Channeling Erik
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  • April30th

    Ask Erik: Pascal’s Question

    Posted in: After Death Communication, Channeling, Communication from the dead, Contact with the dead, Death of a Child, Death of a sibling, Kim O'Neill, Messages from the dead, Michael Newton, Past Life Regression, Past lives, Psychic medium, Reincarnation, Struggles, Suicide

    Erik has done so much to help us peons here on Earth. Oftentimes, our struggles compel us to flirt with suicide, so when Erik offers his wisdom and insight, it lights our way with hope and a newfound desire to continue our human experience, however trying and burdensome. The next several posts will include submissions from readers to the “Ask Erik” page and the responses Erik provides. First, let’s look at Pascal’s submission. As always, I have eliminated or changed certain identifying factors to protect privacy.

    Dear Erik and Elisa,

    I’m very touched by your story and I feel completely dragged to ask Erik for advise in my overwhelmingly difficult situation.

    My name is Pascal. I live in Germany.. but now sitting on the sofa in my parents house, 43 years old, feeling like a tortured baby. I’ve lived a beautiful life as a “fire horse rebel” into music and crafts and love and joy.

    I had a beautiful childhood and enough courage to build my own “freedom enterprises” to create a life with a lot of joy and success. I’ve shared a million laughs with dear friends and inspired my close ones to believe in their goals and approach life with love, courage and positive attitudes.

    In 2002 a had a tick bite that gave me lyme disease, depression and panic attacks for a good 2-3 years.. I made it out of that disease by a lot of help and information online. Besides some minor signs of lyme disease I was fully happy and functioning again. I was feeling somewhat the good old Pascal and all his energy and vitality back in place. Then in March 2009, I had a sexual contact with a pleasant, beautiful woman – no big love affair – but a nice encounter. After this I got so sick – well sick isn’t even enough of an explanation – it was as if my blood was extremely polluted with the worst horror creating drug on earth, that made me suicidal from the first moment the disease unfolded, and I’m suicidal to this day. Now the worst thing: I’ve seen about twenty doctors and had all the tests for STDs etc. done several times with no result. Nevertheless I had the right antibiotics but the disease is still with me. And it’s just like torture!

    I’m speechless, I’m trying about every alternative doctor I can find, but to endure this state is practically unbearable. I mostly feel in a toxic mist that drags about every last piece of vitality out of me plus I feel completely anxious and hyper and have no inner peace what so ever, I wake up with anxiety and stress and suffer feeling weak and drained at the same time. I try to meditate on health and peace, but so far I’m still trapped in this “death on earth”

    It’s not that I long for “death” – I long for health and life as I see it around me and as I’ve experienced it for many years – BUT: this disease might as well be chronic and I’m sure I can’t live with it much longer. If my parents hadn’t been here to take care of food and loving company I would have killed myself months ago. I’ve read a lot about the afterlife and especially the consequences of suicide. What Erik is telling the world is about the most loving and positive attitude I’ve found.

    Why I’m still here is that I’m aware of the pain I would cause for my family and friends and I’m scared of death of the consequences of my suicide. If it wasn’t for my parents I wouldn’t have made it through the last year!

    I’m asking Erik what in the world I have to do to get some kind of quality life back or if in this situation I’m far better of leaving this dimension?

    I’m sorry for the heaviness in this report, but please understand my situation and ask Erik what he thinks.

    I send love,

    Pascal

    Now here is the transcription of my question to Erik, through psychic medium, Kim O’Neill.

    “I’d like to ask a question submitted by one of my readers. His name is Pascal. He currently lives in Germany. He suffered from Lyme Disease for a few years in the past, but was treated and started to feel like his old self again. Then he had sexual contact with a woman, and since then he’s felt terrible. He feels like his blood is full of toxins. In fact, he feels so horrible, he’s strongly contemplating suicide. He’s asking Erik if there’s anything he can do. Is there any hope for Pascal’s future? His decision rests on Erik’s answer.”

    Kim says, “Oh wow! Okay, let’s ask Erik if he has any information.”

    Erik’s response:

    Hey Mom! Hey Dad! He’s perfectly healthy. This has to do with a past life. It’s connected with a past lifetime in which he knew that same person. The person passed along the “bloody plague” to him. Connecting with this person again allows those feelings to surface so he can let them go, because they are very overwhelming to him. He’s convinced he’s going to suffer a lot and die because of what he went through before. You know what he needs to do? He needs to go through some hypnosis to look into that lifetime. It was in France in the 1300s. Past life regression will exorcise all these overwhelming feelings he is burdened with from that past illness and death. He’ll be just fine. He can channeling me any time he wants. I’ll always be there to help him. I don’t want him to make the same stupid-ass mistake I made!

    After I relayed this information to Pascal, he and I had the following email exchange:

    Pascal’s response:

    Oh my GOD, Elisa! Thank you so much. You and Erik rock. !
    I’m crying for I “know” this to be true. Although it’s plain unbelievable how physically sick I’ve been for this last year, this being “only” spiritual and not physical. it’s just “amazing”.

    I’ve already mentioned to you how I thought and felt that this was “karma”. When I got sick, I even recognized the disease – dejavu like – and “knew” it would kill me horribly, and I better kill myself to avoid a horrible, torture-like death.

    I recognized it and expressed this to my family. I just don’t know why in this universe one has to re-experience such horrors of the past to grow beyond them, but I must accept that there must be something “good” for the soul about this. I most definitely now am looking for past life regression hypnotherapy asap to help solve this issue. I guess without I’d be pretty stuck.

    Elisa, you’ve helped me so much, that whenever I feel good again am willing to show up in front of you with the biggest bunch of flowers you have ever seen. I keep you posted about the hypnosis session. Let Erik know that I send my love to him and thank him from all I am.

    Big hug for you,

    Pascal

    My response:

    I know, Pascal; I was so excited to give you the news, because it makes total sense! When I heard what Erik had to say, I felt this weird “knowingness,” the kind you get when you recognize an absolute truth. Sometimes, when people have their past lives uncovered, all issues associated with it disappear, so you might not need regression hypnosis.

    Life is good. So glad Erik could help. I’m just the messenger, so no flowers necessary. I’m just glad you’re going to be fine and that you’ll live many many years to spread love and wisdom to others.

    Pascal’s response:

    Hi Elisa,

    My mum was at her art class yesterday, and they had a medium as a guest. He did readings on all of the ladies there. Sure my mum brought photographs of my sister and me and asked for advice.
    When he saw my photo he sensed a heavy karmic load and heavy depression and grayness. Also he said that I do need help, because I can’t make it on my own. He also mentioned that I am very gifted with spiritual and mental abilities. About a year ago I saw this same medium and had a session with him. Then he mentioned that there are issues with a former life in France, but didn’t go into detail!

    So I decided that I need to find help, and today I found a brilliant past life regression hypnotherapist through his website. He’s trained by Michael Newton (!) and has 25 years of experience. I called his number and he picked up the phone. I briefly told him about my story and the information I got from Erik – and my feelings and experiences since I caught this “disease.” To him this made a lot of sense, he explained to me that he will bring me back to this medieval life/death experience to heal it right there. He said that he can feel that I need to come see him, because there’s no “medicine” that can solve an issue like that. Most surprisingly, he felt the urgency and gave me an appointment for next Monday!

    I so hope that I will experience a healing from this incredible ordeal, I’ve read some beautiful testimonials on his site. I have a good feeling and look forward to the session – also I’m a little scared it won’t “work”, since this whole thing has been so mean and scary from the beginning… let’s trust Erik’s advice.

    May this year of death come to an end and may life continue amongst the living.

    Hugs,
    Pascal

    P.S. When I went to bed yesterday I talked to Erik… before reading his invitation to do so =). I told him all about how much I appreciate his message and how scary and horrible this experience has been. I guess us humans down here, we just don’t get the whole picture. You know, this whole thing might even be very positive for me (my soul-growth), but I tell you, it damned feels ridiculously negative, gross and horrible – until one finds the happy end. I hope to do so asap.

