Channeling Erik

May9th

40 Comments

Erik’s Advice to Those in Pain

Posted in: After Death Communication, Afterlife, Bereaved, Channeling, Communication from the dead, Contact with the dead, Crossing over, Death, Death of a Child, Death of a friend, Death of a Parent, Death of a sibling, Grief, Grieving, Human Experience, Jamie Butler, Life After Death, Loss of a pet, Loss of a sibling, Love, Messages from the dead, Psychic medium, Reincarnation, Struggles, Suffering, Suicide

Channeling Transcript

Me: Do you have any advice to those who have lost loved ones and are just so stricken by grief?

Erik: Remember, grief is really selfish.

Wow, this made my heart sink, because that means I am One Selfish Bitch.

Erik: They need to look at what part of themselves they feel is not being heard.

Me: Oh! Hmm.

Erik: Because if they weren’t selfish when someone died, they could understand that it was that person’s journey. It wasn’t about them.

Me: I think a lot of them just don’t know what the transition is all about and that Home is our real reality. And even when we do, oh, how it still hurts.

Erik: Well, I think some people get into grief, and they enjoy how people react to them, and so they play the victim to get all that pampering energy. Then they get stuck in it. Of course, others, like you, Mom, grief because you feel such love.

(Long pause)

Me: Yeah. Anything advice on how to manage?

Erik: When you lose a loved one, it’s not about putting your chin up and playing tough either. Of course there are going to be moments of awareness that you’re not with them anymore. But as soon as you get there—you need to think about really where they are, because I’m telling you, we feel EVERYTHING you give out.

Me: Mmm.

Erik: Mom, I feel what you’re thinking about me; I feel what the neighbor up the street said about me. It gets to me. Goes straight to me. So imagine when a person dies, they lose everyone in their entire life.

Me: Oh, yeah!

Erik: They’ve lost it all. They’ve lost it all, and now what they get from everybody is grief. Granted there are one or two people who go, “I love you, and you’re all right,” and those words mean the world to us. I like that you do that for me, Mom.

Me: Oh, yeah. Of course I’m happy for you. I know you were miserable here, and I’d rather you be happy all the time and me be miserable from time to time than for both of us to be miserable here because of your pain.

Erik: Yeah cuz just imagine, Mom. You’re dead and you feel like shit cuz everybody’s grieving, and you feel everyone’s sorrow.

Me: Oh, how awful.

Erik: And then you have to work extra hard not to make them cry. You find out right when you get next to them, they feel you and it triggers them to fall apart. You feel like you’re cursed in a way. I’ve seen it play out again and again and again.

Me: Yeah, absolutely.

(Somber pause as I feel extra sorry for my baby boy. Sigh.)

Me: How do you multitask so well, Erik? I can’t imagine how you can listen to everybody, hearing their thoughts, their feelings. Oh my god.

Erik: I know, I know, it’s totally crazy! But it’s not like we do it in the human sense. The messages don’t line up so you get one at a time like on an answering machine. It just breezes right through your body, your spirit body, and you know exactly what it is.

Me: It’s like on Bruce Almighty where the guy, you know, Jim Carrey, gets all those instant messages on his computer from everyone in the world. It gets to be too much for him!

Jamie: Bruce Almighty, that’s right.

Me: So it’s not like that, then.

Erik: Yeah, they don’t just line up and wait for ya.

Me: Yep. Okay, what about advice for those considering suicide. We’ve talked about this before, but it’s been quite a while ago, because you know you paint a pretty picture of the afterlife. You make dying seem fun.

Jamie: He does.

Me: I know.

Erik: Oh, it’s not all milk and cookies.

Me: No.

Erik: It’s like, if you’re a dick—

Jamie giggles with embarrassment at having to translate this.

Jamie: God, Erik!

Erik: If you’re a dick, and you die because you’re a dick, you’re gonna wake up dead as a dick.

Me: Oh yeah, okay. Not getting a pretty visual, but go ahead.

Erik: You’re gonna have to work through your own shit. Now there are those cases where someone commits suicide, and they did it NOT as a last resort. Not to be punny, but they jump the gun.

