Channeling Erik

January15th

17 Comments

Poetry for the Bereaved, Part Four

Posted in: Bereaved, Channeling, Death, Grief, Grieving

Of all of Danielle’s poignant pieces, I believe this is one of m favorites.

Young Woman:

Now that you are transparent

and the anger is clarifying

to reveal an open field within me

Mother:

And though I will never

wrap my arms around your

earthly body again

Young Woman:

I see somehow

we are joined

in this translucent

embrace.

Beyond your hard ass

final act here on earth

and my hardened grief,

red ravaged, black

A river of sunlight

flows.

Mother:

Beautiful soul

beautiful soul

The bitter with the sweet

the cure is in the wound.

I’ll tell you everything

I know. A tender layer razed

from my heart

the heart remains-

weakened

and in the weakness

strength.

My voice called out

people flocked

to my aide.

A use of my voice

I never knew before

a way of opening, letting

in strangers- Surreal angels

And there you

flutter in a strange land

and all my trust

stretched

& placed in the hands

of people

who speak for you.

Of what am I sure anymore?

I place one foot in front of the other

I tend to patients, parents

My other children try my patience & I theirs

I see them at the end

of my tunnel vision

entranced by you.

My husband, your father, quiet

in the light

around that tunnel.

I feel like Dorothy

in The Wizard Of Oz

shifting between 2 realities.

Which is realer,

which more demanding of my time?

I sit here on New Year’s Eve

nodding, eating, saying the words

and my mind buzzes

in the reality you inhabit.

My son, my dead son,

my not dead son

still missing in the arc

of his siblings

It is not that I would trade

anyone of you for him

It is that where he was/is

pervades black, effervescent

and mysterious.

My ear to you at the table

the other stretching outward

being pulled taut toward

his voice-

How can a mother be fair

to all her children?

Let them know she loves them

none the less-

Yes. Just like I had

to claim boundaries

for you in life

I need to claim

them now-

And where does this journey

take me-

What is it I need

how can I be

good to myself?

A happy family

has a happy mother.

Let’s address the issue of failure

Let’s not confuse it

with the remnants of damage

foisted upon me

by my own parents-

It is a sorting time

I am Psyche

I am Hera

I am Demeter

I am multi-archetypes

running around in circus-like

fashion.

I take a serious, deep breath

exhale

-

Black wings burgeon

from my shoulders

Sometimes the strength

of the current

lifts me

sometimes it is necessary

to glide-

To be aloft

Sometimes it is necessary

to speak with a quiet

voice to the confusion,

to the critic,

to the lie

that is failure.

I met you with my eyes my son

I loved all

I was not perfect

I would crucify myself

to get you back

I have crucified myself

to get you back

I wish you were Lazarus

I wish you were Jesus

I wish you were God

I wish you could come

back to life

come home

as I know it

as we knew it-

I want my family

I am crying

but I am still flying-

tears fall over the Valley

worthless earth-

By saying so

do I exclude my children & husband-

Yes yes I would die

to be with you

I didn’t get

to know you well for long enough

I didn’t get

to see your life unfurl-

And now I accept this

this way

it is 2nd best

3rd best 4th best-

It’s all I’ve got-

I fold my wings

around my self

and curl in a ball.

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  • Skoshi

    And can you imagine the millions of mothers over the centuries who have lost children? The Earth must be totally saturated with pain. If only grief were like eating a bad meal and a person could regurgitate the poison and be done with it, but the loss of a child is like poison for the heart and soul.

  • Be Free My Angel

    The grief is breaking me in two, there is a chasm in my soul, I wonder often if it will ever fill again. Im trying hard not to splinter completely but Im not so sure I am that strong.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      BFMA, I’m sending a giant warm hug filled with love your way. We’ll get through this–together. Do you have my phone numbers in case you need someone to listen?

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Do you think Danielle’s poem jarred something lose? They’re very powerful, and sometimes beautiful words can help us get unstuck. It sucks to be prodded into the fire again, but leaning into grief is the only way through. Sigh.

  • Paul Conklin

    Dear Elisa, Kristina, Michelle,et al,

    I thought that this would be a good place to share the poem that I sent your daughters yesterday. To lose a loved one is heart breaking. To lose a loved one in the way that you did is tragic and painful. I

    I thought about the death process and the death transition. To those that cross over it is a time of great joy. To those left behind it is a time of deep and abiding pain. I wrote this poem to comfort Kristina and Michelle and to all those that are suffering untold grief and pain of loss. I tried to express the joy that one feels when they make the transition. I just want to say that I love you Kristina, Michelle, Elisa and your whole family. You will get through this. And so will anyone else going through something similar. This is my gift to you.

    When I Die

    In the mists of despair and the rivers of darkness
    there exists a column of light bursting through the branches.
    Up above the boughs, atop the scented pine, there twirls a wind,
    a wind that gathers the clouds into formation.

    Where the eagle flies, soaring upon the ethereal sky,
    is a place where true serenity lies.
    Up above the clouds, atop the endless sky, there is a light
    piercing through the ozone and alighting upon the moist earth.

    In the dew of early morn one drop hangs precariously,
    ready to quench the thirst of needy roots down below.
    Down below the fallow surface tendrils lap up
    the tender emotions that fall from on high.

    The meadow awakens as the sun peaks over the horizon,
    finding a home amidst the fog of the glen.
    Photons part the curtains of obscurity as the mist flees,
    dispersing into the tranquil atmosphere hidden from our eyes.

    There is a place where I shall go when I die,
    a place where the eagle flies upon the ethereal sky.
    There is a place where I shall go when I die,
    a place where light dances atop the boughs so high.