    I’ll let everyone know how Pascal’s hypnotherapy goes, if he gives me permission. Until then, if anyone has any questions for Erik, feel free to submit them through the “Ask Erik” page. There no charge. No flowers necessary. This is all very healing for me for two reasons: FIrst, helping others has always been balm for my soul. Second, as a mother, I want my children to be fulfilled and happy. Usually, we want to guide our children to this end while they are alive. In this case, I have to give Erik such opportunities and guidance after his death. Death knows no boundaries where motherhood is concerned.

    Erik may have saved a life–a life clearly worth living. I’m so proud of you, Baby Boy.

  • April29th

    Channeling Erik Through Felix Lee Lerma, Part Five

    Posted in: After Death Communication, Afterlife, Bereaved, Channeling, Communication from the dead, Contact with the dead, Death of a Child, Death of a sibling, Energy, Ghosts and Spirits, Grief, Grieving, Guardian Angel, Heaven, Loss of a sibling, Messages from the dead, Past lives, Psychic medium, Sibling relationships, Struggles, Suicide

    And now (drum roll, please) for the final segment in my channeling session with psychic medium extraordinaire, Felix Lee Lerma. As always, comments are welcome.

    Erik wants you to quit beating yourself up over what happened.

    Yeah.

    He said you’re being hard on yourself.

    Well I think back on my last conversation with him before I left the house, just moments before he killed himself, and it was basically me fussing at him for taking the family pit bike to one of his friend’s house without permission. I told him to be sure to pick it up before he left for school. I mean, I didn’t yell. I just said it in a firm but motherly way. Looking back, I don’t know what I could have done differently. I mean, I’m his mom; I have to discipline him.

    Yes, of course.

    And when he reacted with a smart-alecky look on his face and said he wasn’t going to school ever again, I thought he was using his typical passive aggressive technique. He often tried to punish us by refusing to do something he knew was important to us. I just told him, “Yes, of course you’re going to school. You can’t have any more absences. What do you mean, you’re not going to school?” but he didn’t answer. He just went upstairs and asked me when we were coming back. Why didn’t I see what, in retrospect, is obviously an announcement of his intentions for suicide or a cry for help? Maybe this would all have played out so differently.

    You did the right thing.

    But deep inside, I always knew this would eventually happen and that no amount of prevention and intervention would have helped. Still, I wonder.

    It was his destiny.

    Well, I’m glad that I’ve always made a point of telling all of my kids how much I love them, how much they mean to me. Not a day goes by that I don’t make that clear to them. Every time we part ways, every phone call, it’s all about how much I love them. I tell them how grateful I am to be their mom. At least I don’t have regrets about that.

    Absolutely.

    Now, my husband and Erik often battled a bit.

    And that’s why he wants his dad to know it’s okay.

    Yeah.

    You know, he still loves him. It’s all right.

    Sure, sure.

    Erik’s saying that your husband just wanted to make him a man. He wanted him to be a man, but your son did what he was going to do.

    Yep, exactly.

    He wasn’t going to listen to anybody. Stubborn. Stubborn kid.

    Oh, yeah!

    Very stubborn kid, He says, “Felix, if I wanted to do something, I was going to do it.”

    That is so true. It’s so Erik. Nobody could change his mind, especially towards the end. That’s how he acted, even if it meant doing things that were grossly wrong that he knew we would eventually discover, like pawning all of Rune’s guns for a new hunting rifle. No amount of consequence could prevent him from doing what he wanted. He seemed so out-of-control toward the end, like he was hurtling down the tracks toward an oncoming train.

    Yes.

    I need more information for Annika. She’s still having trouble. She’s afraid to get any phone calls; she’s afraid that when Rune and I leave the house we’re never going to come back…it’s like the world as she understood it before is now vulnerable. After losing her brother, anything bad could happen.

    Aw, of course. He was someone very important to her. Are you sure he wasn’t cremated? He keeps showing me ashes.

    No, he wasn’t. Oh wait, I know what he’s talking about. My sister from California had us bless his room and other parts of the house with smudge sticks. (This is some sort of Native American tradition. You light these special sticks and hold them in all of the corners and then in the middle of the room to remove the violent or negative energy. There were ashes everywhere afterwards.) We also light candles for him everyday and the air-conditioning filters are black with ash.

    He’s just letting me know that’s important. He’s thanking you. That’s what he wants to say. He’s talking about a past life in England. Past lives did have a lot to do with the way he felt and the way he was this last lifetime. You know, some people come into their lives feeling lonely no matter who’s around.

    Yeah.

    He’s one of them.

    He was lonely, yes.

    Yeah. But he wasn’t lonely because no one wanted to connect with him; he was lonely because that’s the way he was.

    That’s true. One of his last Facebook entries was “Always lonely.” But he was always surrounded by people who adored him, whether family or friends. He had no shortage of friends and no shortage of love. Anything else for Annika from him, any special message?

    He says, “This has really freaked her out,” and he’s just so sorry. And the way he did it, that’s what gives her nightmares.

    Okay.

    She just has images of this. Nobody witnessed this, I hope. Did they?

    Maria was the only one at home. She heard it and called us, because we were on our way to lunch. Of course we turned the car around and went back, because I knew. I knew what had happened.

    Yeah.

    And Annika’s room is right next to his, so she had to sleep downstairs with us for month. I saw, though. I went up there to his room, because as a doctor, I wanted to check him, to see if he could still be alive. That was very hard; it’s hard for me to get that image out of my mind.

    Yeah, he just wants to apologize to you, because you had to see him that way. You know, there’s part of me that wonders, for you, Elisa, this has been so traumatic…this happened last year?

    Yeah, in October.

    It’s so fresh! It’s only been a little over six months! It’s important that you go through the grieving process.

    Oh I do. I’ve done it all. I still cry every day, several times a day.

    You know, you’re an old soul too, Elisa, so you understand these things.

    Yeah.

    And you’re going to miss him just like anyone would miss someone, but you understand the spiritual side of things.

    Yeah.

    For Annika, she needs to continue seeing a therapist. She’ll come to be closer to him when she’s older, but it’s just too fresh for her right now. It would freak her out to even talk to me.

    Yeah, I understand.

    He’s encouraging her to dance. Music is important to her.

    Oh, okay, she actually does take dance in school, so yeah! Now tell me more about this David guy.

    A boyfriend. Hasn’t happened yet but it’s coming up.

    Oh, okay.

    It’s David, Daniel, something starting with a “D-A.” He’s showing me Florida.

    We use to have a boat in Florida.

    He keeps showing me Florida for some reason. It has to be a good memory for him.

    Well, it probably is, because we used to go to the Bahamas and other places every year in our boat. He had great childhood memories. We’d go to these little uninhabited islands and explore, and…

    This is his way of thanking you for those memories. Was there a childhood friend of his named Christopher? He keeps saying, “Say ‘hey’ to Christopher.”

    Yes, a neighbor we’ve known since he was two or three years old. They grew up together. Erik always called him Christopher but most people called him “Chris.” What about Valentin or Sean. They were also close friends. Any messages for them?

    Hold on, I’m losing connection. He’s sort of waving to me. When I see the “wave sign” it sort of means he’s disconnecting. It takes a lot of energy and I feel like I’m becoming weaker. He’s not disappearing. It’s me. I feel like I’m losing him because my energy is dropping.

    Oh sure, I can imagine it takes a lot.

    He’s waving to me and saying, “Felix, Felix, I have to let you go.” He’s making me feel like he wants you to know how important the entire family is to him and things are still fresh. It’s important for everyone to go through their grieving process in their own unique way.

    Oh, sure.

    There’s no right way to grieve. There’s one way and that’s the way of the person who’s grieving.

    Exactly. What helps me most is helping others. Like reaching out to people, especially parents who have lost a child, has really been an important part of my grieving, my healing. Also, I’m working on a screenplay that will hopefully help spread the word to young people that suicide is not the best option.

    Yes, exactly. People don’t understand suicide. It’s a spiritual thing. It’s someone saying, “I miss being home. I want to go home.”

    I just don’t want Erik’s death to be in vain.

    It’s not in vain.

    And I want us to work together to make the world a better place, even if only a little.

    Wow.