Me: Oh boy. Okay.

Erik: And in those cases where they just gave up, surrendered and left, there are all these people left on earth who are meant to interact with them. That’s when the suicide soul has to figure out a way to connect with all the people who are alive and still get them to meet that mark that they would have if the suicide soul was still living.

Me: Exactly. The spiritual contract still has to play out.

Erik: You have to play ‘em. You have to keep ‘em, and do you know how hard that is? They thought it was hard when they were alive? Just screw that. It’s way more difficult when you’re dead.

Me: Yeah, but what’s it to them? They could say, “Eh, who cares. If the contracts don’t get honored, we’ll just do it next time.” I mean, a lifetime is just a blink of the eye from the perspective of an eternal soul.

Erik: No, no. They have to complete things first before there’s a next time.

Me: Okay, so if a person feels such hopelessness that they’re considering suicide, how do they hold on?

Erik: They who? The dicks?

Me: Yeah, or anyone in that dark place. Now, I’m not talking about the rare ones like you where suicide is part of their destiny or the ones who are terminally ill or the ones where it’s a real exit point for them.

Erik: So, you’re talking about the ones who jump the gun?

Me: Yeah, them. How can they hold off?

Erik: Well, there’s not really gonna be a straightforward answer across the board, but the best thing to do is—you tell people when they’re sitting at that moment before they swallow those pills or jump off the chair or pull the trigger, they have to think. They have to be able to—

(Long pause)

Jamie: Hold on. I’m trying to get him to say it in one sentence.

(Long pause)

Jamie: He kind of rambled around.

(Pause)

Erik: They have to be able to accept the responsibility of leaving. It’s just that simple. And if there’s any doubt or hesitation—even a tiny, tiny bit—that’s when you know they’re going to soon. They need to stay.

Jamie (to Erik): So you can base it on the feeling of doubt?

Erik: Yes. That’s the one emotion I can think about, because a lot of people get there, and then they say, “Well, I don’t REALLY want to die, but I really wanna piss off Christine. I want Christine to suffer, so I’m just gonna go ahead and do it.” But if they themselves have doubt, that’s called jumping the gun.

Me: Wow. Did you have doubts seconds before?

Erik: No. I tried before and I had doubts, but not this time.

Oh, how I wish he had had strong doubts, enough to ease off the pressure on that trigger and come to me for help.

Erik: And I can’t tell you how many people knock themselves off and think, “Holy shit. What the hell did I do that for? Dammit, now I just have to do this all over again!” Denise went through that.

Me: That’s true. After she died, I channeled her through Kim O’Neill, and she was pissed at herself for committing suicide.

Erik: Yep. Without fail, suicides come here feeling totally embarrassed, cuz they see how the earthly plane is just a freaking school play, and they were only playing a role.

Me: It’s so hard to see the forest from the trees when your knee-deep in drama, though.

Erik: Yeah, but all they do is add more drama in their wake. And they have to suffer along with the ones who are in grief. It’s not easy. But one day, humans will see death differently. They’ll see it for what it really is—a stage exit you go through after you play your part.

 

 

 

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

  • nikki

    Wow, this is so timely. The last few days I think I have grieved more than I have in the last three months. I know “our grief” holds them back, but sometimes the loss, no matter how selfish, is bigger than our unselfish, unconditional love for them.
    I smiled when I read that it is good to tell them you love them. I feel like it has become a mantra I say it so often. I have even tried to clarify that the words cannot express the immense amount of love I feel. Earthling language is so limited :)

    The mention of “regret” brought back that panic mode for a second. I remember how obsessed and worried I was that my Eric was one of those. THAT is when I was guided to this site. Elisa and Erik I can never thank you enough. Knowing it was Eric’s destiny, that he is truly happy and a better person changed me. “Thank You, I love you for all you do” doesn’t come close to how I feel, but its all I got. :)

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      I’m just so grateful you’re my friend. Since Erik died, I keep to myself a lot. It’s hard for past friendships to continue in the way they had for so many years because there’s a level of discomfort there, especially because of the whole suicide stigma. So I often feel very lonely and treasure my connection to this new and wonderful family of friends.

