wishes xx

  • Patrick

    Could somebody provide a definition for bullying as it would be criminalized? I know one response could be that one knows it when one sees it, however impartial criteria evenly applied must be the basis for any law; I haven’t seen a description of that type. Most stories about bullying – some horrific and even tragic – are usually anecdotal rather than impartially or dispassionately defined.

    I do not like the criminality angle and implication of fines, jail time and criminal records.

    Prohibition not only utterly failed to create the morality it was intended to improve, it set the table for organized crime on a massive scale with a decades long legacy of disaster.

    Vigorous drug law enforcement have not stopped considerable consumption, have caused high prices and profits that regularly attract bad actors to the trade.

    Vigorous and unfortunately sometimes successful attempts to criminalize the exercise of Constitutional Rights have eroded the very public safety and security that were to be improved.

    Thus the idea of stopping bulling – noble and demonstrative of the utmost best intentions – risks unexamined and unintended side effects that could render it a disaster.

    • JoAnn

      This is exactly what i think i was seeing in my mind Patrick,,,my words are just not as descriptive as yours,,,also thank you for reading and commenting about my poem

      • Patrick

        It was a good poem!

    • amy cavanaugh

      I agree with you Patrick. We cant legislate morality. The war on drugs has failed and like you say criminalizing bullying will just create another set of social problems. I was bullied as a child and have paid the price-substance abuse, bad decisionmaking, blah blah blah. We need to build self – esteem, get rid of the victim mentality and teach people not to stand for unacceptable behavior. Also we need to teach not to judge our insides from other peoples outsides. Interestingly-thanks to the magic of Facebook, I have connected with my high school bullies and found that they were just as insecure and fearful as I and they too had people they were intimidated by. This is not to discount the tragic toll that this type of behavior has on people. But the fact that PTSD is the topic du jour at exactly the time I am grapling with it is no accident. I have learned that PTSD has to be removed, and it cant always be removed by talking about it. This will sound a bit gross but when I go to the bathroom, at the same time I get rid of for lack of a better term #2, I imagine that I am s**ting out the toxic experiences that I have absorbed as a result of my circumstances. It seem to be working.

      • Patrick

        I was bullied badly; my little brother also. The terrible memories have never faded.

  • Anonymous

    I too have struggled with this since finding my husband dead one morning when I got up for work. No warning, he was just gone at the age of 37. Good luck Elisa and Michelle. I know it is a very difficult way to live.

    • amy cavanaugh

      Exactly, I walk around in a haze over Keith’s death, it defies logic, its unfair and it fucked me over for lack of a better term. I am not suicidal but I am so detatched. Nothing seems familar and I could be in a room full of people and I feel alone. But each day I try to move away not towards these feelings in hopes that I outgrow them.

  • Chatlunatique

    Yo Elisa. I’m with you on the PTSD. I figure I’ve had it for awhile, too. I will be talking to my doctor on Friday. My disorder comes from “a series of unfortunate events”. I figure if you have family members in the psychiatric hospital 7 times, that might qualify.

    Sean S. from high school

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Hey Sweetie. Keep me posted about what’s going on with you. I’ll give you my phone numbers if you want. Just email me at emedhus@gmail.com. Yes, shit happens, but even the slightest shift in perspective can make it bearable. XOXO

  • M and M

    Best wishes Elisa, you deserved to find peace and healing. The tragedy cannot be taken back and you have done such an amazing job of turning it into something so valuable for so many. I hope you find what heals you quickly, you have been through more than enough. Much love and support coming your way.

    I don’t know much about bullying, except what kids deal with in grade school. From what I have seen it usually comes from kids that have had trauma or hardships in their lives and they bury it and act out because they don’t know how to handle it. In those cases I think compassion (firm compassion) and a looking at the bigger picture approach is much better than just adding punishment to the mix. I’m guessing you are referring to a different type of bullying, but I’d be concerned about how to separate the ones that need compassion for healing and change from the ones that just need a swift kick in the arse.

    This is mentioned from a place of respecting other points of view but with a desire to raise what I feel to be an important point. Not trying to spark controversy.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Yes, I agree. It’s not just about punishment. There MUST be accountability. That’s the cornerstone, the beginning. But we also need to rehabilitate the bully and the family dynamics that may have played a part. Also, we need to address the other side–those who sit idly by and allow bullying to destroy lovely souls.

  • Sharon

    I will support you and your family in taking a stand on bullying in any way that I can. I look at your site nearly every day. Keep us all posted. Much love to you on your journey. You are an amazing woman.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      As are you!