    As I close this entry, I encourage all of you to read the previous ones, because Felix is an amazingly gifted psychic. His art deserves to be discovered and lauded. I’m honored, as is Erik, to have crossed his path.

  • April28th

    Channeling Erik Through Felix Lee Lerma, Part Four

    Posted in: After Death Communication, Afterlife, Bereaved, Channeling, Communication from the dead, Contact with the dead, Crossing over, Death, Death of a Child, Death of a sibling, Ghosts and Spirits, Grief, Grieving, Heaven, Loss of a sibling, Messages from the dead, Psychic medium, Reincarnation, Sibling relationships, Struggles, Suicide

    Before we begin with the next segment of my session with psychic medium, Felix Lerma, I’d like to make an announcement. Yesterday, I had a very short session with Kim O’Neill,, and I used that opportunity to ask some of the questions readers submitted through the “Ask Erik” page. I will post those transcripts soon. Until then, know that Erik’s responses were jaw-dropping. Prepare to be amazed! That said, let’s continue with Felix.

    Your son is being funny with me. He’s acting like my leg is a drum. He’s drumming on my leg.

    He’s such a jokester. Always has been.

    Did he like to play around with drums?

    Yes, and he liked to play pranks on people. When he wasn’t in his dark periods, he had a charming mischievous grin. He loved all sorts of musical instruments. He’s been begging me for years to buy a drum set for the family, but his father, Rune, vetoed that because he has a very low tolerance for noise. Anyway, Erik would take up all sorts of musical instruments and try to learn to play them. He dabbled with a violin, the piano, a harmonica, as well as acoustic, bass, electric and twelve string guitars. You name it, he’d play it. So it doesn’t surprise me that he’s taking up your leg as a new musical endeavor.

    He keeps showing me October.

    He died in October.

    That’s his way of saying, “My birth into the spirit was in October.” He’s showing me the 21st.

    Well his actual birthday was on September 21st. Can you ask him if he’ll wait for me?

    What do you mean, will he reincarnate before you pass?

    Yeah.

    You have to understand, there’s no such thing as time there; so of course he’ll be there for you when you cross.

    Oh good. Good.

    No, he can be experiencing different realities at the same time, but the truth of the matter is he’s going to be there when you cross over. You’re not going over any time soon, but the way. You still have time here. He wants you to know that.

    Okay.

    Why is he showing someone planting something in the back yard? Did someone plant a tree for him?

    Oh, wow! Yeah, we planted an orange tree!

    I see him digging and planting something and saying “thank you.”

    Yeah, we planted the orange tree for him after he died.

    Yeah and he’s saying, “Tell Mama ‘thank you.’”

    Mmm, that’s sweet. Does he have any regrets? Does he miss being on the earthly plane at all, or is he totally happy?

    Felix laughs really hard here. He’s TOTALLY happy. Let me tell you something, just because he doesn’t miss being on the earthly plane doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss you.

    Oh no! I know that! I just want him to be happy.

    He is happy.

    And I want him to forgive himself, because I feel like he’s still struggling with that. He knows there’s nothing to forgive on my side. After all, he did what he did to end his misery. I just care about his happiness. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to be sad and cry and grieve still, but I just want to make sure he forgives himself.

    Absolutely. He’s with the spirit. He is home where he belongs. He wants you to know he’s at peace. It’s so important that you know that. He’s home. He’s exactly where he needs to be. His between-lives contract, his destiny for spiritual growth was fulfilled.

    Oh, that’s wonderful. Does he have any messages for anyone in the family?

    Hold on one second. Let me ask. He’s referring to his dad. He wants to say hello to his dad.

    Okay.

    It’s important to let his dad know that he loves him very much. I feel as if they did things together, but your husband felt like he lost his son a while back.

    Okay, yeah. They butted heads a lot.

    Like he lost connection to him. He says, “I didn’t. I’m still connected to Dad.” Does your husband work outside?

    No, he’s a stockbroker, but he works outside on his motorcycles.

    No, he’s showing me someone doing landscaping as work.

    No.

    Okay, who’s the person who works in landscaping?

    Oh! That’s his brother-in-law, Shane.

    He’s saying he needs to start his own business.

    Wow, okay. He’s been talking about that actually. Does he have any messages for any of his siblings at all?

    He’s showing me he has one brother. Does he have two sisters?

    He has three.

    He’s showing me one brother but multiple sisters, I can’t tell how many. I just know it’s more than one.

    Uh huh.

    Who’s Antonio?

    My dad’s middle name is Antonio, Jose Antonio. Hs sister’s name is Annika? Could it be that?

    No, no. This is interesting. He’s saying ‘hello’ to his grandpa. Is he close to his grandpa? He keeps talking about grandpa.

    Well he always looked up to him, because my dad was a big adventurer in his youth and is still extremely active at almost 90. In the past, he’s had many of the same hobbies Erik loved. They were so similar, because they both loved to try different sports and hobbies. When they grew tired of one experience, they’d quickly move on to the next one. My dad also gave Erik a lot of his nice hand-tailored suits. Erik was so proud of those suits; he’s buried in one of them.

    He wants you to know that he really loves his grandpa. It’s really important to say that.

    My father doesn’t believe in an afterlife, but the day after Erik died, he called me, almost panicking, to tell me that Erik visited him. (See the previous entry, “Erik’s First Visits.”)

    He wanted to let him know that he’s okay. He’s still alive.

    Does he have any messages for his older sister, Kristina?

    Kristina. He’s poking fun at her, like making fun of her in a fun way. That’s what he’d do. He’s teasing her to let her know she has to have her makeup perfect, and she has to have her hair perfect. He’s acknowledging this. Does she color her hair?

    Yes, she highlights it. She drives very far away just to get highlights from one particular woman, so it’s very important to her.

    Your son is laughing and saying, “She’s a girlie girl.  She likes dressing nicely.”

    He has her pegged perfectly. Erik loved to pull Kristina’s chain all the time to her great annoyance. Plus, she is very much into clothes, makeup, hair and fashion in general, more than any of his other sisters.

    He says tell her she needs to finish school.

    Ooh, wow! Okay.

    Do you understand that?

    YES!

    He says, “Tell her she needs to finish school, Felix.”

    Yeah, because after he died, it stressed her out a lot. She’s in medical school and didn’t really have time to grieve over his death. She’s lost much of her motivation, and recently she’s intimated that she doesn’t want to continue.

    Well, he says, “You tell her she’s gotta finish school!” It’s very important to him that she continue. (The way Felix mimics Erik’s voice is much like that of a parent wagging a finger in the face of a child, stern but lovingly.)

    He says, “Don’t quit on me. Don’t quit.” I feel like that’s a special announcement there. Now, his other sister?

    Michelle.

    I’m hearing something about boyfriends. How old is Michelle?

    Michelle is the one with Shane, the landscaper. She’s 23. She has a little girl.

    Okay, no, I’m supposed to talk about a younger sister now. Who’s the younger one? Is her name Annika?

    Yes.

    Oh hold on, he doesn’t want to skip. He’s saying, “Hold on. Hold on.” So I have to talk about Michelle. She needs to get into working with kids for some reason. She’s going to work with children. I feel it really strongly.

    Okay. Any private messages for her? They were sort of cohorts in crime.

    Oh, I know! All right, Erik, come on, I need…He’s saying “Felix don’t get TIRED on me!” That’s what he’s saying to me. Your son is SO funny. Let me tell you, he’s quite the character!

    Oh, yeah, he’s something else!

    He says, “She doesn’t need to lose weight. I love her the way she is.”

    I found this hilarious, because they are both very skinny and would tease each other about that. Every once in a while, Michelle would comment about her flabby thighs, (a complete delusion) and Erik got a big kick out of that.

    He used to scare her. Like Halloween time; he loved Halloween. He keeps referring to this Halloween mask he used to scare her…

    Okay, I’ll have to find out…

    But in a funny way.