    When the mists of despair and the rivers of darkness
    surround your form, you struggle and panic.
    You plunge beneath the surface as the waters overtake you,
    lungs fill to exploding as you sink to the bottom.

    Sinews of light pierce the depths like an outstretched hand,
    you grab hold, hoping that the triple strands hold your weight.
    Expulsions of air are expelled from your lungs as you black out,
    until you find yourself upon the glen wet from the early morning dew.

    Deep in your soul the stillness of eternity awaits,
    awaits for you to find that meadow buried within your heart.
    A meadow where light parts the rivers of darkness
    flowing through your veins and into the seat of your life.

    When my breath fades and my color is pallid,
    carry my ashes to a field so golden,
    turn over the urn and let my dust become one,
    become one with the wind blowing by.

    Watch as a column of light bursts through the branches high above,
    a wind, a wind delicately retrieves the ashes swirling, swirling,
    up above the boughs, atop the scented pine, where clouds form,
    heavily laden with the waters of my life, falling back unto the ground.

    There is a place where I shall go when I die,
    like the eagle I shall spread my wings and fly.
    There is a place I shall go when I die,
    atop the scented pine, up above the boughs, so high.

    Love,
    Paul

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Beautiful, beautiful words. I speak on behalf of all the CE family that we’re so blessed to have such talented poets in our midst. Sometimes, prose just doesn’t say enough.

  • Danielle Notaro

    Skoshi, it’s funny you say that about eating grief- It was either Robert Bly (poet) or some Jungian I read ages ago who said that people have to learn how to eat grief. Maybe even said that American’s didn’t know how to eat grief.

  • Paul Conklin

    Dear Elisa and Be Free My Angel,

    Thank you for your kind words. I felt these emotions deep in my heart and I pictured the death process as a transition to a better world. Since all of us here are suffering deeply due to the loss of a loved one, I felt that I had to share this poem with you all. I want you all to heal and to go on with your lives. I know that it is not easy. But the pain that we feel will be translated in joy one day.

    Kristina and Michelle you are both going to do wonderful things with your lives. I know that what happened will forever shape you. You were forever changed on that day. But the love in your hearts will be the thing that you both carry forward until the day that you die. It is like you have stored the love in your heart meant for Erik and will share that with the world. You always have my love and support.

    To Be Free My Angel. I would be willing to call you if would like. I would like to provide some comfort because we are all suffering. None of us are so strong that we can put the pieces of our souls back together again after a tragic loss. But we can fuse the pieces of our broken souls together as we help one another.

    When you feel the need to grieve then give yourself permission to grieve. There is nothing wrong with that. I received a message from my son through another person and Jim told us that he did not want to grieve too much for him. You see BFMA, they are free from all the pains of this life. They must still develop and mature spiritually, but things are so much more conducive to spiritual growth than it is here. My son Jim is so joyful now. He loves us very much and he has visited me many times in my dreams. Your loved one is very joyful now. All our loved ones on the other side want us to know that they are all right and that they look forward to that time when we will see them again. But, in the meantime, we can make the process less painful as we reach out to help others that suffer similarly. I have done that BFMA and it has helped tremendously. I know that this is part of my purpose in being here. To give the grieving hope that there is so much joy awaiting us on the other side and that our separation from our loved ones are merely temporary. Please accept my love and support. You will get through this my friend.

    I love you Medhus family. Even though we are separated by almost sixteen hundred miles. the Father saw fit to unite us together during the time of our grief. I am grateful that I found you all because it has helped me to cope. And I am glad that I can share what is in my heart so that your grief will be lightened.

    Love,
    Paul

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      I love you too, Paul. My whole family does. Mmmmwwwwaaaahhhh!!!

  • Skoshi

    Thanks, Danielle, I didn’t know that.

    You’re a very talented person. – XOXO

  • GeorgeN

    Danielle, Paul, Elisa and the whole CE family, I wish I could express myself as beautifully as you do through your writing. You provide the words and pictures that allow many to experience, examine and begin to deal with the grief, a bit at a time.

    When a loved one passes, I often wondered, in just how many lifetimes have we said goodbye? Still, I’m thankful that, yet again, I’ve had the opportunity to share another relationship in this current life. I’m comforted that not only will we all be reunited when our work is done in this lifetime, but, that someday, our work in the physical world will be complete, and we will all be together through eternity, without the forced separation that is implied by what we know as death.

    Love to all,

    George

  • Skoshi

    Here’s the top 10 TAPS episodes I mentioned before, and the second one they feature shows the energy growing when Jason and Dr. Ellis talk and “connect”:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciHf4WXKY4E

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      What does TAPS stand for?

  • Be Free My Angel

    Thank you guys, I was putting my greif into words, it seems that with the passing of my daughter, it had to be my decision, wich is ridden daily with guilt and what if’s. Then Im surrounded by three kids whom I have to continue to nurtur and parent while feeling devesations myself. Not much for support here, plus I can’t be around people right now much either. So I am feeling like Im splintering, talking helps some, but most of it I guess I have to do on my own. It would be nice of course to have family and friends who will take me how I am and not judge me. Laughter, love and friendship, a hug and some plain ole T.L.C. is what Im in need of right now. Thank you all for your loving support.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Isn’t it too cool that we’re all here for each other?

  • Paul Conklin

    Dear Elisa,

    That is The Atlantic Paranormal Society. There is a show called Ghost Hunters on the Sci-Fi channel headed up by Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson. They have uncovered some paranormal things over the years that they share with their viewers. The show airs Wednesday’s at 9 pm. Right now they have the international Ghost Hunters on at that same hour with different hosts.

    Love,
    Paul

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Thanks, Paul!

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