  • Anonymous

    Elisa –

    Again, I commend you for your open heart and tremendous courage in sharing such personal details of your life and experiences with all of us. I can’t begin to imagine what you went through that day and what you continue to carry on a daily basis. My love and prayers are always with you and your family.

    As far as the bullying goes, kids do what they see. I have several family members who are school teachers and have expressed many times how frustrating it is to try to work with kids who are bullies and headed down a dangerous path only to find the parents are displaying the same behavior – of course this does not apply to everyone, so please don’t freak out over that suggestion.

    I’m always perplexed when there is so much emphasis on how to “bully-proof” your kids – really??? Is that the best way to attack this issue? How do we work with and or treat (mental health perspective) the bully??

    Finally figured out Discus too – how do you like my new screen name??

    Love you!!

    XOXOXO

    True

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Love the new screen name! And yes, I think the laws about bullying ought to include so many things: rehabilitating the bully, home evaluation and family therapy if the parents need help with their parenting, god, lots of things.

  • Anonymous

    Oh Elisa, I had the most vivid dream about you last night. We were at an event with a bunch of other people we knew of but had never met before. When I went to hug you, you were so tiny (in a cute way). One of your daughters was there as well and Erik made a brief appearance. And this is the thing – the meeting was sort of in your honor – and Erik was there to acknowledge his role in your journey – almost like a teacher, a Steven Hawking like figure who had actually chosen to reach you in a way that was way out of the norm because that was what was necessary – I know it sounds crazy – like a sacrifice for a greater measure of realization that was like a present to everyone at the event. We were all in pretty good spirits, but we were all pretty freaked out as well, and grateful, we were all so grateful just to be there together. Anyway, you and I had this extended and very animated conversation and of course, I can’t recall a word of it now, damn it! ;Dreams!

  • Anonymous

    I love what your kids are doing. I work in the school district and I absolutely have no patience or tolerance for bullying. I was all the kids best friend and support, but when it came to bullying, they knew where I stood.

    I applaud your discovery and support you in healing from the PTSD.

    Love you lots Elisa!

    Sherry

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1027593595 Steve Trask

    Very awesome, and I’m SO proud of you, Elisa! Like I said before, I’ve watched you grow and become strong. Erik is clapping too. You’ve made us all proud.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      (((Grin))) Love you, Steve.

  • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

    Yes, but I think the first step is demanding that individuals be accountable for their transgressions, then the healing on all sides can begin. Anything short of starting with: This is wrong and you will have consequences is just enabling. It needs to stop, and the bullies, their families and the victims can receive the treatment and healing they need.

  • amy cavanaugh

    I am on a phone call with a friend and we were talking about PTSD-at the same time I open this and go figure!!!! I have learned that PTSD is a disease of the soul-yet we try to deal with it with (1) psychiatric medications and (2) talk therapy. Talk therapy for me seems to just revictimize oneself. I am learning that you need to share the PTSD. This does not mean sharing the source of the PTSD, but rather sharing the feelings, learning that this is like a blister or a wound-it is not who we are. I think that this group is an excellent resource for healing our souls and being reminded that this is our path our lessons in life and if we dont move through it on this earthly plane we will have to address it down the line-maybe even on the other side or in a different life. I love this overview.

  • Stacey

    Hello, Elisa. After many years of therapy, I started down the EMDR path a year ago. It is not a ‘quick fix’ but has its benefits. It is important to have emotional support on the home front (something I don’t have) as it can bring up emotions that can be pretty intense and hard to handle if you are by yourself. I have heard it to be of great benefit to another friend who is bipolar, after 3 years of doing EMDR. I sure am glad for diazapam as it can come in handy on a situational basis!

  • Irina

    I am sending you hugs and wishing you and Michelle lots of luck with the therapy.
    Your spirit and your words have helped me lots with going through what I am going and you really are a model for me. Love you!

  • Carol (Chris’ Mom)

    What can I say, Mamasita? As a nurse I can call it like I see it…or as an empath I can feel it. Since I’m both I can say that I knew this was coming. What do I have to say about you sharing this? I’m so fucking proud of you!

    Lots of love to you, Sista.
    Carol (Chris’ Mom)

  • atony

    Well Elisa my comment is for you. You are an amazing soul & worthy of getting any help that you deem necessary, we all do. Being a care giver makes it harder, I understand that struggle. We always tend to others at our neglect. Take some time out to heal & you will be even more effective attending to others. Your already doing a great job at healing others. Take some time for yourself, you have a blessing that you have regular conversations with your Erik!