    (Later, I asked Michelle about this, and she said he used to scare her with a particularly horrid looking mask all the time. Also, he enjoyed springing up from behind the kitchen cabinets, shouting “Raaaahhhh!” when she walked into the house from the garage. He reveled in her fright as well as her annoyance. After being startled out of her wits, she’d say, “Fuck you, Erik!” and he would just laugh and laugh. Then he’d say, in an endeared voice, “Meeeechelle, so cuuuttttee!”)

    He says, “Please tell her I’m sorry. Tell her I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened at the end. I pushed her away, Felix.”

    Oh, yeah. (There was a particularly sad event I knew he was referring to that occurred several months before his death. The details must remain private, however. Since that time, Michelle and Erik stopped speaking to each other. Resentments on both sides were too great. In retrospect, Michelle regrets their broken bond and has struggled with the guilt that often haunts her.)

    He says, “I pushed her away. Let her know that I still love her.”

    Anything else for Michelle, or should we go on to Annika or Lukas?

    I’m asking him. He’s saying, “Michelle’s heart hurts.” You know, her heart aches.

    Aw. Yeah. This comment and the heavy truth accompanying it makes me feel so sad.

    Okay, Annika. I need to move to Annika. I feel like he wants to talk about boy issues. She’s having boy issues, like she’s interested in boys.

    Uh huh.

    He’s showing me the name David.

    Does your son joke about being in a gang?

    Uh, well, Lukas and him used to have a private joke. He’d say, “Gangsta, gangsta” to him.

    Um, coffeemaker? I have no idea what he’s showing me.

    Who is this about?

    Lukas.

    Okay.

    He wants to tell Lukas, “Nice coffeemaker!”

    Yeah, because Lukas has converted his room into a little bachelor pad recently with an old min-fridge and coffeemaker.

    He’s saying “I like the coffeemaker,” like he’s just being funny with him. Like he’s saying “Oh, he’s such a grown-up now,” like teasing him in that way. Did he spell his name with a “k”?

    Yes.

    Who’s from near Brownsville?

    That must be Maria. She’s from a place just a few miles from Brownsville. She took care of him since he was 16 months old. She still works for us once a week. She was alone in the house when he killed himself and was the first one to find him.

    Can you please give her a big hug from him?

    Absolutely, I will!

    He says, “Tell her ‘thank you, and I loves her very much.’ Tell her, ‘I’m sorry.’”  She’s really important to him.

    Yeah. They were very close. They teased each other a lot.

    Okay, that’s it for today. The next entry will be the remainder of my session with Felix, then I’ll begin Erik’s responses to the “Ask Erik” questions. As always, thanks for letting me share.

  • April26th

    Channeling Erik Through Felix Lerma, Part Three

    Posted in: After Death Communication, Afterlife, Astral Projection, Bereaved, Bipolar disease, Channeling, Communication from the dead, Contact with the dead, Death of a Child, Dreams, Energy, Ghosts and Spirits, Grief, Grieving, Heaven, Mental illness, Messages from the dead, Past lives, Psychic medium, Spirit visitation, Spirits moving objects, Spiritual presence, Suicide, The Soul

    I’ve been having a very hard time lately. It seems like I must work so hard to distract myself. Idle moments take me to a very dark and unhappy place. The images of what he looked like when I found his body, his blank and lifeless stare, the smell of gunpowder and blood in the air, the carnage–it constantly plagues my mind like an unwelcome guest. My only respite is busy work, distractions. I’m becoming weary of the effort, though. But writing this blog does help. I hope reading it helps you too. That aside, let’s continue with the next ten minutes of my session with Felix. Again, as a reminder, I’ve written Felix’s comments in italics.

    Who’s Carla or Carl, maybe Carmen? Starts with a c-a-r.

    Wait a minute let me think.

    Carlos?

    Oh, yeah, that’s a buddy of his in welding class. He was very sweet to Erik and taught him a lot about welding techniques.

    He just wants to say hello to Carlos. He’s saying he didn’t have a girlfriend though.

    No, huh uh.

    He’s saying, “No girl. No girlfriend.” He’s showing me sulking.

    Sulking? Well, he did have a very short relationship with a girl just before he died. He and I talked about nearly everything, including sex. (How I wished he had confided in me about more.)  He shared that experience with me, because it was his first time. He was always so ashamed of being a virgin at age 19. About of month before he died, he actually “got some,” so to speak.

    Felix laughs.

    And that girl took it very hard after he died

    Aw.

    I mean, they broke up after three days, but she was a little bit of a sulker.

    He’s got a dog with him. He says he’s got the dogs with him. He’s showing me two dogs; one of them is small.

    That must be Cookie, our Italian Greyhound. She got run over. What about the other dog? What does that one look like?

    That one looks like a bigger dog. A BIG dog, like a bear!

    Yes, exactly. That’s our Weimaraner, Zoë.

    He says, “Thank you for the prayers.” You know, prayers are very powerful, Elisa.

    Good. I talk to him every day, several times a day.

    He says he hears you every day.

    Good.

    You have to understand that.

    Can you ask him if he’s tried to manifest himself? I know it’s hard for spirits to manipulate their energy and manifest physically, but has he manifested himself?

    He says, “Yes.” He says, “I came to Mom’s dreams, Felix. I came to her dreams.” He’s showing me “smoking up,” like, not cigarettes.

    Yes, he manifested a smell, like bong water, which he told me about through Kim O’Neill. He said he’d do as a way for us to be sure it was him. (See the entry posted March 8th entitled “Eau de Erik.”)

    He’s also saying he’s made things move around the house, like you misplaced your keys or your glasses or something?

    I’m going to have to watch out for that devil. (There was one occurrence where my keys went missing. This is very uncharacteristic of me, as I am very anal about knowing where everything is. The most compelling evidence for Erik’s trickery, however, can be found in the entry posted on April 7th, entitled “Punked Again!”)

    He’s not stuck; he’s not lost. He’s just hanging out with you guys.

    Yeah, I know.

    He wants to acknowledge that. Did he like black t-shirts? He keeps showing me a bunch of black t-shirts.

    Yes he did. (His drawers are still filled with them.)

    He’s showing me retro music like Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, all old school music, AC/DC, Jimi Hendrix.

    Yes, all of his t-shirts have old band logos. (Erik was crazy about classic rock. He should have lived in the seventies. Actually, maybe he did!)

    He’s playing around with you. He’s tickling your toes. Are you sensitive on your feet?

    Yes very!

    He’s laughing and tickling you.

    Ha! I’m very ticklish everywhere.

    He’s saying, “Tell Grandma hello.” Grandma’s still here?

    Uh huh.

    He says, “Tell Grandma ‘hello.’” That looks like your mother.

    Yes, okay. Now my husband’s mom has passed. Her name is Auslaug. I’m wondering; is she coming through?

    Let me ask here. (Long sigh.) Did she have chest problems, lung problems? She’s showing me emphysema or like lung issues.

    Yeah, she did. She had pulmonary sarcoidosis and emphysema. She died because of her lung disease.

    Thank your son, because he’s taking her hand and presenting her to you. He’s saying, “Grandma’s here. Grandma’s here,” very strong. And she keeps saying, “Tell my son hello. Tell my son I love him very much.” Was somebody upset they didn’t get to see her?

    Yes, Rune and I flew to Norway by ourselves.  The kids didn’t go, because it was such short notice there weren’t enough seats available.

    She’s saying it’s okay, she’s with your son. Hold on a sec. Who liked to make quilts?

    That would be my sister, Teri.

    He’s talking about the quilt. He’s saying, “Please tell her thank you.” (One of Erik’s favorite keepsakes was a quilt for his toddler bed. It had a western theme with cowboy boots and other cowboy paraphernalia decorations. He used to wear cowboy boots so much that she used to call him “Boots Medhus.”)

    Someone in your family said they thought he was going to commit suicide?

    Yes, that would be me. I felt like he would. Deep inside, I knew it was a real possibility. We tried to do everything we could to prevent it, though. He went to a psychiatrist and therapist every week and everything, but I felt like he’d eventually succeed. It was a maternal gut feeling, a maternal instinct.

    He keeps saying, “Mom knew, Felix. Mom knew.”

