Channeling Erik

October12th

39 Comments

Love and Trauma

Posted in: Child abuse, Love, Post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, Struggles, Suffering

Michelle and I have had our first session with our trauma and EMDR therapist last week. In that hour and a half, we both shared our war stories and filled out all sorts of assessment forms. We don’t start the actual EMDR until the third session, but already, I’ve encountered an amazing epiphany. I would like to share this with you, because I found it all so healing. If you  see some correlation wtih your own lives, I hope it helps you too.

When I recounted all of the hardships and tragedies I’ve had since, well, birth really, the therapist looked stunned and said, “How have you survived?” I don’t share this to evoke pity like “Wah, wah, woe is me,” because that idea just turns my stomach. The challenges I’ve had  to endure just are. I embrace them (now, anyway) as opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. Next, she asked me specific questions about my outlook on life, myself and others. I told her the weird thing about me is I can only feel joy vicariously. I set someone up to experience happiness, and it enlivens me. Feeling joy directly has been impossible for me for as long as I can remember. For that reason, I don’t really do anything to spoil or pamper myself, not because I don’t think I’m worth it, but because it doesn’t fulfill me. I’d much rather take my daughter out for a mani pedi than treat myself to one. (One look at my toenails and fingernails, and you’ll know I’m not stretching the truth here. I’d post a picture, but the Internet probably has it’s aesthetic limits.)

What the therapist said next floored me. She said that when people like me experience such a long and relentless string of traumas from which we feel we cannot escape, we gain a sense of hopelessness. We give up on finding any joy for ourselves as if to say, “It’s too late for me. There is no light at the end of my tunnel.” This is a natural response after getting up and brushing ourselves off after one trauma, only to be slammed to the floor shortly afterwards over and over and over again. My therapist feels I developed this outlook even as a little girl. Once coming to the realization that my life was essentially unsalvageable, I made the subconscious decision to heal and enrich the lives of others. This is probably why I became a doctor, why I had so many children, and why I hold parenting to such a sacrosanct level. It’s why I’m the one who people seek out when they want help in a number of different ways. And it’s why I find happiness through nurturing. This is not a good thing, because it’s very unbalanced. Love must flow in a circle to and fro without impedance. When it’s dammed up, we deny it’s full expression.

I notice that many blog members have also had difficult lives, really sucky ones, in fact. And I see in them a similar desire to place others before themselves. But there is no reason we can’t have our cake and eat it too! We should be able to tend to our own needs and wants without detracting from our desire to nurture others. I’m not sure how I’m going to get there, but I bet it’s going to take a lot of therapy! I’ll keep you posted in hopes that this and future epiphanies might help anyone else in the Channeling Erik family.

Here are some pictures of my sisters and me when we were little. We were a tight group. Still are.

The Four Cowgirls

Santa Claus is REAL!

Younger Sister, Denise, and Me

My Sisters and Me

Stay tuned for Channeling Jon Benet Ramsey, Part Two tomorrow. Also, the winner of the membership drive contest will be announced on Friday. It’s a close race, so if you’d like to win a free session with Jamie and Erik, please refer your friends, co-workers, and family and have them email me: emedhus@gmail.com.

On another note, I can’t believe I buried my son two years ago today. I miss you, Erik.

Love to you all.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1027593595 Steve Trask

    Elisa, have you ever learned about the term “codependency?” I’ve struggled with that over the years, but it is something one can tame and potentially conquer. I sense you might be dealing with that as codependency is a something that develops within abused or traumatized people as a way of coping and dealing with reality. It often denies us self love and self respect, and we tend to forget about healing ourselves while we focus solely on fixing others.

    I love that you still have such a great bond with your sisters; you are very very lucky for that! It’s so obvious to me how you are taking quantum leaps in growth and healing since I’ve known you this short time. You are a great example and inspiration for all of us!

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Not much, other than what I’ve learned from Dr. Phil! Is it about giving up on yourself and focusing on others?

  • AmyPal

    It speaks well to your soul-evolution that you have reached out for treatment of the traumas that you speak of. If you did not really care for yourself, you would do nothing or deny you felt such feelings. The mind is a limitless source of justification for dissatisfaction and unhappiness, and you are refusing to succumb to those types of faux-healing. I hope you are proud of yourself.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Aw, thanks, AmyPal. Working on it.

  • Anonymous

    Of course I read this one first today, after being off for a few days. I dissociate, thats my big issue, not being fully present, kind of numbing myself zoning out, day dreaming, or just disconnecting in shock sort of frozen unable to feel or think. Id love to know if anyone else experiences this and what they do to help get them out of it. I find that the best thing for me is music or touch. Could you imagine a group of dissociative people together, wed all be daydreaming !!!! A group of people pleasers, youd all be fighting over who gets to pamper who !!!! Just being silly :) Thanks for sharing your experiences it helps so much to read about how others deal with similar situations.