  • Shelley

    Wow, thanks for this post, Elisa..it really hit home for me…I have been in a cycle of grieving again…every time I think of Barney I start crying…according to Erik, I’m feeling him around me…”Erik: And then you have to work extra hard not to make them cry. You find out right when you get next to them, they feel you and it triggers them to fall apart. You feel like you’re cursed in a way. I’ve seen it play out again and again and again.” I don’t want him to feel cursed…I do tell him that I love him all the time and I do know that he’s alright…and I grieve out of love, for I do my grieving in private….very powerful stuff here…thanks to you and Erik..(who by the way came to me quite a while ago as a dragonfly doing a handstand, looking right at me and I swear he had a smile on his face)

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Aw, sweet Barney. He’s with you so much of the time. Mama’s little boy forever.

  • iola

    Breaks my heart reading this. I know Andy has gone thru hell, both here on earth and over there, as his suicide was not an exit point for him. And as much as I miss him, I am trying to smile for him daily and sending him a happy hello. He doesnt need my grief on top of everything else. But damn, I miss my sweet beautiful son. Yesterday was calm, but difficult in ways I cant express. I knew he was there with me though. Hope he felt all the love I was sending both him and Erik.
    Andy also has told me the same thing on suicides, as Erik talks about here. He seems less conflicted than in December, and I can see his healing the problems in the way he speaks now, so it is heartening. I only want him happy. All we ever want for our kids, I guess.
    The book Same Moon so far is engrossing. I have already recommended it to several people. It just sounds so very “Erik”. Has had me laughing out loud in spots.
    Hope everyone is doing well. Love and hugs to you all. :-D

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Thought about you all day, Iola. Sending love.

  • Yvonne

    Interesting post today.

    The way that I am reacting is, “well, at least it was quick for him.” I have a very hard time thinking of those who die slowly, suffering, or trapped, alone, through disease, violence, or torture, whose lives are slowly and agonizingly ebbing away. Does Spirit “take” them? Can they make the choice to die if they can’t? This is such an uncomfortable thing to think and talk about. And it seems in those horrible cases, even love does not heal, or save. Fear HAS to run rampant when there is a slow death, doesn’t it?
    Sorry to be such a bummer

  • Lena

    It’s as if Erik was channeling Shakespeare there…”All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players…”

  • nikki

    I know this is off topic.

    I read this a few days ago. David Wilcock is all about the shift. His update at the bottom of his article before the comments is worth reading.
    hmmm 51%, I bet I have a logn way to go.
    http://divinecosmos.com/index.php/start-here/davids-blog/936-disclosurebinladen

    Also just saw this…related to the above? Seems like things are moving along.
    http://abcnews.go.com/International/iranian-president-ahmadinejad-allies-charged-black-magic-summoning/story?id=13561870

  • nikki

    Oh Elisa, you are definitely my friend and so is Erik and everyone here. I know we were brought together to be there for one another (all of us in the CE family). At times I get overwhelmed with the possibility that I somehow play a role in this shift that is coming and then I get anxious as to who will be there with me. I pray and hope my unbelieving family comes around LOL, if not I know I have all of you and of course all of those who we have lost. They will be ready for the big “hula” dance when we get there.
    Somehow this world seems “stuck” to me. Most can’t see past the suicide stigma and no matter what I say I get “that” look of concern and pity. It is so comforting to be able to come here and mention Gabe or Eric and know it wont generate a “look” or a call to a medical professional LOL.
    love to all of you!

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      On my way with a straightjacket! (hee hee) just felt like some comic relief.

  • Skoshi

    I guess everyone heard that Bridget Bardot’s ex-, Gunter, committed suicide? He was 78 and left a note that he was terminally ill and didn’t see any sense in putting himself through the illness. It’s a shame a person in that condition has to shoot himself when there are actually gentle (gentler?) means to transition with the help of a doctor.