    I told all the kids, “We don’t know how much more time we have with Erik,” so I encouraged them to treat him well, to give him plenty of love. I did this, because his siblings kind of excluded him, especially the younger ones. He was a darker person, and they just didn’t know how to relate to him. I told them, “Please, even if it’s just asking, ‘how was your day, Erik,’ please make him feel included; interact with him.” I didn’t want them to have any regrets, and I wanted Erik to feel as loved as possible.

    He’s thanking you for that, because you got him. You got him.

    Yeah, yeah. (I say this tearfully.) Why am I taking it so much harder than everyone else? Everyone seems to have moved forward, but it’s been really hard for me to get over this and function.

    Let me tell you something; You’re never going to get over it.

    Yeah, of course not.

    You’re never going to get over it. You’re his mom. You had him. You feel responsible for him. Even though you didn’t have anything to do with his passing, you have that spiritual bond with him that will never go away. But you move through it. In time your heart will heal as you come to understand the spirit world. We leave the body, but we don’t die. We continue.

    Oh, yeah, I know that.

    You know that intellectually, but it’s another think to know that emotionally. You miss him, and you’re human. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t miss him.

    I just want to hug him. (I choke back the tears, knowing that he’s right. I do understand the spiritual world from all of the scientific evidence I’ve read about as well as my intuitive sense of knowingness, but my emotional conviction is more fragile. After all, there is so much more at stake now. What if it’s all a bunch of horse manure? What if he’s gone forever? It’s easy to believe something when being wrong means little. But when you put your heart on the line and risk it being torn into small, unrecognizable pieces, faith becomes a spider web in a windstorm.)

    I know, but nobody should be telling you that you need to get over him.

    Oh no, nobody’s telling me to. It’s just me.

    Yeah, well don’t ever think you need to get over him. You just need to incorporate him into your life. He’s a part of you, and you’re a part of him and always will be.

    I just wish I could perceive him better. I would love to be able to project my consciousness into the afterlife so that I could visit him and hold him and hug him, but I don’t know if that would ever be possible.

    You can do that, but ask a spirit to show you, to give you some signs. You know, I feel like your son is giving you a ton of signs. He keeps talking about the bird. “The bird is a sign.” Did a bird fly into your house recently?

    Well, that’s really interesting that you say that, because a bird was in Michael’s house. He gave his mother a sign. When she was at his grave, she was lying on top of it, crying and asking for a sign. Right then, a black bird flew over her followed by a whole flock of black birds. Then at home, she found a little black bird sitting on Michael’s bookshelf. The house was closed up, so she had no idea how it could have gotten in. When she gently scooped the bird up into her hands, it remained very calm…didn’t panic or try to fly away. She took it outside to let it go, and she felt this was a sign.

    Yes, Erik says, “It’s a sign that shows we’re still alive. The black bird is just the energy.”

    This comforted me greatly. How could Felix have possibly have known about Michael’s “bird in the house” clue? Erik told him, how else? If you haven’t read the details about that story, please see the entry posted on January 27th entitled “Little Black Bird.” Skeptics eat your heart out!

    I feel a little better, now. Thanks for listening.

  • April23rd

    Channeling Erik Through Felix Lerma, Part Two

    Posted in: After Death Communication, Afterlife, Bereaved, Bipolar disease, Channeling, Communication from the dead, Contact with the dead, Crossing over, Death, Death of a Child, Ghosts and Spirits, Grief, Grieving, Heaven, Life, Love, Mental illness, Messages from the dead, Psychic medium, Struggles, Suicide

    And now for the anxiously awaited continuation of the channeling session with world renown psychic medium, Felix Lee Lerma. Let’s jump right it. Again, as before, Felix’s comments will be in italics and mine will be in plain text. Enjoy.

    Who’s Mickey or Mike?

    Mike? Mike is…I met two friends who also had children who passed. Ever since I met one of them, Michael’s Mom, Rebecca, Erik and he seemed to have become buddies. I feel that when Erik comes to me…

    Yeah.

    …that he brings Mike with him. (See the entry, “Erik Meets Michael and Kevin” posted March 12)

    Okay, it’s really important that you know that…so it looks like Michael is someone who has also passed, right?

    Yeah.

    Because he’s acknowledging that he is with Mikey. They are together.

    Okay.

    They had very similar issues.

    Okay, yes. (Like Erik, Michael suffered from Bipolar Disorder and committed suicide by a gunshot wound to the head.)

    Can you please let Michael’s parents know that he came through along with your son?

    Oh, of course I will! Of course I will!

    Okay, it’s really important. He’s giving you a hug. He’s kissing you on the forehead.

    Who is, Mike or Erik?

    Your son, Erik.

    Oh, okay, good! Aw, how sweet!

    Hold on one second.

    (Pause)

    Okay I’m just talking to Erik. I’m saying, “Erik, I need you to come through strong. You have to be strong for your mom here so I can channel you.”

    Mmm. Okay. (Erik’s transmission seems to weaken when he’s talking about a difficult or sensitive subject.)

    Did he say something to you…did he get upset about his car?

    No, I don’t think so.

    Did he wreck his car? Because I’m hearing that he wrecked his car a lot.

    Oh yeah, he had lot’s of little fender benders in it, but that’s it. (His truck actually looks like it had been used as a bumper car in a county fair, but that’s an entirely different story.)

    Cuz he’s making me feel like he was careless with it.

    Okay.

    Do you still have the car?

    You’re breaking up. I can’t hear you.

    Okay, Elisa, Elisa, he’s talking about his car. Who has his car?

    It’s still there in the driveway…

    Yeah.

    …his truck. We haven’t done anything with it.

    Okay. Did you find some things in his truck? Did you find something inside there?

    Gosh, I don’t…it’s a mess in there. Um, oh yeah! We…I did, Oh yeah! I did find some receipts from when he sold a bunch of my husband’s guns. A few days before his death, he broke into the gun cabinet and sold several guns so he could buy a hunting rifle that he really, really wanted. He loved guns so much.(How ironic. Sadly, fussing with him about those receipts was the last conversation I had with him. Although I didn’t yell or punish him at that point, I am still wracked with guilt, wondering if uncovering his transgression was the last straw for him.)

    He’s apologizing again.

    Okay.

    The reason why he’s bringing this up is because he wants to apologize to your husband.

    Aw, okay.

    It’s really important that you acknowledge this.

    Okay, yeah. Aw,  I will do that, Sweetie.

    He’s saying, “I wasn’t able to convey myself to Pappa in the proper way.”

    Yeah, that’s true. Of course. (I remember the day my husband discovered that Erik had broken into the gun cabinet, Erik just smiled his nervous, cat-who-swallowed-the-canary smile. No remorse. No “I’m sorry.” This, of course, infuriated my husband even more. Looking back, I think Erik just didn’t know what to say. Like he admitted through Felix, he couldn’t convey himself.)

    He just keeps talking about this. Now, why is April important to him?

    Hmm, I don’t know, unless it’s about my birthday.

    Oh, your birthday is in April. That would be his way to acknowledge…he just keeps saying, “April is important to me cuz of Mom.”

    Aw, thanks, Erik!

    Now, why is he showing me “21” besides it being the number of your birth date?

    Well, uh, he was 20 going on 21.

    He’s saying he didn’t make it to 21. I feel like he’s telling me, “I didn’t get to see 21.” (I can tell by his tone of voice, Felix knew there was more to it than that.)

    Or we did both have the same date. His birthday was September 21st.

    Ah! Thank you! (Felix exclaimed this in a “Eureka moment” fashion.)

    And also our initials were the same, E.R.M. Erik Rune Medhus. Elisa Ribelles Medhus.

    Yes, so that number 21 is important because, for one, he didn’t get to live to be that age and that’s the number…like he was waiting for that number actually. Second, he’s acknowledging that this number symbolizes the special connection you two had. You know what, your son was an old soul, Elisa!

    Yes, I believe so, because he never ever said anything bad about anybody. He was a very gentle, kind spirit. So, yes, I believe that.

    Absolutely. He wants you to know that he loves you. He just keeps saying, “It’s important for Mom to know how much I care and love everyone there. This was my role in life. This was supposed to be, Felix, as hard it is…”

    Was it his destiny or was it just a…

    It was exactly the way it was supposed to be. You know, it was almost as if something drove him to it.