  • Patrick

    Having met one of your sisters, Elisa…I recognized her immediately! Great photos….did every American boy and girl get photos taken wearing western hats and clothes? (and in my case, six guns!) Since we’re doing kid pictures, here’s one of me, my brothers and my father circa 1965…

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      It’s so little! Can you blow it up? Which one are you?

      • Patrick

        If you click on it, it expands. I’m farthest left.

  • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

    I think the UK seems so much more advanced when it comes to the availability of spiritual resources and groups! I was just commenting on that yesterday to my daughter, MIchelle!

  • mikem

    The first day CE went public and someone (or something) mysteriously whispered in my ear “read about Erik”, and I logged on and began to read, I was actually a broken person. Since that day I’ve been a regular but not much of a blogger and, in the process, I’ve begun to grow and learn and heal. It’s all because of Elisa and Erik. I don’t have the ability or the words to express my heartfelt gratitude for what you’ve selflessly given to me and, certainly, to many like me. Thank you is totally inadequate.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Oh, Mike, how this buoys my spirit. I just want to wrap you in my arms and make sure you know you’re loved and whole. We wouldn’t be the same Channeling Erik family without you, you know?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julie-Ann-Worley/742610771 Julie Ann Worley

    Elisa, you and your family and friends will never know how much the selfless sharing of your heartwrenching journey to the highest levels of uplifting Hope, Peace and Comfort is helping others to cope and learn from their own experiences. I can’t wait to follow your progress as you and Michelle continue with EMDR. I have read about EMDR as healing therapy used for Post Traumatic Stress Therapy as well as grief therapy. An excellent book regarding personal contact with loved ones in the next stage of life through EMDR therapy is “Guided Afterlife Connections” with a website of the same name by internet search for anyone interested. These are exciting times indeed, the world is waking up to our spiritual nature and purpose!

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Thanks Julie. Our therapist is amazing. just had the second session today and we start the actual EMDR next week. She recommended “Healing Trauma” by Peter A. Levine. Have you heard of that? It’s a book with a CD. I’ll check into the Guided Afterlife Connections. I’m wondering if that is like IADC? I’m thinking my lifelong trauma needs to be dealt with before I can effectively meditate or undergo any hypnosis. Not sure about that, but I’m thinking getting some of the layers off the onion first. I hope our journey helps others. So many people have suffered a lot of trauma and loss throughout their lives.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julie-Ann-Worley/742610771 Julie Ann Worley

        Elisa, I read a book about the breakthrough EMDR Therapy by Francine Shapiro and found it to be fascinating in its healing potential. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy that was developed by Francine Shapiro[1][2] to resolve the development of trauma-related disorders caused by exposure to distressing events such as rape or military combat. According to Shapiro’s theory,[1] when a traumatic or distressing experience occurs, it may overwhelm usual cognitive and neurological coping mechanisms. The memory and associated stimuli of the event are inadequately processed, and are dysfunctionally stored in an isolated memory network. The goal of EMDR therapy is to process these distressing memories, reducing their lingering influence and allowing clients to develop more adaptive coping mechanisms.
        Induced After Death Communications (IADC) accidentally discovered by Dr. Alan Botkin are described in a book of experiences and a website of the same name, also highly recommended and offers further fascinating experiences utilizing EMDR therapy.
        Excerpt from book “Guided Afterlife Connections” …also use audio bilateral stimulation along with the eye movements. Throughout the session, the experiencer listens to music and sounds playing through earphones, with the volume alternating between the left and right ears to provide bilateral stimulation. Then, during the processing, the facilitator adds episodes of the eye-movement bilateral stimulation. The Guided Afterlife connections procedure uses David Grand’s CDs for audio bilateral stimulation along with eye movement for visual bilateral stimulation.
        The sessions may last four or five hours. The facilitator and experiencer usually do not stop the procedure; they allow the loved ones on the other side of life to determine when the session is ending.
        The procedure of staying with whatever the experiencer describes without comment or discussion continues through the entire session.
        Nearly all of the Guided Afterlife Connections experiencers receive insightful, life-changing messages, often accompanied by seeing the deceased and sometimes hugging and even kissing.

      • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

        Fascinating. I talked to MIchelle about this and I think we’re going to try IADC right after the EMDR! Thanks!

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julie-Ann-Worley/742610771 Julie Ann Worley

        Elisa, IADC and Guided Afterlife Connections are similar, yet different. I would recommend researching each therapy through their websites and books. Both are highly recommended, although I haven’t experiences the therapy. Best wishes!

      • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

        Okay!