    I hope when your book is published it’s available in hard copy, Elisa? I don’t have a Kindle or know how to do the whole e-book thing. People who don’t have the internet should have the possibility of getting their hands on a copy of your book. Erik, please see to it that it’s published in hard copy in multiple languages! – One of your Grannies

  • iola

    Elisa,
    I thought of you and Erik alot yesterday too. Seems like you and I react alike in alot of areas. I was floored just now when you said you keep to yourself alot…I do too. Its so uncomfortable now to socialize..people look at you with “that look” the one thats half pity, and half condemning. It is just so much easier to stay home. First couple times out to something, it was all I could do to keep back tears. Even family is uncomfortable at times. So I stay home, with my thoughts, and this blog, and all the family here who dont judge and dont berate. Not that I was ever a social butterfly…but now there is the tension…yep, the elephant is always in the room with me. Makes me almost grateful for strangers I meet at work, who have no idea what has happened, or what I am feeling.
    Not even Matthew totally understands my odd isolation and moods. Poor man, tries so hard to have our old life back again..and while it shows up on occasion, it will never be the same. So I guess its time to fashion a new me and go on. My sister commented to me this weekend that I seem much more spiritual. Kinda threw me. We havent seen each other since January. She perhaps sees something I dont, but it was odd of her to say.
    I am rambling today…musta been too quiet yesterday. Andy did come by and turn his large picture sideways for me. Smelled something burning too..hope it was the boys checking in.
    Thank you for being there, Elisa. You have no idea how much it comforts and heals..just knowing you is a gift. Love ya, cabana boy hunter! hugs.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Ah, how well I understand that elephant in the room. It’s shackled to my ankle and I have to trudge around dragging it everywhere. Now, I usually just isolate myself to avoid that tension you describe so well. I work, write, take care of Arleen, and try to keep the horrible memories under lock and key. The circumstances of Erik’s death were so dramatic and traumatic, that I feel the energy of horror from neighbors and friends. It’s like a dark and heavy cloud lingering at both the front and back doors. When I go to the front yard, I see in my mind all the police cars, the ambulances, the firetrucks, the detectives putting on their blue gloves, taking the cameras and crime scene tape out of the trunk. I see the hearse, I see the body bag, I see it all like it was yesterday. Inside, I see the staircase I scrambled up to go to him. I see the hallway I ran through. I see his bedroom door with his handmade sign, “Erik Medhus.” (Like we didn’t know his last name?) I feel all that heavy energy that no amount of smudging will take away. So yes, it’s very lonely in this dark cage. I’m surrounded by those clouds outside and choking on the memories inside. That’s why your friendship means a lot to me Iola. And the same to all of you.

  • M and M

    I don’t know what to say but I feel so compelled to say bless you to all who have shared your grief and to those who live with it and keep it to themselves. We are one, and while we may go through our own specific tragedies we all have the same challenges to overcome and we all travel the path to spiritual and physical growth. I am so happy to be a part of such a caring and evolved group.

    I love how Erik shocks us into a new way of looking at things, and I find the comment that grieving for those that have passed is selfish to be a shocking perspective- but a valuable perspective none the less. That’s what I love about this blog and the insightful comments everyone makes. For me, I will continue to grieve as I need to, for my own sake, but I will now respect and send my love even stronger to those I grieve for, knowing that they will feel it and feel good for it while respecting what I am going through as well. Reality is what is here today and now, not what we expect or hope it to be in the future. So many on this planet are working toward a new future, one where we really “know” we are all one and really feel that life goes on after death, but in the now most of us have to stretch to get a glimpse of that even though we believe it intellectually. I want to honor the person I am today while looking forward to the person I will be in the future. Until we can actually see death as an exit from the stage, I feel we should honor our emotions and use them to help us discover how to find our way back to our true, core self. Thanks again Erik and Elisa, for such amazing insight.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Thanks M and M. The CE family wouldn’t be the same without you.