    Yeah, what?

    It was internal. It was not something that can be described as, like…it’s not comprehensible to us, because it’s not like a spirit told him to do it. But I feel like he just knew he could not be here anymore. He could not do it. It was too hard for him to stay here.

    Yeah. (I say this with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart.)

    He was very frustrated. He wanted to be normal like everyone else…

    Yeah.

    …even though he was a very special kid, he knew that what he was doing was not the right way to be.

    Yeah, exactly. (Erik often broke the rules and was so remorseful afterwards, but it’s almost like he didn’t know how to stop himself. Like Felix said, he knew what he was doing was wrong. This was always a painfully difficult conundrum for Erik.)

    Do you know what I mean? He was aware of it. He was aware that he was hurting you by not always doing what was right.

    Was he here to teach us something through all this?

    Well let me say this to you. It’s not like you learned a lesson from this. It’s not like that kind of teaching.

    Uh huh.

    It’s like he came into this life with a specific purpose, and he fulfilled his purpose; he fulfilled his destiny and had to return home. That’s the best way I can describe it to you.

    Well what was his purpose?

    His purpose cannot be summed up in a statement, a sentence or even a paragraph. His purpose is on a much broader scale, a perspective that has to do with everyone that was ever a part of his life. So, in other words, he came, not for himself, but for other people. He came to bring love into the world, and then it was just too much and too overwhelming for him. He was a very sensitive guy.

    Oh, yeah.

    Do you know what I mean?

    Oh, sure. Absolutely I do! (Of all my children, he was the most emotionally vulnerable.)

    He wants you to know he likes the photographs you have set up on the fireplace mantle. And he’s talking about you guys making a photo album of him.

    Yes we do. (It’s almost like a mini-alter on the mantle. And we have four photo albums with pictures of him at variously ages.)

    Who’s Matthew, or Matt?

    Matt is a good friend of his. Matt Fugate.

    Yeah, he wants to give a shout out to Matt. “Say hello to Matt,” he’s saying.

    Okay, I will.

    He’s playing video games. Your son is showing me a bunch of video games. He loves to play X-Box. There’s something’s important about playing video games.

    Okay, alright. (I laugh as I say this, because Erik used to love playing Halo, Grand Theft Auto, Ghost Recon and other action games on his X-Box. Afterwards, I wondered if Erik was trying to tell me that he sold his X-Box to Matt in order to buy the gun. We haven’t been able to find it or any of his games anywhere. I emailed Matt today and will revise this entry with that information if it turns out to be the case.)

    I’m asking him what else he wants to show me. Who in the family has diabetes?

    My sister, Teri, and my deceased sister, Denise.

    He’s talking about someone who has passed that had issues with diabetes. That would be your son’s way to bring through his aunt. I feel like your sister wants to come through.

    Okay.

    Did you guys butt heads a lot?

    Oh, yeah! (Denise was very stubborn and often irritating. I loved her dearly, but when she became too ill to care for herself, she lived with our family. Taking care of her, as well as my five children and medical practice, was a full time job. Naturally, tempers often flared when our stress levels rose.)

    She’s laughing, saying that your guys were very different…opposites.

    I chuckle in acknowledgment.

    She’s saying, “I’m still right.” She’s kind of laughing at you in a fun way. She wants you to know she’s got the last word. She always had to have the last word, you know that?

    Yeah. (This was one of her annoying qualities. She had more wonderful traits than irritating ones, though. That, and the fact that I had just as many faults as she did, made our relationship work beautifully.)

    She says, “Tell her I said hello, Felix and a big hug to her. Tell her I’m with Erik.” She’s calling him “Little E.”

    Oh! That’s great! (This nickname is typical of Denise’s corniness. She had nicknames for each of my kids. I miss the cornball that she was.)

    Did she pass before him? She’s showing me she did.

    Yes.

    Because she’s saying she was there before Erik and was the first to meet him after he crossed over.

    This was also confirmed by Kim O’Neill in an earlier post, “Death, Continued.“

    I’m glad Denise was there to greet Erik after he died and that she’s his main cohort in crime in Heaven. Those two have a great deal in common. They’re both sweet and gentle souls who were sorely misunderstood. While on the earthly plane, they were both underachievers who could never seem to get their lives “on track.” They were both crippled by their illness, taking their own lives as a result. And most important, they were deeply loved by many. Unfortunately, while they  were alive, Denise and Erik failed to see just how loved they were. Surely they know now.

  • April22nd

    A Message for Aunt Laura

    Posted in: After Death Communication, Afterlife, Bereaved, Communication from the dead, Contact with the dead, Crossing over, Death, Death of a Child, Ghosts and Spirits, Grief, Grieving, Heaven, Life, Messages from the dead, Spirit visitation, Struggles

    Yesterday my sister, Laura, was driving past the cemetery where my son is buried. She said her usual greetings of love and longing when suddenly, this song began to play on the radio. It reminded her of Erik. Surely it was a message from him. Perhaps he wants us all to know he’s home.

    Many believe our time here on Earth is much like a play, and we are all the actors in some grand production that is the human experience. Once each play is finished and we have grown spiritually from the loves and losses and struggles, we return to our real home–the home where Erik now awaits us.

  • April21st

    Erik’s Visit to Brianna

    Posted in: After Death Communication, Bereaved, Channeling, Communication from the dead, Contact with the dead, Death of a Child, Dreams, Ghosts and Spirits, Grief, Grieving, Spirit visitation, Spiritual presence, Struggles, Visitation

    We’ve been blessed to have such wonderful neighbors on our street while Erik and his brother and sisters were growing up. One of the families we’ve been the closest to live right across the street. Although Erik was older than all of them, he was very fond of the now 16 year old twins, Brandon and Brianna, and the youngest son, Cameron. They’ve all enjoyed each other’s adventures and been there for each other during the challenges, drama and heartbreaks. Growing up with neighborhood kids creates a special bond. The bonds are often different from those with siblings, because there’s no need to engage in competition to win the favor of a parent or scramble to secure the highest place in the pecking order. Erik’s bond with those three was solid and true. He respected them, cared for their welfare and loved them like they were a part of his family.

    Sadly, Brianna, Brandon, and Cameron were all witnesses to the tragedy as it unfolded October 6, 2009. Like us, they cried tears of sorrow and shook their heads in disbelief. It pained me to see those three join us in our anguish.

    Erik hated seeing those he loves in pain, so it didn’t surprise me to hear that he had paid a visit to Brianna, just as he has to some of his other friends. Read her account:

    Erik’s Visit

    Last weekend…the night before we went to Conroe I wrote on his wall telling him that I was thinking about him and all the fun times we all had in Conroe together. specifically one time when he was swinging me on a hammock. I went to bed that night feeling so thankful that I knew him and every time I closed my eyes I thought of a different time I’d spent with him. I woke up the next day and didn’t even think about the dream but as we were driving to Conroe I just looked up from my book and everything from the dream started replaying.

    The dream: First it started off as his visitation or funeral and I walked up to him in his casket. but instead of a casket that he was in, it was a hammock. When I walked up to it I started talking to him and he suddenly opened his eyes wide open and I guess he chuckled because he was trying to spook me ha ha and it worked, I jumped back from him and stared at him amazed and then his soul came out of his body and flew up. Then the dream switched to another scene of all these funny times we had together…especially in Conroe. The dream was so quick and non-stop…it was like he was trying to cram everything he wanted to show me in one dream ha ha. And then it switched to me standing in your front yard and there were pictures of him everywhere on the grass and he was wearing a blue shirt… pictures of him hanging around our families and it’s so hard to remember the end but I’m pretty sure that it was I was looking at one of the pictures and then I looked up and it was a replay of that day when he did it, and I looked up and saw Annika running towards me from your front door and a replay of her and I laying in your yard that day.
 When I was in the car on the way to Conroe, I realized that he had visited me because I felt so happy to see him in my dream because I miss him so much and I’m so happy that he made time to come to me and let me know that he’s okay. ♥

    To all of Erik’s friends, I hope he is there for you in your times of need. I hope he visits just to chill. I hope that when he does, you will recognize the experience for what it is rather than analyze the miracle away. When that happens, please share your story with us. These are stories with strong healing powers.