      • Wanda

        You might also want to check out

        “The Importance of A=432hz as a concert pitch for music”
        and
        “Binaural Beats”

  • Su

    Really great to hear the first session went well. I recognise that trait in myself too, putting others before myself. It must be the healer/carer in us. I am learning; when love is balanced it truly is at its best. I did learn the hard, traumatic way though. Love the family pics, the first Cowgirls one made me think ‘there’s three little Eriks smiling’. You all looked so similar as kids!
    Patrick, cute family pic too.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Aw, you really think he looks like me? His smile, yeah, I guess so!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1209732421 Iola Regnier Gomez

        I see so much of you in Erik’s face. the eyes, the shape of the face, and your smile. Picked you out right away..its all the eyes. yours are so deep and sparkly….just like Eriks.

  • Wanda

    Please do keep us posted. I sure would like to know how to find that balance.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      I will, Wanda.

  • JaneG

    Love and hugs to you Elisa. You and your sisters were beautiful children. You deserved better from people in your life. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through and pray for relief, healing and renewal for you and your family.

    Warmth and gentleness to you and Erik.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Aw, thanks! Life is what it is. Sometimes it has to suck to help us realize how beautiful it is.

  • shaz

    Elisa your blog is like medicine for the soul. Thanks :0)

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Aw, and your words are medicine for mine!

  • Anonymous

    I hear ya. Everyone else comes first…it’s like engraved on my soul. Family, friends, patients (mine are 4 legged). And I have felt this way as long as I can remember. Perhaps it’s my soul’s work or my lesson for this lifetime. Todd used to give me a hard time because I would bring sick patients home, not all of them made it. He used to say if I kept it up our house would be full of kitty ghosts…

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      LOL!

  • Michael

    Another form of therapy I highly recommend is called N.E.T (Neuro Emotional Technique) which releases blocked emotions that are trapped in the body. Because emotions are energy they often get literally trapped in our cells and organs. The N.E.T.practitioner uses muscle testing, body reflex points, and semantic reactions (physiological reactions to memories or words) to assist/guide you towards recalling a specific negative emotion and its origin. This engages a specific conditioned neuro-emotional pattern. While you mentally hold the emotional memory, the doctor adjusts the spinal areas associated with it (usually with a magnet), clearing the reaction and releasing the emotion. I’ve had good success with this myself. If you’d like to learn more about it, you can read “The Emotion Code” by Dr. Bradley Nelson.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      Is that like Somatic Experiencing? It’s amazing how emotions are treated by body work, isn’t it?

  • Kateb

    kateb
    Elisa thankyou for sharing with us,you are amazing and have assisted me with my healing journey along with Erik and Jason also the CE family.I may try EMDR therapy myself as I feel I have suffered similar traumatic events and also have similar traits to you.Putting myself last nuturing and caring for people….. being a nurse thats what I do but not only at work but in life …in general.Your blog has inspired me to step back and take a long look at my life and myself.Thankyou sweet beautiful lady once again.love to you.

    • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

      I wish you lived here in Houston, because our therapist is freaking awesome!! Do they have many of these therapists in Aussie Land?

  • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

    Stanley, you are one of the charter members and our lives have so many similarities. I think that’s why we have such a sense of kinship. Love you.

  • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

    How have you overcome that, Pamie? And what do you think created that sense of hopeless for your own dreams?

    • Pamie0424

      I don’t think I truly ever have gotten over my childhood, though therapy for being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic helped. I married in my 20′s and my husband and I created the kind of relationship and family that we never had growing up. Looking at it now, I see that almost everything that I have accomplished was for my kids and husband. Getting older has helped me to overcome much but I suspect that much of it stays with you…it just manifests in new and different ways. I suspected that maybe I had PTSD but confirmed it when I had to write a paper on it for school last year and recognized the symptoms, though at this point, for me, they are not debilitating.

      I think that repeated trauma and bullying while growing up, having to stand up for my mother and help raise my siblings with no guidance or resources put me in the just get through it mode….I accepted that this was the way my life was going to be and never hoped for anything better. I just happen to be really stubborn, have common sense and brains so I always managed to get through, just never thought about aspirations for myself, too busy surviving. I’ve always felt like an old soul and and I have never felt the need to compete or an overwhelming desire for material things (though I could use a job right about now, LOL) Plus I left and went to the opposite side of the country…loved my family from afar. And in spite of everything or maybe because of it, I am an eternal optimist, always looking for the light no matter how down or depressed I am.

      • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

        The part about your being an eternal optimist is interesting, because I am too. My parents laughed and called me Pollyanna, insisting that this was a naive way to be. But I wonder if we became optimist to create some light in our own lives?

        Your story of pain really cut to the core of my heart. I know you think it’s not debilitating, but that’s the way it is when we accept simply surviving and getting by. Surely there’s more to life. I’ll let you know how my therapy works, then maybe you’ll want to give it or something a try. Love you!

  • http://www.channelingerik.com Elisa Medhus, MD

    Well, it’s a big-ass onion, but every layer that comes off makes me feel that much lighter. But it does make me tear up as onions often do!

  • Tracy Lamont

    Yep picked you out right away. Erik is so like his mama! x

Return to the Homepage