  • Nina

    Sweet, sweet little Elisa and Iola…sending love your way, pretty mamas.
    Xoxo Nina

  • Susan

    Tough topic for you Elisa and many of you today :-/
    Sending all my love and light to you and everyone who has lost someone to sucide. I don’t know anyone personally who committed sucide but my Uncle’s stepson committed sucide at around the age of 21 a few years ago. He was at University and I think he was depressed and was on the drug prosac at the time (very sad)
    I really love this blog…it’s the highlight of my day :-)

    Susanxoxo

  • Candis

    My experience of grief has been that it has a mind of it’s own. Believe me, I tried to say “ok, I am not going to do this right now,” but it was like going through labor – your gonna go through it when it wants to happen, not when you want it to happen! The only thing that relieves it is working it through over time, and if the parting was tramatic it takes a long time and it is WORK.
    So, I know that holding on to some emotional states can be selfish, under certain circumstances, but grief is so life changing and there is that whole thing you have to go through to recalibrate your enntire world and sometimes your entire self that I am having a hard time accepting that for a human, grief is all that selfish. Sure, I guess if you used it to get stuff from people or to keep yourself from having to grow…I don’t know, just thinking outloud.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      I think Erik meant that for some, it has a selfish facet, but the entire grief experience is more complex than that. Since it DOES have a mind of its own, I guess all we can look at is that part that we can at least try to control, and that is to consider the perspective of the loved one we have lost. Take a look at Love. We could easily say we seek it because of our own selfish needs, but it’s much more complex than that.

  • Zephra

    I feel that all death is sucide. I feel we all chose when to check out. Even with my Son getting hit by a car, I feel he chose to check out then. Hugs and Kisses to all the Mom’s and especially to the only child Mom’s who have lost your only child. You are still a Mom. Z

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      So true, Zephra. We all choose our exit points, either between lives or during it.

  • KerrieAus

    Dear Zephra,
    I agree with you here. I have read that all death is suicide.When things get too hard many of us check out.My son died of a heart attack but I think things were too hard for him here on Earth and that’s why he went.

  • KerrieAus

    Hi Elisa,
    It’s rather strange as my husband said to me a little while ago that grief is a selfish emotion. I had to disagree with him.I think “not grieving” is more selfish. Just imagine if after our son’s died we said,”ho, hum. They’re gone. Lets just get on with life.” I don’t grieve for my lost opportunities with my son. I grieve for his lost opportunities- getting a job, meeting a nice girl, having a family, travelling, a nice house, his drivers lincence. He wanted all these things and he didn’t get them. He used to talk to me every day. We had a really close relationship. He was only 19 but he was my friend and then my son.If grief is selfish then I guess I can say I miss my best friend and I’d do anything to have him back but if I knew it was in his best interests I would let him go.
    I internalise my grief. I don’t put it out there to get sympathy. Everybody thinks I am “business as usual.” Little do they know.My tears are in private. It is very rare that people see them.
    I know my son had his own journey and I know now he is happy. He can now see the big picture. He knows I will join him one day and he knows that our time that seems to last forever is but a fleeting milisecond in the scheme of things. I don’t believe my sadness affects his progress. When you think of it our journeys are all intertwined and worked out with such precision. The grief we are going through is part of our journey
    We had to have it apparently. There are no mistakes so they say or are there? I tell you what though, when I get back to wherever- Heaven/Hell I will be kicking some proverbial “God” butt or maybe I will just be kicking my self.
    Love to all of you and may your journeys be easy.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Kerrie: You and I have parallels in our grief. If I had the choice to have Erik back, even though he’d be miserable, of course I’d say no. I would rather him be where he is, totally free from those dragons that tormented him while I stay behind in tears. Anything to have my children happy and fulfilled. About the selfishness Erik spoke of, here’s what I told Candis:

      I think Erik meant that for some, it has a selfish facet, but the entire grief experience is more complex than that. Since it DOES have a mind of its own, I guess all we can look at is that part that we can at least try to control, and that is to consider the perspective of the loved one we have lost. Take a look at Love. We could easily say we seek it because of our own selfish needs, but it’s much more complex than that.