    Today is my birthday. This first in 20 years without my Baby Erik.  God how I wished he’d come to me wrapped up in a big beautiful bow. God how I wished he’d pop out of a huge three layer cake. But this is not to be. I must be grateful for the two wonderful decades we celebrated life together. I must be grateful knowing that he will watch over the Vazquez kids, his other friends, and his family throughout the decades to come.

    Brandon, Brianna, and Cameron Surfing

    Brianna and Our Dog, Peanut

    Brianna and Brandon

    Brianna and Younger Brother, Cameron

  • April20th

    Channeling Erik Through Psychic Medium, Felix Lee Lerma

    Posted in: After Death Communication, Afterlife, Bereaved, Bipolar disease, Channeling, Communication from the dead, Contact with the dead, Crossing over, Death, Death of a Child, Grief, Grieving, Heaven, Love, Mental illness, Numerology, Psychic medium, Struggles, Suicide

    A friend tipped me off to Felix Lee Lerma, a young psychic medium living in San Francisco who apparently is very well-regarded, conducting readings for a number of celebrities and other famous people. I had to wait four agonizingly long months for my appointment to finally arrive. I’ll break my hour long session into several posts.

    You will notice that his style is a bit different from Kim’s, but his accuracy is as amazing. While you read this post, please keep in mind that the only information I gave him when I booked the appointment (other than my credit card and telephone number) was my married name. Why did I book him? First of all, any “face time” I can have with Erik helps soothe the deep wounds in my heart. Second, when searching for hope, second opinions that confirm the first ones are indeed comforting. Listen to the first ten minutes of the transcript, and tell me what you think. I’ll put his words in italics and mine in plain text.

    Could you give me your full name including your middle name please.

    You mean my birth name?

    Yes, your birth name.

    Elisa Ribelles. I don’t have a middle name.

    And your date of birth please, Elisa

    April 21, 1955

    Okay. 4/21/1955. Okay, so the reason I ask you for your birthday is I do a little numerology before I start. Numbers help me look at the timing of things.

    Okay.

    We can look at what things are coming up and what things have happened in the past. So 4/21/2010 is your next birthday. So we add up all the digits in your birth date, which equals 10, and then we add those digits up to make the number one. That gives us your personal year number. The number one is a “new beginning” year. This year is about starting anew, starting new things or getting back into the things you were into before. Okay?

    Yeah, okay.

    I also have to acknowledge there’s an older lady here I feel like has a similar name to you. Are you named after someone?

    Yes.

    I’m getting Elisa, Elisabeth.

    Yes something like that. (I was named after my great aunt, Elisabeth. She was a very powerful judge in Spain.)

    I feel like I’m supposed to acknowledge this lady; she’s a very powerful Catholic presence.

    Okay. (In fact, her brother, my great uncle, was Vidal Barraquer, Cardinal of Spain!)

    I’m supposed to acknowledge her, because she’s the one who’s going to help us today with the reading.

    Okay. (Helps to know people of influence after all, I guess.)

    So she’s going to help bring the people through to you. Who’s one of four kids, three surviving?

    Well I have three siblings, only two are surviving. (My youngest sister, Denise, died after suffering from diabetes for many years.)

    I feel like I have to acknowledge that you’re one of three in some capacity. It also could be that you are one and then there are three others.

    Oh, okay.

    This Elisabeth is also connecting me to another person in spirit. Now, Elisa, I have to tell you the feeling I have with…I don’t know who this is yet, but we’re going to talk about it. We’re going to bring this person through, because she wants to show me. Somebody left very suddenly.

    Mm hmm.

    There’s a sense of someone passing very suddenly; you understand that?

    Uh huh. Right.

    Is this your son?

    Yes, probably.

    Because she’s making me feel like he’s directly related to you, and there’s this feeling of someone leaving very quickly.

    That’s correct.

    I’m asking her if she can show me. I do feel like there’s someone who wants to come through here. Um, okay I will. (by the tone in his voice, I can tell he’s promising to do or say something for a spirit.) Do you know why your son would be saying sorry to you? (Ah ha! He was promising to relay Erik’s apology.)

    Well, yeah I…

    Please don’t tell me any more. Just say “yes” or “no.” The best psychic mediums often ask you to not provide leading information. Short affirmations or denials work best.

    Okay.

    He’s apologizing to you, which leads me to believe that he’s responsible or he’s somehow taking responsibility for what happened.

    Okay.

    Do you understand that?

    Yes.

    He says, “Please tell Mom I’m sorry, but I’m okay. I’m okay, Felix.” Okay I need him to be stronger. (Is Erik’s remorse weakening the signal so that Felix is having difficulty receiving him?) He’s putting something in my mouth. I don’t know what he’s trying to do, but let me ask him here. Was he under any influence, Elisa? Did he take something that would make him feel different?

    Well, he was on bipolar medication.

    Yes! Thank you. Because he’s saying he took something that affected his mind or that made him feel different than someone who is not on medication. Or he might be telling me that he had a disease which requires medication and that illness affected his mind. He’s talking about taking his own life. Did he cross himself over, Elisa?

    Yes.

    Because he’s saying he’s taking responsibility for his passing. Do you understand me?

    Uh huh. Yes.

    (Pause) Just asking him for more information. Do you know that he’s thought about this for a long time?

    Yeah,

    He was very unhappy.

    Right, right. (Statements like this, although not new revelations, feel like burning hot daggers piercing my heart every time. One of the most difficult aspects of this tragedy is knowing the intensity of suffering my son endured so bravely and often so alone. How he could still be so kind and giving to others when he had so little to give himself? This is still a great and tragic mystery to me.)

    He also wants you to know that you are not the reason, like you did not do anything wrong. He wants you to stop trying to, almost like you’re trying to blame yourself. He’s saying, “Mom, this has nothing to do with you.” Do you understand me?

    Yes, I do.

    Does he have a brother?

    Yes.

    Because he’s acknowledging his brother. He wants me to say “hello” to his brother. It’s really significant.

    Okay.

    Your son is in spirit. He’s home. He’s okay. I feel like he’s with an older gentleman who has also passed. Would this be his dad?

    No.

    It feels like father or grandfather, an older male figure there that has a father energy and is taking care of him. Who’s the J-O name, please, Elisa? Jose´.

    My father’s name is Jose´. (valuing his time and mine, I failed to disclose his full name: Jose´Antonio Augustin´Ramon´Ribelles-Barraquer. Whew!)

    Okay, this older gentleman would be Jose´’s father, which would be your grandfather coming through. He’s acknowledging his son which, would be your father. I feel like even though your son did not know his great grandfather, I have to acknowledge that your son is with him. Your son is playing loud music for me. (Interesting, there’s no way Felix could know that my grandfather died long before Erik was born or his penchant for music.)

    Okay, that sounds like him! (I laugh as I say this, remembering how Erik loved to crank up his music, whether through his guitar amp, his iPod, or the kick-ass system in his truck.)

    Loud music.

    Mm hmm.

    He just keeps telling me, “Tell Mom I’m sorry. I love her very much, I’m sorry.”

    Aw, yeah, I know. (I have a lump is my throat as I choke back my tears. This apology comes up with every session, regardless of the medium. Erik was always very good about apologizing those he hurt. It saddens me that even in the afterlife, he is cruelly bound by the oppressive chains of guilt.)

    It’s really important that you know that he didn’t understand, like he wasn’t in the right mind; you know what I mean?

    Right, exactly.

    He wasn’t in the right state of mind, so it’s not like, I can’t say it’s his fault. I really feel like there was something different about him. It’s like, you know, it’s a disorder.

    Oh yes, absolutely! It’s like a terminal disease, in many cases. No, I understand.

    He’s says, “I had too much angst in my head. I had to go. I had to go.” Did he cut off his circulation and breathing?

    Well, eventually I guess it did. (After all, this is the end result of any death.)

    He’s showing me that something affected like the oxygen to his head. It happened very quickly.