  • Kerrie Aus

    Hi Elisa, Thank you for sharing your pain with us.I wish I could give you a giant hug.I think I have PTSD too. I was there when my son was trying to be revived and they were doing CPR on him to no avail. My younger son who was 16 at the time was also there. He now has OCD and stress related problems.I will back you 100% on the bullying. It is insidious and can affect your life forever. There needs to be more education in schools instead of teachers turning a blind eye.Good on you for all you do.xx

  • JaneG

    p.s. my opinon is that we need to have a more nurturing, compassionate and cooperative society rather than a competitive society. The latter grows bullies. Once they are bullies they absolutely must have accountability yes. Yet also it would be better to have a society that nurtures people rather than blunts their humanity.

  • Anonymous

    I have it bad the PTSD, really bad, but manage well.
    But nevermind me, my nephew can’t even get to his classes in that school because of bullies standing, forming a wall, so he can’t get past them. He is afraid to lash out, as getting in trouble for fighting, wants to finish high school and graduate, the dear love. It never ends. And so as a result, HE is being monitored for late to classes, and threatened by school officials with going to the ‘Mountain’ detention center in CO. Nuff said..it is DISPICABLE, the sick system.
    Blessings Elisa, much healing light to you.

  • Kateb

    Kateb
    You are a very strong and wonderful lady.although you probably dont feel that strong at times.Thankyou so much for sharing with us.I have been diagnosed with PTSD.I was on the scene of the fatal crash where I lost my son with massive head injuries…….I think of you and Erik and look forward to CE posts each day.I think it is a very noble and caring thing your children are undertaking.I support them .Sending love and healing to you and your family also members of the CE family.xxxxxx

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Oh, Kateb, my heart goes out to you, too. God, how difficult for a mother. Love you. I don’t know what else to do except send you love.

    • Tracy Lamont

      Oh, Kateb, I can’t imagine how you – like Elisa – have coped with your PTS when both of you have experienced the immediacy and horror of seeing your boys horrific deaths. It’s hard enough for me having lost my own boy in the same way as you.
      I can’t imagine that I would be as far along the road as I am if I had actually witnessed his accident. I’m lucky to be able to recall my last image of him as a happy, healthy, smiling boy. You and Elisa are not as fortunate as I.
      I send love and hugs to you both and hope, in time, you can bury your demons…

  • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

    Yes, we both have done EFT and swear by it. I think the EMDR and EFT together, along with solid family support, will do the trick. Love you, Maddie!

  • Simonadkins2

    Hi Elisa ,I read your words with great sympathy.I have great problems understanding
    how this world operates,I read one of your quotes above ‘survivor guilt’ I suffer this not because of iv lost someone close but for the millions of underprivileged people in this world,the fact I was born English and am fit and relatively healthy makes me feel guilt,iv had many spiritual experiences and they all point to compassion and forgiveness,the power of love is immense,have you heard of Ram Bahudar Bomjon ?he’s on earth and he’s very special.
    Lots of love to you

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      No I haven’t heard of him. Can you share more about him? From listening to your story, I get that you’ve been a great teacher/healer/advocate for the downtrodden in a past life, perhaps several past lives. It’d be interesting to find out. Have you ever asked a psychic or had past life regression?

      • Simonadkins2

        Hi ELISA ,iv never done past life regression therapy as I get many visions of my different lives in everyday life,I was very much into talking with mediums and spirit but I found I got to a point where I needed to ask questions about the next level,we both know that there is a spirit world and when you realise that it’s time to move on to the next level,Ram Bahudar Bomjon is in Nepal ,he decided as a child to serve penance for all living beings he fasted 6 yrs to achieve buddahood,discovery channel have made a documentary about him when he was a child,they tried to debunk him but were unable it’s available to watch it’s called the boy with divine powers’. I’m not a religious person particully but he is very special,I think the whole world will take notice of him very soon. Love simon

      • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

        The fact that you feel so much pain for others, even those unseen, makes me think that you’re a lot like him.

      • Simonadkins2

        Hi ELISA ,have you read the ‘unbelievable truth’ by Scottish medium Gordon Smith who I found is a stunningly accurate medium,and very nice person

      • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

        No, I’ve heard of him, all great things, but I’ve never read the book! I’ll check it out! I think one of our Scottish blog members has actually been to one of his events.

  • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

    Aw, thanks, sweetie pie. You all have been 99% of the healing! I think this anti-bullying thing will help my kids heal too, but I would like Michelle to get the therapy underway first. I’ll check out protect.org. Thanks!!

  • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

    Yeah, I homeschooled my kids for several years, but I wish I had done it from KDG through 12th sometimes. I hope you do become a dad some day, Stanley. You’d make a wonderful one.