  • iola

    Grief is complex, and it is selfish from a certain standpoint..but its necessary to move forward. On my bad days, I know I am upsetting Drew with my tears and pain, but it needs to run its course..and then I find him a smile. I cry for my own needs not getting filled..but thats on me, isnt it? Andy is happy now..and thats all I ever wanted for him….the selfish part of me wanted to be there with him, holding his babes, dancing with my fella, watching his amazing kindness soothe the hurts of so many. He was such a spirit boost to so many. He knew just what to say to make you feel special, to coax a smile. Andy is happy now, so I need to find it in me to be happy for him. Unselfish kind of love, that raves at his soaring, smiling and laughing at his joy, letting it spread back to me.
    God Where would I be with out you all? Thank you, Elisa. You are my heart sister..always.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Aw, beautiful words, Iola. Just beautiful.

  • http://www.middle-aged-diva.blogspot.com Carol (middle-aged-diva)

    Erik is such a specific communicator. Recently, I had a disappointing channeling session (not with one of your mediums) that was so general it could’ve applied to anyone, with only a couple things that might, indirectly, have applied. You are so lucky that your son comes to you so clearly and has so much wisdom to share. I love reading his words! Thank you for sharing.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Carol, if you ever talk to another medium, ask Erik to come. He’ll help, unless the medium is total crap, of course.

  • Steve

    For anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide, this book is pretty interesting:

    “Stephen Lives”

    Amazon has it used for $5.

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0671536648/ref=sr_1_1_olp?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1304995898&sr=1-1&condition=used

    It was written in the 1970s, but the boy’s mom channels her son, who committed suicide at a younger age than Erik. And unlike Erik, I don’t think it was his destiny to do that.

  • john joseph

    Hey this one’s for Erik:

    Spirit or not, you’re being a dick telling people they’re “selfish” when they miss someone they love more than you will ever imagine, no matter how many fucking realms of light you move in.

    It DOES NOT HELP to try to guilt people trapped on earth out of their FEELINGS. If you’re really spiritual and loving, you’d know that FEELINGS don’t have a a moral compass attached, they just ARE.

    You can actually know someone is fine and still MISS them. Get a clue about real feeling beings with feelings, loves and histories. And don’t give me that new age clap trap that is. just. so. hollow.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      John Joseph, I think Erik meant to create just this kind of reaction. One facet of it for SOME is selfish, but not for all. He made that clear (I think), but you’re right, grief is a touchy subject, very personal and raw. Remember, Erik is Erik. I’m not sure if he meant to say these things for some greater purpose or if he just did so because he’s just a young boy, but it is what it is. Sorry if he hurt your feelings.

  • Amy J.

    Erik was spot on! We can’t help but grieve…But damn it is selfish…We are in Hell they are in Heaven. They suffer too because we can’t let go. I think we can all use a big C.E. Hug!! You all are amazing… I’m so glad we have a small outlet for our truths. Be positive my friends! Love to all

  • Jane Stewart Adams

    I hope you don’t mind me quoting an excerpt from my book, ‘Picking Up The Ducks’, but it says it all and I know that it came from Spirit at a time when ‘the elephant’ was with me in the room 24/7.

    ‘. . . grief is a monster that stalks all of us at least once in our lives. It hangs around dark corners and pounces on us when we least expect it. It tears at us, leaving us bloody, bruised and unable to carry out our jobs and everyday activities. Years after my Father had gone, I popped into town for a birthday card for a friend, completely forgetting that it would soon be Father’s Day. Looking around at the cards for ‘A special Dad’, a terrible pain gripped my heart when I realised I had no a reason to buy one. Grief pounced from a great height, and I rushed home in tears.
    When I’m still having sad thoughts about anything from my past, I put on some wonderful heartrending music and have a bloody good cry. Every tear cleanses the soul when life becomes too much for us and we think we are going to explode like a pressure-cooker. Tears are not only our emotional release-valve. They also clear away bodily toxins. So don’t be ashamed to let them fall.
    One day the memory of the love and laughter we shared with those who have gone becomes greater than the pain of their loss, but until then we can’t just take a deep breath and rip grief away like a Band-aid. It sticks fast for as long as it takes us to heal. For a time it may loosen its grip, but when we look closely at the rawness underneath, we find that it has reattached itself. There is nothing wrong in this. There is no timescale on grief.
    It makes no difference that the one you have lost was a lover, a partner, a beloved parent, even one who had a long and happy life, was a treasured baby or child, another member of your family or a special friend. If we truly love someone, the pain of loss is life-shattering. We have to grieve. We may even have to rail at the heavens, to yell out our anger, pain and frustration. We have to do whatever it takes to reach the other side of loss. However long it takes, we will one day find a place inside us of quiet acceptance and thankfulness for the privilege of loving and of being loved. These are the wonderful gifts bestowed upon us to make our lives productive and good.’