    Yes it did.

    It’s a head trauma thing. He’s showing me his neck all the way to his head. It doesn’t feel very pretty to me.

    Okay, yes that’s correct. (The horrible images of that moment I found his lifeless body taunt me like a spiteful fiend. I take a moment to shake them away.)

    It’s just like a mess he made.

    Yes, uh huh. (Please don’t make me relive that day, that horror.)

    I feel like that’s what he’s apologizing for. It’s like “I stuck a gun to my head.” Did he take a gun to his head, Elisa?

    Yes, yes.

    Because that’s what he’s showing me.

    Okay.

    I need to end on this note to catch my breath and wipe away my tears. Will I ever get over that day? Will I ever get over losing him? Will I ever recover from the knowledge that my poor little boy suffered so profoundly and for so long? Will I ever find contentment, despite the fact that sorrow and regret still continue to be his cruel and relentless companions in the afterlife? The short answer is “no.” A mother’s heart can never mend when her child’s heart still bleeds. I long to wrap my arms around him like I used to when he was younger, then “kiss and blow” the boo-boo for him. Unfortunately, no amount of kissing and blowing will fix his heart or mine.

  • April19th

    Soul Relay Race

    Posted in: Afterlife, Channeling, Death, Death of a Child, Ghosts and Spirits, Grief, Grieving, Life, Past lives, Reincarnation, Struggles, Suicide, The Soul, Walk-In

    Recently, a news article was published in a British newspaper about a Croatian teenager who wakes from a coma speaking fluent German. She had never spoken that language before. Furthermore, she could no longer converse in her native tongue. Is this added proof that walk-ins are possible? If so, doesn’t this further substantiate the survival of the soul after death? Read the following article and judge for yourself:

    CROATIAN TEENAGER WAKES FROM COMA SPEAKING FLUENT GERMAN

    The girl, from the southern town of Knin, had only just started studying German at school and had been reading German books and watching German TV to become better, but was by no means fluent, according to her parents. Since waking up from her 24 hourcoma however, she has been unable to speak Croatian, but is able to communicate perfectly in German.

    Doctors at Split’s KB Hospital claim that the case is so unusual, various experts have examined the girl as they try to find out what triggered the change. Hospital director Dujomir Marasovic said: “You never know when recovering from such a trauma how the brain will react. Obviously we have some theories although at the moment we are limited in what we can say because we have to respect the privacy of the patient.” Psychiatric expert Dr Mijo Milas added: “In earlier times this would have been referred to as a miracle, we prefer to think that there must be a logical explanation – its just that we haven’t found it yet.

    “There are references to cases where people who have been seriously ill and perhaps in a coma have woken up being able to speak other languages – sometimes even the Biblical languages such as that spoken in old Babylon or Egypt – at the moment though any speculation would remain just that – speculation – so it’s better to continue tests until we actually know something.”–Telegraph.co.uk

    As a mother who has lost a wonderful son, I naturally cling to any shred of evidence that Erik has not left me forever. I still can’t hold him in my arms and kiss his brow, but at least I know he’s in some other dimension, alive, vibrant, joyous and at peace–things we wish for all of our children.

  • April16th

    Life’s Work in Heaven

    Posted in: After Death Communication, Afterlife, Channeling, Communication from the dead, Contact with the dead, Death of a Child, Energy, Ghosts and Spirits, Grief, Grieving, Heaven, Life, Love, Quantum Physics of the Soul, Struggles, Suicide, The Physics of Consciousness, The Physics of Heaven, The Physics of Thought, The Soul

    After these many months of having inside information about the afterlife, I’ve discovered how oddly similar Heaven is to the earthly plane. Aside from the fact that you have no body and have greater abilities to manifest what you want immediately, so may aspects seem the same. Discarnate souls can have homes, material possessions, and even spouses and families. It’s as if Heaven is simply a parallel dimension nestled right on top of our very limited, three-dimensional, five sensory one.

    Many physicists now believe that souls and the afterlife merely operate at a higher frequency of energy with a velocity much faster than that of light. Since we are limited to the visible spectrum as far as what we can perceive as “real,” it’s not wonder the world is littered with skeptics. But think about it: we can’t see love but we all know it exists. We can feel it deep in our souls. So it’s entirely possible that Heaven is simply another reality beyond our limited perception that offers all of the same opportunities and experiences we have here on Earth–and much more.

    To delve into this further, I ask Erik a few broad questions:

    ‘Do souls have some sort of specialty in the afterlife, like a life’s work?’

    “Sure, all of us have different gifts and talents,” he replies as though the question is pointless and silly.

    ‘So, what’s your life’s work over there?’

    “Right now? It’s bringing to light the story of teen suicide.”

    ‘Oh, okay.’

    “But the story needs to be about more than teen suicide. My life’s work now is teaching and healing just like yours is. It’s about helping not only kids in their teens but also up to about 25. So from about 12 to 25. You need to have characters in the screenplay in those different age ranges,” Erik points out.

    ‘Okay, well…’ I start.

    “I feel totally excited and focused on this; I feel fulfilled! Mom, Mom, Mom! I feel like a have this sense of calm and peacefulness!” he exclaims with exuberance.

    ‘I guess that makes sense, because now you’re sort of paying a karmic debt. You’re giving back by helping others, right?’ I reply, like I have all the answers now. Yeah right.

    “Of course, but I still wouldn’t have had that calm and peace here in Heaven if I hadn’t had any therapy over here. People need to know you don’t magically feel that peacefulness emotionally once you’re back in Heaven. Sometimes you feel a whole lot more pain than when you were on Earth. That’s what we need to make clear in the screenplay, Mom,” he says.

    ‘Oh, okay,’ I say, realizing that my brilliant karmic debt idea was not the whole story.

    “This is not just ‘Oh, I’m a spirit! Everything is happiness and light! Ooooh!’ It’s all about healing. You can run from this shit but you can’t hide. You’ve gotta do the healing. And sometimes the healing is easier to do on Earth, but people don’t realize that. So we’re gonna help them learn that, Mom, aren’t we?

    ‘Good! I’m with you all the way, Erik,’ I assure him.

    “I’m also involved in this, um, I’m helping my neighbor, this really cute girl, build a deck at her home,” he adds hesitantly. Do I smell a crush?

    ‘Oh, good!’

    “Yeah, and I’ve got a motorcycle, a boat, a car. I like to work with the engine. I’ve taken up cooking too.”

    My mind drifts back to fond memories of Erik concocting some amazingly creative dishes. His favorite was scrambled eggs in Tandoori sauce, but a close second was Eggs Benedict swimming in Hollandaise. Then I remember how concerned I was that he’d develop heart disease at an early age from all the butter and cream he used. How ridiculously silly those worries seem to me now.

    ‘So you can work with your hands? It’s not a matter of thought creating reality like you think about the deck and it appears and you think about a recipe and it’s made?’ I ask.

    “Uh, uh.”

    ‘I mean you can hammer in the nails and…’

    “Yeah, I have the choice of either, but I like to work with my hands. Most people over here like to work with their energy instead of manifesting everything they want. They like to work with physical energy cuz then you feel a sense of achievement,” he explains.

    ‘Yeah, exactly,’ I say, glad to find that Erik’s love for working with his hands could be requited.

    As I write this post, I compare the relationship I have with Erik now to the one I had with him before his death. In many ways, it’s not much different, apart from the starkly lacking physical affection. In life, I did everything I could to guide him toward a fulfilling life. I so longed for him to feel a sense of purpose, of relevance, of contribution. But all the tools and encouragement and opportunities seemed wasted, because he never seemed interested in the future. It was all about the moment for him. Maybe deep inside he knew there would be no future, at least here on Earth. You can drag a horse to the water but…

    Today, I still long to guide him toward personal fulfillment. I believe this quest to reveal the bitter reality behind suicide–to debunk the myth that it eliminates all pain and replaces it with peace and joy–is his new calling. As I did while he was alive, I will do anything to facilitate and encourage him to reach that karmic goal so that he can find the peace and personal satisfaction he deserves at long last.

    No longer in my arms, but always in my heart, my darling son.

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