    • Stanley

      Hello Elisa,

      Awwww, you got me blushing now…lol. :)

      -Stanley

  • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

    True.

  • Tracy Lamont

    So glad you and Michelle are trying EMDR treatment.. I hear it has worked really well with war veterans.
    An excellent book on the subject – which also details how a spiritual twist occured within the treatment by accident – is called ‘Induced After Death Communication’ by Allan L Botkin Psy.D.
    You HAVE to read it, Elisa……

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      I’ve heard about this. Don’t they use IADC for PTSD too? (lots of letters, there). Maybe that’s why NDErs are so transformed after their visits to the other side.

      • Tracy Lamont

        Get the book, Elisa. One example:-
        Dr. Botkin was using EMDR on a war veteran who was traumatised at having been unable to save a Vietnamese child that he had been caring for and, intending to take home for adoption.
        The EMDR took the vet into a relaxed state. Dr. B. left him in that state for a little longer than normal – by mistake – and afterwards, the war veteran recounted a tale of meeting the child who told him it was OK, all was well, stop feeling guilty about me, etc…
        So he tried it again on another patient. Again, much the same result.
        He discovered that these patients ‘healed’ much quicker than ones using normal EMDR.
        Many therapists now use this therapy. In fact, there is even one quite near to me in Aberdeen who was actually trained by Dr. Botkin.
        Imagine, if you tried it yourself, you could meet up with Erik. Hug him….spank him for breaking your heart!
        Wouldn’t that be so cool, Elisa?

        Oh, and yes, I saw Gordon Smith. He is amazing. Nurtured by the brilliant medium Albert Best – uncle of the famous footballer, George.

      • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

        I’ll ask the therapist about this too! How cool! I hope i can find someone to do it. It would help so much with my grief.

  • AmyPal

    I can both imagine and not imagine what you’ve been through. I can see in my minds eye the horror of the exact situation that has traumatized you–Erik’s death– yet there is an emotional veil over my feelings when I replay this situation. Which, I’m sure, is a self-protective mechanism. I know I don’t know you personally, but–as a compassionate soul–I can understand on many levels the burden that you must be carrying. I have been thinking and worrying about you lately, Elisa, with regards to the approaching two year mark of that day, and I wish upon you all the strength that you need to heal this open wound.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Thanks AmyPal and Tracy. I’ll need all the help I can get. Lots of dread.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1209732421 Iola Regnier Gomez

        Elisa,
        tomorrow for you is like 9-21 was for me…the 2 year mark felt much the same as the 1 year. Birthdays and Christmas are hard. much of the joy has been sucked out of them..and the hollowness thats left is at times devastating.
        I am so happy you have decided to take the steps to heal. You mean the world to your precious son. I can feel his love for you even in the air, in the sunshine, in his loving pranks. You mean the world to all of us here..and your place in my heart is a forever one. I love you, and hope the healing will be complete as it can be..til we dance with the boys over there.
        Take good care of you and your beautiful family. Will be thinking of you tomorrow, and sending you my love and hugs. xoxoxo

  • lynn smith

    I am totally with your kids! Bullying is a horrible thing.

  • guitarlinda

    re: bullying………..I think the churches are at the root of much bullying, particularly the hateful messages about gay, lesbian and transgender people. If Jesus were here today, I don’t think he’d be a Christian (as it is often practiced)

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      I agree. Any so-called “authority” can use power and oppression to bend minds toward hatred and intolerance, using the separation illusion and elitism as a uniting force to gain power. Sick.

    • Simonadkins2

      I’m not so sure ‘in particuly to gays and lesbians, I would say the gay and lesbian community’s are very strong minded and deal with any kind of bullying straightaway,the people I find that are bullied are people with no great want for material belongings ,people that have no great want of succeeding wealth wise,someone who wants just to quietly go about there business is the one who is bullied,because your seen as not taking part in life,remember most of the humanrace need direction,wonder of course and then your up for bullying

  • Emily

    Dear Elisa and readers,
    I wanted to share a healing meditation on “Deborahs little gems.” (A website. ) It is a most uplifting meditation. I also wanted to add that some people find that distracting activities to be helpful for PTSD. Some people find herbal medication (St Johns Wort in tea or tablet form) and vitamins (Vitamin B Especially) and minerals (zinc,magnesium)
    helpful for PTSD. Counselling can be counterpeoductive with the wrong counsellor. You need therapy that makes you feel better, and not for too long or too often.I am not taking any legal responsiblity for any suggestions or advice I have shared here. This is not an alternative to professional medical health care. Contact your health practitioner if you have a health issue.
    Best Wishes, Emily

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