    Blessings to all

    XJane

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      THIS IS SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL, JANE! One of the best passages I’ve read about grief.

  • Skoshi

    When we got word that my father had died, the FIRST thing out of my (now ex-) husband’s mouth was: I hope you aren’t going to go crazy now.

    Now that’s MY idea of SELFISH.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      Oh my.

  • TonyB

    We, as people, attach certain emotions to words, be it right or wrong. Just because something is said to be “selfish” does not make it any more or less meaningful, right or wrong… it just is what it is.

    If you look up the word “selfish” you can get the following definition:
    Lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure

    When you miss someone, you are technically being “selfish”. But that doesn’t necessarily make it right or wrong, again, it just is what it is. Its part of the human experience, which certainly includes a lot of selfishness. You shouldn’t let it upset or anger you. Thats just an unproductive in the long run as being selfish, which we all are from time to time.

    • http://drmedhus.com Elisa

      And that definition is a bit different from the one Ayn Rand gives in her book, The Art of Selfishness. Selfishness can be a benevolent thing if not used as a tool to hurt others, unintentionally or otherwise. It’s more about tending to one’s needs. But our society has indoctrinated us into believing that we don’t deserve that sort of thing. However, since we are all one, we MUST take care of ourselves for the benefit of the whole. So many facets to a diamond.

  • Paul Conklin

    Dear Erik And Elisa,

    You know that I love you both very dearly. But I need to address what you said about grief Erik. Grief is not an act of selfishness. Grief is an expression that the heart feels when it has been ripped from your chest cavity. You did not have children Erik so you do not understand what it feels like to lose a child. To lose a child feels like your heart has been ripped from your body,yet you still continue to live and to breathe, It feels like a living death, a nightmare that you cannot awaken from.

    Grief is about loving someone more than you could ever love yourself. I would gladly have died if my son could have lived. If he could have lived a life free from the torture of bipolar disease and severe panic disorder. Grief is about the what could have beens. Grief is about a life cut short. A life ended too soon. For a parent is not supposed to say goodbye to its child first. The child should bury its parents first. Yet, all too often that is not what happens on our world.

    My dear friend Erik you are learning as you go. The most powerful words are those words that are surrounded by love. If you call a person on the carpet for the grief that they are feeling then you are bound to get a hostile reaction. But if you look into their hearts and you see the beauty that resides there you will react to their grief in a different way. For when you call someone selfish for grieving that is a judgment. Love suspends all judgment. Love is gracious and kind. Love is understanding and compassionate. And the love that we have for our deceased sons, from our perspective, never dies.

    Now I understand that it would not be good to become so stuck in our grief that we never move forward. Our grief may motivate us to move into areas that we may never had considered. Now that we understand what it feels like we can help others that are grieving. That is a good thing. Grief may move us to leave a gift behind that we may not otherwise have given.

    I also understand the pain that we may cause you and our loved ones on the other side when we cannot move past our grief. I know that you and Jim are very happy now. You are experiencing things that we cannot even dream about. I know that you all want us to move forward and live the lives that we were meant to live. I get that. We need to put ourselves in each others shoes and try to understand, try to empathise.

    Shortly after Jim’s death I purchased a book by James Van Praagh. The title of the book is Healing Grief. It is such a beautiful book for James really understands the process of grief and what we are all going through. He has such beautiful words of advice and comfort. I recommend this book to the CE family. I am sure that it will help you as it helped me.

    My dear friend Erik keep moving forward, keep advancing. Let the love in your heart be your guide. For when you look at any problem through the lens of love you will pick just the right words to say that will build up your brethren. I love you my friend. Peace out and may your life be filled with all the hijinks that you can muster.

    Love,
    Paul

Return to the Homepage